by J. R. Gray
We'd only just spoken about it, but he had to have been thinking about this. Despite the fear eating at my throat, it warmed me from the inside out.
"I'll correct any behavior I think needs correcting."
"I'm waiting."
The governor scowled, letting real emotion show on his normally stoic face. "You know what you're doing. What you're risking."
"I haven't a clue what you're talking about." I loved Harden for taking the high road.
We weren't doing anything wrong. I exhaled all the pent-up emotion pulsing through me and slipped my hand into Harden's. He laced our fingers and squeezed, welcoming the contact. We were a united front.
The governor stared at our hands. "We've had many discussions on what will be required from all of us for the next four years."
"No, you've talked at me for weeks and had people vet me. Probably had people follow me." Harden jutted his chin out, staring the governor down.
"I will do what I need to do to secure my win, for the good of our country."
"You mean for the good of your arrogance?"
"We need better leadership if we’re going to stop sliding into the middle ages."
Harden rolled his eyes. "It doesn't have to be you."
"I trust me. I don't trust anyone else."
"It's not my problem, and you don't get to dictate my life for a maybe."
"It's not a maybe. We have the odds with us as long as things remain as they are." The governor's words carried weight.
"Spell it out, Dad. Say what you want to say. You want me to date someone of your choosing and parade them around like we are the boy and girl next door? That's what this has been about, hasn't it?" Emotion worked its way into his tone.
It broke my heart. Harden might have done just that before I'd asked him, before he realized he loved me. He would have done anything for his dad.
"Or remain single. We hadn't decided which would play better."
Harden shook his head with a scoff. "I can't believe you're using me as a political piece and not even asking me. All this crap about being careful. You could have talked to me, but you didn't."
"Would it have changed anything?"
Harden turned towards me, holding my eyes. "Three months ago, yes. Now, no."
The governor nodded. "It doesn't change the reality of what I'm up against. You know as well as I do growing up in this family how well homosexuality plays in the press."
"You're pro LGBTQ rights. Do you hear yourself?"
"My feelings aside, I still have to appeal to more than the left."
"I suspected…but hearing it makes it so much worse." Harden pressed his eyes closed. "Don't ask me what you want to ask me."
"I'm not asking," the governor said through clenched teeth.
"We're leaving, and if you try and stop me, so help me God, I will kiss Vance in front of everyone out there." Harden shoved past his father dragging me with him. “My being discrete is a gift.”
I gave a backward glance at the governor, seeing rage in his eyes.
Harden might have won this round, but it was far from over.
"That fucking asshole." Harden had been silent the entire drive home. Maybe because he didn't want to say anything in front of the driver, or maybe because he was still processing the night. It wasn't until I closed the door behind us that he started in. "I can't believe he thinks he has a say in who I date while he does this."
"I can't believe he tried to ask that of you."
"Oh, I can believe it. He's always thought everyone should cater to him." He shoved both hands into his hair. "I know you need to sleep. I'll calm down."
I sat on the edge of my bed, taking off my shoes. "I'm not going to fall asleep on you when you need to process."
"You're not falling asleep on me. I'm telling you to sleep."
I shook my head. "Not on your life."
He glared at me. "Tomorrow is serious, Vance."
"So is our relationship. More so than swimming."
He hung his head. "If you have any hope of getting into..." He didn't have to finish the sentence.
"It's either going to happen or it's not. We'll know in the next couple of weeks."
He nodded slowly.
"Let me have tonight." I reached for him, and he came over to stand between my thighs.
"Okay." He slid his arms around my neck. "What are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, unbuttoning his shirt.
"I don't know how to do this."
I tugged at the fabric, and he let me pull it off his shoulders. I pressed my lips to his abs, tasting the salty remnants of our love lingering there.
"I don't think there is much that can be done. You're eighteen. If he tries to forbid us, you can always stay here."
So much sadness poured out of him. Harden wasn't used to telling his father no. He wasn't used to being anything other than the golden child.
"I guess." He forced me closer with a hug. "I hate that he's more concerned about winning than my happiness. He should know what you mean to me. He can't just expect me to..." Waves of emotion washed over his face.
"Harden, he loves you. Maybe he'll come around."
"I don't think he will. So I have to lose my father to have love."
My heart broke. I hated the governor. I wanted to shake some fucking sense into him. "He can't really think having an estranged LGBTQ son is better for the press than accepting you. He has to come around."
This was the wrong thing to say. He pulled out of my arms and turned around.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." What did I mean?
"No, you're right. He'll probably come around for that reason, not because he gives a damn about me."
I came up from behind and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into my chest. "You deserve better."
He turned in my arms and broke down. I wanted to kill his father.
Twenty-Two
“Can I talk to you a minute?” Liam jogged to catch up with us as we arrived at the last day of sectionals. He’d had to be waiting for the bus to show up, which meant the governor and his wife were not far behind.
“If this is about Dad, I can’t.” Harden didn’t slow. He kept walking.
“Harden.” Liam grabbed his arm spinning him around.
“Not now,” Harden said through his teeth. He nodded to our teammates as they stepped around us.
Liam didn’t let him go. Harden looked at the ceiling and stepped back out of the way of the kids walking in, letting them pass by. He pulled out of Liam’s grasp.
When Liam grabbed at him again, Harden held up a finger. “I’m waiting, but don’t touch me.”
Liam stepped back and leaned against the wall, waiting for the rest of the team to head into the locker room, leaving the hall deserted.
“Speak, and make it quick. Other teams will be showing up.”
Liam glanced towards the exit like he was expecting someone. Not another team. “You need to fix this shit with Dad.”
“I don’t have to do shit when he’s being unreasonable,” Harden spat.
Liam’s expression softened, and he stepped towards Harden. “You are his mini-me. His fucking shadow. No one else is closer to him. This has got to be killing you.”
“Did he send you here? What, because they don’t want to lose me as an asset for the campaign?”
“He didn’t send me…” Liam trailed off as another team pulled open the doors.
Harden rubbed his thumb and two fingers over his brow. “I need to get in the pool and warm-up. I haven’t swam in three days.”
“Give me a minute,” Liam hissed under his breath.
“One minute.”
The team jostled by us, and Woods was with them.
“What’s going on out here?” he asked, slowing and letting the rest of his team overtake him.
“Nothing at all. Move along, Woods,” Harden said hard face and jaw set.
“However will you beat me all worked up like that? M
aybe you should get Vance to rub your shoulders.” He put his hand on the wall next to me, leaning closer.
“I’m sure he will if I ask him to.” Harden made eye contact and pleaded. He wanted me to get rid of Woods.
“Of course I would.” I glared at Woods, wracking my brain, trying to come up with something.
“Damn and why don’t I get that sort of treatment?” Woods eyed me, and I knew it was going to piss off Harden, but I went with it.
I took a step closer to him. “You’ve never asked.”
“I didn’t know you were interested.” Woods smirked, staring over my shoulder at Harden. He was enjoying this way too much, but if it got him away from Harden, it didn’t matter.
"That's why you're looking at another guy while you're saying it to me?" I shot back casually walking past him, hoping to draw him away.
"What? No."
"I saw your eyes on Harden," I said softly, not slowing. If he wanted to keep the conversation going, he'd come.
"Maybe I wanted to see his reaction," he called after me.
Dammit. He wasn't taking the bait.
"Can't hear you." I held a hand to my ear, not looking back.
Two more steps towards the locker room, and I wanted to rage. Liam and Harden weren't going to get time to talk this out, and it would weigh on Harden all day. Liam couldn't have picked a worse time. Harden needed this.
Someone jogged up behind me. A quick side glance told me Woods had finally followed.
"Can't talk to me in front of Hart?"
"I need to warm up. You can stand over there if you want."
He glanced at Liam and Harden, then pulled open the locker room door. "I'd rather watch you get dressed."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure you would."
"You want me to. Why are you embarrassed to admit it to Hart?" He stepped in front of me, blocking my way forward.
"You think I'd hide anything from him?"
He searched my face. "He's so fucking stupid for not having scooped you up yet."
"What?" I asked.
"I've seen the way you've looked at him the last four years. Only an idiot would miss it. His loss. I'll capitalize on it if I can." He took a step closer to me.
I didn't move. If I did, he'd have me trapped against the door, with no place to go as it opened in. "Pretty confident there."
"I know what I am, and I know you're a catch." He shrugged. "So tell him. Even if you're using me to make him jealous."
"Use you?" I couldn't keep the laugh out of my voice. "You're offering yourself up for that?"
"I know if you give me a chance, even a thinly veiled one like that, you'll see I'm better than him."
My mouth fell open. I wasn't interested in the slightest, but Jesus the confidence. No wonder he swam as fast as he did. He probably willed himself into first with ego alone.
I wanted to shove past him and tell him not on his life, but I also didn't want him harassing Harden nor going back out there with a chance of overhearing anything. I wouldn't put it past Woods to use it all against Harden if he could, and Harden didn't need any more stress.
"We need to get in the water for warm-up. I'm already late."
He studied me again, then backed off, pulling his phone. "Give me your number then."
Shit.
I fished mine out of my pocket. "No, you give me yours. I'll call you if I want to."
Better that way. No reason for him to be texting me. I didn't want him to have that kind of power.
He snatched the phone out of my hand and typed it in before handing it back. "I texted myself. Now we have each other's."
Mother fucker.
Harden wasn't going to be happy. I hoped he'd recognized I did this all for him.
I stepped around him. "Cool."
He followed, and I turned around.
"I don't think you need to watch me change."
"Fine." Woods dragged his gaze down my body. "Not like I haven't seen nearly all of it."
Our suits did leave very little to the imagination. I couldn't come up with a comeback, so I walked around the corner much calmer than I felt.
My phone started to buzz in my pocket.
Harden: Where'd you and Woods go?
I could feel the anger in the words even if they were on a screen.
Van: I'm changing in our spot.
We always changed in the same place. Harden came around the corner a few moments later. His gaze swept around, probably looking for Woods.
The tension in his shoulders bled out when he didn't find him. I wasn't going to push it, but I had to know how the rest of the conversation with Liam went.
“What did your brother say? Was he there because your father asked him?”
“No.” Harden let his head hang, the weight of it too much like he couldn’t bear any more. “He said he can’t do it. He begged me not to leave it all on his shoulders.”
“What?”
“If I’m not there, he has to be me. I don’t know if my father told him that or if he’s assuming, but he’s freaking out about it.”
I knew Harden wouldn’t be able to do that to his brother. His father might not be able to guilt him into coming back, but at heart, Harden was too good for all of them. His loyalty outweighed his anger.
I didn’t want to lose him to it, but I also couldn’t ask him to abandon his brother. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
I nodded, trying not to let an ounce of what I felt come out. My hands tried to shake, and my lungs wouldn’t expand. I had to keep it together.
“Hey.”
“What?” I asked.
“Look at me.” He grabbed my chin. “It’s not going to change us. No matter what it is.”
I nodded, trying my best to believe his father wouldn’t find some way to force us apart. I had to trust him. It was all I had, and he needed me right now.
He brushed his lips over mine. “We are going to figure it out.”
“I know.” I forced a smile to my mouth so Harden would relax.
“What did Woods say?”
“He was being flirty—to throw you off your game, I’m sure. He doesn’t give a shit about me.”
Harden rolled his eyes. “Don’t sell yourself short. It’s both.”
“No, it’s not.” It might have been, but I didn’t want to give Harden more to worry about before his race.
“I see the way he looks at you, and going with him just fed into it.” Harden’s hand tightened on me, digging his nails into my hip. I don’t think he even realized what he was doing, too on edge.
“What did you want me to do?” I pulled him closer, expecting him to resist.
He didn’t, and I collected him in my arms. “Get him away so I could talk to Liam. Doesn’t mean I have to like anyone else looking at you that way.”
“I like you like this.” I wanted to get him to calm down so he’d swim well. Being this worked up couldn’t be good for his race. “Let’s not focus on it. You need to think about your swim.”
“I’m going to fucking use this rage to beat him. Because not only do I get you, which he wants, I’m taking the number one spot too.”
A smile spread over my lips. “You’d like that, huh? Kissing me after you win right in front of him, dripping wet…”
“Don’t fucking tempt me, Vance.”
“I’m not. Do it if you want.”
Harden hugged me tighter. “Maybe I will.”
It didn’t matter if he did it or not as long as it helped him get in the headspace to beat Woods. He’d already qualified for state, so he didn't need to place top two. To race at state, your time had to be under the qualifying time, which his had been all season. Also the top two swimmers in the final made it regardless of time.
The better his time and place, the better his seat for state would be, and being in the middle lanes made all the difference when it came to swimming fast.
He eyed me but didn't say anything else.
> “We need to go warm-up.”
He nodded, releasing me. I hated it. I knew it had to happen, but it didn’t make it any better.
Twenty-Three
"Are you ready?" Harden came up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders.
My entire body came alive when he touched me. Thankfully he'd fucked me so good this morning, so raw and deep, that my dick didn't instantly get hard. The last thing I needed was to have all my blood below my belt. Half of it was already there with just an innocent shoulder massage. I wasn't sure how I had even functioned around Harden before.
"No."
"You got this. The hundred fly is your fucking jam."
"I'm so much closer in the hundred free." The race I'd swim with Harden.
"Which means you're going to kick ass at this one. Your taper worked for the free; believe in it for the fly."
"I'm going to try."
He pressed into me, putting his lips next to my ear. "Fucking believe in yourself. That's half the damn issue." He stepped back before I could react, and I almost didn't believe it had happened. Had he really been so close in public?
I turned on him. "Did you just…"
"What?" he said, all smug.
"Getting bolder?"
He shrugged. "I'm being who I've always been. I'm not holding back anymore."
He had always been flirty, with everyone at times and always with me. We'd just been so careful for so long, it was weird to have back. The governor was the only one who would probably notice besides me.
And he already knew.
"Now tell me you're going to kick some fucking ass."
"I'm going to kick some fucking ass."
Our coach sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I know—language," I said, picking up my goggles.
"I don't even care. If whatever that is gets you to swim fast, say it before every race."
Harden laughed. "You really are burned out.”
The coach gave him a flat look. "What do you think it's like to deal with teenage boys all year round?”
"Fair." I rubbed a hand over my chest. "I'm heading over."