I stood at the side of the stage watching Wreckage play before we went on. Those guys had grown from strength to strength, and Elijah had kept ribbing Damo about how he’d cope when his girlfriend became more famous than he was.
Mostly, I didn’t spend much time with the other guys. Not now that they were all paired up—it made my loneliness more pronounced. A few times, I’d been out drinking with Jax from Wreckage and a couple of the other guys. Fartstard, the tour manager, always joined us and made inappropriate jokes all night. I wasn’t great company, though. I’d never been one for drowning my sorrows.
Damo moved to stand beside me. “Great crowd tonight. It’s going to make going back to normal life seem boring.”
I nodded. With the other guys living in the States and me living in Australia, it seemed like a bigger breakup.
Wreckage finished their set, but the audience screamed for an encore. The opener band never did encores, but Damo gave a nod. It wouldn’t give us much time to get ready to go on, but what the hell. It was the last night.
Fay’s vocals screamed out loud. She had a helluva voice for a tiny girl, a little bit gritty and a little bit country and definitely the type that sent shivers down your spine. As she sang, she moved around that stage as though standing still wasn’t even an option.
They finally got offstage and the lot of us went backstage, but we only had a few minutes before we had to get into position. I gulped down some water, checked my hair, then picked up my phone. I didn’t normally check it backstage, but some impulse made me pick it up.
When I read the message, I almost dropped the phone again.
“Come on, Matt,” Damo said. “No time for mucking around on your phone.”
I gave him a little wave, then read the message again. It had to be a joke.
Damo grabbed my arm. A signal it was time to go, no arguments.
“I’ve got a message,” I said. “From Fiona.”
He let go of my arm. “Everything’s fine?”
“She says she’s here. At the show. It’s got to be a joke.”
My body went clammy just saying those words. I couldn’t believe they were true.
“I’ll give you a moment,” he said, then walked off, leaving me alone.
I couldn’t phone her. She’d never hear me, but I sent her a message, still not sure it wasn’t someone playing a sick joke on me.
“Go to the sound desk,” I typed. “I’ll send someone with a pass.”
She hadn’t said she wanted one, but she’d messaged me, so surely she wanted to see me. I tried to bury the hope growing inside me. If this was a joke, I’d find the person responsible and rip them apart with my bare hands. But who’d send a message like that? It was from her number.
Before heading to the stage, I found Fartstard.
“Fiona’s going to be at the sound desk,” I told him. “Get her a pass. Make sure you find her.”
He saluted and was about to make a smart remark when he saw my expression.
“No worries,” he said, and rubbed my arm.
A smart remark would’ve been preferable to that bit of closeness.
On stage that night, the music flew out of me as though my playing was inspired by angels. The other guys were on a high because of it being the final night, but I had more than that inspiring me.
She was out there somewhere.
I played for her and no one else. I wasn’t even sure how I got through the set.
Being on that stage with thousands of people separating us drove me a little crazy. I played for her, but more than that, I wanted her in my arms.
I hated relying on Fartstard. He was no Cupid, that’s for sure. If I checked my phone onstage, Damo would kill me. There was not one single reason in this world that he’d forgive that. Not one.
Knowing she was here and missing out on seeing her would destroy me. I kept scanning the crowd, but there was no way I could pick her out amongst all those people. I’d check my phone as soon as we went off. I’d have a bit of time before the encore, maybe ten minutes or so.
Just thinking that made me glance over to the side. My phone was still there with my other stuff. I missed a note on my guitar as my heart missed a beat. Fiona stood in the shadows.
I finished the song with shaking hands and a lump the size of a boulder in my chest. This damn song couldn’t end fast enough. We finished, and I rushed to her, barely taking the time to pull my guitar off me.
I had so much I wanted to say, but none of it mattered as I swept her into my arms. Talking could wait. Was this a dream? If it was, I never wanted to wake up. I pressed her body against mine, the joy of feeling her almost unbearable. Her arms winding around my neck, her breath on my skin: all I wanted in this life.
I wasn’t sure how long I held her, but Damo grabbed my arm.
“Encore,” he said.
“Don’t go anywhere,” I said to her. “Do not move.”
Even with thousands of people screaming, I could only look at Fiona. She was more beautiful than anything I’d ever seen in my life.
Chapter 34: Fiona
LILLY HAD TOLD ME TO search Matty’s eyes for signs of pity, but I couldn’t do that when he held me so tight. If Damo hadn’t pulled him back onstage, he might never have let me go.
It had taken every last ounce of my courage to come here, but it was the last show, my last chance. It’d taken all my powers of persuasion to convince the doctors to let me come, too. And I’d paid way too much money for a scalped ticket, but I’d done it.
Then I’d taken the train to get here. A few people had given me strange looks, but I’d ignored them, and they’d quickly turned away. One thing I realized now was that I couldn’t live my life in seclusion. I had to be around people, and they’d stare at times. I didn’t like it, and I hadn’t gotten used to it, but I hadn’t let it hold me back, either.
Traveling here, I’d thought about messaging Matt a thousand times. I’d debated if it was right or wrong. I could watch him from the crowd without him even knowing I was there and then leave, returning home knowing I’d seen him one last time.
But once I got to the stadium, I knew I wouldn’t be happy with that. Seeing Matty onstage would never be enough for me.
I’d sent the message, unsure he’d get it before he went on. When I got his message back, I’d rushed to the sound desk. Fartstard had met me there with the pass. The way he avoided looking at my face almost made me laugh. The guy was way too awkward, and I guessed he thought he was being sensitive.
Excitement surged through me as I pushed my way through the crowd. Fear, terror, apprehension—the whole mix. My hands were sweating and my stomach lurched, but I went anyway. I had to know.
I flashed the pass at security and walked up to the stage area.
While Matty played, I hid in the shadows. I didn’t want anyone to see me, not Polly or Fay or any of the crew. I’d made it this far, but I wasn’t ready for their pity and concern.
Then he saw me, and the world seemed to stop. I noticed his hands shaking as he played, even if no one else did.
When the song stopped, I froze. What would he do?
I wanted to explain, but he’d squeezed the words right out of me. When his arms wrapped around me, I knew I was in the right place.
I didn’t regret leaving him. I’d needed that time to discover things for myself, and now I could be with him, whole and healing. I might never accept things in the graceful way Lilly did, but I had reached a place where I could accept Matty’s love.
He went back on and did the encore. I kept watching, and Fay and Polly joined me, linking their arms with mine. Fay kept patting my arm, too. It was sweet, but a little too much touching for my liking.
“You’re back,” she said when the band went quiet between songs. “I missed you.”
I turned to her and smiled. Shit. That wasn’t what I’d wanted to do, showing my face to her. A flicker of pity came over her face, but then she smiled back. I hadn’t put on any makeup, and
while the scars weren’t as red as they’d once been, they were still very visible.
Matty finally finished, and he rushed me to the backstage area.
“What are you doing here? Where have you been? Shit, don’t answer, just kiss me.”
He swept me into another kiss, a kiss that made everything in the world seem right. I clung to him, wanting to touch every part of his body.
Finally, he pulled away. There was no pity in his eyes when he looked at me. Even with my damaged face, all I saw was longing and hope.
“I love you, Fiona,” he said. “You have to know that. That love will never change, even if you do. I’m not sure how to make you understand that, but you have to accept that I’ll never stop loving you.”
I ran my hands up his chest. “I’m sorry for ever doubting that, Matty. I’ve been an idiot. I’m never going to be perfect, but I’m working on being better.”
He leaned toward me, whispering in my ear, “There’s no better. You’re perfect as you are.”
Of course Matty would say that because he was a big sap.
“I’m going home,” I told him. “I want to be treated at home, not in some foreign hospital. I want to be close to the people I love.”
“We’ll go home together,” he said, his gaze not leaving my face.
“Hey, you two, enough of the mushy stuff,” Fay said. “I know you want to screw each other’s brains out, but it’s the final night of the tour, and we need to party.”
The last thing I wanted was to go out partying. And Fay wasn’t wrong: screwing each other’s brains out was high on our agenda.
“At least go back to the hotel for a quickie, then come and join us,” she said. “Damo’s booked out one of the bars at the hotel for us, so it’s not like you have to go far. You’ll regret it later if you don’t. Who knows when all of us will be together again?”
“Well, with half of Wreckage dating half of the Freaks, it’s not going to be that long,” Matty said.
People swirled around us with all the usual backstage madness.
“Am I the only one still single on this tour?” Fartstard said.
“I’m single,” Jax said. “And, no, I’m not hooking up with you. Forget that idea right now.”
I laughed and held Matty tighter. No matter what happened, I’d never let go of him. When I got home, I’d send Lilly a long letter thanking her. In the end, I’d needed more than Matty’s love to be with him. I’d needed to learn to love myself.
Before I could even collect my thoughts, Matty swept me up in his arms. I held him tight around the neck, worried he’d drop me.
“Fay had the right idea,” he said quietly amongst the madness. “Back to the hotel for a quickie.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
Chapter 35: Fiona
MATTY SLOWLY UNDRESSED me, then kissed his way down my body.
“I thought this was supposed to be a quickie,” I said.
He laughed. “Not that quick.”
“You know it’s okay now. I’ve got the all-clear.” Then I squirmed as his kiss hit my belly button.
“Maybe, but I still want to take my time.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that. He could take all the time he liked.
He moved back to kiss my lips, and I stripped his t-shirt from him. “I’ve missed this,” I said.
“Oh, you haven’t missed me, just my body?” he asked. “I didn’t know you objectified me like that.”
“I’ve missed it all.”
He traced his fingers over the scars on my face, and this time I didn’t stop him. I didn’t even flinch. I didn’t exactly love it, but I loved that he could accept all of me.
“What are we going to do when we get home?” I asked. “I’ve been thinking about going back to school.” I wasn’t sure if I could hold a sensible conversation while he was doing that thing on my neck, but I wanted to get things settled.
“That’s a great idea.”
“And you’re going to continue with the Freaks,” I said.
“I am. I tried to deny it, but it’s something I need to do.”
I worked my fingertips over the muscles of his chest. I’d forgotten how good his body felt. “It is,” I said. “You have so many opportunities that you can’t hold yourself back for me. Even if we have to be apart, we’ll handle that.”
He kissed me and interrupted my train of thought. Every bit of passion I’d been holding back until now got released in that kiss. No man would ever be right for me, not in the way Matty was. I held him tighter, as tight as I could. I wanted to meld my body into his. Everything I had, I’d give to him.
Then someone knocked on the door.
“Hurry up! The party’s starting,” Fay called.
“We’ll be there soon,” Matty said.
“You’d better be,” she answered.
I laughed. “We really should join the party.”
Matty kissed me again. The party could wait.
He trailed his fingers down my side, and I shuddered with the anticipation of it all.
“Are you sure you have the all-clear?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t have a certificate or anything, but I’m not going to break.”
His fingers moved across my belly, and I gasped. It’d been way, way too long. How had I survived this long? My cravings for him turned into something much stronger. My entire body pulsated for him. I bit into his shoulder as his fingers moved lower. He’d better not even think of teasing like he had at the hospital. This need for him was primal.
When his fingers moved inside me, I arched my body. Oh, fuck, I needed him. It took him no time to bring me to the edge. This orgasm had been building for so long. My fingers dug into his shoulders as I reached the edge.
Then I screamed, his fingers doing their magic. The world became nothing more than Matty and me.
“You okay?” he asked.
Of course I was okay. I wrapped my legs around him, drawing him to me.
I screamed out again as he entered me, then bit into his shoulder to quiet myself. My insides buzzed with pleasure. Not just the pleasure of him fucking me, but the pleasure of him loving me.
The future had changed for us. Maybe our lives had been too charmed before, but that had only been one of many possible futures, anyway. Matty had his music, and I had so many things I wanted to explore. The two of us would do that together.
My world went fuzzy as the pleasure built up inside me. I come, exploding inside from the pleasure only he could give me.
Matty flopped beside me. Neither of us speaking. Neither of us needing to.
Eventually, he moved. “We should get to this party,” he said.
“We should shower first,” I said with a giggle.
“We’re never getting to the party, are we?” He raised himself up on his elbow and stared at me.
I’d thought I’d never want anyone looking at my face again, but when Matty looked at me like that, I felt beautiful.
If I could always see myself the way I was, reflected in his eyes, I could grow to love myself. Not as a pretty face, and not as a product on a billboard, but as a woman proving myself worthy of his love.
THE END
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If you want more from this rocker world, the best reading order is:
Rock Savage
Come Back
Come Closer
Come Clean (Matty’s story)
Rock Stars on Tour:
Guitar Freak
Sex Freak
Hard Freak
Wilde Freak (continues Matty’s story)
Also, check out my other rock romance series:
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Jack Colt - he’s arrogant and infuriating but he’s the one that’s there for me when my world comes crashing down. With secrets of his own, will Jack Colt save me or destroy me?
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About me:
Candy J. Starr used to be a band manager until she realised that the band she managed was so lacking in charisma that they actually sucked the charisma out of any room they played. “Screw you,” she said, leaving them to wallow in obscurity – totally forgetting that they owed her big bucks for video equipment hire.
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Wilde Freak (Rock Stars on Tour, #4) Page 12