This Is Forever

by Madison, Natasha

  “Can I watch some videos on your phone?” he asks, and I nod my head, thankful we can get free Wi-Fi.

  “But not for too long. You have a big day tomorrow,” I say, and he nods his head and goes into the bedroom. I clean the little kitchen, my mind going around and around, thinking of everything. I’m not even working on plan B; I’m working on plan C, and then I’m working on worst-case scenarios. The thought of the two of us having to move again is making me sick. There is no way I can find another apartment as cheap as this for what we get. I know it isn’t much, but at least it’s clean. The other places we found were roach-infested or in an even seedier part of town.

  I finish cleaning with tears streaming down my face. I wipe the tears when I finish and then splash some cold water on my face. Walking to the bedroom, I see he’s already sleeping, so I grab the phone from the bed and see that I have a text message.

  Justin: Where are you?

  I don’t answer him. Instead, I close the window just a bit and get into the shower. After peeling off my tank top, I step under the cold water, but the pressure is nonexistent. My eyes burn from all the tears, and when they finally stop, I get out. After putting on the same clothes, I open the bathroom door and check on Dylan, who is sleeping like a starfish. I walk over to the drawer and take out the white loose-leaf paper I’ve been working on for five years now. I walk to the table with it in my hand, my arm feeling like it’s carrying a thousand pounds. I walk over and turn on the faucet to fill a glass of water, and for once, I wish it was something stronger. Walking to the bedroom, I grab my phone and see that five more texts have come through, but I don’t even want to read them.

  I sit at the little brown table that isn’t steady since one leg is a touch shorter than the other. Unfolding the white paper that is starting to be yellow, I make sure not to tear it where the creases are.

  On the top of the page in the middle is Debt list, and under it is the amount I still owe: $17,405. That is what I still have to pay to the five credit cards that Andrew took out in my name that have been closed and sent into collections, and no matter how sorry they feel for me, they can’t do anything about it. The interest will go up now that I will have to stop the payments. Rubbing my head, I ignore the ringing phone, looking up just in time to catch Justin’s name. I shake my head and decline the call. I had actually put it on airplane mode before, but Dylan must have turned it off while he was watching videos.

  It rings again, and I just take a deep sigh and decline it. When it happens four more times, I’m about to decline it again when I hear a soft knock on the door. I get up, not even sure who it could be, and when I open it slowly, Justin’s standing there. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get in touch with you?” he asks me and storms right into my apartment. I stand here with the door in my hand. He turns to face me, and I have to take him in. His hat is finally off, and you see his long black hair on the top but then short on the sides. “I have been calling and calling. I swear I was about to contact the hospitals.”

  “What are you doing here?” Is the only thing that I can say. “How did you know which apartment I lived in?”

  “You filled it out on the application,” he says, and he looks around, and I have to wonder if he is judging me because of the apartment. I know it’s not much, and his closet is probably the size of my whole apartment, but it’s clean, and it’s ours. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?” His eyes are now on mine, and I see that his jaw is tight.

  “I didn’t get them,” I say, closing the door and closing my eyes before turning around and getting ready to lie out of my ass.

  “Really?” he says, never once blinking. “So the four times I just called and you didn’t answer, you didn’t hear?”

  “How …?” I ask, and he holds up his hand.

  “I’ve been standing outside your door for the past thirty minutes,” he says. “I didn’t hear anything, so I called.” He puts his hands on his hips. “I thought something happened to you.”

  “Well, as you can see, we are fine,” I say, ignoring the fact that my heart just skipped when he said he was worried about me. I don’t think anyone has ever worried about me. “So if that was all you came here for …” I’m about to tell him he can go when there is another knock on the door, and this time, it’s not soft like his was. Suddenly, my neck starts to burn, and my heart beats faster for a whole different reason. “Were you expecting someone?” he asks, and I just shake my head. He must see that my hands are shaking when he walks past me and opens the door, coming face-to-face with a man who I knew it would be only a matter of time until he paid me another visit.

  “Who are you?” he asks, and he makes my skin crawl. I spot him dressed up in his usual camo pants and white T-shirt and a jean jacket. He is wearing a jean jacket to probably hide the fact he has a gun tucked into the back of his pants. He looks over Justin, spotting me, and calls my name. “Caroline.”

  “Can I help you with something?” Justin says, and Vince laughs and looks down and then up.

  “He isn’t here,” I say, walking to the door and trying to stand in front of Justin, but he puts his arm out and stops me from standing in front of him.

  “Where is he?” Vince looks at me.

  “I don’t know,” I say softly.

  “He owes me five large,” he says, and I close my eyes. “Took off with some of my shit.”

  “Well, he isn’t here,” I say again.

  “That doesn’t help you,” Vince says.

  “Well, I guess she tried,” Justin now says.

  “This puts me in a difficult situation,” Vince says. “I’ll drop by tomorrow.” He turns and walks away, and I sigh that he didn’t say anything else. But now that he’s walked away, Justin closes the door.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, walking to the table and picking up the glass of water that is shaking in my hand, “that you had to be here for that.” I turn and face him.

  “What would have happened if I wasn’t here?” he asks, and I just look at him. “Say it,” he hisses out.

  “I would have to come up with the money, which”—I throw my hands up—“is what I’m going to have to do anyway,” I say, and at that moment, I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.

  Chapter Nine

  Justin

  This is not a good idea. I need to calm down before we continue this conversation. The meeting was a clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks. I was so angry because I was worried about Caroline and Dylan, and I had no idea why I was so uptight. It was like my body was one nerve, and everything that was said wrong just set me off. I kept checking my phone and sending Caroline texts but never got any answers.

  When I got in the truck, I didn’t even realize that I was driving toward her apartment until I got on the highway and approached her building, and then I pulled up her application and got her address. Walking into the apartment building, I hated every single second I was in there. There was yelling going on in one apartment, and I could swear I heard the sound of someone getting smacked, but I had one goal and that was to make sure she was okay. When I got to her door, I looked down at the rinky-dink knob, and my blood started to boil. She shouldn’t live here; they shouldn’t live here. I listened and called her phone and heard it ringing and then stop. After the fifth time, I just knocked on the door, and when I saw her standing there looking like she’d been crying again, my heart stopped. All I wanted to do was take her in my arms and tell her that no matter what, it would be okay.

  But instead, what I did do was barge in and demand to know why she didn’t answer my calls. Then that knock on the door had my heart sinking because I thought she had a man. She had a man to protect her, and here I was standing in the middle of the room secretly hoping she’d want me to protect her.

  Opening that door made my blood run cold. There was so much I didn’t know about her, so many questions I had to ask her, but one of them was answered right away.

  “He isn’t here.” Her words lingered i
n my head even after the guy walked away from her door, and I knew he would be back. Those men don’t just give up. No, they keep coming back for more.

  “What would have happened if I wasn’t here?” I asked her, and she stood in front of me, her eyes bloodshot and her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Say it,” I hiss, knowing the answer but wanting her to confirm it.

  “I would have to come up with the money, which”—she throws her hands in the air, aggravated at me for asking these questions—“is what I’m going to have to do anyway.”

  “Is it your debt?’ I ask her. She shakes her head. “Then why would you have to pay it?”

  “Justin, what are you doing here?” she asks. Instead of keeping it to myself, I come out and tell her.

  “I have no idea,” I answer honestly. “I texted you, and you never answered, and then I texted you again.” I drag out the again. “And when I got into my vehicle, before I knew it, I was parked outside. Then I sat there wondering how the fuck I would find you. I thought for sure I would have to go door to door, but then I remembered that I had your application.”

  “So you just show up?” She puts her hands over her face, rubbing her eyes. “This is crazy, and you need to go.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me,” I say, holding my ground.

  “This has nothing to do with you.” Her voice gets louder, and I look behind her toward the bedroom where the soft light shows that Dylan is sleeping in the middle of the bed.

  “Well, whether or not it has anything to do with me”—I shrug my shoulders—“I’m in it now.”

  “That isn’t how this works, Justin,” she says. A tear sneaks out of her eye, and she angrily wipes it away. “This has nothing to do with you. This is my problem.”

  “What about the guy he’s looking for?” I ask, and I watch to see if maybe she has feelings for him, but all I get is anger from her.

  “That’s also my problem,” she says. “And no matter how I try to not make it my problem, it always seems to become my problem. Because that is the choice I made when I married him.” Her voice trails off at the end.

  “You didn’t make the choice to steal from that man,” I say. “You didn’t make the choice for him to come knocking on your door. Sooner or later, you are going to see that you deserve better than this.”

  She looks at me and smiles sadly. “The only one who deserves better than this is Dylan, which is why I bust my ass to make sure none of this touches him.”

  “That is where you are wrong,” I say. “You.” I want to step into her space, but instead, I point at her. “You deserve it also. Do you still love him?” I ask that, and even if I don’t want to hear her answer, I’ll do whatever I can to help her.

  “No,” she answers softly, and the breath I was holding comes out. “The minute he lied to me and did what he did, I knew it wasn’t love.”

  I nod at her, knowing that she opened up to me more than she wanted to. “Will that guy come back?”

  “Even if he comes back, I’m not answering,” she says. “He usually doesn’t come back into the night, but I don’t really know his schedule, so I can’t say.”

  “I’ll be back tomorrow morning at seven to get you guys,” I say, and I turn to walk out before she starts making excuses. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” Opening the door, I look back. “I expect you to answer.” She rolls her eyes, and I close the door and wait to hear the lock click behind me.

  I walk away from her door with my heart heavy and my feet almost like they’re in cement blocks. I push open the front door and start walking to my vehicle, and I see him leaning against it. “There he is,” Vince says to me, standing up now, and I see that his own Cadillac is parked next to mine.

  “What do you want?” I say, and he looks at me and smirks.

  “I was hoping I can speak to you, man to man,” he says, and I roll my eyes.

  “A man doesn’t go after a woman and child for shit that has nothing to do with them,” I say, and he nods his head.

  “I’m not the bad guy in all this,” he says, and I just walk around him to get into my SUV. “I’m the least of her problems right now.” The way he says it has me stopping in my tracks. “He’s making deals with the wrong people. People who won’t knock on her door, but instead will bust it down.”

  “It has nothing to do with her,” I almost shout.

  “Yeah, except he gives her address as his,” Vince says, and I don’t know who this man is, but I already want to put my fist through his face. “He brings the danger to her door, and he doesn’t care.”

  “How much does he owe you?” I ask him, and he looks down and then up.

  “This time, he owes me five hundred,” he says, and my heart sinks for Caroline, knowing that it will take her years to pay that back.

  “Why the fuck would you let him get away with that?” I ask.

  “Because he said he had a buyer and gave me a deposit,” Vince says, and I have to wonder if we are actually talking about the same thing. Why the fuck would a drug dealer take a deposit? “Needless to say, after he got my shit, he went underground. People saw him here yesterday.”

  “I’m dropping her off tomorrow night. I’ll have your money. You don’t tell her, and also, after this, you don’t go to her for his shit. She is not in this,” I say, and he just looks at me.

  “I have no interest in working with Andrew again,” he says and then walks to me. “She doesn’t deserve the shit he’s putting her through, and she doesn’t deserve the shit that is going to come.”

  I get into the driver’s seat and slam my door, and I want to pound my fist on the steering wheel. I have never in my life felt more powerless than I do at this moment.

  I don’t sleep that night; I toss and turn, and when the sun starts to come up, I’m out the door. I pick up coffee and sandwiches for us, and when I walk into the apartment building, it’s quiet. I make my way to her apartment and softly knock on the door. I wait a couple of minutes, and when I’m about to knock again, the door opens just a touch, but it’s Dylan who greets me.

  One of his eyes open while he smiles. “Hey, buddy,” I say, and he walks back, and I see that the apartment is still dark with just a little light coming from the bathroom. “I brought you food, sausage and egg sandwiches,” I say. He grabs the bag of food, walking over to the table and sitting down. I walk over and sit with him, grabbing my own breakfast. The bathroom door opens, and she comes out and she’s wrapped in a towel with her hair piled on her head. She stops when she sees me and walks back into the bathroom, closing the door. When she comes out again, she’s dressed in what she was wearing last night.

  “I brought coffee,” I say softly. “And breakfast.” She looks at me and then looks at Dylan, who doesn’t care what’s going on. All he knows is that he’s eating.

  “Can I talk to you?” she asks, and then I get up, grabbing a cup of coffee and bringing it to her. “Thank you,” she says softly and turns to walk into the room. “I’m going to talk to Justin for a second.”

  “Okay, Mom,” he says.

  “I bought you two,” I say, and he pulls his arm back and whispers yes.

  I stand in the bedroom that I know she shares with Dylan, and I wonder how much longer it will be until he takes over the whole double bed. “This has to stop,” she says when she turns to me. “You can’t just come here and give me lifts and buy us stuff.”

  “Why?” I ask, and I have to think she is the proudest person I have ever met.

  “Because you just can’t.”

  “What if I want to?” I say softly. “What if I want to take you to dinner?” I ask.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she says.

  “I don’t care,” I finally say, and she looks at me in shock. “I don’t care what is a good idea and what isn’t. What I care about is that I want to get to know you, and I want you to give me a chance.”

  “You just feel sorry for me,” she says, trying not to let her voice
get louder.

  I look at her, and it takes me two seconds to step really close to her. “I feel a lot of things for you, Caroline, but sorry isn’t one of them.” I’m so close to her, she stops, and I hear her take a deep breath. “Now get dressed because I brought you breakfast.”

  I don’t let her answer. Instead, I turn around and walk out of the room. Closing the door behind me, I try to get my hard-on to go down before Dylan sees it.

  Chapter Ten

  Caroline

  Justin closes the door softly behind him, and I have to sit on the bed, or I will fall to the floor. He’s come into my life, and I feel like this roller coaster I’m on is finally slowing down. When he walked out of the apartment last night, I watched him walk to his SUV and have a conversation with Vince. I can only imagine what was said. I thought for sure Vince would tell him all my dirty secrets—well, not mine but Andrew’s—and once again, I hated him.

  I didn’t go to the bed. Instead, I went to the couch and lay down, but my mind never shut down. No matter how many times I closed my eyes. So many things are up in the air that I don’t know what will happen. I got up and woke Dylan once, stepping into the shower. Walking out, I never expected Justin to be standing there with his hair all over the place and his white shirt pulled across his chest with his shorts low on his hips. All I could do was go back in the bathroom to steady my heartbeat. I knew we had to have a talk. This needed to stop, literally now!

  “Mom,” Dylan says. I get up, opening the door, and I see them sitting at the table eating and laughing while they discuss hockey. “How many goals did I score in one game?”

  “Which one?” I ask him, and he looks at Justin.

  “Name one,” he says. “I scored in all of them.”