A Beautiful Arrangement

by Beth Wiseman

  Lydia thought about the woman in the red dress again. Maybe she wasn’t either twin. Maybe Delila had a daughter, although how would Margaret have a photo of a niece unless Delila sent it to her? That seemed unlikely. Either way, she didn’t know enough about Englisch clothing styles to even guess how long ago the photo was taken. Beverly hadn’t been sure either.

  Dr. Finley stood and held her arm across the desk. “You did a good thing by stopping to help this woman. At least she’ll receive proper care during her final days. You’re welcome to stop by her room and see her. I don’t know what day she’ll be relocated. So much paperwork for these things.” After they’d shaken hands, Dr. Finley handed Lydia a brochure. “This is where she’ll be.”

  Lydia thanked her, put the pamphlet in her purse, and left. She was almost to the hospital exit when she went back to the elevator. Even though she was relieved that Margaret wouldn’t be roaming the streets, it seemed wrong not to have some sort of closure with the woman who had saved her life.

  When she walked into room 426, Margaret was lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. Her arms were secured to the bedrails, and Lydia wished she hadn’t come. Then Margaret looked at her, and the woman’s bottom lip began to quiver.

  “Delila, they have me tied up. I must have done something bad again.”

  Lydia edged forward, cautiously. “I think they’re just worried you’ll get hurt. Are you in any pain?”

  “It doesn’t matter. You’re here now.” Her lip still trembling, she managed a smile. “Will you sit with me for a spell? I’ve missed you so much.”

  Lydia wanted to be home before Samuel arrived, and she still had to call a driver and pick up Mattie. “I can’t stay long. I have to get . . .” She didn’t want to mention Mattie—although Margaret couldn’t hurt her daughter from an institution. “I have to get home soon.”

  “Ya, we’ll go home soon.” Margaret scrunched up her face. “Why were you gone two weeks? I was worried.”

  Lydia didn’t want to lie, but Margaret clearly didn’t realize that when Delila left, it was for good—and for a lot longer than two weeks ago. “Well, I’m here now,” Lydia said as she tried to smile.

  “Why haven’t you brought Rebecca to see me?” Tears formed in her eyes. “It’s been too long. I’ve seen you with her. You’ve been keeping her away from me, but I don’t know why.”

  Lydia’s temples throbbed. She didn’t know what to say.

  “I was in an accident. A blue truck hit me. But I’m all right now. Can you please bring Rebecca to see me?” Now the tears trailed down Margaret’s face. “Please. I have an odd feeling I’m going to die. I know I’ll go to hell, but my dying wish is to see Rebecca.”

  Lydia didn’t believe God would send anyone with Margaret’s disabilities to hell. “Do you want me to ask a member of the clergy to come and speak to you about that, Margaret? I don’t think you’ll go to the devil.” Lydia recalled briefly wondering that about herself, whether God would deny her a place in heaven. But she realized He wouldn’t. Lydia and Samuel had sinned, but Jesus had died for their sins.

  “Ya, I will. I made a boppli, and I wasn’t married.” She cried harder. “And Gott stopped loving me.”

  Lydia recalled the shame she’d worked so hard to overcome. “Gott doesn’t stop loving us, not even when we make bad choices. A boppli is a gift, and it’s His grace that frees us from shame.” The moment she said the words, she realized she hadn’t worked to shed her shame. She’d leaned on God, and He carried it for her, allowing her the freedom to work through her situation in a way that might make sense. Despite all her back and forth about whether God had called her to help Margaret, she felt sure He had.

  “Ben loved me. We were going to get married at mei haus.” Margaret sniffled. “But he moved to another town after you left with mei boppli.”

  Lydia fought the knot building in her throat and wondered if Margaret really did have a daughter out in the world somewhere. And could this be true about the man named Ben? If so, Lydia’s heart hurt even more for Margaret. Maybe that’s why she no longer wanted to live in her house. It was supposed to be the place she got married and raised a family.

  Squeezing her eyes closed, Margaret sobbed. “I can’t even wipe mei own eyes.”

  Lydia pulled a tissue from the box nearby and dabbed at Margaret’s eyes.

  “Danki, Delila.” Sniffling, she said, “Can you take me home?”

  “I can’t do that. It’s best you stay here.” Lydia needed to tell Margaret goodbye and leave before her own waterworks started.

  “Then I’m begging you to please bring Rebecca to see me!” Margaret’s cries were so loud that two nurses rushed into the room.

  One of the women checked the restraints while the other one said, “I’ll give her a sedative.”

  “Nee! Please, Delila. Please don’t let them give me more drugs that confuse me. Just promise to bring Rebecca to see me!”

  Lydia swallowed hard. It was all just too heartbreaking. “Okay.”

  Chapter 20

  Samuel stopped to see his parents on the way home from work, and then he promised them he and Lydia would stop visiting so often. His mother said they loved them but insisted they were doing fine. Samuel was relieved their health had improved. He was also glad he could go straight home more often.

  Lydia had called to say she and Mattie were fine, but they’d be home late. Then she asked if he could please bring home a pizza. She’d never asked him to do that, and it sounded like a nice, affordable treat.

  When she got home, they decided to feed Mattie, get her bathed and down for the night, and then enjoy supper alone. Lydia said she had a lot to tell him. By the time they sat down with the pizza, Samuel was starving. As Lydia told him about her day, he realized his love for her was growing daily as he learned more about her. His wife was compassionate. He’d known that, but the quality seemed to shine brighter than in the past. Maybe he hadn’t been paying close enough attention.

  But when she got to the part about taking Mattie to see Margaret tomorrow . . . He didn’t want to be demanding or tell her what to do, but he was sure that was a terrible idea. Yet he’d learned that forbidding Lydia to do something only made her want to do it more. Samuel just needed to help her think it through.

  “Are you sure that’s a gut idea?” He spoke softly before he took a bite of pizza.

  “Her arms are strapped to the bedrails.” His wife’s voice cracked as she shook her head. “It’s just awful. I wanted to run out of there and never see Margaret again, but when someone tells you something is their dying wish, it’s hard to say no.”

  Samuel didn’t have an argument for that except about Mattie’s safety.

  “Mattie will be safe,” Lydia said before he could say anything. “There’s an entire hospital staff, and she can’t hold Mattie. She believes Mattie is her dochder, Rebecca.” Her voice shook even more as she locked eyes with him. “Can you even imagine someone denying us time with Mattie, keeping her away from us?”

  Samuel shook his head. “Nee, I can’t. So, then, Margaret got pregnant, and her schweschder ran off with her boppli?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe her schweschder had a boppli and Margaret just thought it was hers. Today, she didn’t even remember that she knows how to drive.” Lydia had only taken one bite of pizza. “It was just so hard. She called me Delila too.”

  “Maybe there is no Delila or boppli.” Samuel eyed the last slice of pizza, but he wiped his mouth and put down his napkin. Lydia should have it.

  “Nee, both your parents and Sarah Mae said Margaret had a twin schweschder who left a year or two after their parents were killed, and they all remembered her name was Delila. And the existence of a baby named Rebecca must be why Margaret’s always kept the nursery so clean.” She blinked her eyes a few times. “Ach, Samuel, Margaret’s been waiting all this time for Delila and Rebecca to return home.” She covered her face with her hands before looking back at him. “Margaret also told me s
he’d been in love with a man named Ben, who I assume is the father of her child. She said they were supposed to get married in her haus.” She shook her head, sniffling. “It’s just all so heartbreaking.”

  Samuel had to agree. “Do you think anyone will try to find Ben?”

  Lydia shrugged. “I don’t know. I doubt it. He left her all those years ago. Maybe he had similar problems, like Margaret. Who knows? I guess if anyone finds Rebecca, who might not know the truth, it will be up to her whether or not to seek out her father.”

  Samuel wasn’t going to try to talk Lydia out of visiting Margaret. He didn’t think he could, even if he wanted to. After she’d eaten another bite of her pizza, Samuel asked, “How was Beverly?”

  “Heartbroken. What about Joseph?”

  “The same.”

  “Do you think he’ll be able to forgive her?” Lydia nodded to the last slice of pizza. “I’m not going to eat that, so go ahead.”

  Samuel reached for it and put it on his plate. “I hope so. I thought they were cute together. I liked watching them be so playful and falling in love.”

  A dreamy expression filled Lydia’s face. “Ya, me too.” She set down her slice of pizza and leaned over and kissed him, something he’d never tire of. “I know we started out living vicariously through our friends, but now we’re finding our own way. She smiled. “Even if Joseph and Beverly don’t reconcile and get back together, let’s not let our progress slow.” Grinning, she added, “I’m enjoying getting to know mei husband.”

  Samuel thought he heard a but coming.

  “But I wish we weren’t married yet so that when we said our vows, we truly meant them.”

  Samuel was thankful that her but hadn’t led to anything worse, but this was a regret he also had. “During devotions later, we should pray for Beverly and Joseph, for Gott’s will to be done but also to help them see that love really does conquer all.”

  Lydia smiled again. “That’s a wunderbaar idea.” He knew they’d be praying for their own relationship too. “We’ll pray for Margaret and her situation as well.”

  His wife kissed him again. “I lieb you.”

  “I lieb you too.”

  * * *

  It was dark by the time Joseph got to Beverly’s house. Susan would be asleep, which would be good in case anyone cried. Joseph realized he was just as apt to cry as Beverly might be. He wasn’t ready to resume a courtship with her; maybe he never would be. But he would forgive her. She needed that, and he needed it too. Carrying his hurt and anger was like having a weight around his neck.

  Beverly opened the door before he knocked. “Joseph, what are you doing here?” She wore a long white robe and had a scarf draped over her head.

  “I’m sorry I came so late. Can I come in? I won’t stay long.”

  Her face lit up, and Joseph felt like a heel. She probably thought he wanted them to see each other again. “Ya, of course. I can make some coffee if you’d—”

  “Nee.” He took off his hat and held it at his side. “I just want to tell you that I forgive you for lying about Susan.”

  She threw her arms around him. “Danki, danki. I’m so sorry. I handled that so badly.”

  Joseph wished he hadn’t come. This was harder than he’d thought it would be. He gently eased her away. “I do forgive you”—he paused, hoping he would put this in a way that wouldn’t make her cry—“but I still don’t want to date you.” Shaking his head, he said, “It was just too many lies. I don’t know how to get past that.”

  She lowered her head, and when she looked back at him, she had tears in her eyes. “I understand.”

  Joseph didn’t think she did. His heart was breaking, and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and hold her for the rest of his life. But if he didn’t leave soon, he would cry too. He was a grown man, but he’d never cried as much as he had over detaching himself from Beverly. Adding to his pain was the fact that he’d grown to love Susan almost as much as he loved her mother. The thought of not seeing the baby again was also proving to be harder than he’d thought.

  Joseph put his hat back on. “I need to go. But I did want you to know I forgive you.”

  She nodded before he turned to leave.

  “Joseph.”

  He slowly turned around.

  “Danki for coming to offer me forgiveness. I’m trying hard to forgive myself.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

  Joseph took a deep breath. “Gott forgave you, and I forgive you. It’s time you forgive yourself.” Turn around. Leave. Go home. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, and he feared he would miss her for the rest of his life.

  She took a step closer to him, sniffling. “I understand and respect your feelings, but you should know something else.”

  He waited, hoping it was something bad, something that would make him stop loving her.

  Her lip trembled. “I lieb you. That won’t change. But I know you’ll find someone else, and she’ll be a blessed woman.”

  Joseph opened his mouth to say something, but then he turned around and left. He didn’t even make it to his buggy before he started to cry. Again.

  * * *

  Sobbing, Beverly watched Joseph from the window. She’d been foolish to think he was coming back to her, willing to resume where they’d left off. Like Chriss, Joseph just didn’t love her enough. Their reasons were different, and Beverly took most of the blame for this relationship falling apart, but the hurt would be with her for a long time.

  She’d been surprised to hear about the way Samuel and Lydia had begun their relationship, but she was happy her friends were working toward a more romantic marriage. Why couldn’t God grace her with a lifelong love? She thought it had been Enos, but he’d been taken from her at a young age. Then she’d thought it was Chriss, but any man who couldn’t love Susan like his own wasn’t the right person either. Joseph was everything she wanted in a man. And she’d blown it by lying. How silly she’d been to think he would be happy to hear that Susan was her daughter.

  She vowed right then and there to never tell another lie. She knew in her heart she’d never fall in love with another man the way she had with Joseph. It was her penance that he chose not to be with her. Joseph had all the qualities she’d loved about her husband. He was honest, a hard worker, good with children, handsome . . . and there was a kindness about him she’d picked up on right away. But it was Joseph’s humor, the way he was constantly smiling, and his zest for life that made Beverly realize he was the one for her. She’d loved Enos with all her heart, but if the man had one fault, it was his lack of laughter, and he seldom smiled.

  But now I’ve lost Joseph too.

  * * *

  Lydia snuggled next to her husband that night, and as they grew emotionally closer, they were also becoming more physical with each other. It was slow, and Samuel had more patience than she deserved. But as she grew less nervous about what was surely going to happen soon, something else bothered her.

  Even though she and Samuel were married, it didn’t feel like they’d earned the right to be together intimately. Marriage was a union blessed by God, and on the day of her wedding, she hadn’t meant one single thing she said. The vows she barely remembered saying had been meaningless, and she didn’t love Samuel then. In a way, she and Samuel had lied to each other, in God’s name.

  Her unresolved feelings about their marriage vows—and what they should have meant—stayed in her thoughts, more so lately. She wasn’t even sure she realized it until she and Samuel began to form more of an emotional connection. She wanted to tell him how she felt now and not stay trapped in the emotions that still plagued her sometimes. But even though they’d come a long way, she wasn’t sure he’d understand.

  When he began snoring, a sound she now found comforting, she shifted her thinking. Tomorrow she would take Mattie to the hospital to see Margaret. It was the woman’s dying wish to see her baby, and Mattie would play the part. Then Lydia wouldn’t have to see her again. She’d been
glad Samuel hadn’t put up a fight about her plan.

  * * *

  When Lydia arrived at the hospital the next morning, she wished she’d waited until Mattie was in a better mood. Her latest tooth still hadn’t pushed through the surface, and even the herbal balm didn’t seem to be giving her much relief. Her daughter wiggled and fussed as they walked the halls of the hospital to Margaret’s room.

  Lydia’s chest tightened as she pushed open the door to room 426, then it clenched even more when she saw that Margaret’s arms were no longer restrained. She would want to hold Mattie, and Lydia wasn’t comfortable with that. She briefly considered leaving, but Margaret had already seen them.

  Mattie continued to wiggle and fuss, but Lydia held her extra tight and prayed for God to place a protective canopy over them.

  “You came.” Margaret stretched out her long arms as she began to weep. “Bring her to me. Come here, Rebecca. I’ve waited so long.”

  Before, Margaret said Rebecca had been gone for two weeks. Now she thought they’d been gone much longer.

  Lydia didn’t move for a couple of seconds as she considered getting a nurse to come supervise the visit just in case Margaret went crazy. What if she did something to Mattie? Then Lydia realized Mattie had stopped wiggling and fussing, and when Lydia slowly moved toward Margaret’s bed, Mattie nearly jumped from her arms and into Margaret’s.

  “Ach, mei little boppli.” She held Mattie up a little, which caused Lydia’s heart to pound. The instinct to snatch her child and run out of the room was strong, but when Mattie giggled, her nerves settled a little. Margaret brought the baby to her chest and cuddled her, and Lydia sat down in the chair beside the bed, pulling it as close to Margaret and Mattie as she could get it.

  “We can’t stay very long,” Lydia said. “But I promised you a visit.”

  “You are the most beautiful little person in the world.” Margaret’s eyes glistened as she spoke tenderly to Mattie. “I’ve missed you so much.”