Forgiving You

by Melissa Bender

  I smiled, and then my heart almost stopped.

  “Da-Da!” Lucy’s little voice spoke.

  Clear as day, she said ‘Dad.’ I had tears as she kept repeating herself over and over. “Chris, do you hear this?” I said getting my phone from my bag and filming her for him to watch later.

  “Da-Da! Da-Da!” she squealed excitedly. I smiled watching her.

  When she went to reach for a tube coming from his arm, I stood up and lifted her off him. Her mouth then turned to my breasts and mouth opened wide. I had to laugh. She loved her milk.

  I changed her into a pink pyjama suit and then fed her until she passed out. Her little snores told me she was out like a light for the rest of the night. I laid her in the bassinette of the pram and covered her with a warm blanket. She was sleeping much better lately. Almost never waking until the morning.

  “Good night, princess,” I whispered quietly and kissed her cheek.

  Lucy’s long black lashes fanned down her cheeks. She was so like Chris when she slept. I couldn’t wait until she was able to crawl around, and then walk. It was something I looked forward to.

  I walked over to Chris and pulled his covers back. Carefully, I lay down beside him and draped my arm over his chest, feeling the outline of his hard torso. I kissed his cheek and slowly stopped fighting the sleep that I desperately needed.

  I needed him to wake up, to kiss me, and to just tell me that he loved me. I loved hearing that; the way he looked at me when he said it always showed me just how much he did love me. I could feel it. Every time he told me, I felt it.

  I loved him more than anything.

  To me, the past fights we had were in the past. I didn’t care about him leaving me anymore. I knew what I wanted, and that was for him to wake up and be here with me. With us.

  I needed Chris to wake up. I needed him to know I was more than committed to him. To our marriage and relationship. I wanted to make it all better again. I knew I wasn’t the best wife I should have been. I was going to try harder, do more for him. I didn’t blame him anymore. He was forgiven. Although, it may not be completely forgotten, I was going to try and forget it.

  I wanted new memories with him.

  My dreams became vivid again. This was the only time I got to pretend Chris was awake. It seemed so real. His hands were running over my body, holding me closer as he kissed the top of my forehead. I could feel his warm lips against my skin. His long fingers running through my hair, tugging the way he did when he woke up and wanted me to wake.

  I smiled, enjoying the warmth of his body. My hand ran up his chest, and my leg was hitched over his groin. I never wanted to wake up from this dream. I wanted to feel this moment forever until he woke up.

  But I soon did; my eyes wanted to stay closed, but they couldn’t. I knew it was dark and that I hadn’t slept for too long.

  My eyes fluttered open, feeling a hand over my stomach as his husky sleep laced voice spoke. “You’re pregnant.”

  I shot my eyes back open. I couldn’t believe it. “Chris?” I whispered.

  He nodded, giving me a sleepy, tired smile. “I’m here, baby. You were crying.”

  “Chris, you’re awake,” I said, realising that I was indeed crying.

  He ran his hand to the curve of my neck and pushed his mouth to mine, kissing me so hard, as if it was going to be our last kiss ever. The dryness of his mouth against mine didn’t bother me. I didn’t care about anything other than him being awake and here.

  I pulled back when I realised what he had mentioned before. “I love you, Chris,” I smiled, so happy.

  He smiled back. “Not as much as I love you.” His eyes widened. “Lucy? Is she okay? And Adam?”

  “They’re both fine. Both are doing okay. Adam left a few days ago, but Lucy and I have been staying here,” I said, laying my head on the pillow and smiling. “I was so scared. I should call a nurse and let them come to look you over.”

  Chris shook his head. “No, don’t. I just want to look into your eyes. Tell me you’re pregnant again, Char,” he said, rubbing my stomach again softly.

  I wasn’t sure if they were mine or his, the salty tears that hit my lips as I kissed him nodding. “I am. I had a blood test taken yesterday here. I’m six weeks, so it’s still early.”

  He held me closer. “Christ, baby. Oh, fuck, I am so happy.”

  I started crying. It wasn’t from a fear of being pregnant. It was relief. It was a nervous excitement that I could finally let it out. I had tried to just block it out and not think about the baby growing inside my stomach. I didn’t want to have another baby if Chris couldn’t be here with me.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I know it’s not what we planned, and Lucy’s still young,” Chris started.

  I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I’m just happy you’re awake, Chris. I’m happy we’re pregnant again.”

  “I promise I’m going to be here for you, baby.” It then came through his eyes as he realised what he hadn’t asked. “The surgery?”

  I smiled again, stroking his cheek as I leaned closer and said, “It was a success.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I was so nervous.

  Nervous didn’t even describe what I felt right now. I was sick to my stomach with giddy excitement. I married the love of my life today.

  He was dashing as he stood in front of me, his arms wrapped around me possessively as we danced our first dance together.

  I smiled up at him, unable to hide it. “I love you,” I said happily.

  He grinned back. “I love you too Mrs. Rivers. Damn, you look so beautiful right now. You took my breath away when I first saw you walking down the aisle.”

  “I am so I love with you. I want it to be like this forever, this perfect moment where it’s just us,”

  “And a room full of people watching us?” he added.

  I laughed, gripping his tux jacket firmly. “Can we skip to our honeymoon?”

  “If you want to.” He winked. “I am going to fuck you crazy on the plane.”

  I giggled. We were taking his dad’s private plane to wherever Chris was taking me. I had no idea. This was Chris’s surprise for me. Somewhere where I wouldn’t have a clue. But apparently, I would love it.

  Chris spun me around, the music coming to an end. My feet were killing me, and my dress was a little too tight after eating so much. I loved it though.

  I pulled Chris over to me off the dance floor and back to our table. “You should give me a clue as to where we’re going. I haven’t even packed anything.”

  “You won’t need to wear much.” He winked.

  I laughed. I married a dirty man with sexy wicked and naughty thoughts.

  Chris picked up his scotch and took a mouthful. He licked his lips and leant back in the chair. “We can leave in around an hour unless you want to stay the night here and leave in the morning. It’s up to you.”

  “How long does it take to get where we’re going?” I asked, curious as I tried to think where he was taking me.

  “Twelve hours or so. You do know you’re not sleeping tonight, Charlotte,” he said, reaching over and stroking my cheek.

  I looked at him, cocking my brow as I scoffed. “Yeah, because you can have sex for that long.”

  “Don’t laugh, baby. You’re ovulating, and I plan on taking full advantage of you tonight and tomorrow.” His hand cupped my chin, thumb caressing me as he leaned closer and kissed me.

  I was definitely at the peak of ovulation, and Chris and I were excited to be trying to make a baby, not that we hadn’t been trying every other day. I smiled at him. I loved that he was so excited to try and have us pregnant.

  Tonight was going to be a night I wouldn’t forget. And I might not be able to walk much tomorrow.

  I kissed him back, biting his lower lip. “I can’t wait, Mr. Rivers. Today has been perfect. I am so happy right now, so happy that I got to find the man of my dreams and marry him in a beautiful place. I love that we’re starting a famil
y together and it just feels like a dream. I feel so lucky to have met you, Chris.”

  “I feel the exactly the same, Char. You’re everything I could have dreamt of and more.”

  ***

  I held Chris’s hands as I helped him into our bed. After he woke, he stayed in the hospital for three more days before finally able to come home today. I was so excited to have him here and happy that he is recovering. When he was told what had happened and how they had ignored the DNR due to my requests, he hadn’t been as angry as I worried.

  He was grateful because it showed him just how fragile life is, and if they hadn’t listened to me, then he wouldn’t be here now.

  He was under strict orders to take it easy.

  That was something I was not going to risk. I was going to make sure Chris was relaxed, calm, and taken care of. Even if it meant me sleeping in another room with Lucy, so he didn’t get interrupted through the night.

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked him, pulling his sweats down, so he was just wearing a pair of boxers. I moved up and began to unbutton his shirt. My eyes went to his stomach with the bandage padding. I had to change that each morning and night to keep the incision clean and germ-free.

  Chris yawned. “I’m good. Thanks, baby.”

  I felt bad for him. I knew me doing everything for him bothered him a little. He didn’t like feeling helpless.

  “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” I wanted to make sure he had everything he needed.

  “Come here,” he said, holding his hand out. “I just want you to kiss me. That’s all I need.”

  I smiled, feeling my heart melt. “I can kiss you.”

  My lips pressed against his, slowly parting as he swept his tongue in my mouth and kissed me. This, I let him take charge of. I didn’t want to lean into him in case I hurt him. Chris had other ideas though, pulling me close and holding my cheeks with his firm grip.

  He pulled me up, my thighs on either side of his lap as I straddled him. I could feel him hard and push against me. I let out a low moan as he flexed his hips upright and that’s when I pulled away, breaking our kiss.

  “We can’t,” I said sitting back. He gave me a sad pout. I felt myself caving, but I had to remain strong because I knew if he would, he’d have me naked and fucking him slowly. “Chris, no.”

  “Why not?” He put on a charming grin.

  “You just had surgery and need to keep your heart rate down. Please don’t make me feel bad. I just want you to get better and then we can have lots of sex.”

  He chuckled, his hands then went down my hips, lifting my top up just above my belly button and placing his hands on my flat stomach. “I can’t believe we’re having another baby. Don’t overdo it, Char. You need to rest as well and take care of our baby while he or she grows.”

  “I know. Don’t worry about me though. I will take it easy and slow down,” I assured him. “I should go find Lucy and get her fed.” I then looked at him, my head tilted to the side. “You said I was pregnant in the hospital as soon as you woke up. How did you know that?” I asked curiously.

  He pulled my top down and held my hands. “You kept throwing up before my surgery and crying as well. It was just like when you were pregnant with Lucy. I didn’t think anything of it until I looked at you before they took me in. I knew then. You had that look about you, and your boobs looked bigger.”

  “Oh, so my boobs gave it away?” I laughed kissing him.

  He nodded. “I love you, so when do I get to hear my girl say, Dad?”

  Chris hadn’t heard her say dad yet, due to she wouldn’t say it again. I showed him the clip, but it wasn’t the same. I wanted him to hear the words come from her mouth.

  “Soon, I hope. You need to take your pills and have a rest, baby.” I started getting off him until he stopped me.

  He just stared at me, a blank look over his face before he spoke, “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me, Char. Sticking around and taking care of me like this. This year’s been tough, but I’m going to make it up to you. You deserve everything.”

  “All I need is for you to get better. When you didn’t wake up, all I thought about was what if you never woke again? What if I never got to talk to you, or have you kiss me back? I know this year was tough on us, but we learned a lot also. We got through it, Chris. I know we can get through anything that comes our way from now on.” I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his.

  We stayed like that for a moment, until we could hear everyone downstairs getting rowdy. I sighed. “I am not looking forward to this, and apparently, I’m not capable of taking care of you and our daughter at the same time.”

  “Don’t tell them about the baby, not yet. It’s still early,” Chis said softly. “I just want it to be our secret for now. Something we can talk about when we’re alone.”

  I agreed with him there. “I like that.”

  Thinking it would be easy with everyone around just proved how insane I was. Days later, it was chaos and doing my head in. Chris was snappy and becoming angrier when he wanted to do something, but his body just let him down.

  I looked at Lucy and kissed her forehead. “Love you, bunny,” I whispered and put her on the floor. She was crawling around, dragging her little legs over the ground more and more. Chris did love to sit and watch her.

  He loved it even more so when she said ‘Dad.’ That happened every day. Still no sign of the word mum.

  “Charlotte, go we will be fine. I promise,” Mum said softly. I was tempted to take Lucy with me to my doctor’s appointment, but our parents insisted she was okay here with them.

  I walked over to my husband laying on the couch and bent down. “I’m leaving now, okay? I won’t be long.”

  “Don’t be.” He sleepily smiled back. “We’ll tell them after this. Okay, baby. Hurry back.”

  My appointment went well. I was now just under eight weeks pregnant, and our baby was growing well. I made sure to get a photo for Chris so he could see as well.

  As I walked into the house, I heard loud yelling. “What the hell?” I muttered to myself. This couldn’t be happening.

  I came in to see my parents, Chris’s parents, Samantha, Ness, and Adam all going at it. Chris must have gone back to bed.

  “You don’t know what he did!”

  “Oh, to hell with it. I damn well do know. He’s made up for all of that!”

  “Fuck, stop bringing the past up. He’s a good guy and treats Charlotte right. You need to get over it.”

  “He should be at home with his family.”

  “She’s struggling to look after him and their daughter. She needs us here.”

  My heart rate picked up, eyes scanning the room to try and find my daughter. I dropped my bags on the floor when I saw her. My heart was now in my throat as I raced over.

  “Oh, my god! Lucy, no!!” I screamed out loudly, trying to catch her before it was too late.

  What followed was a sound that broke my heart; her screams or should I say high pitched screaming squeals filled the room as she fell onto the fireplace. The heat of the glass burning her small body.

  Everyone rushed over, trying to take her from me and telling me what was needed to be done as I picked her up and raced into the bathroom. I was hysterically sobbing as I quickly stripped her off while the tub filled with cold water.

  “What the fucking hell is going on down here!!” Chris’s voice thundered, making Lucy scream more and me jump slightly.

  No one answered.

  “Charlotte.” Chris walked in and looked at his daughter. “Christ, what the fuck happened!”

  “She fell, Chris.” I sobbed, “No one was watching her, and she . . .” I stopped, holding Lucy as she clung to me sobbing her dear little heart out. “Someone didn’t put the safety stand over the fireplace, and it was on. She was standing up and slipped, falling on her arms.” I cried.

  Chris was down beside me in an instant, taking Lucy from me and putting her in the water. She screamed as he
r hands hit the coldness. “Shh, baby, it’s okay.”

  “Should I call the hospital? I don’t know what to do,” I said through tears still.

  “No, her hands aren’t blistering. We will wrap them up and keep an eye on it. It doesn’t look that bad. You got her before any real damage was done,” he said, leaning over and kissing me as my husband took care of us.

  When Lucy finally settled and was fast asleep after having a dose of Panadol, I found it extremely hard to take my eyes off her. Chris had to pull me from her room.

  “How was your appointment?” he asked.

  I forced a smile, “The baby is good. Just one and growing good. I’m so sick to think about what happened, Chris. They were all yelling and fighting. It was like a pack of animals having at it with each other.

  He nodded, agreeing. “I could hear them. I’m going to end up back in that hospital if they don’t leave. It’s too much stress that neither of us needs.”

  Chris led me down to the kitchen where everyone was waiting.

  His mum was the first to speak up. “How is she? God, we just feel awful for what happened.”

  “Good, so you should,” I snapped. “I can’t trust you around my daughter, neither of you were paying attention to her!”

  “Charlotte,” Mum started, and Chris put her in her place once and for all.

  He held his hand up, silencing her. “Get out. I mean it. I can’t listen to you for another damn second. I swear to God, I am on the verge of throwing you all out on your damn pathetic arses! Never in my life have I heard a woman bitch and moan so much. You can’t come in here and expect to run this place as if it’s your own goddamn house.”

  “Chris,” my father warned. “Enough.”

  “No, it’s not fucking enough. For months, I have listened to you and her go on and on about what happened. Yes, it happened. I admitted that I screwed up, but Charlotte forgave me. She took me back, and now we’ve moved on. The last thing she needs is stress. She’s bloody pregnant again, and I swear if anything happens to this child, I will be out for blood. I am done and over the drama,” he roared; his voice was so loud. I had never seen Chris this angry in my life. His hands were white from clenching his fists together.