One Weekend in Aspen

by Jaime Clevenger

  “Well, that’s fair,” Emily said. “You’ve ruined me for sex.”

  “Ruined, huh? That seems like a problem. I mean, avoiding French toast so you don’t get disappointed is one thing—there’s always pancakes—but avoiding sex?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure one day I’ll curse you. Maybe tomorrow. Not today. Today, I’m too drunk on you.”

  “Drunk?”

  Emily nodded but didn’t explain. She took a bite of the French toast and chewed. “You’re right. This isn’t bad. But I’m so hungry even raisins might taste good. You made me work up an appetite.”

  Alex tried to focus on the food, but her thoughts had circled back to Emily leaving. “Is there anything I could say to convince you to stay the rest of the week with me?”

  Emily swallowed the bite she’d been chewing. She reached for the water glass on the nightstand and took a sip. “I don’t get sick days, Alex. Or vacation days. When I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I explained things to the family I usually cook for on Mondays, and it was a holiday anyway, but my Tuesday and Wednesday clients aren’t happy. I’ll make it up to them, but I can’t get any further behind.”

  “What if I came to you? I could be in San Francisco next weekend.” A week seemed too long to wait, but it would be something. Some plan.

  “I already agreed to help Gianna. She’s got a catering business, too, and next weekend is a big gig for her.” Emily pushed her empty plate aside and leaned back on the pillows. “We’re scheduled for a wedding—rehearsal dinner on Saturday and banquet brunch on Sunday. I can’t get out of it.”

  “Then in a couple weeks, maybe. You could come to Tokyo. I can show you around. It’s a beautiful city. I can get your ticket, obviously. You’d only have to get the time off. Or we could meet up in Hawaii. My brother and I have a condo in Maui that we share.”

  “You don’t get it. I’m broke. I can’t take time off. And since there’s no way I’m going back to work for Katherine, I need to make sure I keep my other clients happy. My job might not be as important as yours, but it’s the one I’ve got.”

  “I never said your job wasn’t important.”

  Emily waved off Alex’s words and continued. “I’ve worked hard to get the reputation I have, and I don’t want to screw it up. I can’t flake on my clients, or on Gianna. I can’t drop everything and fly around the world because I want to have sex.”

  Emily’s tone carried a warning, but Alex pressed on anyway. “I could come to you. You wouldn’t have to go anywhere. Tell me which weekend. I’ll get us a place in the city.”

  “Alex, you’re not hearing what I’m saying. Our lives are completely different, and you have no idea what mine’s like. I don’t have a condo in Maui or a cabin in Aspen. I’m living on my friend’s couch because I have nowhere else to go.

  “My world has been a total disaster for the past two months. When Cass froze all of our accounts, I literally showed up on Gianna’s doorstep with a suitcase and nothing else. I’m barely keeping my head above water now. I can’t drop everything because I met someone who knows how to fuck me into next Tuesday.”

  Alex felt the last sentence like a punch to the stomach. Was that all this was for Emily? Was it still only about sex? She picked up their plates and got out of bed. Emily didn’t stop her when she left the room.

  Downstairs, she pulled on a sweatshirt. The sun shone through the windows, but without a fire in the living room, the kitchen felt like an icebox. She started washing the dishes, avoiding any glances at the kitchen table. How long would it take before she could sit down to eat without thinking of Emily spread across it?

  “Here.” Emily held out her hand. “I’ll dry.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I know I don’t have to. I also don’t have to say sorry, but I am. And I want to say it. Now give me the bowl.”

  Alex passed the dripping mixing bowl to her. “I’m sorry too.”

  Emily tilted her chin. “I didn’t actually say sorry yet. Just that I wanted to say it.”

  Alex chuckled. “Fine. Should I take back my apology then?”

  “No.” Emily’s look was clearly apologetic. “I’m a little bit of a mess at the moment.” She finished drying the bowl and reached for the coffee mug Alex had finished rinsing.

  Alex held it up out of her reach. “Around here, if you want something, you gotta go for it.”

  “So I’ve noticed.” Emily’s smile barely lifted the corners of her mouth. After a moment, she dropped her hand. “I keep screwing things up with us. Your offer to come to San Francisco was sweet, and so was flying me to Tokyo or Maui. I should have said that instead of starting a fight. But this is all a lot.”

  “I know.”

  “Now things are going to be awkward all over again, aren’t they? Like Sunday. I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I keep pushing even when you show me where your line is.” Alex passed the mug to Emily finally. “So what happens next?”

  Emily lifted a shoulder. “I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk? Then you could build another fire and make us some hot cocoa. I’m still scheming what I’m going to make you for dinner.”

  “I meant, what happens when you go back home? What happens with us?” Alex finished cleaning the last pan and passed it to Emily to dry. “You really don’t have to make dinner. We could order delivery.”

  “I want to cook for you.”

  “Naked?”

  Emily smiled. “How big a fire are you gonna build?”

  “I can promise to make it hot as a sauna in here.”

  Emily leaned over the pan and kissed Alex’s cheek. She went back to drying the pan, but after a moment, her hand stilled. When she spoke again, the light tone was gone from her voice. “I haven’t been able to tell you exactly why it can’t work with us because I hadn’t really put my finger on it until just now. Honestly, I kept wishing there was a way. And going back and forth in my mind between thinking it would work and knowing it wouldn’t.”

  “I don’t know if I want to hear this.”

  “Yeah, well, you don’t have a choice. You fell for someone who wants to be a good communicator.” Emily winked. She set the pan on the counter and then took a deep breath. “I don’t have my own pans, Alex.”

  “Not sure I’m following.”

  “I’m a chef and I don’t have my own pans. After I moved out, Cass took a bunch of my stuff and put it in storage. Storage that I can’t get to. It’s not really a big deal because I cook in other people’s kitchens, and Gianna and I share things when one of us has a big job to cater.”

  “So you need pans? And pots, I’m assuming, too.”

  Emily touched Alex’s arm—a light touch but it sent a thrill through Alex all the same. “Stop those wheels from turning right now. I don’t need you to buy me anything, and you better promise not to.”

  “But I could.”

  “I know, and pots and pans aren’t my point.” Emily didn’t move her hand from Alex’s forearm. “I need to be on my own two feet before I can be in a relationship with anyone. Especially you.”

  “Why especially me?”

  “Because you’d be happy to take care of me, and I know you could, but that’s not what I want from you. We wouldn’t last that way, and we’d both get hurt in the end.”

  Alex couldn’t argue with anything Emily had said. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m gonna wait for you. And don’t tell me not to because I won’t listen anyway. I know you’ll be on your own two feet in no time.” She reached for the pan Emily had set on the counter. “Until then, early Christmas present?”

  Emily swatted at her shoulder. “You’re a punk.”

  Alex smiled, but her chest ached when Emily smiled right back at her. There was nothing she could fix, nothing she could do to help, and no way she could fight to make Emily change her mind. All she could do was make the most of the rest of the time they had together. “We don’t have much daylight left. We bett
er head out soon if we want that walk.”

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Emily had never wanted to miss a flight as much as she did now. The long weekend had turned into five amazing days—only one of which she wished she could get a redo on. But in less than one hour she’d be headed back to California. Colorado had been almost too good to be true. Even the snow didn’t seem so bad when she was wrapped up in Alex’s jacket. Or in her bed.

  “You can drop me off at the curb.”

  Alex cocked her head. “Do you actually think I’d do that? After everything?”

  “Well, no.”

  Alex pulled the rental SUV into a parking place and turned off the ignition. She went around to the back and grabbed Emily’s bag. Emily took one last look around, making sure she wasn’t leaving anything behind. She had a moment of déjà vu and thought of the last time Alex had dropped her off at the airport. How different she felt now…

  After a moment’s hesitation, she picked up Alex’s phone still plugged into the car’s USB port. She quickly set the next song to be played and then hopped out.

  Alex was waiting for her. She caught Emily’s hand and gave it a squeeze, then started across the parking lot. Emily’s heart suddenly felt heavy in her chest. She didn’t want to say goodbye. Neither spoke as they crossed the line of cars waiting to pick up passengers, and Alex didn’t suggest they say goodbye there.

  Travelers and a few airport workers hurried past them as the glass doors slid open. Emily didn’t want to hurry even though she knew they’d pushed it timewise. She hadn’t wanted to get out of Alex’s warm bed that morning and had snoozed the alarm twice before accepting reality.

  She made her way over to the check-in counter, and Alex didn’t leave her side when she stepped in the short line to drop off her luggage. Since she couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye there either, she didn’t try. Once her luggage was tagged, the finality of her return to SFO stared at her in black-and-white bold type. But still she didn’t let go of Alex’s hand as she headed for security.

  “I don’t want you to wait for me to be ready for you,” Emily said quietly. There were only half a dozen people ahead of her, and she knew she couldn’t wait any longer to say the truth. “I have no idea how long it will take.”

  Alex didn’t say anything, but her grip tightened.

  “It was only supposed to be a long weekend, but it was so much more.” In so many ways. Emily wondered how much of it Alex would remember. Which part was her favorite? She stopped herself from asking.

  “I know you don’t want to have this conversation, but I’m serious, Alex. Waiting’s a mistake. I like you a lot, but I don’t want you to put anything on pause because of me.” The line inched forward. Only three people were now between them and the uniformed TSA agent. “If someone else comes along who you like—”

  “I don’t want anyone else. And I want to respect what you’re saying, but I can’t not wait for you.”

  “What if it’s two years, Alex? You can’t put your life on hold for that long.” When Alex only shook her head, Emily pressed on. “We might be amazing in Aspen when we’re both on vacation, but how long would we last in the real world? It doesn’t make sense to put your life on hold for an unknown.”

  “We’re not an unknown. And do you honestly think I wouldn’t put in the work to make us last?”

  Emily opened her mouth to argue that wasn’t what she meant, but one look at the sincerity in Alex’s eyes and she couldn’t manage even breathing.

  “I’m not going to let you slip through my fingers, Emily. You’re the best thing that’s come along in my life in I don’t know how long. I’m going to wait as long as you need.”

  The TSA agent cleared her throat. “Ticket and identification please?”

  Emily took a shaky breath. She reached into her purse, fumbling for her wallet. “Usually I’m more organized. I’m sorry.” Once she’d handed the agent her license and the ticket printout, she turned to Alex. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

  “This isn’t goodbye.”

  Alex wrapped her arms around Emily. The embrace was quick, almost as if Alex couldn’t handle too long of a goodbye either. They’d had their goodbye kiss in bed that morning anyway. When Alex let go, she brushed her lips against Emily’s cheek. “I can text you, right? That’s not part of giving you space to get on your own two feet, is it?”

  “I’d love to get texts from you.”

  “Good. I’m going to text you all sorts of inappropriate things.”

  Emily laughed. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I would.” Alex stepped back. “I’ll see you when you’ve got your own pots and pans. In San Francisco maybe.”

  “There’ll be less snow,” Emily said. She took her ticket and license back from the agent and Alex stepped to the side. “If you change your mind on the waiting for me thing, it’s okay. I’ll understand.”

  “I’m not changing my mind.” Alex raised her hand.

  Tears brimmed in Emily’s eyes. She returned the wave and then quickly stepped into the queue to have her carry-on scanned. When she looked back at the TSA agent’s counter, Alex was gone.

  * * *

  Alex turned on the car and then turned it off again. She stared at the handful of planes waiting on the tarmac and wondered which one Emily would board. If only there was one more seat on the plane… She knew she needed to let Emily go—at least for now—but all the unknowns and the what-ifs made her question if they truly had a chance.

  The pen was still in her pocket. She took it out and read the imprint, thanking her former self for being ballsy enough to steal it. But all she had from the past five days was a damn pen. She hadn’t thought to take any pictures, though Emily had snapped some on their walk through downtown. Alex smiled, remembering how Emily had said that the town might actually be pretty without all the snow. She’d been joking at the time, taking picture after picture and oohing and ahhing about the snow-covered mountains with the crystal-blue sky above and the foreground of pines. The scene had been gorgeous, enough to make Alex’s chest ache. But it was Emily she’d been staring at the entire time.

  She took a deep breath and reached for her phone. It might be ridiculous to text Emily now, but she didn’t care.

  Alex: Want to come back when there’s no snow?

  Emily: Yes. And you’re silly for texting me twenty minutes after saying goodbye.

  Alex: We didn’t say goodbye. Miss you already.

  Emily: Check your phone. What’s the next song up?

  Alex squinted at Emily’s text, wondering what she could possibly mean. She hit the button to bring up her music and laughed out loud when she saw the song waiting to be played. Bob Dylan: “Lay, Lady, Lay.”

  Alex sent a laughing emoji, followed by: Didn’t even know I had any Dylan on my phone.

  Emily: Turns out you have better taste than you realize. Play it. I’m going to play it too and pretend I’m still in your arms.

  Alex clenched her jaw to stop a rush of emotion. She leaned back in the seat and hit the Play button. Dylan’s voice rolled through the car. When she closed her eyes, she saw Emily sitting on the rug in front of the fire with the old albums scattered all around her.

  When the song ended, her phone buzzed with a new text. Emily: Thank you. For everything.

  Alex: That sounded kind of final. Did you mean it to be?

  Emily: No, but I’m boarding. You can keep texting me if you want. I’m going to be sad when I land and I’ll need something to make me feel better.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Four months later…

  The buzzer rang, and Emily dropped her phone on the coffee table. She went to open the door, scooting between boxes and the furniture she had yet to find a place for.

  “You know, they got apartments on the first floor too.” Gianna huffed as she walked into the apartment. “But you gotta go all the way up to the third floor.”

  “Bet the first floor doesn’t have a killer view
of the dumpsters like I do.” Emily gave Gianna a hug. “Missed you.”

  “It’s been three days since you moved out. You couldn’t have missed me that much.”

  “It’s boring watching Netflix without someone who throws popcorn at the screen.”

  “I should add that to my profile. Wonder if I’d get any hot dates.” Gianna dropped her purse in the midst of the chaos of moving boxes and then plunked down on one of said boxes, fanning herself as she caught her breath. “So. When they putting in the elevator?”

  “Right after they add a parking garage.” Meaning never. “Did you have any trouble finding a spot?”

  “You know I got the parking gods on my side.” Once she’d caught her breath, Gianna straightened up and flashed a wide smile. “All right. I’m ready for the tour.”

  “You don’t have to go far. In fact, you can see it all from here. This of course is the foyer, or if you prefer, the front room. It also doubles as the living room, family room, and dining room.”

  “Convenient.” Gianna nodded her head as she scanned the small space. “What’s next?”

  “Next, we move on to the kitchen.” Emily pointed to the other side of the room where a counter divided the carpeted space from linoleum and a hallway kitchen. “The best part is that if I had to play ‘floor is lava,’ I’m pretty sure I could jump from the kitchen counter onto the sofa and in one more leap, be on my bed.”

  “You never know when you’ll need to leap into bed,” Gianna said.

  “Did I mention that the bathroom doubles as a closet?”

  “Tiny houses are all the rage. And it’s gonna be easy to clean.”

  Plus, it was all her space. Small, and probably temporary, but a landing pad that was all hers. Gianna walked from the living room to the kitchen and then to the bedroom, making little mm-hmm sounds the way she always did. After she’d poked her head in the bedroom, she circled back to the living room.