Her True Alpha Mate

by Emilia Hartley

  She went home, back to her sketchbook and bedroom filled with rainbow balls. It seemed, no matter where she went, Nikolai was there with her. It left a smile on her lips. Was this a thing she wanted to continue? Could it be more than dildo jokes and casual orgasms?

  No, because it could be nothing as long as they were in two different Packs. Their lives would never allow them to stay together. It was bad enough that Nikolai was part of another pack, but Oscar would frown upon her fraternizing with another Alpha. Yet, the thought of giving Nikolai up made her stomach clench.

  Monica set aside her sketchbook and reached for her phone. Staring at the screen, she wondered what her next move would be. It was painfully obvious that she was not good at this, but what happened when she didn’t try?

  ***

  Nikolai came out of the bathroom to find his living room empty. The only evidence that Monica had ever been there at all were the forgotten panties in the middle of his floor. He reached for the forest green satin and wondered what a girl dressed in ripped jeans was doing with satin panties.

  No matter what he did, his beard still smelled of her. While he’d hoped to be clean enough to kiss her senseless once he returned, he now welcomed the lingering scent that remained because it was nearly all he had left. The bear roared inside him, demanding that they chase after her and pull her back home.

  His stomach clenched. This wasn’t Monica’s home. No matter what the bear thought of her, she was her own creature. Every time their orbits collided, Nikolai needed to prepare himself for them to separate once more.

  With a sigh, he set himself down on the couch. In one hand, he gripped his forgotten beer, and in the other he held her forgotten panties. What was he supposed to do? It was clear she’d gotten what she wanted and left. Perhaps that’d been her intent all along. He didn’t blame her for wanting to sate an urge that might have been nagging at her.

  Nikolai only wished the urge hadn’t been sated so easily.

  He found himself missing her, wishing she’d stayed. He imagined her on the couch, legs still bare and knees pulled beneath her. When his eyes drifted shut, he imagined her looking up at him once he returned. There would be no welcoming smile, but something more like laughter. A life with her would always be filled with laughter.

  His hand clenched around the forgotten panties. They were soft under his thumb. He should throw them away, he thought. Forget about Monica as easily as she seemed to have forgotten about him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He held onto them and wondered what he could do to hold on to everything.

  Monica.

  His Pack.

  There was a future, he thought, where Monica stood beside him and his Pack smiled happily. It certainly wasn’t a future his father would have been proud of, but Nikolai was ready to say screw it to the old man. Nikolai wasn’t a power-hungry asshole. All he wanted was a life that could be considered good.

  He wished Monica could be a part of that, but he wasn’t sure how to convince her if what they’d done together wasn’t enough. The idea that he wasn’t good enough crashed through his mind. He wasn’t good enough to love her, or to even keep his Pack together. The vision he craved was distant and nearly unachievable. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to get there.

  If his Pack revolted, if Monica kept walking away…

  His phone vibrated on the table beside him. The number on the screen surprised him.

  “You left,” he growled into the phone.

  Silence hummed on the other end. For a moment, he wanted to kick himself. Then, Monica surprised him.

  “If I hadn’t I would have stayed.” Her voice was a purr that filled him. It sent blood south and raised things she couldn’t sate over the phone. “I needed to get my shit together before I considered staying the night.”

  “What, exactly, did you need to get together? Please say a goody bag of pretty panties like the ones you left. That and some fun toys we could try out.”

  Her laugh caught him off guard. It was full of life and tinged with a touch of the lust he felt.

  “Is that what this is? A casual game of fuck and run?”

  His heart clenched. He couldn’t decipher the tone of her words and fear struck him. What was the answer to her question that would keep her nearby, keep her orbit near his? A long moment passed while he tried to figure out the riddle of her question. “Is that what you want it to be?”

  Nikolai kicked himself for the tactless question. He could have done better—so much better. Monica scrambled his brains. There wasn’t enough blood left upstairs.

  Monica was silent on the other end. He needed to know what she thought, what she wanted, because he would break the world to give it to her. In every sense of the phrase.

  “I want…” His breath caught when she paused. “I want to know my place in life.”

  Nikolai, while his blood was still somewhere other than his brain, could think of several places for her—several positions, too. Slowly, her words released the grip of lust on him and he started to come back to himself. This was a conversation they could have had here, he thought. They could have had it while he held her.

  Then again, talking probably wouldn’t be what they would do if she’d stayed.

  “I don’t even know what I’m doing with my own life,” Nikolai confessed.

  “Last I knew, you were trying to preserve graffiti with resin. I should have drawn a giant dick on your truck. Would you have preserved it then?”

  He laughed. “I would have proudly displayed it over my king-sized bed as long as it was painted by your hands.”

  “You’re insufferable.”

  “I’m pretty sure you didn’t suffer earlier.”

  He heard her breathing, shallow and short, on the other end. It pulled a smile over his lips. He owed her so much more than what he’d done. She’d stood by him, this woman from an enemy pack, and believed in his claim to power. She didn’t ask him when he was going to man-up, when he was going to conquer the west coast like he was some sort of conquistador.

  Words bubbled to the surface, but he shoved them back down. They weren’t right for the moment. Casual flirting was fine, but nothing so deep as what he’d thought.

  “That was… Well, I wouldn’t mind doing it again. If you’re lucky, I might even return the favor.”

  He groaned this time. “You tease me.”

  “Maybe I am only teasing. Maybe I’m making a promise. You can’t tell from all the way over there.”

  “Don’t make me come to you.”

  “I could make you cum to me instead,” she responded. With each turn of the conversation, she seemed to grow bolder and bolder. There was no longer a hesitation in her voice. She rose to the moment and surprised him each time.

  His eyes drifted shut and he gripped her underwear. His beard smelled of her, musky and tempting. Once more, his cock rose like a mast. He imagined her back on his couch, half naked and at his mercy. No, she would never be at his mercy. She was a riotous spirit. Their lovemaking would be anything but tame.

  “Try me,” he challenged.

  She was quiet on the other end. Of course, he’d screwed up. He was pushing the limits of their relationship, one it seemed she didn’t even want. From the very beginning, it seemed like she’d wanted nothing more than to run away. Nikolai worried that this was very one sided. The hunger he felt for her was all there was. She probably didn’t feel the same about him.

  He didn’t blame her.

  He didn’t even know who he was. Monica was so perfect, so completely sure of herself. In that toned body was a fighter and an artist. There was a prankster and a soul deprived of love. He had enough to give, but if she didn’t want it from him there was nothing he could do.

  “What would you like?” she mused. “Do you want my lips around the head of your cock? Perhaps, all the way to the base? Or, would you like it if I took your cock between my breasts?”

  Nikolai groaned, hit with an unexpected rush of lust. Desire twisted his
insides, sending nearly all of his blood south until his head swayed at the sudden loss. He had to grit his teeth to fight against the spinning sensation. Slowly, his hand drifted toward the bulge in his pants.

  “What I want is you, anyway I can. Tell me what you would do if you had me at your mercy.” He would gladly put himself at her mercy. He would revel in the sound of her purr as she climbed over him, in the feeling of her tongue on his neck.

  “Well,” she said. “I think I would start by…pushing you back onto the bed.”

  “You can’t think of anywhere more exciting than a bed?”

  Her voice dropped into a low, rumbling sound. “A bed has something for me to tie you to. Now, shush and let me finish.”

  Nikolai moaned. He was sure she could hear the sounds he was making, but he didn’t know how to stop himself.

  “I’d tie you up, one limb to each post of the bed. We wouldn’t bother with a blindfold. That would just be torture. I’d make you watch as I pulled off your pants, as I ripped open your shirt. I’d make you bare before me.”

  “Go on,” Nikolai urged, unzipping his pants.

  “No, maybe I would put a blindfold on you. I like the sound of that. Then, just when you think I’m about to see how much of your cock I can take into my mouth…” She paused.

  The silence stretched on. His hand wrapped around his cock, ready to move at the sound of her voice. It pulsed in his hand. He was hungry for her, but this would have to do.

  “Just when you think I’m about to suck you, I’m going to walk out and lock the door behind me.”

  He growled this time. “You’re a cruel creature.”

  Her laughter was worth it. It burst from her, light and airy. Slowly, he relaxed his hand. A smile spread across his face, and he leaned back into the couch.

  “I know, but I owed you for the ball pit. This wasn’t the best prank, but I’m happy with it.”

  “You better be careful because I’m going to get you back for this.”

  “Oh, I’m waiting for it, baby.”

  His heart flipped. He didn’t know if she’d done it on purpose, but she’d called him baby and it did something to him. With one word, he was wrecked. He could feel the tethers of his heart reaching out and tying him to her. He wanted to be hers by any means. It was more than wanting to be beneath her, to be buried inside her.

  And, he feared it.

  Could he find the person he needed to become for his Pack if he was distracted with Monica? While he knew it might be a bad idea, part of him wanted to find out. He wanted to know what it would be like to have her at his side while he figured out his life. His mind wandered, imagining awful days that she might light with her laughter. He imagined days where they were each smattered with paint, bright colors drowning out the gray shades of the world.

  Finally, he let out a sigh.

  “What’s wrong?” Her voice had softened for him. Gone was the sound of victory she’d held a moment ago. Now, she seemed concerned for him.

  “Nothing. Good night, Monica.”

  He hung up the phone before she could say anything to keep him on the line. As much as he might have wanted to love her, it was obvious that she didn’t feel the same. Each time they crashed together, she found a way to run away. Nikolai’s feelings were his and his alone. She would never share in them.

  It was a sad thought, knowing how his heart had just tied itself to her. He would live with that ache as long as it meant she was able to live the life that made her happy. For her sake, he hoped she got the date she thought she was getting the other night.

  Chapter Eleven

  Monica woke in a tangle of sheets. Only, they were shreds. Strips of fabric lay sprawled in every direction like a battlefield. She sighed and swallowed back her tears of frustration. When she looked at her own hands, she wondered when this would stop. The dreams that haunted her, the ones that spurred her semi-shift at night, were always blurs.

  She never remembered them when she woke. The only evidence that she had once more relived her change was the state of her bedding. This time, the comforter had fallen to the floor and survived. Rolling out of bed, she yanked the mangled sheets off and waded through the rainbow-colored balls to throw the mess into the trash.

  The cycle was never ending. Inevitably, she would dream about the attack that turned her into a shifter. In her restless dream-state, her hands would shift into claws and she would fight back against her attacker. Monica wished she could remember if she won in her dream reality. It would be a small consolation prize for the solitary life it forced her to live.

  At the counter, she leaned over the coffee maker while fighting back exhaustion. Getting to sleep had taken the better part of the night after her phone-sex prank. In truth, she’d gotten herself riled up. Despite having been sated by Nikolai’s tongue, the thought of his dick filled her with an intense need. Her core had throbbed for hours as her mind hadn’t been able to escape the image.

  The truth was, she’d wanted everything she’d mentioned. She wanted to know what it felt like to run her hands over his skin, to grip the length of him. Desire gnawed at her insides, even when she rolled out of bed and tried to get her day started. No matter what she did, from preparing breakfast to showering, she found her mind filled with images of Nikolai.

  The urge to call him and see what he was doing was overwhelming, but she managed to toss her phone onto her bed and leave it behind. There were other things she needed to think about than an Alpha bear and what he might be hiding in his pants.

  Monica emailed gallery owners to set up future shows and outlined a series of paintings that she could show at them. Working as a full-time artist meant working nearly all the time, and her pranks with Nikolai had been eating away at her time.

  Not to mention the trouble with her own Pack. A few days locked up in her house would do her some good. She would stay out of trouble and, maybe, even get some respect back.

  Yet, instead of following her own plans, she went back to her bedroom and grabbed her phone. She didn’t pull up Nikolai’s number, but one she never thought she would call.

  The voice on the other end wasn’t as sleepy as Monica would have thought. Regina sounded as though she’d just finished her third cup of coffee, alert and too perky for this hour of the morning.

  “What are you doing for lunch today?” Monica didn’t bother with pleasantries.

  “I have to work until five, but I could take an extended lunch break if there’s an emergency.” Regina paused. “If you’re calling me, I’m assuming there’s some sort of emergency. Please tell me no one died.”

  “No, no one passed away. I just…I need to talk to you about something going on with your pack.”

  “Oh, mysterious.” Regina laughed at her own sarcasm. “I work at the Monterey Public Library. Meet me at the crepe café. I’m dying for a strawberry and cream crepe.”

  “That sounds a bit…”

  “Bougie? It is, and I love it. Meet me there or don’t come at all. I don’t care.”

  Monica rolled her eyes. She agreed to meet Regina at the café she specified. She wasn’t sure she had enough money to eat at a place like that, but it would give them the space to chat. That was all she needed.

  Monica finished some of her commission work, leaving it to dry and later get a layer of lacquer. Dressed in her worst clothing, a torn and almost see through band tee and a pair of ripped boyfriend jeans that might have come from an ex-lover a decade ago, she collected her bag of spray-paint cans again. This time she had a mission that was less of a prank and more of a message.

  It was for the shifter who claimed to be Nikolai’s brother. If he thought he was going to come into the coastal territories and stir up trouble, he was very wrong. Despite the last few months, the packs in this region of California had existed almost peacefully. There’d been a few fights here and there, mostly testosterone fueled explosions, but there’d never been anything like the war that would follow in Alex’s wake.

 
Monica needed to make sure Alex never came into any sort of power. He was a threat, not only to Nikolai’s pack, but to every pack in the region. There was a wildness about him, a distaste for the rules, that would lead to the worst rule in the history of all the California packs. They’d been lucky up to that point, only dealing with assholes every now and then.

  Alex wasn’t just an asshole, but an actual threat.

  Regina was already seated when Monica arrived. The shifter was eating her crepe with her eyes closed, a look of bliss on her face. Hazelnut spread and whipped cream escaped the sides of the folded crepe. When Monica glanced at the menu board, she found the prices far more reasonable than she’d expected.

  She ordered one for herself, a concoction of spinach and artichoke, and took a seat across from Regina. The red-haired vixen watched Monica, her gaze sharp and cunning. There was no pulling the wool over this woman’s eyes.

  Monica was about to launch into why she’d invited Regina but found herself backpedaling. The panther filled her mind with raunchy mages, Nikolai and Regina in compromising situations, until her cheeks warmed, and her hand tightened around her fork.

  “Okay, the mood changed. What’s going on?”

  Monica blew a breath out her nose. She was blown away by the force of her own jealousy. Over and over, she could tell herself that sex with Nikolai was nothing more than something fun they did. It was the catharsis to their flirtation, only a matter of time until it happened. Not the height of an emotional bond. Yet, her panther had latched onto him.

  Regina rolled her eyes. “Get over yourself. Whatever Nikolai and I had was a very long time ago. I can guarantee you that it meant a lot less than what the two of you have now.”

  Monica was stunned. Her panther purred with delight, having won the fight, but Monica’s head spun. There was nothing between her and Nikolai. It was a friendship with a bit of flirting. That was all.

  Right?

  She stared at the table before her, wondering how she was supposed to get herself together when she couldn’t even control her panther. The beast wanted Nikolai, even when he wasn’t around. It purred at the thought of him, so hard that it made Monica’s core throb. Finally, she groaned and let her head hit the table.