Survive (Fight It Out Book 1)

by T M Kelly

“Do you miss it?”

  “Fighting? Oh yeah, but the gym helps scratch that itch.”

  I watched as his eyes looked away. He had an expression I couldn’t read etched on his face. “What? You’re not saying something.”

  He turned back toward me and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. If I could change anything about that last fight, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  “Is it true? It was your opponent’s fault?”

  He shook his head. “No, it was mine. I made a rookie move that cost me my career.”

  I thought about when the injury happened. All the news outlets that covered MMA fights flashed images of Julian in the hospital. He had bolts and rods pointing in all directions on his left leg. It was easy to see by each photo, he had messed up his leg pretty bad.

  One night, when I was out with my father, he’d told me some fighters can make a comeback with an injury. Then he’d stopped for a moment and finally said, “But that injury…he’s done.” My dad seemed so sad when he said the words.

  I didn’t know what to say to Julian. Everything that popped into my mind sounded dumb. He let out this deep sigh, which made me look directly at him. “What?”

  He grinned. Something I could definitely get used to. “Awkward silence sucks.”

  “Let’s fill it with something fun.” I paused for a beat. “Who’s your favorite fighter?”

  “Oh that’s easy, Johnny “The Punisher” Adams.”

  I was just taking a drink of water when he said my dad’s name. Somehow his words really caught me off guard, and I started to choke. I held my arms above my head. “Sorry.” I coughed. “The water went down the wrong tube.” Of course, I was lying.

  He pushed back his chair and stepped over beside me. “Lily, are you okay?” He patted my back.

  “I’m good. Thank you.” I reached back and grabbed his hand in between my coughing fits. “Sorry, what I was really going to say, The Punisher was one of the best.”

  “That’s right. He just passed away recently, didn’t he?”

  The words cut through me, and it took everything in me to not cry. “Uh, yeah. I think a few months ago.” Actually, it was four months, two days, and eight hours when my dad passed. Not that I was counting or anything.

  “Man, did they mention how he died?”

  I really didn’t want to have this conversation. “I need to go to the restroom.” I pushed my chair back a little too quickly and almost knocked over a server. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” I said, placing my hand on the poor woman’s arm and clearing my throat. “Excuse me,” I said awkwardly and started for the bathroom.

  As I pushed the door open, I could hear voices. I made my way to the end stall and closed the door quickly. I leaned my back against the tile wall. My dad’s death had not been a topic since moving to Las Vegas, and it was not something I was prepared to even discuss. Maybe I should’ve thought about what to say if his death came up in a conversation. I hated this whole situation.

  The voices started to die down, so I stepped out of the stall only to stop dead in my tracks. Julian was leaning against the door. “What are you doing in here?” I asked while trying to not look obvious as I wiped my tears away. “Did you miss read the sign on the door?” I teased and went to the sink to wash my hands.

  “Lily.”

  I stayed silent.

  “Hey,” he said, touching my arm. Something happened at that moment, and I flinched at his touch. He stepped back. “I’m sorry.”

  It was time to get my big girl panties out of the closet and put those suckers on. “What? Why are you sorry?”

  “You knew him, didn’t you?”

  This conversation just went from shitty to really shitty in a matter of seconds. There was a small couch in the corner of the bathroom. I walked over and sat down. “Yeah, I did.”

  “The way you’re acting, I’m guessing you both were family?” he said, sitting down beside me. “You have a different last name, though.”

  “That’s by design.”

  “I don’t understand?”

  “Daddy wanted me to build my career on my own.” I let the words fall from my lips without thinking.

  “Shit. Lily, I had no idea.”

  “No one does.”

  He reached for my hand. “I won’t tell anyone.”

  A little part of me felt relief someone besides Charlie knew. Then I got nervous because I still didn’t know my dad’s history with Julian. I stood up and turned to face him. Right when I wanted to ask him a question, two women walked into the bathroom.

  They both stopped in their tracks at the sight of Julian. “Um, is this a unisex bathroom?” the one woman asked.

  “No,” I quickly said and walked toward the door. “We’re just leaving.”

  I could feel my heart rate start to pick up. Julian was only a few steps behind me as we made our way back to the table. The food had been delivered, and I could see the steam billowing above each plate. I sat down and placed my napkin on my lap. The awkward silence was back again. This time because of what my big mouth shared. I was starting to feel the edges of regret creep up inside me. Thoughts moved around in my mind as images of my father appeared. He’d always shared everything with the public, except one thing: his daughter. I was off limits to the paparazzi.

  “Lily,” Julian whispered. I glanced up into those stunning green eyes. “Your secret really is safe with me.”

  I nodded. “Thank you.” Words had escaped me at the moment. On one hand, I felt relief. On the other hand…I felt scared. I didn’t know Julian well enough to trust he would keep this from curious ears.

  Just then the server walked up holding a Parmesan grater. “Would you like some grated cheese on your ravioli?”

  “Yes, please.” I leaned back in my chair, wishing this date was almost over. My pajamas were sounding pretty good at the moment.

  As the server walked away, Julian leaned forward. “Okay, you need to share some.”

  I looked at my plate and back at him. “You want me to share my food?”

  “Uh, yeah. That looks amazing.”

  “Well, it is. Have you ever tried a pasta dish at Chef Todd’s place?”

  “No.” Then he reached his fork over and sank the tines down deep into the ravioli. “Now seems like a good time to change that.”

  I slapped the top of his hand. “Get your own, mister.”

  He plunged the whole piece into his mouth and moaned.

  “Good, right?” I chuckled. “True story, the ravioli recipe my dad tried actually brought a tear to his eye. The meal was fucking good.”

  Julian held his plate up. “Want to trade?”

  “No,” I burst out laughing. “Order your own.”

  “I guess we will have to come back.”

  “Oh darn,” I teased.

  I don’t know what happened, but at that moment, I felt unusually comfortable with Julian. Like, this is exactly where I was supposed to be.

  Which felt odd but I was also curious to find out more.

  “Why did you let me order a side of ravioli?” Julian leaned against the three-foot cement wall and moaned.

  “Me?” I shook my head. “Don’t go blaming me. This is all on you.” We’d heard someone at the table next to us mention the fountain show was about to start, so we’d quickly made our way outside. “I don’t know why, but this never gets old.” I nodded toward the fountain.

  The show was exactly what it sounded like, but a hundred times bigger than what you would image. There were hundreds of nozzles that shot off in conjunction with a song played. It was fun to watch. Well, actually it was pretty damn impressive.

  There were a lot of people already there to watch the show, so we squeezed our way through the crowd to the front row. Julian surprised me by pulling my body close to his, which gave others more room to have the prime spot. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist. I could feel his breath next to my ear. “What should we do after this?” he whispered.

  The
sound of his voice sent shock waves down to my core. What was it about this guy that rendered me almost dumb? Okay, dumb was harsh, but my body did stop listening to my demands whenever he was around.

  “Um, go home.”

  He bent so we were facing one another. “Home?”

  “As in, I take you back to the gym, and I go home.”

  “Oh.”

  I patted his arm. “It’s for the best.”

  “Is it?”

  I could hear the sadness in his voice, which made me laugh. “You’ll be okay.”

  Just then the fountain show started, and Celine Dion’s voice rang out over the water. The moment I realized what song was playing, my body loosened, and my legs felt weak. Julian tightened his hold around my body. He whispered beside my ear, “I have you, Lily and I won’t let go.”

  It was Celine’s famous song, My Heart Will Go On that she wrote for the movie Titanic. Images of my father appeared in front of me as the song intensified. It felt too soon to be listening to these words. I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to go on.

  Tears started to fall on their own accord while my eyes stayed glued to the show. God, I missed my dad. I wanted to tell him about Julian, or how we had an amazing pasta dish at Olives. Instead, I had to feel emptiness in my chest.

  Then Julian rested his head on my shoulder directly next to my head. He pulled me in tighter and started to rock back and forth. The movements took me by surprise, and a sound escaped my lips. Julian turned my body to face him and never said a word. I rested my head on his chest and let the tears flow. It was the first time in a very long time I had let myself feel these emotions. Most days it was easier to ignore the pain and punch someone or something instead.

  A few minutes later, I noticed the song had ended, but I was still wrapped tightly in Julian’s arms. I leaned back to look up at him. He lifted his hands up and brushed his thumbs under my eyes. Then he placed his hands on either side of my face. “You okay?” he whispered.

  I had to find every ounce of strength still left inside me, and there wasn’t much. “I think so. I’m sorry.” I placed my hand on his chest. “I got your shirt all wet.”

  “Please don’t apologize,” he insisted.

  Something happened in that moment. I felt a sense of calm wash over me. Almost as if my dad was there and telling me he was okay. “I think I’m ready to head home.” I tried to step out of his embrace.

  “Lily,” he said, stopping me.

  “Yeah?”

  “I am sorry about your dad, and I promise I will never tell anyone.” He paused. “I know we don’t have the trust factor yet, but I wanted to say that again just so you know.”

  I stepped out of his embrace, needing that distance. “Thank you, Julian. That means a lot.”

  We started walking to where the valet was located at the front entrance of the casino. Julian surprised me by reaching for my hand and tugging me closer to his side. We stayed silent, but it was one of those moments where words were not needed.

  The valet brought my car up finally, and Julian reached his hand out to take the keys. “Let me drive.”

  I really had no desire to get behind the wheel, and I didn’t have the energy to protest. Dropping the keys in the palm of his hand, I walked over to the passenger side to slide in.

  The air was thick with each intake. I reached over and cranked up the AC and then rested my head back against the seat.

  “Lily. We’re at the gym.”

  I heard Julian’s voice but I felt confused. “What?” My eyes flew open. “Shit, did I doze off?”

  He was on my side, squatted down holding my hand. “It’s okay. It’s been a long day.” He squeezed my hand. “Want me to run you home?”

  “No,” I said, stretching. “I’ll be okay.”

  I hopped out of the car and started to make my way to the other side. “Will you be training me, or do I still have to work with Devon.”

  “I plan to fire Devon in about five minutes.”

  My eyes went wide. “What?”

  “From training you, not the gym.”

  “Oh, you scared me for a moment.”

  “What time should I expect you in?”

  It was already late. Plus, I had a feeling Charlie and I would be up late talking for hours. “Let’s do maybe three?”

  “I can do that.”

  Sitting down in the driver seat, I reached over and hit the button to roll down the window. “Thank you. I had a wonderful time.”

  “I did, too. I’m glad the gym approved.” He winked and tapped his hand twice before standing and walking toward the gym.

  I sat there for a moment, trying to take in all that had just transpired over the last several hours. Did I seriously just have the most amazing date with Julian Moore? I wanted to scream like a school girl again, but I held it in this time and started the engine. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Charlie.

  11

  “You up?” I yelled down the hallway as I threw my keys on the side table by the door. “Charlie?” As I approached her room, I could hear the TV blaring. I knocked lightly on her door. “Please tell me you’re up.”

  “Hey, sweets,” she said, pulling the door open. “I just hopped out of the shower. Why are you back so soon?” She winked and stepped aside to let me into her room.

  “Okay, can we say holy shit balls?”

  She stopped in mid-swipe with her deodorant stick. “What happened?”

  “C, I told him who my father was without thinking.”

  Charlie walked over and sat down beside me on the side of her bed. “Start from the beginning, and let’s go make popcorn. I have a feeling this is going to get juicy.”

  I swatted at her arm. “This is serious.”

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me close to her side. “I know, I know. But seriously, we all saw him kiss you outside the gym.” She fanned herself. “It was H-O-T, girl.”

  I threw myself back against the bed. “Fuck, what did I get myself into?”

  “Well, hopefully you didn’t get into anything just yet.” She winked. “Let me get dressed, and we can discuss all the sexy things about Julian Moore.”

  “Ugh,” I moaned, standing up and heading toward the door. “Popcorn and apples?” It was our favorite snack.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  I made my way down the hallway as I thought about Julian. The feel of his hands on my body steered my mind in a completely wrong direction. Then I could feel his mouth beside my ear, and I immediately felt over heated.

  “What are you doing?”

  I lifted my head at the sound of Charlie’s voice. Then I looked down at where my hands were located. “What?” I pulled my hands away from my breasts. I hurried over to the pantry. “Popcorn. Apples.”

  She burst out laughing and opened the cabinet by the stove to grab a large pot. “So the date was even hotter than that kiss outside the gym, eh?”

  “You all seriously saw him kiss me?”

  “Oh yeah, it was on the security camera.” She winked. “I could tell by your expression, he took you by surprise.” She poured some oil in the bottom of the pot and leaned her hip against the side of the counter. “Now, how the hell did Dad come up on this date?”

  I proceeded to give her the lowdown on all that happened. By the time I finished, the popcorn was popped, and I had cut up two honey crisp apples. “So yeah, this night caught me off guard.” I popped a piece of popcorn into my mouth as we carried everything into the living room. “Think I can trust he won’t tell anyone about my dad?” I asked as I sat down on the couch and placed the bowl of popcorn on the cushion in between us.

  “Honestly?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “I really do think you can trust him.”

  I crossed my legs in front of me and leaned my back against the side of the couch. “Tell me why you say that?” She flashed her dreaming smile. “Oh great, I know that look. Spill it.”

  “Brooks.” She fanned her hand in front
of her face. “I’ve been training once a week with him. Just by the few things he has said about Julian, I think you’re safe.”

  “Why are you training with him?”

  “I was struggling with my kicks. Brooks is skilled in Muay Thai.”

  “Oh, that’s awesome.” I placed a piece of popcorn at the end of a slice of apple and took a bite. “What did he say about Julian?”

  “Just trigger words like works hard, determined, loves the gym.” Charlie mirrored what I had just done with my apple slice. “Oh,” she said with a mouthful. “He did say the gym was started for a reason. I joked with him and said, yeah because Julian got injured.” Charlie shook her head. “Brooks told me that wasn’t the main reason. It was someone who helped and encouraged him to start the gym.”

  “Did Brooks say who this mystery person was?”

  “Nope and trust me, I asked like five different ways before he put me in the triangle hold to shut me up.”

  I threw a handful of popcorn at her. “You’re hilarious. He figured out how to shut Chatty Charlie up.”

  Her eyes went wide, and she reached into the bowl and quickly threw the biggest handful of popcorn at my face. “Oh, you think you’re funny, missy.”

  We were laughing as my phone rang. I stood up and ran over to the side table by the door and dug through my purse to grab my phone. “Hello,” I said while still laughing.

  “Am I missing something good?”

  The screen read unknown caller, so Julian’s voice caught me off guard. I inhaled and then started to choke on a piece of popcorn. In between grasping for air, I said, “Hold on.”

  Charlie hopped over the back of the couch and grabbed the phone and hit speaker. “I’m going out on a limb and guessing it’s Julian.”

  “Yeah, is Lily okay?”

  “Oh she’s fine. A little lonely but good.”

  I grabbed the phone and took it off speaker. “And she’s done,” I said while walking down the hallway to my bedroom. “Sorry about that.”

  “Are you lonely?”

  “Huh? No. I’m fine.”

  “Oh,” he said.

  “What? You want me to be?” I closed my bedroom door and then walked over to my bed to lie down. His voice sent shivers to my core. I rubbed my hand over my breast, wishing my clothes were off. My body was in need of a release desperately.