Her Hidden Past

by Michela DiMarco

  Mary took Rachel and Brooklyn shopping, telling the boys to finish cleaning their rooms, vacuum the first floor, clean the bathrooms, unload the dishwasher and straighten up the family room. Brooklyn was in awe of the size of the mall, which was made up of two separate buildings connected by a skywalk. They started by spending a couple of hours at Nordstrom. Neither Mary nor Brooklyn had had any idea how big a project starting over was going to be. There were so many physical possessions that Brooklyn needed, and, after a few hours, Mary realized that this was going to take more than a few days. Everything Brooklyn had owned was in California—not that it mattered much. When it came to clothing, all her stuff would be useless in Michigan, except for three months in the summer. Brooklyn wanted to transform herself into someone she didn’t recognize. However, her simple style of jeans and t-shirts seemed to be the most comfortable fit. After all, it was still her.

  She made quite a haul in the shoe department, buying tall boots, short boots, fashion boots, snow boots, and flats in every color. This was the first time in her life that she shopped with no opinion from her mother. Shopping was something they always did together. Mary tried to convince Brooklyn that the shoes she wore could be used as a way to express who she wanted to become. Brooklyn wanted to stay the same. Mary had also said this at the makeup and beauty counters, in the purse and accessories department, the clothing and pajamas department, and the winter jacket department. Mary had hired a porter to take the purchased items to the car because it would have been impossible to carry all of it. Brooklyn was embarrassed by all the items they purchased.

  “I might have a small shopping problem,” Mary grinned. “I just love it!”

  From Nordstrom they went to the athletic store for tennis shoes, swimsuits, and workout clothes. It was important to Brooklyn that she remain active. The three of them also stopped at an electronics store for a computer, a CD player, a small television for her room, some movies, and a cell phone. Then they went to the bookstore for a bunch of novels, and a beauty-supply store, coming away with numerous hair products and accessories and different bottles of nail polish.

  Brooklyn was a simple girl. She used to air-dry her hair. She never wore make-up. She was a natural beauty and never took the time to get dolled up. “I never wore nail polish,” admitted Brooklyn. “It always came off in the pool.” Mary assumed she was bonding in a way that most mothers and daughters did but she hadn’t stopped to consider that the girl next to her wasn’t her daughter, and didn’t want to be her daughter.

  Feeling slightly awkward, Mary called Greg and told him to order some pizzas and salad for dinner. When they got to the house, she pulled up to the door and the boys ran out with Greg behind them to bring everything inside. Miraculously, Ben and Gabe carried everything inside without one complaint.

  After taking his share of the purchases upstairs, Ben lingered outside Brooklyn’s room hoping for an opportunity to break the ice with her. When she finally arrived, he was impressed by her composure as well as her striking beauty. How had he not noticed this about her previously?

  “So, how are you doing so far?”

  “About as well as I should be doing considering I have a completely new life” she responded sharply.

  Ben correctly sensed that he had strayed into something that he was ill-equipped to handle and decided to take the conversation in a different direction. “I know this is all new and everything to you, but I have many friends, and my girlfriend has many friends too. Maybe I can help you meet some kids.”

  Although Brooklyn had no desire to continue this conversation, or to meet any of Ben’s friends, she really appreciated this gesture on his part to reach out to her. “Maybe,” she responded, as she entered her room and put an abrupt end to the conversation.

  Brooklyn found dinner very entertaining. With the exception of answering any questions that were directed to her, she remained quiet. Greg had busted Ben on sneaking out of the house, and was especially unhappy to learn that he had ridden his bike in the snow to see Sara, not to mention the fact that Mary had forbidden both of the boys from leaving earlier in the day. Greg and Mary objected to Ben’s being at Sara’s house knowing there was no supervision.

  “Benjamin, please try to help me understand why was it so important for you to go over there that you had to sneak out of the house?” Mary inquired.

  “Because you said we had to stay here.”

  “Give me a break, Ben,” she said. “That’s not like you to ignore what we tell you.”

  “You said we couldn’t leave. Dad said we couldn’t have anyone come over here. What was I supposed to do?”

  Gabe started laughing with a mouth full of pizza. He found this very amusing. Although Ben did not get in trouble very often, Gabe had a sneaking suspicion that Ben’s relationship with Sara was going to be his demise.

  Ben smacked Gabe in the arm causing Gabe to spit his pizza out. Brooklyn looked over at Rachel. She didn’t seem to be amused at the childish behavior between Ben and Gabe. She couldn’t wait for Rachel to leave in a few hours. Mary turned to Greg. “Are you going to say something, Greg?”

  “I think Ben learned his lesson,” he replied. “Didn’t you, Ben?” “Yes. I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.” “You’re still grounded for a week.”

  “This doesn’t end with the grounding.” Mary looked right at Ben. “We’re going to have a talk about respecting girls, real soon. That includes you, too, Gabe.” “What?” Gabe asked, stunned to be dragged into the conversation. “What did I do?”

  If Ben had been embarrassed by the conversation, he didn’t show it. However, Gabe was mortified that he had been brought into the discussion, especially at the thought of talking to his mother about girls. He had never even kissed a girl and his plans were going to be ruined. He had been looking forward to the eighth-grade ski trip, where it was rumored that “Truth or Dare” was played on the bus. Suddenly, that didn’t sound very respectful, and Gabe felt sort of ashamed. He shoved the last of his pizza in his mouth, and decided to keep quiet about the bus ride he had been so anxious about.

  Mary made the boys clean up after dinner. Everyone else went into the great room to finish talking about Brooklyn’s new guardianship.

  “We’ve arranged for someone to talk to you a couple times a week,” Rachel started, “just to see how you are adjusting. We want you to know that you can always talk to Mary and Greg. And you can call me, whenever you want, any time of day.”

  “I want to go to school,” said Brooklyn.

  Without hesitation, Rachel replied, “Okay.”

  “Wait a second,” Greg interjected. “We should talk about this more before racing to a decision. I don’t think it is such a good idea to decide this so quickly. After all, if Brooklyn changes her mind in a few weeks or months, it’s going to be harder to pull her out of school without people asking a lot of questions.”

  “I think that we need to listen to Brooklyn.” Mary smiled as she put her arm around Brooklyn’s shoulders, once again trying to be more of a mother. “This is new to all of us. We need to test the waters together. If school proves to be too much, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “All right,” Greg said reluctantly. “But Brooklyn, you have to promise to tell us if school is too much to handle right now.”

  “Okay. I promise.” It was her new name that was hard to handle. Ben and Gabe walked in and sat down on the couches with everyone.

  Greg chimed in, “We need to practice what to tell people when they ask about Brooklyn and why she’s here.”

  “Dad, we’ve gone over this a hundred times,” complained Ben. “This is important,” answered Greg. “If Brooklyn goes to school, then you can tell your friends she’s your cousin. Otherwise, we are going to wait a while.”

  Ben opened his cell phone and sent Sara a text: “Please don’t say anything about my cousin being here. We’re not sure how long she’s stay
ing.”

  After about ten minutes, Ben’s phone buzzed with a text message from Sara: “2 late B. Ppl know. Will she b coming w/u to Jordan’s party tnite?”

  “Mom,” Ben said abruptly. “I forgot about Jordan’s party tonight. I have to get ready. Can you drive me?”

  Mary laughed. “You are not going anywhere, mister. You’re grounded for the rest of the weekend for that stunt you pulled earlier today.” Ben didn’t argue back. His sentence had just been reduced from a week to a weekend. Instead, he looked at his phone and decided to turn it off. Responding to Sara would open a can of worms that he certainly didn’t want to do in front of an audience; because Sara definitely would not understand how Ben could possibly be grounded or that he was spending time with his family. Sara didn’t know the meaning of family time. He slipped the phone back in his pocket and silently prayed Sara would forgive him.

  After spending a few hours together, the family dispersed. Brooklyn went up to her room with Rachel, and together they started putting all of her new things away. The walk-in closet became full and her room looked less like a guest room and more like a teenage bedroom. Her new shoe rack overflowed and the drawers of her dresser and shelves of her closet were filled with new clothes for a new life. The only thing missing in Brooklyn’s mind were pictures of her family. Unfortunately, those would never get put up in her room.

  “Do you think people will ask about them?” Brooklyn asked as she sat down on her bed. “My family, I mean.”

  Rachel sat down next to her. “Yeah, I do. This isn’t going to be easy for you.”

  Brooklyn’s eyes began to water. “Thanks.” She swallowed hard.

  “I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon. I have to get back to California.”

  Brooklyn had mixed feelings about Rachel’s departure. Rachel had been there when Brooklyn was alone in the hospital. She wanted to blame Rachel for making her leave her extended family behind and not allowing her to go to the funeral. Brooklyn was happy Rachel was leaving, but that meant she was going to be left in a house with true strangers. Rachel embraced her back and then pulled three small bottles out of a bag.

  “From the doctor you saw in California” Rachel handed her one of the bottles that contained white pills. “Take two of the Trazadone before you go to bed. One to two of the Lexapro every morning for anxiety and depression,” she said, holding up another bottle. “And one or two of the Xanax when you’ve reached your breaking point and feel like everything is falling apart. The directions are all on the bottles in case you forget. Your new doctor will continue to monitor your medication and progress. If you want, the medication can be a secret between you and your doctor.” She put the bottles down on the desk.

  “Am I weird that I need to take this stuff?”

  Rachel flashed a quick smile back at Brooklyn. “Nothing or nobody is normal. In fact, there is no formal plan for any of this. All we can do is try to support you and guide you in the right direction. You just have to trust that the medication combined with your therapy is the best way of getting you back to what you consider as normal.”

  “But I have to talk to someone who helps crazy people.”

  “No, you’ll talk to someone who helps regular people feel like themselves again. There’s no shame in that. It’s perfectly . . .”

  “Ordinary?” asked Brooklyn.

  “Yeah,” she nodded. “Try to get some sleep,” she said as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

  Brooklyn walked into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. “I miss you guys. I wish I was with you.” After brushing her teeth, washing her face, and washing down the pills with some water, she walked back into her new bedroom. Climbing into her warm bed, she flipped on the television. After finding a comedy movie on TV, she set the sleep timer to one hour and turned off the light.

  Brooklyn was beginning to get comfortable when she felt the drugs starting to kick in. “Good night, me,” she whispered to herself, clutching her favorite stuffed animal, a white bear. That was the only possession she had been allowed to take with her from her old life.