“There’s only one thing I want,” she said.
She had that look again. It was the middle of the day. Anyone could walk into her room. This place was crazy, with staff running around.
“Can we lock the door?” I asked. Then I got up and checked. No lock. Just the curtain around her bed.
“People can respect my privacy,” she said. “Just because I’m a patient doesn’t mean I have fewer rights than other people. It’s rude how they barge into my room without even knocking.”
When she put it like that, it did seem strange.
“So, show me what Stacy taught you,” she said.
I remembered what Stacy had said about this being a minefield, and with Fiona being particularly sensitive after having had her bandages removed today, I had no choice. Okay, maybe there was a big part of me that wanted this too. I was no saint. I just didn’t want anyone walking in on us.
“We need a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for that door,” I said. “Remind me to get one from the hotel.”
Fiona laughed. I sat on the bed beside her. It was one thing to talk about this, but the logistics were a whole other thing. I started by stroking her face.
“Does it feel horrible?” she asked.
“It feels different. Not horrible.”
Then I kissed her. She strained toward me, but I put my hands on her shoulders, holding her back.
“Just relax. You can’t move much.”
“Maybe you need to tie me up,” she said.
I looked at her left arm. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea at the moment. But maybe when your arm’s better.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
I kissed her again, trying to control myself as much as her. This would be a test for me, that was for sure. I took my lips from hers and traced along the line of her scar with my lips. She flinched, but that didn’t stop me. Then I made my way to her earlobes, then down her neck.
“You’re teasing today,” she whispered.
“Oh, and I’m going to tease you more.”
“It’s not nice to tease an invalid,” she said.
“I think you’ll like this kind of teasing.” I ran my finger along the line of her collarbone. “This is the definitely the fun type.”
She moaned as my finger moved lower. When her back arched, I held her firm.
“Relax,” I told her again.
“That’s easy for you to say.”
“It’s not that easy, actually. It’s totally not easy.”
I flipped down the strap on her camisole and kissed her shoulder. Already, her nipples hardened. That slinky fabric hid nothing. Maybe I should see about getting her some more frumpy sleepwear when she could leave her room. I wasn’t sure the rest of the patients should see her like this.
“You’re amazingly tempting,” I told her.
“Don’t hold back.”
“Oh, I’m going to hold back. Sorry, but that’s the way it has to be.”
She moaned as my mouth moved to her breast. I kissed her lightly, but even those light kisses had her squirming, so I had to stop and pull myself away.
“This will take forever if you keep doing that,” she said.
“Did you have any other plans for the day?” I asked.
She giggled.
“No squirming,” I said. “No arching your back, no moving that arm. Except moving it so I can take this camisole off you.”
“I can do that,” she said.
“Good, because otherwise I’d have to rip it off.”
She lifted her arms over her head.
“Does it hurt?”
“No.”
I took hold of the delicate fabric and removed it. For a moment, I just looked at her, reveling in her amazingness.
“Don’t just look,” she said.
I put my lips to her nipple and sucked gently. I pressed myself closer to her, wanting to feel her skin against mine.
She started to squirm, then stopped herself before I could pull away. Her breath caught, as I took her entire nipple into my mouth, and her fingers raked through my hair. Controlling myself became harder and harder, but I had to put my own urges on hold. If I couldn’t do that, it’d be better to walk away entirely.
She tugged harder on my hair.
The taste of her had changed, maybe because she wasn’t using the expensive toiletries she normally used. The smell of her had changed as well. I wanted to explore those changes.
I ran my tongue down her belly. She jolted and tried to move away, but she tightened her hold on my head. I could smell her arousal. I wanted to touch her, but I kept up the slow pace. I couldn’t ruin things now.
Still, I put my hand under the blanket and ran it along her thigh. I wanted to ask her if anything hurt, but I didn’t want to kill the mood.
She wiggled down on the bed, and I took the blanket off her completely. She only had those skimpy little shorts on, and those shorts were soaking wet.
Fiona’s breathing became more labored. She wanted this so much. I knew that. I wanted it too. I wanted to make her forget everything but the pleasure of this moment, but I had to do that without letting her go too far.
I moved my lips lower and lower, brushing them over the thin fabric. She gasped, and I pulled away.
“No,” she said.
I’d moved to the danger zone now, in more ways than one. This was the point where I had to be fully aware of how she reacted.
She raised her hips so I could take off the shorts. As I slipped them down over her thighs, I watched her face for any sign of pain. All I saw there was pleasure.
Chapter 21: Fiona
MATTY INFURIATED ME. Teasing, taunting and infuriating. The way he kept pulling away from me when I wanted more, so much more, his mouth so close that his breath tickled my skin.
I balled the bed sheets in my hands, knowing any movement from me would stop him. My body tensed, but I was in no pain except for the pain of unfulfilled lust.
“Don’t stop now,” I whispered, my voice full of need.
Matty smiled up at me from between my legs. His eyes shone with lust. He still desired me, and knowing that meant more than any physical sensation he aroused in me. I went all woozy and weak. As much as I loved having him between my legs, I also wanted him in my arms with his body close to mine.
Then his tongue made contact, and all other thoughts flew from my head. Oh, God, that man really knew what he was doing.
Every time I moved, he pulled his head away.
Was that supposed to help? The need to come built up inside me like a damn tidal wave. Every cell in my body strained for relief. I shut my eyes and tried to control my breathing. I wouldn’t react. I wouldn’t give him a reason to stop. But, damn it, I needed this so much. Staying still proved almost impossible.
As his tongue probed deeper, I cried out. I wanted to explain that he hadn’t hurt me, but the words wouldn’t form. They came out as groans.
Luckily, he didn’t stop. He teased his way up and down my slit, working magic with his tongue. I didn’t need teasing, I needed release.
When his tongue lapped at my clit, I almost jolted. My hands gripped the bed’s edges, white-knuckled with tension.
The pressure increased, still not enough to push me over the edge, but damn, it felt good. I became buoyant and alive. Floating on the pleasure, my breath ragged with sharp, sudden gasps.
I wanted to reach for him, to thread my fingers through his hair just to touch him, but I couldn’t let go. I’d fall without that solid contact.
Then, suddenly, the wave crashed. I grasped the bed edge tighter and smothered my screams in the pillow. Tears flowed down my face, and their salty wetness stained my lips.
I might not be much of a woman any more, but I could still feel. I still had a man who desired me and wanted to give me pleasure. My body quivered with aftershocks.
Matty moved to lie beside me and caressed me until I almost purred. “Was that okay?” he asked. “I mean, you didn’t feel any
pain anywhere?”
I shook my head. I felt no pain. I felt nothing but a relaxed calmness.
We lay on the bed together for a long time. I wasn’t sure if it was comfortable for Matty, but I didn’t want to say anything to make him move away. My tears kept falling, and Matty wiped them away. He didn’t ask me why I cried which was good, because I wasn’t sure myself. They weren’t tears of sadness, and they weren’t tears of joy.
I decided they were tears of saying goodbye to the old Fiona, because I had to accept that. No matter what the future held, I’d have to face it as a different person. I could no longer rely on the things I’d taken for granted, and every day would be a struggle, but so long as I had Matty, I’d be fine.
While we lay together, everything seemed right for the first time since the accident.
“It must be dinnertime soon,” Matty said, sitting up.
“Shit. Nurse Lucy is coming in for a makeover. Put my clothes back on me!” I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.
He got fresh pajamas out of the closet and helped me dress. Then he checked his phone and blanched. “I’ve got to go,” he said.
Huh? That was sudden.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“Nothing.” He smiled, but that smile didn’t seem one bit sincere. “You might not want me in the way for your makeover session, is all.”
Matty never lied to me, but at that moment, I knew he was full of it. It wasn’t the makeover session, but something he’d read on his phone. Something he wanted to keep from me. The closeness between us had been like a security blanket, keeping me safe from the world. But in an instant, that blanket fell away and left me with nothing.
“Fine. Leave, if that’s what you want.”
“I’ll be back in an hour or so. I want to see the results of your work.”
Even though he said that, his gaze kept flicking back to the phone screen. If he wanted to leave, I wouldn’t stop him.
“Don’t bother. I’ll want to rest after that.” I folded my arms and turned away, not watching him leave the room even though I wanted to scream for him to stay.
Chapter 22: Matty
AS SOON AS I GOT BACK to my hotel room, I called Ash.
“The guy’s a nut, Matty,” he said when he answered. “A total freak show. He doesn’t want money, he wants the fame. The fame! Can you believe that? It’s not like he wrote a rock classic. JFC! ‘Candy-Colored Kitten’. We released some shitty songs, but that one was by far the shittiest.”
I paced. This wasn’t the news I’d wanted. “What did he say?”
“He wants his name known as the songwriter. He won’t even talk money.”
I walked to the window and looked out. Nothing to see but the hospital. From here, I could see Fiona’s room. I knew exactly which one it was. She’d be in the middle of her makeover by now. Even though she was angry when I left, I couldn’t discuss this around her.
“Surely, we can pay him off. Everyone has their price.”
I hated being the kind of person who’d say that, but I’d seen enough of life to know that most people would do anything if you paid them off. This wasn’t the first time someone had thought they could come after us. An out-of-court settlement usually fixed things. Their sole motivation was cash, no matter what they said.
“Not Nutty McNutjob. Trust me, I offered him enough money for him to live in pig heaven for the rest of his life. He’d want for nothing. But the guy knocked it back.”
I groaned. I didn’t need this. I really didn’t need it.
“Surely, we have some grounds. He would’ve signed a release at the time.”
“Yep. The lawyers have all that, but without a settlement, it’s going to be one hell of a court case, and we do not want to go to court. We can give him the rights and hope that slips by without notice. The court thing will not be quiet, no matter what. He wants the whole media circus. He wants his face on TV and his name known. Any other time, I’d say he could go for it. He has no idea what he’s in for, and the media aren’t going to treat him well. But Fiona—”
Fiona.
I had no idea what to do.
“Can we make him sign a non-disclosure along with the rights?”
Ash took in a deep breath. “We can, but we have no guarantee he’ll stick by it. I asked the lawyer about having the guy committed. That seemed like a reasonable solution to me, but the lawyers say it won’t work. No idea why. Wanting credit for ‘Candy-Colored Kitten’ is definitely not a sign of a healthy mind.”
“The main question is, what do we do about Fiona.”
I kept pacing. I couldn’t sit still and discuss this.
“I hate to say it, mate, but if things get heated, you’re going to have to stay away from her.”
I groaned. “That’ll be hard. She’s not in a good way. Some of the time, she’s fine, but she has her moods.”
Ash laughed. “Well, that’s normal for Fiona. She’ll always have her moods. You’ll have to explain, but hold off on that for a while. The guy might see sense.”
“I’ll talk to the hospital,” I said. “Surely, they must have security arrangements in place so the media can’t just slip into someone’s room.”
Ash laughed. “That’s naive, don’t you think? You know those guys. They’ll do anything to get the photos they want. If they have to dress as hospital staff, they’ll do that. Or they’ll bribe one of the real staff to get the shot for them. Shit, this is a mess.”
He wasn’t wrong. But some security was better than nothing at all.
“She told me not to go in to see her tonight, but I guess I should. You know what she’s like.”
“Yeah, I know what she’s like, and I know what you’re like. She’s testing you, and you know what? You should take her at her word. She’s recovering, I get that, and probably in more pain than she’ll ever let on, but sometimes you have to say ‘screw you’ to her games. You can’t spend your entire live guessing what she wants. Spend some time with your parents, and then tomorrow, she’ll be doubly pleased to see you.”
Ash’s words made sense, but I hated leaving her alone. I wasn’t sure about anything. I knew what her moods were like, and I knew that sometimes I had to walk away, but that didn’t make it any easier.
After I’d finished talking to Ash, I met up with my parents. We went to dinner, but I wasn’t good company.
“You have to look after yourself, too, Matty,” Mom said. “You’re recuperating too. If you run yourself ragged looking after Fiona, you’ll have nothing left to give.”
I nodded. I’d been told that so many times, but looking after myself wasn’t something I cared that much about. It seemed to me that the best thing I could do to look after myself was to be with Fiona. It was only then that I could relax.
I hadn’t told Mom and Dad about the crazy songwriter. I didn’t want to tell anyone until I had to.
I picked at my food. Even though it was delicious, I had no appetite. When Mom and Dad wanted to go for drinks afterward, I told them to go ahead. I’d return to the hotel. They both argued. My brooding silence probably made them both uncomfortable.
I got to my room, determined not to give in and visit Fiona. I sat watching the light in her window. As much as I wanted to return to the hospital, Ash had been right. I should stay away. I had too much on my mind. Maybe tomorrow, this whole mess would blow over.
I kept watch until it was too late to return to her. Visiting hours were long over. Still, I stared at her window, wondering what she was doing.
Finally, her light went out, and I could sleep.
Chapter 23: Fiona
NURSE LUCY’S MAKEOVER didn’t quite go to plan. With the use of only one arm, I couldn’t do half the things I wanted to do. Mostly, I instructed her on what to do. I did a few things like her eyeliner myself.
“We’ll have to give the false eyelashes a miss, I think,” I said. “That might be too high-level to do one-handed.”
“Probably a good th
ing. I’m not a false eyelashes person.”
“Oh, it’d be something natural, not drag queen lashes.”
I glanced at the door. Matty hadn’t come back yet. It’d been over an hour.
After a few finishing touches, Lucy was ready for her date.
“I look so glamorous,” she said. “Not at all like a frumpy nurse.”
I laughed. “I guess winged eyeliner isn’t a priority when you’re working.”
She nodded. “But I should make more effort. A bit of makeup wouldn’t hurt. And now I’m free. A night on the town. Anton will be shocked when he sees me.”
“Have you been dating long?” I asked.
“About six months.”
“Getting into serious territory, then.”
Lucy shrugged. “I hope so. He’s been on the fence, but hopefully tonight he’ll realize what a hot babe I am. Too good to let go.”
I smiled. I hoped so too.
Doing the makeover left me a little depressed. I’d assumed that once I got these bandages off and started to heal, I’d be able to cover the scars a little, but the reality was that, until my arm got back to normal, I didn’t have the skills to do that.
Once Lucy had left, I waited for Matty. Surely, he wouldn’t really take me at my word and stay away. But then, I’d been so grumpy with him. As soon as I’d said those words, I’d regretted them. He’d left, and all I’d wanted to do was call him to come back. Then I remembered he was keeping something from me, and I tried to wipe him from my mind.
A nurse came in with my dinner. I pushed the food around my plate. It wasn’t very appetizing.
By the time it got to about nine o’clock, I gave up hope on Matty. Maybe he wanted to spend the night with his parents. That was understandable. He hadn’t seen them for a long time.
I picked up the phone beside my bed. I’d call him and tell him how miserable I felt.
But then, if he did come in, it’d only be out of pity. I hated people pitying me the most. I put the phone away from me.
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