Forgiving You

by Melissa Bender

  I went back to stuffing the roast chicken I was making. I didn’t cook things like this often. Chris and I didn’t do the whole baked roast with the trimmings; we liked simple but new foods. Sushi was a favourite of ours to make together. I was a bad cook but learning. Chris, however, was a great cook.

  I put the chicken in the oven and turned it up. I didn’t have long until everyone arrived. I was running late. “Chris,” I called out, throwing the tea towel on the bench and checking the potatoes.

  “Yeah?” his sweet voice came up behind me. “What’s baby mama doing? Cooking veggies for a first time could be dangerous.”

  I rolled my eyes, smiling as I put the lid back down. “Funny, aren’t you? I’ve made vegetables before,” I corrected.

  He frowned, then his smile grew. “But we didn’t get around to eating them, did we? I think we skipped dinner.”

  I smiled at the memory of that. “Yes, we did, but anyhow, I need you to feed Lucy a bottle of milk, and if you’re able to, could you please change her diaper as well?”

  Chris lifted Lucy up, her bum near his nose and she let out a squeal of laughter, kicking her legs up. Chris lowered her and looked at me. “Help me? It’s kind of gross.” He scrunched up his nose.

  I laughed, shaking my head. “Umm, I change her all the time. You’ve done it before, baby.” I smiled.

  He groaned. “Fine, I’ll change her. Do you want me to wait until after she eats before bath time?”

  “Yeah, she’s going to eat her first baby food tonight.” I smiled. I was so excited to see how she took to the gels and pure foods.

  Chris came over and cupped my cheek with one hand, leaning down a little to my height. “It smells wonderful. Don’t stress.”

  “I love you for saying that, it means a lot.” I met him halfway for a sweet kiss before he went to change her.

  I think the most amusing part of this whole dinner was that Lucy was making a huge mess. Her food was all over the place, her bib was covered, and the chair was filthy. I didn’t care though. In the end, Chris gave her the bowl of apples and she finger painted, eating a little along the way.

  The worst part so far? Well, easy. When Chris’s mum walked in with a cooked chicken, salads, and dessert. Didn’t help when Mum told me she had brought salads and sliced ham too. I felt like utter shit as I had cooked the entire day only to be upstaged in my own home—at my first home-cooked family dinner.

  The little things were getting to me. I kept trying to focus on the main things: Chris and Lucy. Those two made me smile.

  “She’s growing so much.” Mum smiled. “I keep forgetting that’s she’s almost four months old.”

  “Don’t remind me; it’s going too fast,” I replied, taking a bite of my chicken. It was pretty good. Well, I thought so.

  “Well, don’t rush for any more,” Dad grumbled. “But you’ll do whatever you want anyway.”

  I looked over at Adam, urging him to help me. He let out a slight cough. “So, Char, great chicken. It smells and tastes so good.”

  My mother in law then felt the need to reply. “It looks a little dry.”

  I looked over when Chris slid his hand over mine, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t listen to them. I promise you it’s good. Thought we were having vegetables though?” he asked quietly.

  I let out a laugh. “You do realise no one, apart from me, is eating my chicken? You all took your mum’s chicken, and the vegetables are in the kitchen because no one thought they’d taste good.” The laugh that I had turned into a slight dry throat. I gave up trying to win them over.

  Chris stood. “Well, this is just perfect.” He walked out of the dining room, scraping and clinging was heard, and then he entered the room again with a plate of vegetables and a gravy bowl. Sitting down, he then reached over and grabbed my plate with the chicken I cooked on it. “If no one else wants this, then I’m going to eat the whole thing.” He placed it beside his plate of vegetables and smirked, dipping in a piece of chicken in the gravy. “Oh, yeah, I’m going to have this also.”

  I could have jumped his bones right then and there. That was the sweetest thing ever, taking a whole roast just to make me smile. I had no words for what I felt right now. I was really smiling on the inside at him.

  “You don’t need to eat that, Chris. It’s okay,” I assured him.

  “Don’t be silly. My wife cooked dinner for everyone. No one is eating this, so I will. Why? Because you cooked dinner for everyone all fucking day and no one has done anything, but fucking complain about the food they aren’t even touching!” He slammed his fist to the table, all the plates and glasses rattled.

  My heart was pounding at how angry he was . . . over a chicken?

  Luckily, Lucy was too content with her finger food to be startled by the loud bang.

  “Chris, we were trying to help her,” his sister Samantha said quietly.

  “Too late for that.” Chris scoffed. “You should have left the food at home and enjoyed what my wife served up.”

  “Son,” his father warned.

  Chris glared back at him, “What Dad? Going to tell me to shut up and do as I’m told? This is my home. You were all told to come here for dinner, Charlotte was so —” he paused, rubbing his temples lightly then looked at them all. “Char was so excited today, then you get here and bring your own food. That’s what I call rude.”

  Everyone was silent; it was now even more uncomfortable than before. I sighed and looked up at Chris. He just shook his head and took a mouthful of potatoes. “This is the best dinner I have ever eaten in my life.” He grinned wiping his mouth.

  I couldn’t believe him right now. He was amazing.

  Dinner resumed to slow weird conversation about the weather and holiday season coming up. I slid my hand over on Chris’s lap, moving towards the middle of his parted thigh. I gave him a slight grab to let him know, later tonight was going to be all about him.

  “Chris, how’s work?” Samantha asked him.

  “Uh, it’s good. I’m taking some time off soon though, working from home,” he answered, pushing the half-eaten chicken away. I begged him to stop. I couldn’t watch him eat all that. He’d make himself sick.

  “Why?” his dad asked him. “You’ve got a business to run. You can’t do that from your lounge room.”

  I knew what was coming up. He was going to have to break the news to them. Chris went silent. I took his hand in both of mine.

  I was right beside him. I was here for him and with him.

  “Funny story. I actually got some news the other day. Well, around a month ago we found out,” Chris started, looking a bit afraid to continue.

  “Oh no you’re pregnant,” Mum gasped.

  “No!” I shot back. Well, I don’t think I was, but then again, I hadn’t taken the pill since having Lucy. Oh shit, maybe I was pregnant. No, I couldn’t be. I wasn’t. Oh god. “Nice to know you’re eager for more grandchildren,” I instead said.

  “Good. I think you both need to wait for kids,” Chris’s mum spoke up, smiling at us like she was helping us out with a decision.

  “I have an acute kidney injury, adrenal failure,” Chris just announced quietly.

  The whole room went silent. I squeezed his hand, letting him know it was okay.

  “How bad?” his dad asked quietly.

  Chris sighed. “It’s bad. I’m having surgery tomorrow morning.”

  “And you just tell us this now?” my dad said next. “How bloody considerate of you both!”

  “I didn’t know they’d do the surgery tomorrow. We were just told this a few hours ago,” Chris shot back, glaring at him.

  I knew the other part was coming up, and when Adam stood, I think I clung to Chris’s hand tighter. “I’m giving him a kidney. I’m a match.”

  “Like hell you are! I won’t allow you to risk your life for this guy.” Dad stood up, pointing to Chris.

  “He’s my brother. I’m saving his life, and he will die if he doesn’t get this soon!
” Adam retorted, shaking his head. “I’m helping him regardless.”

  Mum looked at me, disappointment washed over her face. “I can’t believe you’re letting your brother go through with this, and for him!”

  “I’m saving his life. She doesn’t get a say in it anyway. This is my choice! Chris said no, and guess what? I am still doing it!” Adam bellowed, making me jump.

  It was no wonder these two won cases constantly. Their thundering voices scared the shit out of me.

  I didn't want to listen to any of the yelling. Ness and I looked at each other and seemed to have the same idea: take Lucy and hide with the wine.

  She and I were in Lucy’s bedroom. Samantha ended up joining us as Chris and Adam had a face-off with our parents. It wasn’t a pretty thing we heard either. Dad had called Chris a deadbeat father, and Chris brought up my past eating disorder. That only made Dad wilder.

  Chris’s mum was yelling, refusing to let her son go through with some wild surgery that had such a low survival rate. He had responded by saying he was a grown man and can make his own choices.

  The fight ended when a loud smash was heard. I looked over at the other two who were beside me lying on the floor in Lucy’s room, and I said, “I bet that was my plate of chicken.”

  The three of us then burst out into laughter, not because it was funny but because it was mostly true.

  All I knew I had to do was remain strong and stay at my husband’s side through all of this. Tomorrow was going to be hard on us all. I just needed to show Chris how much he was needed.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I smiled as I walked over to Chris. This was perfect here. “I love it!”

  Chris looked at me, his smile spreading further over his face. “Yeah? You do?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes, this is the perfect spot for our wedding. It’s simple but elegant. The flowers and the view are just stunning, Chris. I love wine, and I love you. It makes sense to marry in a vineyard.”

  He laughed, taking my hand. “Yes. I think so too.”

  “I think about our future, and I see a life of happiness with you. A big family of kids: two girls, and two boys.

  “Four babies? You want four kids?” he asked, his eyes widened.

  I nodded. “Yes, I would like two of each. That way, they can have a little playmate.” I walked over to where he was sitting and took a seat beside him. “Do you not see four kids in our future? What happened to a lot of babies you were dying to have?”

  “I want you to be happy. I see two girls who look just like their mummy, and two boys who—”

  “Who look just like their daddy,” I added before he could say anything else.

  “Well, yes, I hope so. I was going to say, who had a great head of hair.” He winked, squeezing my ass.

  “I want to get married here. It’s perfect,” I leant into his side more, looking around the vineyard that overlooked the large Rocky Mountains.

  Chris looked down at me and smiled. “It is. I can’t wait until you’re my wife, Charlotte.”

  I agreed there. “Want to go back to our room?”

  He chuckled. “You’re insatiable. I can’t keep up with you.”

  “Yes, you can, and all this wedding planning is making me want you.” I was extremely turned on with all this wedding talk and the thought of Chris standing there in a tux. I knew one thing that would get him to our room quickly. I gave him a flirty grin. “We could go practise making babies?”

  “Well.” He groaned out. “When you put it that way, let’s go.”

  Chris and I were staying up here for the night, doing the whole wine and cheese tasting. We figured it would be something different for us to experience, and it was. I loved seeing how the wine was made and trying new flavours. Then we set off through the forest bush walk track, having a picnic on the large rocks overlooking the waterfalls.

  We got back into our room, and Chris took my hand. “Let’s get in the spa. We’ve been walking around all day.”

  “That sounds nice. You feel like giving me one of your amazing back rubs?” I asked, giving him a cheeky grin as I pulled my top off.

  He wiggled his brows. “Yes, as long as you give me one of your special rubs after the bath?”

  I shook my head, smiling at how dirty he could be but made it sound normal. “Okay, and if you’re a good boy, I may just even use my mouth as well as hands.”

  He laughed, pulling me into his body. “This is why I’m marrying you. Perfect wife ever.”

  “Only wife ever,” I corrected him.

  There was no way this man was ever going to leave, without me going with him.

  ***

  I had felt sick all morning; my nerves were shot. Chris and Adam went in for surgeries today. In exactly two hours we needed to be at the hospital.

  “Are you okay?” Chris asked, rubbing my back lightly as I was bent over the toilet bowl throwing up.

  I nodded. “Yes. I’m good. Just worried for you,” I said, rubbing my temples before I threw up again.

  Once I had finally finished puking, I stood up, walking to the wash sink and rinsing my mouth out as Chris stood and watched me. He seemed relatively calm for something that was something so huge.

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m good, baby. I promise. I just want to get this finished and then get home. Get back to getting us on track and watching Lucy grow up,” Chris said as I turned around. I couldn’t help but burst into tears.

  He was so positive, and I felt bad for worrying so much. I gripped him tighter, afraid to let go. “Chris, I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’m so scared. What if you don’t wake up or what if you do but you can’t talk or move? What if you forget me?”

  Google was never good for any medical advice.

  “Don’t, baby. Don’t do this,” Chris said, I could hear his voice breaking. “Look, the odds aren’t in my favour, but I’m going to damn well wake up for you. For our family. I love you so much.”

  I pulled back slightly, looking up at him and cupping his cheeks. “You wake up, and when you do, I will be right there waiting. Just don’t forget about me. I love you so much, Chris.”

  “I love you too, baby, more than anything,” he whispered, kissing me hard.

  Everything felt like a blur downstairs. Chris was sitting quietly and talking with Adam now, and then Ness looked a bundle of nerves also. My parents weren’t talking much. They were still mad about Adam doing this, and that I wasn’t forbidding him to do it. Even Chris’s parents were now staying here; they were acting as if everything was normal.

  Lucy was rolling around the floor and drooling over her pyjamas.

  I smiled and walked over, picking her up and sitting her in the high chair. “Hungry?” I asked her, showing her the jar of apples.

  Her tiny fists banging down as she squealed excitedly, her mouth opening and closing fast. Chris stood up, walking over and sitting beside me. “Here. Go get dressed, and I’ll feed her then bring her up.”

  I went back upstairs and ended up throwing up again. I hated this. The unknown of what was going to happen. I dressed up and went to Lucy’s room when I heard her giggling loudly. Chris was changing her and trying to hold her down as she squirmed. She was going to be crawling without a doubt soon.

  “Want some help?” I asked, walking in and going to her wardrobe.

  “Thanks. This little Rugrat won’t stop moving.” He grinned, tickling her which caused her to laugh louder again.

  Lucy was coming with us to the hospital. I didn’t care what any of our parents said, his daughter was going to be there to see her Dad before he went into surgery. The drive there was eerily silent. There was nothing really to talk about. I wanted to cry, and I did at times.

  “Well, this is me,” Adam said, starting to look nervous. “Shit, this is really happening.”

  I wrapped my arms around him tightly. “I’ll see you when you wake up,” I said and kissed his cheek.

  Adam and Chris exchanged hugs, both get
ting a little teary, and I had to look away before I started sobbing again. Adam then turned to Ness, and I fought my excitement when he kissed her. About time.

  It was just us left. My parents and Ness stayed with Adam while he was being prepped, and I went with Chris, squeezing his hand, a little harder than normal. Lucy was fast asleep in the pram which Chris’s mother pushed along for me.

  I went into the room with him; he changed and was lying up in bed. His parents came in, trying to lighten the mood with a joke, then they said their goodbyes, wishing him good luck. Then when they left, I felt myself tear up again, getting up on the bed and lying beside him.

  “You know, I don’t want you to go into this surgery with any doubts or bad thoughts,” I said as he played with my fingertips. “It needs to be positive.”

  “I know. I feel good about this, Char,” he said quietly.

  I looked up, and that’s when I saw it: the fear in his eyes. Being strong was only going to work for some time until it wouldn’t last anymore. I reached up, stroking his cheek lightly. “Chris, you mean everything to me.”

  “Same,” was all he said.

  I pressed my lips against his, pulling away for a mere moment. “I forgive you, Chris, for what happened with Lucy and the divorce. I forgive you for that.”

  “Are you saying this because I could die?” he asked.

  I was horrified he would even think this. “No. I’m saying it because I realised I’m not angry anymore. Ness asked me the other day, and I said I hadn’t forgiven you, but I have. We have our family back. I can’t hold something over you when every day you keep proving to me that you’re changing, and our relationship is rock solid. I love you. I forgive you.”

  That’s when he broke down and began to cry, holding me ever so tightly as his body shook underneath mine. I held him back, crying as he pushed his mouth over mine, kissing me with a deep passion—giving me a kiss that rocked me to the core.

  When we broke away, he used his thumb to brush away my tears. “I love you. I am going to get better, and then the three of us are going to go away. Anywhere you want, baby. I don’t care about anything else. Just us. Even Bali, let’s go there.”