I could spend a night alone. I picked up one of the magazines, but fashion magazines were filled with pretty people. Their clear skin taunted me from the pages. I’d taken that for granted once.
I put the magazine back, then turned on the television. The voices annoyed me.
Everything annoyed me.
I tried to work out what had gone wrong with Matty. He’d gotten a message from someone. If it’d been a problem with his parents, he’d have told me. If it’d been something small, he’d have told me. Something had pulled him away from me.
The logical conclusion was an issue with the tour. Maybe Damo. Damo was angry with Matty for missing so many shows. That was the kind of thing Matty would never tell me. I’d told him to rejoin the tour, but he’d said he wanted to be with me. I wanted him with me too, but I didn’t want him ruining his life.
I had to be stronger, push him harder, instead of thinking about myself.
I wouldn’t apologize for my harsh words. I’d be even more moody and horrible until he no longer wanted to be with me.
No. That wouldn’t work.
I had think of some way to get him back on that tour, though. There was less than two months left, and if Matty didn’t return soon, they’d replace him with another guitarist.
The easiest way to do this would be to get better fast. Or at least convince Matty that I had. I had to do something. No matter what, I had to get Matty back to his regular life.
I’d been way too selfish.
Chapter 24: Fiona
THE NEXT DAY, MATTY came in with his parents. I put on a smile, which wasn’t hard because Matty’s parents were lovely.
“I bought you a rug I crocheted,” his mom said, getting it out of the bag. “I’m not sure if it’s stylish enough for you, though. It’s just a handmade thing.”
I nearly cried when I saw it. The only thing my mother had ever made me was a sandwich. Then she’d yell at me to go outside and eat it because she had “company” coming over. Thinking that someone would spend hours laboring over a project like this choked me up. I wasn’t sure how to thank her.
“It’s amazing,” I said. “The colors are just beautiful, and the work you’ve put into it—thank you so much.”
I spread the blanket over my legs and stoked the soft wool. It made me sad to accept such a gorgeous gift while I’d been planning to push Matty away, but I could hardly refuse it on those grounds.
“It’s nothing much. Not like the expensive designer things you’d have.”
“But designer things I have are just things. I don’t think anyone has ever made me anything like this before. I’ll think of you every time I look at it.”
Matty’s dad got out the phone he’d bought me and set it all up.
While the two of them chatted, Matty hardly got a word in. Then his mom fussed around, tidying things that didn’t even need tidying.
“I’ll buy you some sleepwear tomorrow,” she said. “I’m not sure those skimpy things you have on are best for hospital.”
I looked down at my camisole. “I’m stuck in bed all day, so only the nurses see me. And Matty.”
“Still,” his mom said, “you’ll be out of that bed in no time and zipping around the hospital. You don’t want to give some of the old men around here heart attacks, because if they see you dressed like that, that’s what’ll happen.”
I laughed, but Matty looked strange, as though the idea of me leaving my room worried him.
After a while, Matty excused himself and went out. His mom kept chatting with me, so I couldn’t ask him what was going on. Maybe I wouldn’t need to push him away. Maybe he’d go on his own.
It seemed to be getting more and more that way. He’d lied to me. He’d made excuses to leave me alone.
That feeling of closeness between us yesterday had been a real thing. At least it’d seemed that way to me, but maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see. Maybe, for Matty, it’d been a pity fuck. Well, a pity fooling around. Who knew? I couldn’t straight up ask him, but I wasn’t an idiot.
The signs all pointed to a guy who was pulling away. And if he pulled, I wouldn’t stop him from going.
When the nurse came in with my lunch, Matty’s mom waved her away. “I’ve made her something,” she said.
The nurse scowled. “We have a special diet designed for our patients.”
But Matty’s mom wouldn’t hear a word of it. She got out the food she’d made, and it was amazing.
“I couldn’t do much,” she said. “I only have a microwave at the hotel. But hospital food can be so bland.”
While I was eating, Matty came back into the room. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but he just smiled and sat down. He really wasn’t going to talk about this.
Not long after that, the nurse came back to tell them to leave. This time, she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“You can come back tomorrow,” she told them. “Fiona’s not used to so many visitors.”
“I’ll stay,” said Matty.
The nurse shook her head. “Give your girlfriend some private time. It’s been a big morning for her.”
I wanted to argue, but I wanted to sleep as well. All this had tired me out.
“I’ll be back after lunch,” Matty said.
After they’d left, I kept stroking the blanket his mother had given me. With Matty, I wasn’t just getting a fantastic man, I was getting everything I’d ever craved: a loving family. His parents had never once acted like they pitied me. But maybe, if I kept holding Matty back, that would change in time too.
Chapter 25: Matty
ASH CALLED ME THAT night. The worst had happened.
“Before we could talk him out of it, he went to the papers. The damn fool. At least we got a bit of warning, but by tomorrow, this whole sorry story is going to be everywhere.”
My stomach sank. It did more than sink. It plopped like a lead weight. I’d have to talk to Fiona. The situation had reached the point where she had to know about it.
I’d spoken to the doctor and then to one of the hospital administrators. They’d said they’d do as much as they could when it came to security, but they couldn’t guarantee anything. I’d thought as much. They advised me to hire my own guards for her. Even that wouldn’t stop a determined paparazzo, but I contacted a few security companies. It wouldn’t be cheap, but there was no way I’d leave her without some kind of security.
I needed to talk to her now. Tonight. I wanted to be able to explain face-to-face. The story hadn’t broken yet, but as soon as even a whisper of that scandal got out, I’d have to stay away from her.
I pulled on my jacket and rushed to the hospital.
When I got to her floor, the nurse tried to stop me from going into her room.
“Sorry, this is important,” I said, brushing past her.
“Visiting hours ended twenty minutes ago. It doesn’t matter who you are. Rules are rules.”
“I said, this is important,” I snapped.
I hated talking to her like that, but I couldn’t let her delay me. I walked into Fiona’s room, daring the nurse to stop me.
Fiona was still awake. “Matty? What’s up?” she said when she saw me.
“We need to talk,” I said.
“Oh.” Fiona’s voice was quiet.
“I won’t be able to see you for a while,” I said.
She didn’t look at me. Instead, she gazed at her hands, folded in her lap. “I understand. That’s fine.”
“I don’t think you do understand,” I told her. “There’s been a huge fuck-up.”
I explained the situation to her, the whole “Candy-Colored Kitten” disaster.
“Ash says the guy’s crazy. He just wants to make a news splash for the sake of it, but it means I’ll be under scrutiny for a few weeks. I’ll have reporters watching me, following me around. The whole paparazzi shit.”
Fiona nodded but didn’t say anything.
“I don’t want to expose you to that,” I said. “A
s soon as anyone sees me coming to the hospital, the reporters will be on it like rabid dogs. And that’ll lead them to you.”
She finally looked up at me. “I’ve said all along, you should go back to the tour. I’m dragging you down.”
I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away from me. It felt like she’d built a solid wall around herself, keeping me on the other side. I wanted to break down that wall, but I couldn’t. Not right now.
“I think in this case, I’m the one dragging you down,” I told her. “You don’t need this right now, and the only solution I can think of is for me to stay away. We can still phone and talk. It’s not like it’ll be forever. In a week or so, they’ll be distracted by other things.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “God, Fi, this is the absolute last thing I wanted.”
“Don’t fret, Matty. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll get a guard organized so no one can get into your room.”
“Go back on the tour and don’t worry about me.”
She kept saying that, but going back to the tour wouldn’t help. “I don’t want to go back on the tour,” I said. “You know I want to stay here and look after you.”
She turned to me then, her eyes blazing. “I don’t want you to look after me. I want to be left alone. Don’t you get it? You’re just going to cause me problems, and it’s not fair on me. I have enough to worry about now without the risk of them plastering photos of my ugly face all over the papers. I want my privacy and I want my space, so you should just run along. You’re too famous now. You’ll always be a problem for me.”
I wanted to argue with her, but what could I say? She wasn’t wrong.
“I’ll call you in a few days, after this all dies down.”
“Don’t bother. Maybe it’s better to make a clean break. Think of the future. If I’m with you, I’ll always have media attention, and that’s exactly what I don’t want. This thing will blow over in a few weeks, sure. But you’ll still be famous. I was a model, a face on a billboard. People forget that easily, and anyway, no one is going to look at this face and connect it to the person I was. It’s not even about the media attention, but some kid snapping a pic on their phone if we go somewhere to eat or a fan posting to the internet. No matter what, I can’t stay private if I’m with you. You think I need you, but really, you’re just being selfish wanting to stay with me. You’re not thinking about the most important thing, which is my privacy.”
She didn’t look up at me. She didn’t even get angry.
“We can’t just be over,” I said.
“Actually, yes, we can. It’s not a big deal. We had fun, but we don’t belong together.”
I lingered for a while, wanting to talk about this, but Fiona didn’t want to talk.
“I need to sleep,” she said. “Leave now.”
I walked back to the hotel, not quite sure what the hell had gone on there. It was another one of her moods. It had to be. She needed time to think this over. But it was most definitely not the end.
Chapter 26: Matty
I GOT STRAIGHT ON MY phone the next morning, expecting to be the trending story. After checking a few sites, I took a deep breath. The story hadn’t broken. Yet. It was just a matter of time, but time was exactly what I needed. It meant I could go back to the hospital and talk things over with Fiona.
After a night’s sleep, I was sure she’d see things differently. It’d only be a week or so, and the whole scandal would blow over. No one had that long an attention span nowadays.
All night, I’d considered what she’d said. The stupid thing was that I’d be happy to quit the tour, get totally out of the spotlight and settle down somewhere with her. Neither of us needed to work, and I sure as hell didn’t need fame. We could buy a place in the country and get a dozen dogs, maybe rescue dogs that no one would adopt. Or we could live in the city. A tropical island, even. I’d be happy to do whatever Fiona wanted.
Once I quit, we could get totally out of the public eye.
It was way too early yet for her think about what she wanted, but we had options. We had options that most people in the world only dreamed about. That was the most important thing, and I needed her to see that. In her mind, there were only two possibilities: that I kept on with the tour and had career success, or I stayed with her and made some huge sacrifice, but to me, there were no sacrifices.
Being with Fiona wasn’t an obligation, and it wasn’t a burden. It was my heart’s desire. If only I could get that through to her.
I put on a hat and glasses to go to the hospital. Things might be fine now, but by the time I wanted to leave, who knew? It didn’t take long for a story to hit these days.
When I got in the elevator, Nurse Mary got in as well. “You’re looking fine,” she said. “Mighty fine.”
I nodded to her. “Feeling fine, too.”
But that was a lie. I felt like a ball of nerves, like a schoolboy on his first date. I had so much to say, and I had to get this right. I didn’t have much small talk in me, and it didn’t take long to get to Fiona’s floor. I went straight to her room.
Her empty room.
Her empty bed.
I looked around. Every trace of Fiona had disappeared. No flowers, no clothes. Nothing at all. One rose petal remained on the floor near the bed, darkened and dried up.
I rushed to the nurses’ station. What the hell had happened?
The doctor had mentioned the risks, but Fiona’s recovery had been going so well. Was she back in ICU? Why hadn’t they called me?
My heart pounded as a covered the small distance.
The nurse at the station didn’t look up.
“Excuse me,” I said.
“Just a moment.”
I took off my glasses and cap. “I don’t have a moment. My girlfriend’s gone. What’s happened to her?” I pointed to Fiona’s room while looking wildly around. I didn’t know what I expected. That Fiona would appear out of thin air, laughing about my stupid panic?
The nurse kept up with her paperwork, and I wanted to shake her. Couldn’t she see that this took priority over everything else? I wanted to snatch that paperwork away from her.
“The doctor will be here shortly,” she said.
The doctor? Damn it. That didn’t sound good.
“Please take a seat,” the nurse said.
Because, yeah, I’d sit down calmly and wait in a situation like this. Fiona had seemed fine last night. A little down, but still fine. I shouldn’t have left her. I should’ve sat by her bedside all night. I walked down the hallway a little, trying not to get too upset.
“Matthew?” Dr. Roche said.
I steeled myself for the worst. “Where’s Fiona?”
“We’re moved her.”
“ICU? God, what happened?”
He put his hand on my arm. “Nothing like that. She requested the change.”
I nodded. “Where is she? Tell me so I can go to her.”
His mouth drew into a thin line. “That’s the thing. She’s asked that we tell no one where she is.”
“Except me, right?”
He shook his head slowly. “No. Especially you. She was emphatic about that. She said being separated from you would help her recovery, and while I don’t agree with that, we take patient confidentiality very seriously here. She’s removed your name as next of kin from all her records. This is as much as I can tell you, I’m afraid.”
I collapsed onto one of the seats lining the hallway and buried my head in my hands. “What can I do?”
“There’s nothing you can do, not at the moment. If she reconsiders, she’ll contact you. Recovery from something like this isn’t a straightforward process, and the mental aspect is as important as the physical one. I’ve seen the way you look after her, and I don’t agree with her decision, but my hands are tied.”
For a moment, I considered rushing through the hospital, checking every single room until I found her. She had to be in this building somewhere.
“Don’t loo
k for her,” the doctor said.
Were my thoughts that transparent? “I can’t just let go.”
“You have to, I’m afraid. You really have no other choice.”
I had to have choices. This couldn’t be the only option, that Fiona disappeared and I accepted it. I’d said I’d do anything for her, but breaking up with her wasn’t a thing I could do.
Deep down, I wondered if she did blame me for that accident. Despite her words, she had to feel some resentment toward me. I’d caused the accident that had ruined her life, and now I’d become part of a scandal that would expose her. No wonder she wanted to get away from me.
I wanted to slam my fist into the wall, screaming and cussing, but that wouldn’t bring her back, and it wouldn’t undo the damage I’d caused.
As I left the hospital, I checked my phone. The story had hit. Boy Band Lies, the headlines said. StarX Stole My Song.
The shit storm had begun.
Chapter 27: Fiona
I CRIED AFTER MATTY left. I knew I’d done the right thing, but that didn’t make it hurt less. It had to be like this—I’d known it all along. But instead of letting him go, I’d clung to him. For just a short while, I’d thought we could make a go of this, but I’d been wrong. It was better to let him go now than to watch him slowly slip away. If he stayed with me out of obligation, he’d end up resenting me. Every day, I’d see him love me a little less. Every day, that special way he looked at me would diminish.
He’d spend all his nights around girls much more beautiful than I could ever be now. Girls who’d throw themselves at him. Matty might be a good man, and he might be a noble man, but he was still a man. There was only so much temptation a man could resist, especially when the alternative was heading home to someone with a ravaged face.
I’d told him to go away so many times before, and it’d never stuck. I knew if I stayed in this room, in this bed, he’d be back and we’d make up and it’d be just like before.
Wilde Freak (Rock Stars on Tour, #4) Page 9