The Friendship Equation

by J. R. Gray

  I took a bite and considered his words while I chewed. "It can't be that, can it? Like..." I shook my head. "I don't believe it." And I really didn't. They were pro gay rights and all that stuff. It was hard for me to picture them being anything other than accepting.

  Now my dad was a mixed bag. He was too redneck and old-fashioned. I didn’t know that I'd ever come out as bisexual to him. Maybe if I met someone I was going to marry. I loved him, and he was the best father, but I didn't want to drive an unnecessary wedge between us. I didn't want to be rejected by the only parent I had left. I almost wished I could be as unperturbed about it all as Harden was.

  "I can't think of what else it would be. If we were out partying or fucking around, sure, but all I do is go to school, swim, and spend time with you. What else could it be?”

  "Were you dating someone else?" I almost didn't want the answer.

  His head jerked up. "Not in a few weeks."

  I cringed before I could stop myself.

  He raised a brow and cocked his head. "Don't like that?"

  I lifted a shoulder, not wanting to give him an answer.

  "Do you want to be the only one choking on my dick?”

  Why did he have to word it like that? He made me so fucking hard.

  "I don't hate the idea." Was he asking what I think he was? Shit. I hated not knowing what he was thinking. I was so used to knowing everything. I wished he'd just make it clear.

  "If you keep blowing me like you were, I don't think I'll be able to think of anyone else."

  "I told you, whenever you like,” I said, and then held my breath. He didn't say anything right away, so I added, "You know, while we are both single."

  "You're offering me on demand blowjobs and you think I'm going to say no?" Harden took the piece of pizza out of my hand and tossed it into the box while moving to kneel between my thighs.

  "You might not want no strings attached blowjobs." I shrugged like it was nothing but hated even saying no strings. I despised everything about the idea he could sleep with anyone else.

  "No strings, huh?" Harden said it like he dared me to say more.

  But I couldn't tell what he wanted, and I didn't dare ruin what could possibly be. "If you want."

  "I do want." He pressed his knee into my groin, kneeling over me while putting his hands on my chest to push me against the arm.

  "Your parents are still here."

  "I locked the door," he said with a grin.

  "Do you want to risk it after that mess?”

  "If they are going to treat me like shit, I might as well do what I want." He lowered his mouth to mine. “You still haven’t let me get you off, and I don't want you to get the idea I’m a selfish lover.”

  “I didn’t think you were.” I closed my eyes, giving into the kiss. "We need to wait though," I said despite everything my body screamed for.

  "Why?"

  “I told you why," I forced out.

  “Tell me again, Finch.”

  “I want to come while you’re inside me.”

  He chuckled into my lips before flopping back on his side of the sofa. "Fair, I guess."

  I gasped for much needed air. The brain fog when Harden got close was real. I had such a hard time thinking rationally with his lips on me.

  I retrieved my piece of half-eaten pizza, and he did the same.

  "You know they're not going to leave for hours."

  "I know," I said, laying my head back, telling my dick it was coming.

  "I should jack off and make you watch since you won’t let me touch you until they are gone.”

  My head shot up. "Holy shit. Tell me you're kidding!"

  He narrowed his eyes and shoved a hand into his shorts. "Maybe I'm joking, maybe I'm not."

  “Asshole. You’ve already come and I haven’t.”

  “You won’t let me touch you so that feels like that’s your fault." He laughed. "I won't. That wouldn't be fair. But it’s fun to get you all worked up.”

  "No, I need the real experience." I breathed easier, glad I wouldn't have to watch him play. I think I'd last about a minute before I was on him if he played that game. I didn't need him to know just how easy I was.

  "I wouldn't let you down. I need you to remember me fondly when you fuck other people and know I'm the best."

  I scoffed. "I still have to find someone."

  "You said you had four close calls. I don't think it will be that hard."

  Yes, it would, but for all the reasons I couldn't tell him. From now on, I'd compare everyone to Harden, and there was no comparison really. Harden Hart was a breed of his own.

  "What was up with your brother?" I asked, needing to change the subject before I combusted.

  "I think he knows." Harden shrugged like it was nothing.

  "Would he tell your parents?"

  "He doesn't really talk to them, but I don't know." Harden didn't really seem fazed which blew my mind. "I guess I'll have to talk to him tomorrow."

  "Do you think you should today? Before your parents get to him?"

  "Shit. You don't think—” But he was already getting up. "Those bastards would ask him, wouldn't they? Especially while trying to suss me out."

  Ten

  I was going to leave Harden to talk to his brother alone but decided I couldn't bare the waiting. I was horny and curious. Neither made for good things to sit alone with.

  "You two clearly fucked. Van had sex face when I walked in," I heard as I approached Liam’s room.

  "He did not," Harden said in a lower whisper but still audible from the hall.

  I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. "I can hear you both from out there." I leaned against the door, both of them turning to stare at me.

  “Shit." Harden looked like he’d pick up and throw something. "No one was out there, right?"

  "I think your parents are still downstairs getting ready. I didn't see them around," I said, an uneasy feeling filling my gut.

  "So it's true?" Liam asked.

  "Yeah," I said not sure what else we could say when we basically just outed ourselves.

  "Wow," was all Liam managed.

  "Good or bad wow?" Harden asked.

  "I really thought you were straight after all the chicks you've been out with and not at all tried to hide. Were they a cover?" Liam gave a low whistle, fluctuating between impressed and shocked.

  "No. If anything, I'm pan. I still like women.” He shrugged, but it came off more like he was playing it off like it wasn’t a big deal and not a huge revelation.

  His sentence sunk in, and I cocked my head. Pan? That was a development.

  "Pansexual or pan romantic?" Liam asked, and I needed to remember to buy him a really nice gift at some point for asking the question I was dying to know.

  "I don't fucking know. This is like two minutes old.” Harden blew out his cheeks.

  The hesitation in him made my heart ache. If anything, this was sexual not love. I had to keep telling myself that.

  “What’s to think about?” Liam asked. “Don’t you just know or you don’t?”

  “It’s not that easy for everyone, okay? I thought I was straight, but I really like when Finch sucks my dick if you must know."

  Liam made a face then laughed. "Way more information than I ever needed to know." He eyed me. "But now I'm a little curious."

  "Do not even look at him," Harden snapped. “This is not a brother’s best friend romance.”

  Liam held up his hands. "Whoa, no need to get all possessive."

  Was he possessive or did he just not want his best friend and his little brother dating? I wanted him possessive. The idea went all the way to my cock, giving me a much better ache.

  "So you have a weekend of fucking planned and the governor is raining on it?" Liam asked.

  "Pretty much," Harden answered, and I was glad he didn't get into the nitty gritty of my personal life. I didn't really want it out there for public consumption. “I’ve given them no reason to be weird.”r />
  "Fair. When did they start pulling this shit?" he asked.

  "Like a few days ago. They had a whole talk with me about my future, and I wrote it off, but now I think it's more."

  "Crap." Liam shook his head. "He said the same thing to me like a month ago when I was dating that chick they didn't like. They were all like 'Is this really who you want to spend your life with?’, and I was like who the fuck cares I'm sixteen years old. It has to be because the campaign is getting serious.”

  "You know, this reminds me of something my dad said to me the other day," I said carefully. They both turned towards me. "He said your dad was courting the unions. He’d heard chatter about it at work. Do you think he doesn't so much mean your futures as his? Like, he can’t really expect you two not to date for the next few years. Can he?”

  "They can't be serious with this shit. I do not want them nit picking every fucking choice I make and how it will play out in the press." Liam leaned back and spun around in his chair. “Just imagine if he found out about my weed habit.”

  “You really think the governor isn’t serious? He thinks he controls everyone’s life.” Harden seethed with rage. “We can’t let him. For either of our freedom.”

  "I'm not dealing with it. They can fuck off,” Liam said after a moment. “They should know better than to get in my business.”

  Harden had always been a parent pleaser; Liam was no such thing.

  “I can’t believe they are even giving me shit when you’re clearly the problem child.”

  Liam flipped him the bird. "I'm still stuck on best blowjob you've ever had." He eyed me, surely to piss Harden off.

  Harden picked up a shirt off his floor and threw it at him. "Shut the fuck up, and if I catch you looking at him again, I'm going to kick your ass."

  "You seemed a little jealous there," I said when we were safely back in Harden's room.

  He grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me into the wall, pressing his body against mine. "And?"

  "I like it."

  "Good answer."

  Eleven

  We returned to video games, but I couldn't focus on even the ones I was good at. He slapped me around and we finished our pizza, doing what we did night after night, year after year, but today, it felt anything but normal.

  What if we never went back to how it used to be?

  "We're leaving." His mother dipped her head into the room, not even bothering to knock.

  Had she been hoping to find us doing something?

  "Okay, Mom," Harden said, without looking away from the game we were playing.

  "Do you need anything before we go?" She ventured further in.

  I was so glad I wasn't hard anymore.

  "I don't think so," Harden said without moving.

  His mother lingered, and I made the mistake of glancing at her. "I hope you two understand where we are coming from."

  Heat built in my face, and I wanted to look anywhere but at her. I refused to come off guilty.

  "I got it, Mom." There was an edge to his voice.

  "As long as you understand." Still, she didn't leave.

  Harden side-eyed me. I kept my gaze trained on her. No one spoke. The silence felt like razor blades.

  Every second that ticked by was another cut, another bit exposed. More and more like she was trying to suss us out with silence. Neither of us broke. Neither of us moved.

  "Is there anything else, Mom?" Harden said finally when it was clear she wasn't going to leave without it.

  "I guess not." She huffed in that way parents do when they have more to say but can't figure out how to word it.

  She closed the door behind herself, and I deflated, sliding down to slump against the arm of the chair.

  "Jesus Christ," I muttered.

  Harden looked over his shoulder. "Maybe we should start sleeping at your house."

  I shrugged. "My dad won't care, but my room is tiny."

  "You going to object to me being in your bed?" he asked like it was nothing.

  I hadn't even thought of that. I swallowed hard. "No."

  He turned to eye me. "I didn't think so."

  Would he let me sleep next to him tonight? I didn't want to chance it by asking. I'd let the cards fall where they may.

  "How long are we waiting?" I asked, breathless and hard again.

  He dragged his eyes down my body, focusing on my hard-on. "I don't want to wait anymore."

  My brows shot up. "Oh?"

  He turned on me like a predator, and I was his prey. "Is that all you have to say?"

  "Yes," I admitted not sure where to go from here. “What if they come back for something?”

  "Go lock the door."

  I hopped over the back of the sofa like my body had been coiled and ready to take his orders, and maybe it had. Once locked, I turned to find him standing, pants off, hard-on sticking straight out.

  “Jesus,” I muttered, drinking in his erection.

  "What did you expect after all the edging?" He stroked himself.

  I pushed off my clothes as I stalked towards him with so much more confidence than I felt.

  His gaze was hungry. Like he'd devour me the second I got near. My heart hammered against my ribcage. Were we about to do this? I'd already considered my virginity lost after the first sexual act, but this was something else entirely.

  I was about to let him inside me.

  "Lay on the bed," he said as I approached.

  I wanted to kiss him, touch him, but I turned and did as he asked, sitting then sliding back to lay in the middle of his comforter. He'd produced a bottle of lube from someplace and condoms. A box of them. He tossed them next to me.

  "I'm going to have to do some prep."

  "Not much."

  His brow ticked up. "Have you..." He didn't have to finish the sentence. I knew what he meant.

  "Yes," I admitted cheeks coloring.

  "Show me," he demanded.

  I reached for the bottle with more courage than I ever thought I'd have naked with anyone, let alone Harden. Drizzling some over my fingers, I hooked my arm under my thigh, spreading the silky fluid over my ring. He stayed at the end of the bed, eyes glued to where my fingers played.

  “Inside, Vance," he ordered.

  I pushed one finger in, eyes closing with a groan. I couldn't watch. Not while doing this for him. I fucked in and out of myself, adding a second after a few moments, finding it so much easier to put on a show while pretending he wasn't there. I wanted to grab my dick and stroke, but I didn't dare. I'd come so fast with Harden watching.

  The popping of the lube bottle drew me from my trance. Forcing my eyes open, I found him between my thighs pouring lube over my taint. I cringed as the cool liquid dripped over me, my breath catching in my throat.

  "Don't stop," he said, and I realized I'd frozen.

  I moved and scissored my fingers. He ran his through the lube, before pushing one of his inside, joining mine. I grunted as my ring burned with the addition. He added a second, making it four fingers, more than I'd ever had. I clenched, wishing I could watch, but the intensity with which Harden fucked my ass nearly made me come without touching myself.

  He grabbed my wrist and pulled my fingers out, tossing my hand aside. "My turn."

  He twisted his, fucking me hard before adding a third.

  "Christ, Harden." My ass arched into his fuck. I needed more.

  His lips tipped into a smile. He pushed them in to the knuckles, curling. I nearly blacked out.

  "Stop!" I gasped, not sure if the word came out of my mouth.

  "What?" he asked freezing.

  "I think you found my prostate."

  He curled his fingers again, massaging. "Here?"

  "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I panted and every muscle in my body constricted, nearly coming right there without even touching my cock.

  "Like that?" Thankfully, he didn't do it again.

  "You're going to make me come."

  "Isn't that the point?" he asked, soundi
ng like he enjoyed being a god.

  "Not until your dick is inside me."

  "Hand me one of those condoms."

  I reached around the bed, finding the box to rip open. He didn't withdraw his fingers. Instead, he rolled the condom over himself one-handed. I hated it. The gesture had experience written all over it, which was why I'd come to him in the first place, but that didn't make it any easier to stomach.

  He pressed his tip to me while adding more lube to it. I curled up, watching what he was doing. He kept fucking me with his fingers, unrelenting.

  "Jesus, Harden. Like you are taking every opportunity to kill me."

  "Like you'd be any different." He paused. "Like you are any different with your blowjobs. You nearly had me coming the whole time we were on the sofa."

  "I wanted you to."

  "And I want you to, just not yet." It came off as evil as it sounded as he massaged the lube over the condom, nudging into my ring over and over and over as he fucked me with his fingers.

  He only withdrew two fingers keeping me stretched open with the other two as he pushed forward.

  "Aren't you going to..."

  "What, Van? What am I going to do?" There was a smile in his tone. He was enjoying this. Enjoying making me say what I wanted.

  "Take your fingers out."

  "I don't think I will." He forced his head inside me, doing just as he'd promised, keeping his finger there as well.

  The burn overtook me, blotting out everything until only it existed. White-hot fire spreading through me, and slowly, ever so slowly, it turned to pleasure. I didn't know what he was doing or what was inside me, all I knew was bliss. I lifted my hips, meeting the sliding of his cock, the full sensation my fingers had never given me.

  I pried my eyes open to watch him. He was bent with determination. A smile curled on his mouth, smug and radiating lust. The burning eased, and he wrapped his slick fingers around my balls, massaging as he quickened the pace in which he fucked me.

  "I'm shocked you've lasted this long,” he said, falling over me, our mouths meeting.

  I'd thought him being inside was good, but this was better, skin to skin, face to face, him sliding inside me. I nearly lost it when his lips met mine. Overcome with feelings, I gasped, barely holding back the words threatening to spill out.