IT WAS ALWAYS YOU

by Erika Kelly

  And that was unacceptable.

  He tried a different angle.

  Cassian: If you can’t come to Calamity, I’ll visit you in between sessions.

  His thumb tapped the screen as he waited for a response. Nothing. Not a single sound inside the room.

  Cassian: Are you on your way to the airport?

  Back off. Give her some space.

  Fuck. Leaving her left him panicked.

  But he had to do it.

  He turned and headed for the elevator.

  * * *

  The van idled, ready to go.

  Cassian stood outside, waiting. The early morning air had a chill to it.

  “Everything okay?” Kevin asked.

  He could only nod. Couldn’t pry a single syllable out of his throat—because his heart was jammed in there. The van was full—everyone was ready to head to the airport. Except… “Where’s Gigi?” His bones turned brittle, and his skin prickled. Tension strung him so tightly he thought he might crack.

  “She took an earlier flight,” Kevin said.

  “Are you kidding me?” Macy leaned out the door with a fist full of paper napkins. “But I came prepared.”

  Everyone laughed, but Cassian’s hope had crashed and burned.

  Kevin climbed into the passenger seat, and Cassian sat beside the actor before shutting the door.

  Gigi made her decision.

  And it’s not me.

  As the van pulled away from the hotel, he sank into the loss.

  Macy set her hand on his knee. “You okay?”

  “Sure. Tired. Didn’t sleep much last night.”

  She gave him a squeeze and picked up her book.

  As they turned onto the boulevard, Cassian finally looked up, noticing a group of people gathered at a bus stop, some cars lined up in the McDonalds drive-through lane…life going on around him. Slowly, determination rolled in like the tide.

  This is not over.

  He’d visit her every chance he had—even if it was only one night between camp sessions.

  It’ll never be over.

  Chapter Eleven

  Cassian nodded to the flight attendant.

  “Welcome back.” She gave him a big grin, as he pushed past her. If the jet had a gym, he’d be hitting the treadmill right now.

  Anything to break through the tension. Instead, he fell into a seat apart from the others.

  Dammit. If he hadn’t already missed the first week of camp, he’d go straight to LA. He needed to see her. Find out what she was thinking.

  “Can I get you something?” The attendant seemed concerned. She’d worked for the Cavanaughs for years. She was used to seeing him a lot friendlier. “Coffee? Juice?”

  “I’m good. Thanks.”

  She gave a nod and moved on.

  He pulled out his phone. No new messages since he’d arrived at the terminal twenty minutes ago. Restless, anxious, he needed a distraction. He’d brought a book but knew he couldn’t concentrate. The words would fade, and he’d be right back in that hotel room, fucking Gigi against the wall. His spine tingled, and he shifted in his seat.

  He glanced out the window. He needed to do something, so he scrolled through his social media sites, but nothing—fucking nothing—calmed him down.

  Where is she right now?

  What’s she thinking?

  He knocked out a text

  Cassian: Miss you.

  Then, he waited. Nothing. No response.

  That’s fine. He didn’t need her to respond. Just needed her to know he was thinking about her.

  “Hey, you guys.” That voice.

  Gigi.

  Adrenaline crashed his system, making him jittery.

  “Hey, girl,” Grant called. “Thought you took an earlier plane?”

  “And stay away from you guys? Where’s the fun in that?” She kept walking, until she stopped right in front of Cassian. “That seat taken?”

  Holy shit. She’s here.

  Wired, he patted the cushion next to him. “All yours.”

  She smiled and sat down, the energy between them electric.

  “Change of plans?” he asked.

  “Yep.”

  Happiness streaked across him. “Good.”

  “It’s Scraggles’ tenth birthday. So, you know, double digits. It’s a big one, so I can’t miss it.”

  “You not only have the ugliest dogs but the worst names for them.”

  “Scraggles is a perfect name. He looks all scraggly.”

  “Okay, but maybe he’d like a more uplifting name, something that would inspire him to groom better.” Ridiculous conversation, he knew. But without it, he’d be grabbing her ass and hauling her onto his lap.

  She’s giving us a chance.

  “You’re a nut.”

  The flight attendant came by with a warm towel for Gigi. “Morning. How’d the tour go?”

  “It was amazing.” Gigi picked it up and shook it open. “Thank you.”

  He took the one offered to him. “Thanks.”

  As soon as she moved on, he leaned into Gigi, crowding her space, and said, “So, this is happening? You and me?”

  A pink flush spread across her cheeks. “Yes.”

  He thought his heart might punch right out of his chest. He reached for her hand, turned it over, and pressed a kiss to her palm.

  For one perfect moment, she held his gaze, and the connection was so powerful it crackled. He felt the joy of it, but also the relief. Finally, they were together.

  But then she got this look of concern and pulled her hand away.

  Oh, hell, no. “What was that?”

  “Cassian, if we do this…it can’t get out. I’m trying to save my career.” She leaned closer. “And you are, too. The squeaky-clean pop singer can’t hook up with the Bad Boy Quarterback. It’ll ruin us.”

  Damn, she was right. Coach would lose his mind if he knew Cassian was debauching the lead singer of the Lollipops. “Okay.” Especially after the threesome debacle. “We don’t have much time until I leave for training camp, and you go back in the studio. So…I’m good with keeping this private, but I want this. I want all of you.” He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss, but the heat coming off her skin, the scent of her, Jesus, it made him crazy, and a simple kiss turned wild.

  Her hand came around the back of his neck, and she lifted to get closer to him. He loved it, loved the stroke of her tongue, the desperate sounds she made.

  Abruptly, she pulled her mouth away, gripping his neck and pressing her forehead to his chin. “I’m afraid to see if they’re watching us.”

  “We’ve been around them all week. They know, and they’re not going to say anything.” Everyone had shared personal struggles. No one would rat anyone out.

  She settled back in her seat. “This isn’t going to be easy, you know.”

  “What isn’t?”

  “Keeping your hands off me. And no dirty talking or looking at me with sex eyes in public.”

  “I can’t not look at with you sex eyes, but…I promise, when we’re in Calamity Joe’s waiting for coffee, I won’t wrap my arms around you from behind so you can feel how hard you make me. I won’t tilt your chin up so I can kiss that hot mouth that makes me think very fucking dirty thoughts. And I definitely won’t reach down to squeeze that perfect ass and slide my fingers between your legs just to get that shiver out of you that turns me on so much.” He liked the way she squirmed, liked the desire churning in her eyes. Oh, fuck yeah.

  Is this real? Am I really talking to Gigi Cavanaugh about grabbing her tight ass?

  She shuddered and gazed out the window.

  He leaned closer to her ear. “What about when we’re hiking? If there’s no one around, would it be cool if I put your hands on a tree trunk, pulled down your shorts and panties, and went down on you from behind—right there on the trail?”

  She closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip.

  He lowered his voice even more. “When my teammates go for b
eers at the Tavern, and you walk in with your friends…since you can’t sit with me, can we at least agree on a hand signal, so we know when to meet in the bathroom and I can fuck you in one of the stalls? I’d really like to do that.”

  She whipped around to face him, looking grumpy. “How did you know I fantasized about all of that?”

  “Because I did, too. Every single day.”

  “Did you?” She looked so serious, so intense. “Are you just saying that, or did you really fantasize about me that way?”

  “I was so in love with you I couldn’t see straight. All I did was fantasize about fucking you. You want to hear something funny? My first thought when your dad talked to me, told me to stay away from you, was, Shit, he knows. He’s seen all the filthy movies I’ve made in my head with his daughter.”

  She slipped her arm through his and whispered in his ear. “I wish we still had our tree house. I want to act out every one of those fantasies with you.”

  “I’ll build a new one.”

  “It won’t be the same.”

  “It’ll be better.”

  She settled back in her seat, her hand caressing his forearm. “Truth or Dare?”

  “Truth.”

  She shifted towards him. “Even if it hurts me, I want the truth. Can you give me that?”

  Oh, shit. Please don’t ask me about other women. “But I don’t want to hurt you, ever again.”

  “Nothing hurts worse than what I make up in my head. The truth, I can live with.”

  “But I want to build, Gigi. I don’t want the past to drag us back down.”

  “We can’t build without truth.”

  “Okay.” Fuck. Images flashed through his mind. The places he’d rented for his teammates over the years. The clubs, bars…the women waiting outside his hotel room. Inside. The truth of his life sickened him. It had all been so empty.

  If he’d known he had a shot with her, he would never have touched anyone.

  “Over all these years…did you think about me?”

  “Of course…Jesus, Gigi, I never stopped thinking about you.”

  “No, I meant did you fantasize about me. You know, like when you were alone at night or in the shower, was it ever me that got you off?”

  He barked out a laugh.

  She smacked his leg. “Never mind, you jerk.”

  “No, I’m sorry. It’s just…you don’t get it. Yes, I fantasized about you. In fact, I’ve never fantasized about anyone but you.”

  “I’m the only currency in your spank bank?” She said it like she doubted him.

  The flight attendant appeared with a tray of coffees, and they shook their heads with a quiet, No, thanks. After she moved on, he said, “I’ve only ever fantasized about you.”

  “Good.” She faced forward, looking pleased with herself. “This is going to be fun.”

  “Are you saying the only reason you’re coming to Calamity is to play out our sexual fantasies?”

  “Are you saying there’s something you’d rather do?”

  His jaw snapped shut. “Nope. I’m good.”

  “To be completely transparent, the only fantasies I’ve had about you over the past nine years involved pain and humiliation, but luckily I have an extensive catalog from high school to refer to.” She smiled. “We’ll try to fit in as many as we can before you have to report to training camp.”

  “Tell me one of them.”

  “One of my sex fantasies?”

  He nodded, shifting in his wide leather seat.

  “Right now?” She leaned in, all flustered.

  “Yeah, rock star. Right now.”

  “Well. Okay.” She sat all prim and proper, which looked ridiculous with all that platinum blonde hair and those shorts with knee-high socks. “So, there were a lot that took place in school. Especially under the bleachers. I pictured you running off the field after practice, your hair tousled, your eyes all hot and hungry. You’d find me waiting there, lift me off the ground, and just…kiss me. It pretty much ended right there, because I didn’t know what kissing led to back then.” She gave him a sly grin. “But I do now.”

  “What else?” He motioned for her to hurry up. “And let’s kick it up a notch.”

  Her eyes glittered with humor. “Hm, well, there was one about oral sex…”

  “Go on.”

  “I’d be sitting in Algebra II, which you know was like Mandarin Chinese to me, and I’d imagine getting on my knees between your legs, unbuttoning your jeans, and pulling out your cock. Licking it like a lollipop.”

  “We’re definitely recreating that one.” He tipped his head back, closing his eyes. There was nothing he could do to stop the flood of fierce desire rushing through him. He wanted to see those amber eyes gazing up at him with heat and lust, wanted that hot tongue on his dick. Wanted to feel her swallow while she had him at the back of her throat. “Fuck.”

  “You okay there, QB?”

  “I’m going to need a minute.”

  “I have lots of other scenarios. Should we make a list?”

  “Yeah, that won’t be necessary.”

  * * *

  The moment the jet landed, Cassian growled in her ear, “Tonight. Nine o’clock.”

  “Sounds good. You coming to my house?”

  “Fuck, no. I’m not chatting with your parents. Just be at my house at nine. And don’t bother with underwear.”

  In the air strip’s lobby, the group hugged and shook hands with promises of doing another tour together. The others were being treated to a night at the fancy spa in Owl Hoot, including dinner with the Cavanaughs.

  Cassian needed to get to camp. “All right, I’m out of here.” He hitched a thumb toward the exit. “Dean’s waiting for me.”

  “Me, too,” Gigi said. “My sister’s here. Take care, you guys.” She gave Grant one more hug, before following Cassian out.

  “You probably shouldn’t walk out with me.” He didn’t need the paps snagging a picture of them together and then making up some story.

  “We just went on the same tour, so it’s not a big deal to walk outside together.”

  He reached the door and held it open for her. “I want to skip camp and go home with you right now.”

  On the sidewalk, her steps faltered, and he nearly crashed into her. She stared at a car waiting at the curb. She cut a hard look at him, her expression one of betrayal and accusation. “What’s she doing here?”

  In her white shorts and platform shoes, big sunglasses and hair worthy of a Texas parade, Amie leaned against his car. “I have no idea.” He’d specifically told her not to come.

  Everything soft and easy in her turned hard. “Cassian, so help me God, if you’re fucking with me.” She broke away from him.

  Heat blistered across his skin, making him break out in a sweat. “Hey, hey.” He reached for her arm to pull her back. “Stop. You know I’m not.”

  “Don’t touch me like this. There’re people all over the place.”

  “Dean’s supposed to pick me up. I don’t know why Amie came instead.”

  “Listen to me very carefully. If that woman has feelings for you…you’d better figure that out right now. If we have a shot at anything here, you have to draw some lines.”

  “She doesn’t have feelings for me.” He leaned in. “There’s only one line, and it’s already been drawn. There’s you, and there’s the rest of the world. Period.”

  She searched his eyes before looking away. “We should go. Before someone takes a picture of us.”

  “I’ll see you tonight.” He watched her hustle toward a black Land Rover with tinted windows. The passenger side window rolled down, revealing her sister, a world-famous chocolatier. Coco gave him a hard look. I’m watching you.

  Yeah, well, watch me all you want. He’d make no mistakes with Gigi.

  Pissed, he headed toward Amie.

  As he approached, she raised an eyebrow. “Did I nail that one or what?”

  “What’re you doing here? Dean’s supp
osed to pick me up.” Even in a tiny air strip in Calamity, there was no privacy. It was impossible to control the images that got uploaded onto social media.

  “I know, but we’ve got a problem, and he’s handling it. So, I get to fill you in on everything you’ve missed in the last twelve hours.” She started around to the driver’s side of his gleaming Porsche Panamera Turbo—which he only got to drive a couple months out of the year, since he lived in Boston and Calamity, two places with some of the worst weather in the country.

  “You drove my Porsche?”

  “Well, I wasn’t about to pick up Cassian Ellis in my Kia.”

  “Keys.” He held up a hand, and she tossed them to him. Before lowering into the seat, he glanced over to find the Land Rover pulling away from the curb. His heart ached in that familiar way—of wanting her but not being able to have her. Not completely.

  He got into the car and turned the ignition. “I told you this in Kansas, and I’ll tell you again. I don’t want us to be seen together. If Dean can’t pick me up, I’ll take a cab or rent a car. But I’m not risking another shot of us going viral.” As he headed out of the parking lot, Amie watched him.

  “What?” He wanted to check in with Gigi, but he’d have to wait.

  “I just knew it.”

  “Knew what?”

  “You and Gigi.”

  “There’s nothing going on. She’s here to visit her family.” He was absolutely not talking to anyone about Gigi. Especially someone who wanted to be on a reality TV show.

  “Oh, come on. I just saw the two of you together. You’re into her, and you did something to piss her off.”

  “I piss everyone off.”

  “Uh, no. Just the opposite, actually. You make people happy. You make the guys feel proud of themselves, and you make women feel like everything they say is important—you make them feel special. It’s just what you do. One week with the Lollipop…you worked your magic on her.”

  He wanted to slam the brakes and make things very clear, but he needed to get to camp. “We knew each other in high school. Her dad coached me. End of story. Now, what’s the problem? Is it the Walker kid?”

  “Bingo.”

  Apparently, fourteen-year-old Walker Lovett had brought a bad attitude to camp. Worse, he had strong leadership abilities—only, he used them for evil. In this first week, he’d snuck out of the dorm in the middle of the night, broke into the kitchen while the other campers were in their afternoon elective, and got his table to boycott dinner two nights ago by streaking around the fire road, before climbing the fence and jumping into the pool.