“Oh my god. This is either the best soup I’ve ever had, or I’m starving.”
Alex smiled. “I doubt the first option is true, but thank you.”
“Seriously.” Emily brought the bowl up to her lips, abandoning the spoon. “You can make me this ramen any day of the week.”
Alex couldn’t help watching Emily. She made little moans between sips, closing her eyes as she did, and by the time she finished, Alex wasn’t even halfway through her bowl. “I can make more if you’d like. I didn’t think about it, but this is probably all you’ve eaten today.”
“As much as I’d like seconds, I want to keep this down. But I might beg for more tomorrow. You really sure you’re okay with me staying here?” Emily didn’t pause long enough for Alex to answer before saying, “I think your brother’s right and I shouldn’t fly tomorrow morning, but I feel so much better. I can go back to Katherine’s. And you don’t need to get me a ticket.”
“Would you rather stay at Katherine’s?”
“No. I’d rather stay with you.”
Alex’s heart seemed to murmur “I told you so” to her wary brain. Still, everything felt shaky between them. “I have so many free miles it’s ridiculous. Let me get you a flight. It’s nothing to me.”
Emily shook her head. “I’d need to pay you back somehow.”
“You wouldn’t need to because I’d be happy that I could help. It’d make me feel chivalrous.” That was a good excuse anyway. Alex tipped the bowl to her lips and finished off the last of the broth with a moan. “No matter how many times I eat this ramen, it doesn’t get less good.”
“And you were teasing me about selling sofas.”
“You saying I could sell you on ramen?”
“You could sell me buckets of ramen. You could sell me on a lot more than ramen, actually, but yes.” Emily yawned. “Sorry. Suddenly I’m sleepy again.”
“I’ll go set up the guest room,” Alex said, standing up.
“You don’t have to. I’m fine on your couch. I’m used to couches, and yours is a huge upgrade from Gianna’s.”
“You wouldn’t prefer a bed?” Alex picked up their bowls and carried them to the sink.
“Truthfully, I’d rather sleep in your bed. With you. But I know that’s probably not a good idea. And if this the start of a cold or something you might catch—”
“I’m not worried,” Alex interrupted. “I don’t think you have something infectious. I think it’s the combination of too many tequila shots and getting dunked in the hot tub. The altitude probably didn’t help either.”
“I didn’t get dunked.” Emily caught Alex’s gaze. “Shay said I slipped getting out of the hot tub, but I don’t remember that part. Wait, did you see Ava go under?”
“Ava?”
“When I came in and saw you standing there—with Katherine—I wondered how much of that show you’d seen…Ava and Lara were going to town. Ava wanted Lara to be rough. She asked Lara to choke her, but she wouldn’t do it. How I remember that part but not falling into the hot tub is a good question. Shay said I was reaching for the railing to get out and I slipped and went under. But I can’t remember it. I don’t ever want to drink tequila again.”
“Wait, that was Ava with Lara? Not you? But I thought you and Lara were hitting it off.”
“Lara’s attractive for sure, but…” Emily’s voice trailed. “You thought I had sex with Lara.”
It was more of a statement than a question, but Alex nodded. She felt like an idiot. Now that she thought of it, from the back Ava and Emily did look similar. And with wet hair, their long brown locks would have been hard to tell apart. She’d seen someone else in the hot tub across from Shay and Madison, but in the dark she hadn’t been able to tell who it was. And she hadn’t stopped to think.
Emily continued. “And then you had sex with Katherine. Because of what you thought you saw, or because you wanted her?”
“I didn’t have sex with Katherine.” Alex stopped herself from calling Emily out on what she had done with Katherine. It didn’t matter. But it was annoying that Emily’s tone seemed to suggest she’d done something wrong when she knew she wasn’t the only one who’d kissed Katherine last night. And Alex had stopped at the kissing. “We broke up last night. Not that we were dating, but I ended whatever it was that we had.”
“Why’d you end it?”
“It’s been a long time coming. But then you made me realize what I wanted. Katherine’s not it.”
Emily didn’t press Alex for more explanation. She also didn’t say anything about what she’d done with Katherine or if she wanted her. The question spun round and round in Alex’s head. She turned on the sink, waiting for the hot water, then rinsed the bowls and pot, avoiding Emily’s gaze.
“Is it okay if I don’t help you clean up? I’m feeling a little lightheaded again.”
“No problem at all. Besides, you cleaned up last time.” That breakfast had started out fine but ended with them worse off as well. Maybe they needed to stop eating together.
Alex finished with the dishes and dried her hands. She went upstairs to find clean sheets and an extra blanket, and when she came back downstairs, Emily was curled up on the sofa again.
“Thanks for going to get my suitcase and my things,” Emily said. “Did you see Katherine? I was sitting here thinking I probably should tell her where I am.”
“She wasn’t there when I stopped in. Shay said she went out with Madison first thing and hadn’t come home. She’ll be back for the evening activities, I’m sure, but I told Shay we wouldn’t be there.” Alex wondered if, despite being sick, Emily wished that she could make it to the last night of the sex weekend. She, for one, was glad her part in it was over, but maybe Emily didn’t feel the same. Did she long for Katherine?
“Was Shay home alone?”
“No. There was a poker game going with Shay, Ava, Nicola, and TJ. Nicola was winning. And singing. She’s got a gorgeous voice. Like you.” Alex set the clean sheets and blanket on the coffee table. She wanted to add how glad she was Katherine hadn’t been there, but she kept that to herself. “Lara flew back to San Francisco tonight.”
“Shay said that Lara caught me when I went under the water. Pulled me up.”
“Lara has her moments.”
“But you don’t like each other?”
Alex hesitated. “We used to be friends. Then some things happened and we were both dumbasses. I think we decided this morning to give each other a second chance.” Which would be easier now that Alex knew Emily wasn’t interested in hooking up with Lara. She didn’t need to admit that part, however. “Lara was really worried about you. Called me a bunch of times. You sure you want to sleep down here?”
Emily nodded.
“Well, if you change your mind, these sheets are for the guest room.” Alex wanted some excuse to stay longer, to continue the conversation they’d nearly started, but she didn’t know if there was any point. Emily would only stay for a couple of nights, and when she left, the chances of her looking back were slim to none.
“I’m going to bed. Holler if you need anything—or if you get up and you get dizzy again. My door’ll be open and the cabin’s not that big. I’ll hear you.”
“Thanks.”
Alex glanced at the fire. The logs still had a lot to burn, but she knew the temperature in the room would drop when the fire went out. “If you get cold, there’s more blankets in the closet by the door. I’ll turn up the heat, but it still gets chilly in this room. It’s fine by me if you decide to join me upstairs.”
Emily seemed about to say something and then bit her lip.
“Not for any other reason than to sleep,” Alex quickly added. “I know you think the sofa’s comfortable, but my bed’s nicer.”
“I know I suggested it earlier, but…sleeping with you now would be hard for me.”
“Okay.” Alex couldn’t argue despite how much her body wanted her to. “Offer still stands. And there’s the guest room too.”
/>
“I’ll stay here for now. Thanks for everything.”
Chapter Thirty-three
The wind seemed to be playing with the snow, scooping up handfuls and tossing it high in the air. In the bright morning light, each flake sparkled like a sugar crystal. Emily watched the shimmering crystals, seemingly suspended in air as if gravity had taken the day off. Flakes slowly drifted downward only to be caught up in a fresh gust and sent skyward all over again. The scene was transfixing, but Emily’s thoughts wandered far from the snow.
Sometime in the middle of the night, the fire had burned out. She woke chilled and pulled on the extra blanket Alex had left for her. Minutes passed, and she couldn’t fall back asleep. She thought back on the night she’d slept with Alex and how perfect everything about it had been. How Alex had held her close and she’d felt warm from the inside out.
Knowing Alex was only upstairs, it had been hard to ignore the lure of going to her, of snuggling against her. She didn’t want to wake her—Alex had seemed exhausted last night—but she needed to feel someone close, and her warmth was so tempting. Her shivering had finally pushed her off the sofa, and she’d crept quietly upstairs.
Alex had left the door open as promised. When she slipped under the covers, Alex had rolled toward her. She was naked, but that didn’t stop her from wrapping her arm around Emily. A moment later, her breathing went back to a slow, even pattern, and Emily knew she was asleep. As impossible as it seemed that she’d relax with Alex lying next to her, Emily had drifted off moments later.
Now Alex’s hold loosened, and Emily held her breath. She wondered if she should pretend to be asleep still. As much as she’d been enjoying the press of Alex’s chest against her back and Alex’s warm hand resting on her belly, she worried that she should have snuck out already.
“You awake?” Alex whispered.
Emily nodded.
“You’re nice waking up to.” Alex brushed her lips against Emily’s shoulder. “It’s beautiful out there, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Did you get cold when the fire burned out?”
Emily nodded again.
“And here I was thinking maybe you were in my bed because you couldn’t resist me.” Alex’s tone was light, making it clear she was joking. She kissed Emily’s shoulder again. “How do you feel? Does your ear still hurt?”
“Only if I lie on that side. But it’s way better overall.”
“Good.” Alex rolled over and stretched. After a moment, she got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
Emily lay on her back, counting the wood beams that crossed the ceiling. She wanted to tell Alex the truth: that despite everything, she was drawn to Alex like a damn moth to a flame. The cold was only an excuse. But what then?
Alex came out of the bathroom and went over to her dresser. She pulled on a pair of boxers, then picked out a shirt and a pair of jeans. “I was thinking I’d go downstairs and try to drum us up some breakfast. Then maybe we can talk about plans for the day? We don’t have to do anything, of course, if you’re not up for it. But it’s a sunny day, and it could be nice for a walk downtown. I can show you around. Or we can take the gondola up to the lodge. Even if we don’t ski, it’s a gorgeous view.”
“Can you come back to bed for a minute?”
Alex hesitated. She had one foot in the leg of her pants and was balancing with the other off the ground. She set her foot back down and cocked her head. Emily waited for her to ask the question that seemed to be on her lips, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she dropped the jeans and the shirt on the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed.
Emily braced herself before starting. “I wanted to go with you to the hot springs. When you asked, I should have said yes.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Katherine.” Emily pushed the pillows against the headboard and sat up. “I didn’t believe that you didn’t want her. And we both know Katherine wants you. The way she looks at you…it’s nothing like how she looks at Madison.”
“I don’t want Katherine.”
“I know. And you said you broke up with her. But when you kissed her…” Emily shook her head. “I’m nothing like Katherine.”
“You turned me down before you saw me kiss her. And I know what it looked like, but—”
“That’s not the only reason. When I saw that note from your property manager, I knew she’d stopped by because she wanted you too.” Emily took a deep breath. No matter how many times she told herself Alex wasn’t the player everyone said she was, she couldn’t help thinking of Katherine’s words: “Two months, maybe three.”
“Look, I appreciate you letting me stay here, but I don’t want to make things harder for either of us. I can’t get close to you. This has to be only a good time.”
Emily didn’t want to say the rest. That how she felt around Alex scared her. That how Alex looked at her made her feel something she hadn’t felt in years, and that she stopped thinking when she was close to her. Because when she started thinking again, she knew falling for someone like Alex was a huge mistake.
Alex reached for Emily’s hand. She entwined their fingers and then brought Emily’s hand up to her lips, kissing her knuckles. “I like you. How I feel when I’m with you is different than what I’ve ever felt with someone—and I know you’re thinking that I probably say that to everyone, but I don’t. You’re different.”
Emily wanted to believe Alex, but she shook her head.
Alex continued. “When you saw Katherine kiss me, that’s all that happened. You walked into the middle of it. But I’d been telling her I was done all weekend. She wouldn’t listen. I tried pushing her away, but a lot was going on in my head at that moment. I was mad because I thought you were with Lara, and then because Katherine told me she’d had sex with you too. And obviously it doesn’t matter, and I wasn’t going to bring it up because you were at a sex party and that’s what you’re supposed to do. But I’ve never felt jealousy like that. I couldn’t think, and—”
“Wait.” Emily’s mind was spinning. Katherine had told Alex what? “I didn’t have sex with Katherine.”
“You didn’t? She said you were a good kisser.”
Emily cocked her head. “Are you going to argue that point?”
Alex opened and closed her mouth. “No, but—”
“I stopped her at the kissing. She wanted more, but I stopped her. Apparently, you and I had that in common.” Emily raised an eyebrow. “Then she basically told me to keep my hands off you.”
“But you’re attracted to her?”
“Was. Yes.” Emily sighed. “Now? Definitely no.”
“Why’d you stop her?”
“I can’t believe Katherine made you think I had sex with her,” Emily said. She didn’t want to answer Alex’s question and hoped she’d let it slide. What was she going to do about Katherine? She couldn’t keep her as a client. And she’d gotten several of her other clients on Katherine’s recommendation. “She’s so damn manipulative.”
“Can we go back to the other part? The part about you stopping her and why?”
Emily wasn’t going to lie, but admitting that she wanted Alex, after everything she’d said earlier and still knowing it couldn’t possibly work, didn’t seem fair. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m too complicated for you?”
Emily felt momentarily stunned. Alex hadn’t given her a pass. In fact, she seemed to know exactly what Emily wasn’t saying. “Alex, you’re sweet. And smart. And charming. And definitely the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with. All the things I could ever want. But that doesn’t mean you’re good for me.”
Alex breathed out, her gaze dropping from Emily’s. The bed creaked as she got up. She walked over to where she’d left her jeans and pulled them on, then reached for her shirt. Emily watched her finish dressing, her heart stuck in her throat. She knew her last sentence had stung, and she wanted to take it back, but pretending they could somehow work together wouldn’t make it
true.
“I can try to make us French toast. You mentioned that before, so I picked up a loaf of sourdough. Or, scrambled eggs and bacon?”
“You don’t have to cook for me,” Emily said.
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. You’d probably make better food, but you’re my guest.”
Emily got up and walked over to where Alex was waiting. She stopped a foot in front of her. “I want you to be good for me. Almost as much as I want to be good for you.”
“All I was asking is for you to take a chance on us. I think we could be exactly who we both need. And want.”
Emily shook her head. “I haven’t even signed divorce papers yet. Cass only agreed to a trial separation. She said I needed time to think and I didn’t know what I was doing. That’s when she froze all of our bank accounts. Then she called everyone we know and told them all I was having a nervous breakdown.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” Emily breathed out. “The thing is, I didn’t need time to think—I’ve known Cass and I weren’t right for each other for years now. But I’m nowhere near ready to jump into another relationship. Ten years is a long time to be with someone. I’m still trying to figure out who I am now without trying to make her happy anymore. And maybe you and I would have something amazing, but part of me thinks you don’t know me well enough to be as sure as you seem.”
Alex didn’t argue. She only held Emily’s gaze, making it all the harder to resist her.
“For the record, I’m dying to kiss you anyway,” Emily said.
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