This Is Forever

by Madison, Natasha

  “Yes, I have bumps and bruises and scrapes, and I have nothing in my retirement fund, and the only thing I can afford is the bare minimum, but”—she takes a deep breath—“I will never let Dylan live one day thinking that any of this is his fault. He asked about his grandparents once, and I said they lived too far. When he’s old enough, I’ll tell him the truth, but hopefully, his life is going to be filled with so much love in his heart that he won’t even care.”

  I get up now and walk to her and take her beautiful face in my hands. “He won’t ever need them because he has you. He has all the love in the world he’ll ever need,” I say softly and then put my forehead to hers. “I really want to kiss you right now,” I say, almost as if I’m asking her for permission. “In my whole life, I’ve never wanted anything so badly.”

  She puts her hands around my wrists, her fingers not touching, and she takes the one step closer to me. “After everything I’ve been through, I think this is what my reward should be. If only for one kiss,” she whispers. She gets on her tippy toes just a bit, and it’s like a magnetic pull. My hands move from her face to the bottom of her neck, and her hair slips between my fingers. My heart is beating so fast and so loud that I wonder if she’ll hear it. My fingers are trembling right before I tilt my head and kiss her gently. Her soft lips are on mine, and she whimpers just a bit. I’m about to let her go when she opens her mouth, and her tongue slides with mine. My other arm pulls her closer to me, and I get lost in her taste, lost in her touch, lost in her.

  “Mom!” Dylan yells, and she jumps back as if my touch burned her. “I’m so hot,” he says, and she looks at me and then walks to the bedroom. I look up at the ceiling, and for the first time in my life, I pray that in the end we both get what we need and what we want.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Caroline

  When I heard Dylan’s voice, it was as if ice water was dumped on me. I jumped so fast away from Justin that I’m surprised I didn’t fall. Spilling everything I had inside me and reliving everything that I went through was exhausting. I don’t know why I did it or how but something about Justin Stone just made me want to share with him.

  “I’m so hot,” Dylan says when I get to the bedroom. I didn’t want to say anything before but walking into the room was like entering a sauna. I need to get a box fan or two or maybe three. He pulls his shirt over his head, and I see that his hair is matted to his head.

  “Do you want to take a cool shower?” I ask, and he just shakes his head and lies back down and falls asleep. I know that by the time I wake up in the morning, he’ll be in just his boxers.

  I turn and walk back out of the room and see Justin standing there looking at me. His eyes never leaving mine. “Is he okay?”

  “Yeah, just hot,” I say. I’m suddenly embarrassed and feel silly about how I practically threw myself at him.

  “I should get going,” he says, and I just nod. When I walk him to the door, he turns and takes me in his arms. Before I can say anything, he wraps his arm around my waist and picks me up off my feet, then kisses me on the lips. “Lock up, sweetheart.”

  He gives me one more small kiss when he sets me down and then walks out of the apartment. I close the door after him and quietly turn the lock. My forehead hits the door, and I close my eyes, my lips still tingling from his kiss. I swear I smell him all around me.

  “Don’t go down that path, Caroline,” I tell myself. Pushing off from the door, I take a deep breath, but it’s the wrong thing to do since his smell is still all over me. His sweater is on the table, so I sniff my T-shirt and realize his smell is all over me. My hands, my bare arms, everything around me smells like him. I walk to the bathroom and undress after turning on the shower and adjusting the temperature to cold. It never really gets cool, or maybe my body is scorching hot just thinking about him. I stand under the water, letting it cascade all around me. The whole time, I’m having this conversation with myself about how stupid it would be to get involved with him. How he is so out of my league and there is nothing I can do to catch up to him.

  I use the white towel hanging on the towel rack to dry off and then slip into my shorts and a tank top. When I open the door, it’s still not cooler. I open the windows a touch more, but there isn’t even a breeze outside tonight. It’s just stale hot air. The sounds of crickets in the distance and someone arguing somewhere. I look out at the courtyard and see a group of guys hanging by the front door. Off to the side, some teenage kids are shooting basketball.

  I don’t know how long I stand here when the ringing starts. I turn to look around, confused as to where it’s coming from, when I finally find it under Justin’s sweater on the kitchen table. I turn it over and see it’s his cell phone, and that someone is calling him. I look down at the phone not sure what to do and then the ringing stops. I don’t have time to think again when the phone starts ringing again, and this time, I slide the button right and answer it. “Hello,” I say, my voice low.

  “Hey there,” Justin says.

  “Justin?” I say, confused. “I think you forgot your phone here.”

  He laughs now, and I hear him walking around. “I guess you can say I forgot it.”

  “You didn’t forget it.” I walk to the futon and sit down, folding my legs under me. “You left it here.”

  “I did,” he says. I hear covers in the background and wonder if he’s sliding into his bed. I wonder what his house looks like. I know from just the lobby that it must be gorgeous and also worth a fortune.

  “Why?” I ask. Getting up, I walk to the table to get his sweater and bring it back to the futon with me, putting it beside me.

  “Would you have taken it if I had handed it to you?” he asks, and I don’t have to answer. “Exactly.”

  “So you just left your phone here?” I ask, shaking my head.

  “Yup, the passcode is one, two, three, four,” he says without skipping a beat. “I want to have you and Dylan over at my house.”

  “What?” I whisper.

  “I want you and Dylan to come and hang out here tomorrow after work,” he says. “I can throw a couple of steaks on the grill, and we can watch a movie.” My stomach does this weird thing where it feels like it’s sinking but then flutters. “Or we can go out. It’s up to you.”

  “Justin, I—” I start to form the words.

  “Caroline, there is something here,” he says softly. “You can pretend it’s not, but tonight when I kissed you.” His voice goes even lower. “It was everything.”

  “I just don’t think …” All these reasons are there, practically written on the wall, yet nothing comes out of my mouth.

  “Stop thinking,” he says. “Tomorrow, I’ll come get you guys. We can go out for breakfast before work, and then you let me spoil you by making you dinner and taking care of you for once. Come over and sit down. I’ll get you some wine if that will help,” he says, chuckling, and I laugh also just a little. “Come on, sweetheart, say yes,” he whispers. “Take a chance on me. I promise you won’t regret it.”

  I want to say no. I should say no, but I close my eyes, and whisper, “Yes.”

  “Thank you,” he gushes. “Thank you. Now, go to sleep, and I’ll be there in the morning.”

  “Good night, Justin,” I say and hang up the phone and look down at the lock screen. A phone is so personal. He has everything in this phone, and he just left it to me. The Facebook app has a red number with ninety-nine, and then next to it is the Instagram app with the same number. I don’t open any of the apps, but I do check what he has and find Gmail, TSN, NHL, Zara’s Closet, and the Horton Foundation. There are a couple of others, but I don’t touch any of it. I will admit that I’m almost tempted to go through his pictures and see if there are any pictures of his family or even ones of him with other women.

  The thought makes me sick, so I lie on the futon with his sweater in my arms. Slowly, my eyes close, and I dream of him and his smile.

  When the alarm goes off, I groan out loud. Opening on
e eye, I see that it’s still dark but I can hear the birds chirping outside, so I look at Justin’s phone. Since it’s only four a.m., I set another alarm for six and then quickly fall back asleep. This time when the alarm goes off, it’s followed by a knock on the door. Groaning, I get up and walk to the door. “Who is it?” I ask.

  “It’s me,” Justin says, and I open the door. “Good morning,” he says cheerfully. Walking into the apartment, he has his hands filled with coffee and doughnut boxes. He stops next to me and bends to kiss my lips. “You smell like me,” he says, and I shake my head and close the door. “You look tired.”

  “Yeah, well, your alarm went off at four a.m.,” I say, and he takes a white cup of coffee and brings it to me. “Why do you get up at four a.m.?”

  He hands me the coffee, and I take a sip while he walks back to the table to grab his own coffee. “I work out from four to five thirty.”

  “In the morning?” I ask, shocked. “Why?”

  “I usually work out after the rink, but I like the morning better,” he says, and I have to wonder if he does it because he’s stuck driving us home.

  “You do that for us?” I ask, and he just looks at me and sits down at the table. Today, he’s wearing blue shorts and a white polo with his signature black and white Nikes.

  “I need a shower,” Dylan says from behind me as he walks to the bathroom, ignoring or maybe not seeing Justin. He closes the bathroom door.

  “I’m going to go get dressed.” I look at Justin who is just staring at me.

  “That would be a good idea,” he says and adjusts himself, and I roll my lips. My hair is probably sticking up all over the place, my shorts are big on me, and the tank top has bleach stains on it, yet he’s sitting there getting aroused by me.

  “I’ll be right back,” I say, turning to go into the bedroom. I open the closet, and of the ten hangers, seven are empty. I have the bare minimum of two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shorts, and seven tops. Same with shoes; I have sneakers and then ballerina shoes. If there is extra money, it goes to Dylan and his clothes since he’s growing like a weed.

  I grab the summer dress that I use for church and slip it over my head. The short sleeves ruffle just a bit at the end, so I smooth them down. Looking down at the green dress with white flowers, I wonder if this is silly, and if I should just wear the jeans I wore yesterday. I don’t have time to think about it before there is a knock on the door. “Come in.”

  The door opens, and Dylan comes in with a doughnut in his hand. “Justin brought doughnuts,” he says, standing there in his boxers as he gets the shorts and matching shirt he wore yesterday. He opens his drawer to take out a pair of clean socks and then puts on his new blue and white Nikes. “How many can I have?”

  “One and then I want you to eat something nutritious.” I turn and walk out of the room, seeing Justin on his phone. He looks up, and the smile on his face fades as he eyes me from top to bottom. I look down at my dress and wonder if it’s not good enough. “I’ll be ready soon.” I avoid eye contact with him and walk into the bathroom, closing the door.

  I wash my face with cold water, hoping that it’ll make the sting of tears go away. “It’s just temporary,” I say to myself while I dab my face with the towel. “Soon enough, he’ll move on.” I have to prepare myself for it, but my heart, my heart is left unprotected for the first time.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Justin

  I’m scrolling Instagram trying to get my hard-on down when Dylan comes out of the bathroom in his boxers. “Oh, hey,” he says, going to the fridge. “I didn’t see you there.”

  “I got here when you went into the shower,” I say and get up to help him open the orange juice that is in his hand. I open the cupboards and find it bare with just two of everything and nothing more. My heart breaks for her. And hearing her story made me fall for her even more. If there is anyone who should give up and wave the white flag, it’s Caroline, but no. She just dusts herself off and gets ready for more.

  “Did you bring food?” he asks me while I pour the orange juice, and I nod. He turns to look at the table. “Doughnuts!” he says, grabbing the glass of juice I hold out for him. He walks over to the table, and after I put the juice back into the fridge, I go sit down at the table while he decides which doughnut he wants. “Is this one filled with jelly?” he asks about the white powdered one, and I nod. “That’s Mom’s favorite,” he says and chooses another one. After taking a bite of it, he sits down on the chair.

  “Now go get dressed,” I say when he’s finished, and Dylan nods, getting up and knocking on the bedroom door before going in. I put my head back and close my eyes, the pit of my stomach burning. They share a bedroom. I grab my phone again and scroll through my private Instagram, which is mostly just my family. I see that Viktor and Zoe are on the last leg of their vacation, and my niece looks more and more like Zoe.

  The door opens, and the smile I have on my face fades when I see her. The dress just makes her more angelic, and I’m almost afraid to touch her. The best part is that she has no idea just how beautiful she is. The dress doesn’t show any of her curves that I know are under there. My cock springs to action again when I look her up and down, and the smiles fades as I panic about having a hard-on and Dylan coming into the room. She looks down and escapes the room before I say anything.

  My heart pounds in my chest. “I can’t have another one. Mom is going to be mad if I have another one,” Dylan says, but my eyes are on the closed bathroom door. I watch while he finishes the orange juice that I poured him, then takes the glass to the sink, rinses it out, and then leaves it there.

  “Did she say that?” I ask, one ear listening for his mother while he tells me he needs to eat breakfast first. “As soon as your mom is done, we can leave.”

  When the bathroom door opens, and she comes out, well, I have no words anymore. “Are you ready?” Dylan asks, and she nods at him.

  “Close the windows and I’ll make sure nothing is in the sink,” she says, and he gets up to close the windows.

  “Can I have one more doughnut before we leave?” he asks Caroline, and I look at him. “We never get fresh doughnuts, and I promise I’ll eat my breakfast.” I want to just make him eat all the doughnuts.

  “Why don’t we bring the doughnuts with us, and you can have one after breakfast?” I tell him, and his eyes go big.

  “I want eggs and pancakes,” he says, going to the door. I watch Caroline walk to the sink, making sure everything is clean. She grabs her purse, slipping it around her. “Mom, are we going to church? You’re wearing your church dress.”

  “Not today,” she says softly. “Not for two days,” she says, and I wait for her to walk out and lock the door. Dylan walks ahead of us, and I walk with her. The sun hits right us right away, and I look up, seeing not one cloud in the sky. “It’s going to be a hot one.”

  We walk down the sidewalk toward the car. Our hands graze each other and finally my pinky grabs hers, and I hold it there in mine, her eyes going straight to our joined hands. “What’s wrong?” I ask quietly, and she just shakes her head. I stop walking, and because I’m holding her hand, she stops also. She turns to look at me and then she looks away at Dylan, who is getting to the vehicle. “You look beautiful,” I say, and she turns again to look at me, but the sun is in her face, so she squints, closing one eye. “Every single day, I don’t think you can look more beautiful.” I close in on her, and now my frame blocks the sun from her face. “But every day I’m wrong.” I lean in and kiss her lips softly.

  “Mom!” Dylan shouts. “Justin, I’m starving, and it’s hot.”

  “I really have to check and see if there is a hole in his stomach,” she says while I laugh, and finally, I see her smile. “I’m not kidding.”

  “He’s a growing boy,” I say when we get to the SUV, and I open the door for her. “It just gets worse.”

  “Great,” she mumbles, climbing into the passenger side.

  When I pull into the same di
ner we ate at yesterday, Dylan already knows what he’s going to order. I wait to see if Caroline orders for herself, but she looks at the menu and then just orders a bowl of fruit. I order more than I’m going to eat, and I’m happy when she takes a bit of the eggs and a sausage. When I pay the bill, she starts to go through her purse. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “You’ve paid for breakfast this whole week,” she says. “Seriously, I can pay for breakfast.”

  “Yeah,” I say, draining the juice from my glass. “Good to know. You’re not going to but still good to know.”

  I slide out of the booth, and Dylan follows me and walks ahead of me. I wait for Caroline to slide out, and the dress has risen a bit, showing off her long legs. “Next time, I’m not going to order anything.”

  I shrug and grab her hand in mine. “It’s okay. I’ll order for both of us.”

  “I won’t eat.” She thinks she can one-up me.

  “I’m sure I can force-feed you.” I wink at her, and now I put my hand over her shoulder and pull her to me as she groans. “Eventually, you’ll eat.”

  She doesn’t say anything. Instead, we just walk to the SUV, and Dylan opens the back door. “I’m going to walk from here,” she says, and I look down at her. “It’s two blocks.”

  “It’ll take me thirty seconds,” I say, and she just shakes her head.

  “Give me a kiss,” she says to Dylan, who leans over and kisses her. “Have a good day at camp.”