Play It Again

by Aidan Wayne

  Rachel let out an excited squeal once she (presumably) turned the camera off. “I can’t believe it, we’re actually doing this.”

  “We were actually doing this since we found out about it three days ago.”

  “Yeah, but now we’ve filmed the video. It’s really real.”

  Dovid beamed. “Yeah.”

  “I want to edit it right now. No harm in slapping it up early.”

  “Oh yeah, for sure. And the sooner we tell people, the sooner they can start planning too.” The tickets were already up for sale on their website, had been since that morning once they’d clinched the meetup places, and it would only be a matter of time before the news spread. Better to let everyone know official details sooner over later, even though the explanations were on the website too.

  * * *

  The news spread like wildfire once the video went live, and England and Germany sold out in two days, Norway, France, and Ireland, not very far behind. It was really real, and it was really happening, and Europe was going to be amazing.

  And Ireland was their last stop. Sam had gotten Monday off (not Tuesday, but it was fine, that was fine), and Dovid was so excited he could explode. He and Sam talked pretty much nonstop, in between Dovid making videos and Sam working. They texted through the day, and called each other when they could and that was amazing too.

  * * *

  “I bought a ticket,” Sam said, smile evident in his voice. “For your meetup.”

  “What? Why? I—you didn’t have to—I was just going to have you come. I thought you knew that.”

  “Well, I wanted to make sure I had one. I didn’t want to take someone else’s seat; they were selling out so fast. Besides, it’s for a good cause. And I want to support you.”

  “Okay,” Dovid said after a minute. “Okay. Thank you. I—you still didn’t have to, because I was going to get you in, but thank you.”

  Sam chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

  “So what else did you do today?”

  “Oh, well, actually, I found something very interesting to read? Although a bit...erm...”

  “What? What is it?”

  “Did you know there’s fanfiction about us?” Sam blurted out.

  “What!” Dovid yelped. “You found that?”

  “So you did know, I’m guessing.”

  “Uh, well, yeah. It’s—sorry, I know it’s a little weird. But people have been writing fanfiction about me for years. I get paired up with a bunch of different people. Rachel thinks it’s hilarious.” She also avoided stories about herself like they were the plague, which, at least, gave Dovid some revenge fodder. Especially since she had, recently, brought “Dovid (Don’t Look Now)/Playitagainsam (Video Blogging RPF)” to Dovid’s attention. (“Look, there’s one where he’s a barista at a coffee shop! Whoa, it was released two months ago and it’s got like fifteen hundred kudos.”

  “Please stop talking.”)

  “There’s a website that has over four hundred stories that feature Dovid from Don’t Look Now and Sam the Let’s Player,” Sam said. “My brother found it through Tumblr.”

  “Oh my god, I am so sorry.”

  “It’s perfectly alright! Just a little odd. He promised he hadn’t actually read any of it, which I was quite relieved by.”

  “No, yeah, that is a dangerous road to go down. I’ve read a little bit, sometimes for the camera, but yeah, don’t do that to yourself.”

  “Don’t worry, I’d be much too embarrassed to read anything that starred me in it. Besides, some of them are, ah, very highly rated? In terms of graphic detail. Apparently. There’s a whole rating system. They range from G to quite explicit.”

  “Sam, Sam, please back away from Archive of Our Own and don’t look back.”

  “Oh, you know this website, then?”

  Dovid sighed. “Yeah, I do. And I know about those stories too. Every so often I check, just to know what’s been happening. And fans also tell me sometimes. Boundaries are kind of loose, for some of them. But really, it’s a path you don’t want to go down.”

  Besides, it was absolutely unfair that fans got to write about Dovid with Sam while Dovid wasn’t able to actually do anything.

  Though that would be changing in a couple of weeks.

  * * *

  “This is so cool,” Dovid enthused. “I’m calling you at nine on a Saturday and there’s only an hour time difference instead of eight. It’s morning for both of us. I mean, I’m still jet-lagged out of my mind, so it sort of feels like I’ve been up way too late, but my point stands.”

  Sam laughed. He had such a nice laugh, and Dovid loved how often he got to hear it now. “I almost can’t believe it. I see you so soon. You don’t even know how happy I am. People at work think I’m absolutely manic, I’ve been so giddy.”

  “I can take a guess at how happy you are, because I’m so excited I might pop. I mean, Norway was fantastic and Germany is amazing so far, but I am really, really, really looking forward to Ireland.”

  “I’m looking forward to you being in Ireland too. Funny, that.”

  I love you. No, it was still too soon to say it out loud. Even if they’d been talking for months, even if it had been mentioned that one time on his channel, even if Rachel already knew, Dovid didn’t want to freak Sam out. Maybe he could say it when they finally met in person. That was probably for the best. He’d held it in this long.

  They were just so close.

  Dovid cleared his throat. “Yeah. So what have you got going on today?”

  “Not much. Just doing some chores about the place. Cleaning up, doing laundry, you know, the mundane things.”

  “Making it nice for me when I come by?” Dovid teased. “You know I can’t see the mess.”

  “Oh, I know,” Sam said, “But I want to make it as easy as I can for you to get around. I’ve just been moving furniture about, in case you’re able to pop by.”

  Dovid almost choked. “Sam, you—you don’t have to rearrange your apartment for me.” That was too much. God, how did Sam always manage to make Dovid like him more every day. “I’m sure I’ll be fine figuring it out, with some help. Besides, what about your ribs?”

  “Those have been better for ages, you know that. It’s no trouble, really. I know how you like to be independent. And rightly so. So if there’s anything I can do to make that more possible, I want to. Besides, it’s actually quite fun; I haven’t redecorated in a long time, and this is giving me a chance to figure out a new layout. I’m learning how to make a lot more space.”

  “If, uh, if you’re sure.”

  “Oh, definitely. Now then, what’s in the cards for you today?”

  “It’s a Germany day. We’re doing the meetup tomorrow afternoon, so today our hosts are taking us around to a couple of different tourist places and restaurants. Rachel and I are making sure we get to the Holocaust Memorial. We’re not sure if we’re going to be making a video about it or not though. Our fans all know we’re Jewish and stuff, and the memorial is something we’ve both been talking about for a long time, way before this tour, but it’s a pretty serious topic. And we’d want to treat it with the solemnity it deserves. I’m not sure how I feel about us filming there.”

  “Maybe for that you could just do a talking vlog, instead of one where you film at the site,” Sam suggested. “Because you’re right, if it’s an important topic and means a lot to you, you should absolutely share that with your viewers if you want to. Just maybe a short video of how it made you two feel?”

  “Yeah, maybe. I mean...we’re fifth generation on my dad’s side, but only second gen on my mom’s. Her parents came over to escape from the Holocaust. My, um, my grandfather survived one of the camps. He’s got the numbers on his arm and everything.” One of the big, few regrets that Dovid had about not being able to see. But sometimes, when he held his grandfather’s hand, he co
uld almost feel the ink, with how heavy it was.

  “Wow,” Sam said quietly. “That’s a big, personal connection for you.”

  “Yeah. And we’ve talked about serious topics before on the channel.”

  “Then absolutely. And you don’t even have to release it as part of the tour videos. You could always make it and put it up later on.”

  “That’s a good idea. Maybe, like, wait a month.”

  “Right,” Sam said, sounding encouraging. “Do that.”

  “I’ll talk about it with Rachel. Thank you.”

  “Of course.”

  “Dovid! Come on!”

  “Speaking of Rachel, I think she’s about to kick my door in,” Dovid said, disappointed. “We’re meeting our hosts for filming at this local breakfast place.”

  Sam chuckled. “By all means, don’t keep her waiting.”

  “Yeah...”

  “Dovid.”

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s Saturday, and we’re only an hour apart. You can call me anytime today. And we can also text, if you can’t call. I’ll be able to answer right away, since I won’t be at work.”

  Dovid perked up. He’d almost forgotten. “Right! Yeah, I—”

  “Doviiiiiiiid.”

  “Shit, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later. Love you!” He hung up. And only then did he register what he’d said.

  Rachel finally burst into the room to find Dovid clutching his phone, focused on nothing.

  “Dovid, you ready? I gave you ages to talk to Sam. Come on, we don’t want to keep our hosts waiting.”

  “Right,” Dovid said faintly. He’d said it. He hadn’t meant to say it, but he’d absolutely meant it.

  And now he had a full morning of filming, and his next break probably wouldn’t be until at least eleven.

  Fuck.

  He hoped Sam wouldn’t mind. Dovid didn’t need him to say it back, just—Dovid was that kind of person. He said what he felt. It worked well for camera! And he’d said it on camera before, that he was in love. But he hadn’t actually said the words to Sam. It was a conclusion that Sam probably had come to though. Maybe?

  Sam was so, so important to him. Dovid was in deep here. That’s why he kept second-guessing himself.

  “Dovid? What’s the matter?”

  Dovid shook his head. Knock it off. He’d talk to Sam like an actual adult person, and they’d talk this out. Now wasn’t crisis time, it was work time. “Nothing. Let’s go.”

  * * *

  If Sam didn’t stop smiling, his head was going to pop off. He squeezed his eyes shut, playing the words over and over in his head. Dovid loved him. Dovid loved him. He’d said it. To Sam. Not being cheeky to an audience of viewers, but to Sam. And he’d—he’d said it so matter-of-fact, like it was natural. Like it was only natural that he loved Sam.

  He went through the next fifteen minutes in a happy haze before he froze in realization.

  He hadn’t said it back.

  Oh no, he hadn’t—Dovid had hung up before Sam had been able to reply. Clearly that needed to be remedied. But should he just send a text? That didn’t seem good enough. Dovid had said it aloud, Sam wanted to do the same. But Dovid was filming now, and Sam didn’t know his schedule. While Sam had nothing pressing to do today, Dovid was working and it was his schedule that would dictate when they next spoke.

  Hm.

  Sam Doyle: Hey there. Give me a call when you can? I have something to say, and I’d rather do it over the phone instead of with text.

  There now, that would work, wouldn’t it? When Dovid called, Sam could tell him he loved him back.

  Still beaming, Sam went to mess around with his furniture a bit more.

  * * *

  When filming was over for the time being and they had done their teardown, Dovid excused himself from his hosts for a minute so he could check if he’d gotten a message from Sam—or so he could send one himself. When he plugged in an earbud to hear what Sam had written, he had to swallow hard. Sam had something he wanted to say over the phone. That—that couldn’t be bad, could it? Of course not. Neither had done anything to make this a bad phone call. Dovid hoped. He had, after all, used the L-word directly but...

  He hadn’t thought Sam would care.

  No, he was being stupid. He was twisting himself into knots over nothing. He didn’t have to wait hours to get a reply from Sam and stew, he could literally call him right now.

  So, he did, waiting nervously while the phone rang.

  “Dovid!” At least Sam sounded pleased. “How did filming go?”

  “Really well,” Dovid said trying for a smile. “I’m so full now. We tried like five different dishes. I see what the fuss is about German sausage.”

  “Good, I’m glad you had fun.”

  “Yeah. We’re going to go to the next location soon so I can’t talk for very long, but, uh, you wanted to say something?”

  “Yes! Only I wanted to tell you that I love you too. Since you hung up before I was able to say it back.”

  Dovid couldn’t breathe. He’d hoped, he’d hoped but hearing it was...

  Wow, it was something else.

  “Dovid? Are you there?” Now Sam sounded uneasy. “Was it alright for me to say that?”

  Dovid hurried to say, “No! I mean yes. Yes, of course, god, of course it’s okay. I’m—wow. Wow, um.” He laughed, half nervous, half so happy he could barely think. “Wow.”

  * * *

  “Hello, everybody, I’m Sam, and welcome to another episode of Let’s Play Dire Straits. Now, I’m sure some of you are wondering about why this video is being uploaded on a Tuesday of all times, instead of this Friday. Well, that’s because I’m having some friends visit from out of town, and I wanted to make sure to have all the time to spend with them that I could. I’ve been looking forward to this visit for quite some time, you see, and they’ve traveled a long way to come to Ireland.

  “Anyway, that’s my explanation. Though you didn’t come to my channel for that, you came for Dire Straits. So back to business, when we last left off...”

  Once his video was done and rendering he turned his phone back on.

  Dovid Rosenstein: Plane landed safely! Shortest plane trip of my life. Now we’re out to dinner. I’ll call you when we’re at the Airbnb?

  Sam Doyle: Please do. I’ll look forward to it.

  He was still a little sad that he hadn’t been able to go meet Dovid at the airport, but Dovid had told him just how much of a crowd there would be and that he and Rachel would mostly be hustled to a waiting car. But it was fine. It gave him time to record his video tonight.

  Dovid’s phone call came just as Sam’s video went live.

  “Hey you,” Dovid said, voice warm. “How’ve things been?”

  “Very nice,” Sam told him. “Quiet, but I like the quiet.” And it was good that everything around him was relaxing, because he felt he was about to rattle out of his skin. “Did you have a nice dinner?”

  “Yeah. They took us out to a pub, and we filmed. Surprise.” A laugh. “We’re basically always filming.”

  “It’s your job, as much as IT is mine.”

  “Yeah. Well. Don’t worry, being with you, the camera is definitely staying off. In part because Rachel won’t be following us around the whole time. I mean you’ll get to meet her, obviously, but yeah. She’s pretty adamant that we get alone time.”

  “I’m looking forward to meeting her. But I’ll admit I’m looking forward to meeting you more.”

  “Aw. I am so looking forward to meeting you. Tomorrow. I can’t believe it’s tomorrow. I get to touch you tomorrow.”

  “I can’t wait,” Sam told him honestly. “I wish I didn’t have to work, so I could see you before the meetup.”

  “I know, I know. But still—you’ll come and see me actually do my
stuff live, and then after the crowd leaves you’ll stay and we’ll actually be able to talk and—god I can’t believe it.”

  “Are you really sure you won’t want to go out to dinner afterwards?” Dovid, instead of planning to go to a restaurant or pub, had decided to have dinner in, with Sam, at the Airbnb.

  While Rachel went out on her own with their hosts to dinner.

  “Are you kidding? And miss out on getting to have you to myself? Rachel volunteered to leave us alone but if she hadn’t I probably would have blacklisted her.”

  Sam had to laugh. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

  “I am so fucking sure.”

  * * *

  Dovid was almost finished setting up at the meetup location when his WhatsApp rang with Sam’s ringtone. Beaming, he answered his phone. “Hey, Sam! We’re almost done and should be letting the crowd in soon. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Dovid! I’m so sorry.” Sam sounded panicked. “I’m so sorry. I got home from work and tried to get ready for your meetup and I just—the thought of so many people—I—I’m so sorry. I haven’t even left my flat yet. I’m going to be late. I’m sorry.”

  Dovid tried to shove down the disappointment, in lieu of helping Sam calm down. “It’s okay. Really. I get that the crowd is a lot for you. Are you, um, are you sure you’ll be able to come?”

  “I...” Sam did not sound any less panicked. “I—I can. I want to. I can.”

  “Sam, it’s really okay. There are going to be a lot of people, and it’s going to be loud and a little chaotic and not at all quiet or zen. It’d be really out of your comfort zone.”

  A shaky breath. “Yes. Oh I know. But—but I still, I’m sure if I—”

  Dovid desperately wanted Sam there. To see Dovid live and in his element. To be there so Dovid could see him as soon as possible.

  But Dovid wanted Sam comfortable more than anything else. “Sam, don’t come. It’s fine.”