Beautifully Broken Control

by Catherine Cowles

  She returned my smile and walked a few steps closer. “Did you get him around here? My husband and I are looking for another Cavalier breeder because ours retired.”

  I forced my muscles to stay relaxed. It was a normal question. “No, nowhere near here, unfortunately.”

  “Drat.” Chuck came back and dropped the ball into my lap yet again. “Louie, learn from him, would you?” The dog just looked up at his owner with a happy pant, and the woman sighed. “I’m Laura, by the way.”

  I gave a little wave. “Kennedy. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “You, too. Well, we’ll let you get back to fetch, but I’m sure we’ll see you around. Maybe we can have a doggie playdate.”

  “That’d be fun.” As I watched Laura and Louie walk off, I realized I’d meant what I said. It would be fun. I wasn’t as hesitant to let others in as I once was. Sure, I was careful, but I had friends now. A community.

  My phone buzzed next to me, and I glanced down. Davis Barrington has been granted parole. A lead weight settled in my belly. Less than two years in prison and my father was going free. Those acid tears gathered at the backs of my eyes again. Emotions all over the map swirled within me.

  I squeezed my eyes closed, pulling my knees to my chest as I let my head fall. I couldn’t imagine what a life in prison, even one for white-collar crimes, would be like. But I knew none of it was pleasant. I didn’t want my father hurt or in pain, but I also longed for justice for his victims. Who decided what was just, though? I knew it wasn’t less than two years in prison before walking free. Yet there was a bit of relief that my dad would be safe now. How did I come to terms with the emotions warring inside me?

  How could you love someone and hate them at the same time? I loved my father, but I hated what he’d become. What he’d turned me into. A face I couldn’t look at in the mirror. A liar. A thief. The reason that four people were dead. How did I live with what my own life had cost others?

  “Why are you scowling?” I looked back down to the onion I was chopping so I didn’t accidentally cut off a finger. My head hadn’t exactly been in the game since learning that my father was about to walk free.

  Anna’s scowl deepened. “I’m not scowling.”

  My lips twitched. “It just got worse.”

  “Whatever.” She poured a can of tomatoes into a large pot.

  “Come on, tell me.”

  “There’s a new resident, and I don’t trust him.”

  My laughter deepened. “You’re paranoid.” Anna got this way about every new resident. She trusted no one until they passed her test. What that test was, I had no idea. I could just tell when someone had made the cut.

  Anna pelted a carrot at me as the kitchen door swung open. “What’s going on in here?”

  That deep voice skittered across my skin, leaving chill bumps in its wake. “Just Anna thinking the new resident is one of your bandits.”

  Cain’s expression grew serious as he looked to Anna. “You don’t like someone?”

  “It’s not a matter of like, it’s a matter of trust. This one”—she pointed at me with the can opener in her hand—“is far too trusting.”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, I’m just not paranoid like the two of you.” I knew there were plenty of bad people in the world. And I knew better than most that they could be closer than you ever would’ve guessed.

  Cain leaned against the counter. “Get me his full name, and I’ll run him.”

  Anna opened her mouth to agree, but I waved a hand between them. “Oh, no, you don’t. Doug runs a background check on anyone who comes through that door. This poor man deserves his privacy. He doesn’t need you two playing Charlie’s Angels.”

  Cain’s lips twitched in a way that had my eyes zeroing right in on his mouth. “I hope I’m Charlie.”

  “No, you’re the one who wears the low-cut catsuit.”

  He shook his head and crossed to the sink, sticking his hands under the spray. “So, angels, what’s on the menu tonight?”

  Anna grinned. “Spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad.”

  “One of my favorites.” He wiped his hands on a towel.

  My gaze followed the movement, focusing on his knuckles. They were bruised. What had he—? “Oh, shit!” I dropped the knife on the cutting board, but it was too late. Blood seeped from my finger where it had a nice, long gash. “Shit, shit, shit.”

  Cain was in front of me in a flash. “Kenz, what—? Oh, fuck.” He instantly pressed the towel to my wound. “Here, sit down on the stool.” He ushered me back to the seat. “Anna, do you have a first-aid kit?”

  She was one step ahead of him and unzipped a kit on the island in the middle of the kitchen. “I told you to be careful. When will you learn?” She pulled out some sort of antibacterial spray, gauze, and tape.

  Cain carefully removed the towel. “This might need stitches.”

  I shook my head fiercely. “No stitches.”

  He probed the wound, and I winced. “Scared of needles?”

  “Something like that.” I was scared of an emergency room bill when I didn’t have health insurance.

  Cain continued assessing the wound. “Anna, do you have super glue in the office?”

  “What in the devil for?”

  “Just trust me.”

  “All right.” She headed for the office.

  Cain met my gaze. “It hurt?”

  I swallowed hard. “It doesn’t feel like puppy kisses.”

  “We’ll get you fixed up.” He shook the bottle of antibacterial spray and coated my finger. I sucked in a breath. “Shit. I didn’t think it would hurt, or I would’ve warned you.” He blew gently on my hand.

  “Sometimes, it’s better not to know the hurt’s coming.”

  Cain’s eyes met mine again, the dark blue in them almost seeming to glow. “Never can prepare for pain, I guess.”

  “I found some!” Anna jogged back into the kitchen. “Jeez, you two look like you’re about to make out. How can you make almost slicing off a finger look sexy?”

  I choked on my laugh, but Cain just held out a hand for the glue. Anna huffed. “‘Thank you, Anna, for running your sweet ass to the office and back. I really appreciate it.’ Is that too much to ask?”

  Cain shot Anna a grin that would’ve melted the panties off a nun. “Thank you, gorgeous.” He made an exaggerated motion of checking out her backside. “And that ass is sweet.”

  Anna began fanning herself. “Boy, you are lethal.”

  “Glad you know it.” He focused back on my hand, pinching the sides of the wound together.

  I squeezed my eyes closed. “Is that really necessary?”

  “If you refuse to go to the hospital like a sane person, then yes, it is.”

  I felt something liquid and cool hit my finger. It stung but only slightly. Then there was more blowing air. I kept my eyes firmly closed.

  Cain squeezed my hand. “All done.”

  I cracked open a single eyelid. My cut was sealed closed, and the glue was dry. “How’d you know to do that?”

  A shadow passed over his eyes, and I was immediately sorry I’d asked. “Secrets of a misspent youth.” He said the words with a smile, but it was forced. A lie. I hated that smile just a little bit. “Since I’m the doctor on record in this case, you’re going to have to let me examine your hand once in a while, make sure it’s not infected.”

  I rolled my eyes and tried to remove my hand from his grasp, but Cain held firm. “That’s the deal, or I throw you over my shoulder and drive you to the nearest hospital right now.”

  I threw up my free hand. “Oh, fine.” I muttered something about overprotective alpha males under my breath.

  Cain ignored me and placed the offending knife and bloodied cutting board in the sink. “And I think you’re done with knives for a while.”

  “What else am I supposed to do around here?” The things I was allowed to help with in the kitchen had become a dwindling list.

  Anna pressed her lips together, t
rying to hold in her laughter. “You can do the dishes.”

  Cain looked to Anna. “Maybe we should get her one of those metal gloves some chefs wear.”

  Anna grinned. “We’re probably better off just getting her a full body suit made out of the stuff.”

  Cain shook a finger at her in agreement. “Not a bad idea.”

  I let some sort of annoyed growl escape. “I hope you both sit on an extra-prickly cactus.” They dissolved into laughter. “You can make dinner yourselves. I’m going to hang out with Lizzie.”

  16

  Cain

  I pushed through the kitchen door and out to the rec room to tell Kenz we were ready to serve dinner. What I saw halted me in my tracks: Kennedy executing a series of spins, jumps, and contortions. How was it possible for a body to even bend like that? Her hair, not tied back, flew around her, the red in it catching in the gleam of the overhead lights. She was breathtaking. Graceful. Powerful. And something so unique, I couldn’t find a word to capture it.

  As she came to a halt on the other end of the room, Lizzie jumped up and down, clapping and squealing. “Kennie! I want to do that! Can you teach me? Can you?”

  Kennedy laughed as Lizzie sailed towards her. “I sure can. But it’s going to take a lot of practice. Think you can do that?”

  Lizzie nodded in earnest. “I’ll practice every day after preschool.”

  Kennedy wrapped her in a hug. “You’ll get there in no time.”

  “That was impressive.” My voice seemed to catch in my throat as I spoke, as though I’d forgotten how to talk.

  Kennedy started at the sound. “I didn’t see you there.”

  “You were pretty focused. That was amazing, Kenz. Where’d you learn to dance like that?”

  A flicker of shadow passed over her eyes, and her shoulders seemed to tense. “I studied ballet for a long time.”

  It was a non-answer. Obviously, she’d studied. You didn’t get to be that good without endless hours of classes and practice. But I’d gone on a few dates with a ballerina, and I knew that those kinds of classes, the ones that taught at such a high level, didn’t come cheap.

  I wanted to push. To force her to give me more. To find out what had caused that shadow, to make sure there wasn’t a threat of whatever it was returning. I pushed it down. Live in the uncomfortable. I said it over and over in my mind. I didn’t want to push Kennedy away. I didn’t want to scare her off. The thought alone should’ve sent me running for the hills, but it didn’t.

  “Well, it’s damn impressive.”

  Lizzie pointed at me. “You said a bad word.”

  I looked down at the little pixie standing in front of me. “You’re right. Never say what I do.”

  She giggled. “It’s okay. I’m no snitch.” Kennedy and I burst into laughter. “What? What’s so funny?”

  Kennedy ruffled Lizzie’s hair. “You are, gorgeous girl. And making people laugh is a gift. Cherish it.”

  Lizzie beamed with pride. Kennedy was so good with her, and I found myself yearning to watch her teach. I couldn’t imagine anyone being made for something more. My mind continued to spin, picturing her teaching her own little ones.

  I cleared my throat, trying to get my runaway thoughts under control. What the hell was wrong with me? “I came out to tell you, dinner is ready to be served.”

  Kennedy arched an eyebrow at me. “Oh, and am I allowed to touch it?”

  I chuckled. “I might have to tape potholders to your hands so you don’t burn yourself.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Just wrap me in Bubble Wrap, why don’t you?”

  “Now, that’s an idea.” I looked down at Lizzie. “Do you have any Bubble Wrap?” She just giggled and shook her head.

  Kennedy moved towards her shoes in the corner, and as she went to slip them on, I saw that one of her toenails was almost black. “What happened?” My voice came out more harshly than I intended, but it couldn’t be helped.

  Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  I gestured to her foot. “Your toenail?”

  “Oh, that’s nothing. Just a bruise.”

  She made it sound as if she’d just bumped it, but it was more. “How did it happen?”

  Kennedy slipped on her shoes and shrugged. “I danced with shoes that need replacing. It happens.”

  My jaw tightened, that familiar clicking sound in my ears. “Why haven’t you replaced them?”

  “I just haven’t had time. But I’m going to go get some new ones this weekend.”

  “What are you going to dance on in the meantime?”

  She winced, and I knew she was going to use the same shoes that had injured her in the first place. I opened my mouth to say that I’d get her some damn shoes tomorrow, but she held up a hand to silence me. “I don’t have to go up on pointe in my classes for the next two days, it’ll be fine. And Jensen is going into Pine Ridge this weekend, so I’ll just tag along and get my shoes then.”

  I nodded, and we headed for the kitchen. Dinner prep went off without a hitch. Or mostly without a hitch. I’d noticed the new resident—Jay, he’d introduced himself as—watching Kennedy a few times. I couldn’t blame the man, she was beautiful, but I didn’t have to like it. I’d introduced myself to him, hoping to get a last name so I could run him, but all I’d gotten was: Jay. I’d just have to keep a close eye on him for now.

  “You’re really good with Lizzie.”

  I was jolted back to the present moment by Kennedy’s voice. “She’s a great kid, which makes it easy.” I hadn’t been around kids much since college and hadn’t realized how much I missed the dynamic. I’d always been more of a father to Kiara than a brother, and I missed that. Having someone to care for, guide, make laugh.

  Just like always, the warm memories of all the good times my sister and I shared were followed by an assault of horrible ones. The knowledge of what had happened to her. The understanding that it’d likely happened because I wasn’t there.

  Kennedy touched my shoulder gently, a silent question in her gaze.

  “Sorry. Just lost in thought.” More like lost in a nightmare.

  “Okay.” She didn’t sound as if she believed me.

  “Cain, you have to go. We need you there.”

  I let out an exasperated growl as I paced in front of the community center. “Why is this so important, Jake?”

  “We need to show everyone that it’s business as usual, even though we lost the Criterion account. Attending the gala will give us a chance to ease frayed nerves. Plus, I want an update on the new program, and I know your paranoid ass isn’t going to give that to me over the phone.”

  He was right about that, but there wasn’t exactly a lot to update him on, my progress had been minuscule. I eased onto a bench, closing my eyes and tipping my face up to the sky. “I hate these things.”

  The sound of papers ruffling came over the line. “I know you do, but you always make it through alive.”

  I grunted. I couldn’t explain it, but ever since receiving the news of Karen’s passing, it was as if my shields didn’t work as well as they usually did. The reserves I had to deal with all the crap in my life seemed non-existent. I felt like one raw nerve. And that made me feel weak as hell. But the thought of going to this event, having to don that mask I wore as protection, had my chest constricting in a painful squeeze. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Thank you. Talk soon.”

  I hit end on the call and set the phone down on the bench. I rubbed the spot between my pecs, trying desperately to get the tension to release. It only got tighter. Fuck. Going to this gala would be a disaster.

  “Cain?” Kennedy’s melodic voice cut through the evening air.

  “Hey. Sorry I disappeared on you guys, I had to take a call.”

  She sat down next to me on the bench, tucking one leg under her and turning to face me. “Not a great call, I take it.”

  I shook my head, staring out at the forest beyond the parking lot. I had the sudden urge to
run into the trees and get lost in there, never to return again.

  Soft fingers wrapped around my biceps, the touch reassuring, a promise that I wasn’t alone. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m here if you want to talk.”

  My gaze traveled back to the woman next to me. She was a storm wrapped in beauty and grace. She held fierceness and gentleness in equal measure, and it eased something in me. It was her tender kindness in that moment that had some of the pressure in my chest releasing. “I have to go to an event in Portland. It’s bad timing on every level. I hate these kinds of things in general, and I just don’t have a lot stored up right now to handle it.”

  Understanding lit Kennedy’s features. “I’m sorry. Can I do anything?”

  “Go with me.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, but as soon as I heard them, I knew they were true.

  She blinked rapidly. “Why me?”

  This was one of those make or break moments. If I held back, I’d lose the small chance I had of her agreement. “You ease something in me. I can’t explain it.” Our gazes locked. “I don’t trust many people, but I trust you. Don’t make me do this alone.”

  She released her hold on my arm, and I missed it instantly. “How long would we have to stay?”

  “Not long. Just enough time to shake a few hands, pose for a few pictures, and then we can hop in the jet back here.”

  “No pictures.”

  My gut clenched. She was hiding from something. “No pictures.”

  Kennedy nibbled on her bottom lip. “I assume this is black-tie?” I nodded. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  “Don’t worry about that. Just get me your sizes, and I’ll have my personal shopper send over some options.”

  She shook her head. “No, don’t do that. I’ll ask Jensen. I bet she has something I can borrow.”

  I squeezed my hands into fists but stayed silent. I didn’t want her borrowing from Jensen. I wanted to do something nice for her. Spoil her for once. But Kennedy didn’t want a damn thing from me. Why did that burn so much?