Love, Ally (Brooks University #1)

by Hannah Gray

  “Well, as a matter of fact, we have not. We’ve never even kissed.” She looks embarrassed, her cheeks growing crimson red. “It’s like he doesn’t find me attractive.”

  The waitress sets our plates down, and it smells absolutely amazeballs, causing my mouth to water.

  Picking up my fork, I point it at her. “Trust me, he thinks you’re attractive. Who wouldn’t?” I raise my eyebrows at her. “Buuuut … maybe he’s got a tiny penis, and he’s nervous for you to find out.”

  “To find out about his small penis?” she says, scrunching her face up.

  Twirling my fork into my pasta, I glance at her. “I mean, what could be more embarrassing than a tiny wiener for a man? Especially a baller.”

  She covers her mouth to hide her laughter. “Have you looked at him? There’s no way in hell his dick is small.” Her cheeks grow even redder, if that is possible. “Besides, I sort of know it isn’t tiny.”

  Whoa, Sloane said dick.

  “Wait, how do you know?”

  “Well, remember that time that we went to their house and you and Cole went for a walk, which ended up with you two fighting—shocker—which ended up with you running home, but I stayed and watched a movie?”

  I nod slowly, my eyes likely as big as the dinner plate. As I wait for more juicy details, I take a bite of pasta. “Yes.”

  “Well, we watched the movie in his bed, and he dozed off. He was tired after the game.”

  “And you … what? Like, took his dick out to see how big it was?” I ask, confused. Now, that would be fucking weird.

  “What? No! Oh my God, what is wrong with you? No!”

  “Sorry.” I shrug. “How do you know he’s got a big dong then?”

  “Did you just say don—” Putting her hand on her forehead, she rolls her eyes. “You know what? Never mind. As I was saying, we were watching a movie, he dozed off, and when he did, he pulled me against him.”

  Never blinking, I bob my head up and down in understanding. “He popped a chub.”

  “I mean, I was going to say he got excited in his sleep, but yes, he … popped a … chub.” She grimaces. “That’s a nasty way to put it. You are such a guy sometimes.”

  “Eh, I’m gross. What can I say?” I wipe my mouth with my napkin. “So, anyway, he got a boner, and it was large?”

  Her eyes widen. “Yes. Very.”

  Raising one eyebrow, I pull my mouth to the side. “So, he isn’t hiding a small peen … interesting. We must get to the bottom of this.”

  She acts irritated and then laughs. “The only other thing is …”

  “What?” I ask curiously.

  “Maybe I scared him away … at open mic night.” She covers her face up with her hands.

  “Why would you have scared him away?” I play dumb.

  I get it though—shit was hard to watch. I thought about running into the wall to injure myself and make a scene to get everyone’s attention off her. Or flashing my tits. Anything to make everyone stop watching Sloane slaughter a perfectly good song.

  She gives me a pointed look. “Ally, I sucked. I’m aware of this.”

  “You didn’t suck.” When I find her eyes narrowed at me, I shrug. “All right, fine. So, maybe singing isn’t in your future. Big deal. You got up there, and you did it anyway. I’m damn proud of you.”

  “Thanks,” she sighs. “At least I can dance.”

  “Hell yeah, you can.” Thank fuck for that.

  “Cole’s eyes didn’t leave you when you were on the stage. Neither did anyone else’s in the room. Your voice is amazing, Ally.” She smiles. “But the way he watches you, it’s beautiful. You are all he sees.”

  Nervously playing with my hair, I blow out a breath. “I know.”

  From the first moment we met, I’ve known I’m the only girl he sees. Like two stars, bound for nowhere, we collided, and instead of burning out, we became one.

  The secrets I’m keeping buried are eating me alive. I can’t have him close until I’m ready to tell him. But the truth is, I’m beginning to wonder why I’m fighting so hard to keep things hidden from a man who would die for me.

  I sat in the passenger seat of the social worker’s car. Gazing out the window at the endless trees we passed. Never really thinking about where I was going because honestly, I didn’t really care.

  This was the day I’d be moving in with a new family. I should have been scared or nervous or something. Some feeling, no matter how miniscule it might be. Yet there I sat, feeling nothing besides numbness.

  “This couple just took in another twelve-year-old. It’s a boy, but maybe you two will be friends.”

  She tried to make small talk. I found it annoying. I was exhausted from getting no sleep since my birthday five days before. All I wanted was for her to shut her piehole.

  I didn’t care about a twelve-year-old boy. I didn’t care about how many kids those assholes took in. I just wanted to be eighteen and on my own.

  “Here we are,” she muttered under her breath, pulling into the dirt driveway in front of a white double-wide trailer.

  Turning toward me, she offered me a small smile. “Home sweet home, Ally.”

  I refused to smile back. I simply turned my attention back to the window.

  “I’m sure you’re still grieving your mother, sweetie, but—”

  “I am not grieving my mother,” I cut her off. “Save your breath.”

  She sighed. “All right. Well, let’s go in and check it out. I’m sure they are anxious to meet you.”

  As we opened the car doors and made our way to the doorstep, it swung open, showing me a lady who had messy black hair, her eyes cold and ruthless. Beside her stood a man who had a bald head, except for some at the sides, making him look like Bozo the Clown. I instantly found him creepy, to put it mildly.

  The vibe I was getting from this couple was not good; it was dark. The social worker was nice. She had taken me to stay at other houses before when my mom wasn’t doing well. I knew I could tell her that I was uncomfortable, that they weren’t good people, and she would take me somewhere else. I seriously considered doing that.

  Until I saw him.

  He was sitting on a run-down swing set at the edge of the lawn. He was scrawny yet so handsome.

  My heart beat irrationally for an unfamiliar boy whom I knew nothing about. And when he saw us, he began to walk our way.

  And when his eyes met mine, I felt something I had never felt. I felt like I was home.

  It was like I knew him. Even though I knew that was impossible. I knew I’d never seen him before in my life. Yet, somehow, I felt like we were connected.

  He owned the same broken eyes that I did. And his mouth looked as though it had no idea how to form a smile. The same as mine.

  When he reached me, his eyes bored into mine, never faltering. Before finally, the most beautiful sight came to my eyes. That boy—that sad, tattered-clothes-wearing boy—he smiled. And though it looked like the most foreign thing for him, it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  And for once in my life, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be.

  “The angel,” he said quietly, nodding his head. “You’re finally here.”

  I shook my head and frowned. “No … Ally. My name is Ally.”

  When he came over to me, his eyes stared into mine, calming my nerves. “Ally, my angel.”

  twenty-seven

  Cole

  Another game, another win, leaving us undefeated in the season. That’s great and all, but I looked up in the seats where Ally and Sloane usually sit, and once again, they weren’t there. For her to stop coming to my games, she must be really fucking mad. Not that I can blame her, but honestly, I’m pissed too. She told me she hated me more than that bitch mother of hers. Told me she wished we’d never met. That shit was hard to hear even if I know those were words of anger and that she didn’t mean it.

  Seeing her the other night at the steak house sucked. I kept it together, never even gla
nced her way. But fuck me, it was hard.

  Walking out of the locker room, I prepare myself for the vultures that will undoubtedly be circling for interviews. I’m not ever excited to celebrate by talking to the press. I’d rather stick my dick in ice water than talk to those nosy bastards.

  They want me to fuck up and say something so that they can spin it into a story. They try to find one tiny imperfection, one minuscule insecurity, and pick at it until it’s a full-blown thing. Not to mention, they crowd my space.

  It’s hard for me to accept the fact that when you play for a D1 school, just like when you sign to play pro ball, you owe the world everything they want to know. Kiss privacy good-bye. Suddenly, it’s their God-given right to know your shit. And college is only the beginning. Once I make it into the NFL, this will seem like nothing. But I suppose that’s a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

  “Heads-up, brother, I had to give—” Knox starts to say from behind me but stops when he hears my phone ringing.

  Pulling it out, I frown at the unknown number. “Hello?”

  “Um, hi. Is this Cole?” a vaguely familiar, sweet Southern voice says softly.

  “Depends. Who’s asking?” I toss back. I don’t give my number out to anybody. So, I don’t have the slightest clue who this could be.

  “It’s Sloane, Ally’s friend and roommate. I got your number from Knox.” She’s quiet for a moment. “This is probably a mistake, and Ally will likely never trust me again, but I need you to come over here and … check on her.” She pauses, and I can hear the uneasiness in her voice. “Something … something just isn’t right. She hasn’t even left the room today. I don’t know, Cole. She’s a mess. I’m really worried.”

  I don’t have to hear any more. “I’ll be there in five,” I say quickly, almost ending the call but stopping myself. “Sloane? You still there?”

  “Yes.” She seems panicked.

  “Whatever you do, just don’t let her leave,” I say before ending the call. Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I head toward the parking lot.

  “Cole Storms! Hey, can I get a—Cole? Excuse me, we’d like an interview! Storms!” one reporter yells relentlessly.

  “Excuse me, I’d like to ask a few questions,” another one says, stepping in front of me.

  “Not today.” I try to keep my tone somewhat calm.

  “It’ll only take a few minutes.” She smiles, pulling out a pad of paper with no doubt a shit-ton of questions she’s concocted for me.

  “Not. Happening,” I say sharply before stepping around her.

  She attempts to catch me again, and I’ve fucking had enough. All I care about right now is getting to my girl. Fuck these people standing between her and me.

  “Fuck off. The answer is no.” I’m going to pay for that, I’m sure.

  Jogging to the parking lot, I hop into my truck. Once she purrs to life, I step on the gas. I’m glad Sloane knew she could call me, but I also know Ally is likely going to be fucking livid that she did. But she’ll have to get over it. She can’t push away everyone who loves her. Not anymore.

  Reaching forward, I lightly pound on the door a few times. “Ally? Open up.”

  Silence greets me.

  “Ally? Sloane? Open the fucking door, or I’ll kick it—”

  The door opens, and Sloane stands in the doorway.

  With her eyes wide, her face pales. “I can’t get her to talk to me. I don’t know what’s wrong. I came home, and she was just … like this,” she whispers, shrugging her small shoulders. “She was supposed to be at work today.”

  Looking past her, I see Ally’s body curled up on her side as she visibly shakes. Her dark brown hair is a mess all around her pillow.

  Moving around Sloane, I make my way to her bed. Lying down, I pull her against me. Which only makes her cry harder. Her petite body trembles against mine.

  “Shh …” I whisper against her hair. “I’m right here, baby. I’ve got you now.”

  I hear the door shut, telling me Sloane has left us alone. She’s a good friend to Ally. I’m thankful as fuck that she was around to call me.

  I have no idea what is going on with her. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her this wrecked, and that says a lot because we’ve had some really deep conversations about some even deeper, fucked up shit. But she was never this bad off.

  For the next hour, that’s all I do—I just hold her. I don’t speak; I don’t move. I just hold on to her so that she knows I’m here. So she knows I’m never letting go.

  When she finally calms down enough so that her breathing has slowed down, she pushes herself up to sit. Standing up, she walks over to her desk. She pulls out a piece of paper, folded into a square.

  Holding her arm out, she hands it to me. “Read it,” she says, moving her eyes to the floor.

  “Ally—”

  “Please, read it.”

  Slowly, I take the note. Unfolding it, I prepare myself for whatever the fuck could be written there. For whatever I’m about to see.

  To my Storm.

  I’m sorry that you’ve returned home, only to find me no longer here. I’m so sorry that not only am I gone, but I also didn’t get a chance to even tell you good-bye. Please know that I did not leave because I wanted to. I hope you know that I’d never leave you if it was my choice. Today was a very bad day, and I only wish I could be in your arms right now. Only then would I know I was safe.

  All my time on this earth, you have been my only family and the only person who has ever loved me. We have had each other’s backs since the day we met, and with you around, I always know I am protected. Protected from my fear of being alone, protected from the nightmares of the past, and protected from the monsters that roam this earth.

  I’ve also realized that the only home I’ve ever known is you, Cole. I’ve finally figured out that a home doesn’t always mean walls, a door, and a place to sleep at night. I know for me, it isn’t. To me, it is your familiar arms, your steady heartbeat against mine, your calming touch, and most importantly, your ability to love me. Growing up, I never knew what it was like to be loved, and the feeling felt so foreign to me. Yet somehow, I knew that’s exactly what it was with you. So, thank you for showing me that I’m not unlovable after all because it turns out, the greatest human being on this earth has loved me with so much grace and patience. God knows I don’t always make it easy.

  The birthdays that you made special, the times you held me when I needed to feel close to someone, and the storms we chased together, basking in them just to escape our shitty world for a while—those times were the best days of my life. You were the best days of my life. And my fondest memories are the ones I have of you and me.

  One day, I hope to see you and explain it all. And to tell you what happened on this horrible day, a day where they are forcing me to pack my things and leave you. But for now, that isn’t a burden that I want you to carry. You don’t deserve to cart around such a heavy load after all you’ve been through on your own.

  Promise me something, Cole. Promise me you’ll always stay optimistic. Promise me you’ll continue to see the good in the world, even when you have every reason not to. Promise me you’ll think of me often, but don’t let the memories of us dictate your future. Because, Cole, your future is so damn bright. So much brighter than this shithole town has so far granted you. Promise me you’ll chase your dreams but never let them make your life any less than wonderful. If you find yourself too overwhelmed with the pressure of the game or your needs are not being fulfilled, please take a step back. Just find happiness, and the rest will follow.

  I hope one day to see you. I hope one day to feel your lips on mine and your arms wrapped around my body. I hope one day to laugh so hard that I almost pee my pants again from one of your stupid-ass jokes. I hope to watch you play football from the stands, wearing your name and jersey number on my back and screaming way too loud. And I hope one day to sing for you again. I hope for all of those th
ings so damn much.

  But if that doesn’t happen, if we never find each other again, if life doesn’t grant us that gift, I know you’ll be all right. And that’s what will get me through. Because even though we’re as thick as thieves, I also believe in you on your own, without me. I always will. And I promise I will never stop being your biggest fan. And no matter where I am, know that I am rooting for you always.

  Thank you for being my favorite person in the entire world.

  Forever and always. In the good and in the grit.

  Love,

  Ally

  xo

  I stare at the letter for a few minutes. Processing that she did try to say good-bye, that she wanted to. She just couldn’t.

  “Thank you for sharing this with me,” I tell her. Folding the piece of paper up, I grip it in my hand. Like I’m scared it will magically disappear, taking her with it. “I should have known that you didn’t want to leave without a good-bye.”

  She sighs. “I wanted to leave you that letter, but when I left, it was abruptly. I tried to slide it under your pillow, but they came in before I could. I ended up having to bring it with me, so you never got to see it,” she tells me before moving her body between my legs. “I wanted you to see it so badly, Cole. I needed you to know that I wasn’t like everybody else in our lives. I didn’t choose to leave.”

  “Thank you. But I don’t understand. What’s going on today?” Reaching up, I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as she stands between my legs, looking down at me.

  “I think that the weight of the fight we had finally caught up to me,” she answers honestly. “You are the only person I’ve ever had in my corner, and I pushed you away to keep my secrets safe. Secrets that ate away at my soul for too damn long. I … cracked.” She shakes her head sadly. “No, actually, I broke.”

  Holding the letter up, I lean into her. “Can you tell me more … about everything?”

  Taking a deep breath, she blows it out shakily. “It was a few days before you got back from football camp,” she says, mindlessly digging her nails into her own palm. “I was in my room, and the younger kids were all outside. Marion had gone to the store or … something, and … Dave … he, uh …” she stutters. “He was home.”