Beautifully Broken Control

by Catherine Cowles

  “About what?” Her voice was tight.

  “Being a bit of a douche canoe.”

  She spun to face me. I thought my comment would at least earn me a little laugh, but no such luck. Instead, there was fire in Kennedy’s green eyes. “If you know that’s how you’re acting, why do it?”

  She deserved the truth. “Honestly? It’s habit. It’s how I get through these events. I don’t know if this will make any sense, but I play a character when I come to these things. It’s like putting on a suit of armor before doing battle. If I play someone else, then everything I have to deal with doesn’t touch the real me.” I’d never told a soul that, not even Walker or Tuck. Only Kennedy.

  Her shoulders that had been rigid with tension dropped a hair. “I get it. More than you know. I just don’t like the character you play very much.”

  I gave her arm a squeeze. “I don’t like him very much either. So, why don’t I throw him away for the night?”

  “Think you can do that?”

  “With you by my side? No problem.”

  Kennedy melted into my side as we headed for the bar. The tension was gone, and the warmth was back. She seemed to fit perfectly against me, her long, willowy frame melding to the hard planes of my chest. With the four-inch stilettos, she was the perfect height that if I dipped my head, I’d be able to kiss her neck… Fuck. I did not need to be thinking about that.

  “What can I get you, ma’am? Sir?” I was jolted back to the present moment by the bartender’s voice.

  Kennedy placed her purse on the bar. “Do you have Perrier?”

  “We do. Would you like a lemon in that?”

  “Lime, please.”

  “Of course. Sir?”

  “Soda water with lime in a rocks glass.”

  The bartender nodded and turned to prepare our drinks. Kennedy looked up at me. “Do you not drink?”

  I shook my head. “No.” Alcohol had been such a part of that downward spiral in college, I wouldn’t risk it again. I wanted all my faculties about me at all times. “You?”

  She smiled up at me. “I do. Perrier is just my favorite drink.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll have to remember that.”

  The bartender returned with our drinks, and we headed out to brave the crowds. The way Kennedy handled my business associates, you would’ve thought she’d been doing this her whole life. She could talk about anything: current events, their children, art, and she even seemed to have a keen mind for business. I couldn’t help but wonder what else was hiding just beneath the surface.

  I gave her hand a gentle tug, and she glanced up. “Dance with me?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “I’ve clearly been neglecting my date.” I led her towards the dance floor as a string quartet played some classical piece I didn’t recognize, and then pulled Kennedy into my arms. “I’m afraid you’ve got me beat on the dancing front.”

  “It’s not about executing the perfect steps. It’s about enjoying the journey.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.” I inhaled deeply as I held her body closer to mine. Her hair smelled of roses and something I couldn’t quite name. I’d never been one to notice a woman’s perfume, but I knew without a doubt that her scent would be burned into my memory forever.

  We were silent as we swayed. I could’ve made a better attempt at fancy footwork, but I wanted to simply lose myself in the moment. Her body pressed against mine. The closest it had ever been. An excuse to touch her was all I wanted. But it still wasn’t enough. I was greedy for Kennedy. I think I’d always want more.

  The song was over far too quickly, and as the last strains of a cello lifted up into the air, a hand clamped on my shoulder. “Cain.”

  I turned and met Jake with a shake and slap on the back. “Jake, this is Kennedy. Kennedy, this is my VP, Jake.”

  I hadn’t been sure how well Kennedy would handle meeting company employees when she knew one of them was stabbing me in the back. Still, each time, she kept her cool, a mask perfectly in place. That façade made me twitchy. She was too damn good at it. “Nice to meet you, Jake.”

  “You, as well. Would you mind if I borrowed Cain for a moment?”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but she responded before I did. “Of course, not.” She looked at me. “I’m going to find the ladies’ room. I’ll meet you at the bar when you’re done.”

  I nodded, but my chest began to constrict as she walked away, that familiar panic setting in. She was in a room of sharks, and I didn’t want her out of my sight for even a second.

  Jake gripped my shoulder. “What’s that all about?”

  I cleared my throat. “What do you mean?”

  “You fall in love in the last few weeks? I’ve never seen you look at a woman that way in all my life.”

  My jaw tightened, and that familiar clicking noise sounded in my ear. “She’s a friend.”

  He let out a low whistle. “That’s one hell of a friend. Is she why you’re behind on the project?”

  My gaze grew steely now. Jake was my VP. A vice president in my privately held company. He answered to me. “The speed with which I complete something is none of your concern.”

  He held up his hands in mock-apology. “We have clients who are hungry for it, that’s all.”

  My gaze narrowed further. “And why the hell do they even know about it? I told you not to mention it to anyone.”

  Jake flushed. “We were losing people or on the verge of losing them, and I just wanted to make sure they had a reason to stick around. You might not believe this, Cain, but I care about Halo. I don’t want to see it go under.”

  I knew Jake cared about Halo, he’d put almost as much sweat equity into the company as I had, and I would always be grateful. But the second one of my people didn’t follow orders, they became a liability. “I’m going to give you this warning only once. You disobey a direct order again, and you’re out.”

  Jake’s jaw fell open, but I didn’t have time to hear what he had to say. I needed to find Kennedy.

  19

  Kennedy

  I pushed open the bathroom door, grateful to be free of the small space. The women inside had been awful. Analyzing what everyone had been wearing, who had dared to don something from last season, who’d gotten a new piece of jewelry from a husband who felt guilty for cheating. The whole thing made me feel nauseous. So many memories of similar functions flew through my mind. How had I lasted in that world for so long?

  “Well, look who we have here.”

  I blinked rapidly, trying to clear what had to be a mirage. But no matter how many times I opened and closed my eyes, the image before was the same. “Preston.” The single word came out as a hoarse whisper.

  “Looks like my baby sister had the same idea as I did. Flee the east coast where our name means pariah and start somewhere new.” He looked me up and down. “I see you’ve found yourself someone to keep you in the lifestyle you’re accustomed to.”

  The words stung, but it was the disgust in his eyes that killed, a pain that reached into my chest and clawed at my heart. When I didn’t have to face Preston, the daily reminder, I could live in my land of deluded hope. That the two years that had passed would’ve dulled his hatred.

  I’d tried calling him about a month after the arrest. He’d never picked up. I kept it up, leaving messages, trying to explain why I’d done what I did, to tell him I loved him. Eventually, he changed his number. It was the straw that broke me. While I had alerts about my father, I never looked for Preston. It was too painful; the wound still too raw. Sometimes, I imagined he was looking for me, hoping to make amends, to forgive me. Apparently, that wasn’t the case. “What are you doing here, Pres?”

  His jaw tightened at the familiar nickname. “I live in Seattle now. I’m here with some business associates.”

  I wanted to ask about our mother, grandmother, even Father. They might hate me now, but there was always a part of me that would
love them. I held my tongue. “I’m glad you made a fresh start.”

  He let out a snort of derision. “You’re glad I made a fresh start. Why would you care? You had no problem ruining my life. I almost went to jail, Kennedy. All because you couldn’t give Dad a chance to fix his mistakes.”

  As harsh as his words were, as deep as they cut, they also gave me peace. I’d been right not to share what I’d found with Preston. He was under my father’s spell too deeply and would’ve believed anything he said.

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Pres. I was trying to do what was right. The only thing I could live with.” My eyes begged him to understand, to see things from my perspective. “I was so scared when the FBI showed me all their evidence. I knew my entire life had been a lie. Preston, we lived our charmed lives off others’ hard work. Don’t you see how wrong that was?”

  A muscle in his cheek began to flutter. “Dad made a mistake. The market was sliding, and he didn’t want to let his clients down. That meant borrowing from some other accounts. And it also meant we had to live as if nothing was wrong. Why can’t you get that?”

  Borrowing. How could it be borrowing when you never once paid back even a dime? How was it borrowing when it had been going on for years? Preston was living in denial. “It had been going on for too long for that to be true.”

  “Must be nice to sit up there on your high horse. Newsflash, Twinkle Toes, people hate you just as much as the rest of us.”

  That familiar burn lit my sternum. I knew they did. And they had a right to. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t known what was going on, I’d still stolen from them. And I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to forgive myself for that.

  A hand gripped my shoulder. “Everything okay, Kenz?”

  I jolted at the touch, and my vision began to tunnel. This was the beginning of the end. Soon, the fresh start I’d created for myself, my safe space, would crumble because everyone was going to learn the truth. Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I couldn’t seem to get any words out.

  Preston scoffed. “So, this is the guy you’ve conned into supporting you?”

  Cain’s hand tightened on my shoulder as he pulled me closer to him and away from Preston.

  Preston began to laugh. “I wouldn’t be so quick to protect her. She’ll bleed you dry and then tank your business with lies.”

  “Who are you, and what the hell is wrong with you?”

  “She hasn’t told you, has she?” Preston’s laughter intensified. “Of course, she hasn’t. No one in business would want her within one hundred miles of them. I’m Preston Barrington. I’ll let her fill in the rest.” And with that, he side-stepped us both and strode back towards the party.

  I was full-on shaking now. Trying so hard to push my emotions down. To keep the lid on. Because I knew the moment I let them out, they’d never stop.

  Cain turned me towards him, his hands cupping my face gently—oh, so gently. “Kennedy. Look at me.” My gaze went to his eyes, but I didn’t really see him. “Who was that? Who is he to you?”

  “My brother,” I whispered. “That was my brother.”

  20

  Cain

  Kennedy was lost in her own world. So lost, she barely noticed as I guided her out of the ballroom and into the waiting SUV. She said not a single word as we drove to the airport. Didn’t blink at the fact that I kept her hand in mine, our fingers twined.

  I didn’t want to let her go. I had no idea what fucked-up history she had with her family, but I’d find out. And, in the meantime, I somehow felt that if I kept a hold of her hand, I could keep her safe. Nothing in this world could touch her if I was holding her.

  When we reached the plane, I helped her out of the vehicle and led her towards the jet. I ignored the single seats and sat us on a bench seat so I wouldn’t have to let her go. I didn’t think I could if I tried.

  As the plane began to taxi, Kennedy started to whisper. “Chuck. Jensen lending me a dress. Dancing. Unlimited Perrier.”

  “Baby. What are you talking about?” None of what she said made sense.

  “Things I’m grateful for.”

  My brow furrowed. “Things you’re grateful for?” At least, she was speaking now, even if none of it made much sense.

  She began to tremble. “I’m listing the things I’m grateful for today. Even on the worst days, there’s something to be grateful for.” Her voice hitched on the last word, and then she dissolved into sobs.

  I held her to me as the plane lifted into the air. Fuck this. I unbuckled her seat belt and lifted her onto my lap as her body became wracked with sobs. I wanted to murder her brother. I couldn’t imagine Kennedy doing anything to warrant this kind of punishment.

  I rocked her back and forth, pressing my lips to her hair, whispering over and over that it would be all right. Until Kennedy went limp in my arms. I didn’t move her. I simply held her as though I could fix it all.

  The flight attendant appeared in the aisle, looking concerned. “Is she all right?” I shook my head. “Is there anything I can do? I know she’s asleep now, but I’ll ready a glass of water and some aspirin for when she wakes up. I bet she’s going to have a headache.”

  I was so hiring this woman. “That would be great. If she doesn’t wake before we land, I’ll take it in the car with me.”

  She nodded. “Just call for me if she wakes up.”

  Kennedy didn’t wake. Not even when the plane landed. She only let out a low moan. The flight crew helped me navigate the steps and unloaded everything Vince and Rachel had left for me on board. The flight attendant placed the drink and medicine in the cupholder as I laid Kennedy in the passenger seat of my Range Rover. I carefully buckled her in and then gently closed the door.

  I turned to the flight crew. “Thank you, for everything. I’ll be sending bonuses to you all, along with job offers.”

  They all blinked, but it was the woman who spoke. “Thank you, sir. I hope she’s feeling better soon.”

  I gave a jerk of my head and rounded my vehicle. With only a moment’s hesitation, I headed for home. My home. I wasn’t leaving Kennedy alone, and there was way more space at my place.

  As we pulled up to my front door, Kennedy stirred, blinking rapidly. “Where are we?”

  I brushed the hair back from her face. “We’re at my place.” She blinked some more but said nothing. “I want you to stay here tonight.” She opened her mouth to reply, but I held up a hand. “Please, don’t argue. If I have to take you home, I’ll just end up sleeping on your couch.” I paused for a moment, holding her gaze with mine. “I need to make sure you’re okay.”

  Kennedy nodded slowly.

  I fought the urge to reach out and pull her to me again. To wrap her in my arms and never let her go. “Thank you.”

  I grabbed the important items from the back seat, and we headed inside. “I’ll grab you some stuff you can sleep in and show you to a guest room.” Kennedy nodded again and followed me through the hallways until I stopped at an open door. “Here you go. There’s a bathroom through that door. Do you want to shower or have a bath?”

  “Yes.” The word came out on a croak, her voice raw from crying.

  “Everything you need should be in the bathroom. I’ll go grab you some clothes and leave them on the bed.”

  “Thank you.” Her voice sounded...dead. Devoid of any emotion. And it had me wishing I’d decked her brother when I had the chance.

  “Be right back.”

  She shuffled towards the bathroom as I headed for the master suite two doors down. I knew I’d be sleeping with my door open, if I slept at all, listening for any sounds of her movement. I set down the various files and packages I’d gotten from Vince and Rachel on a chair in the corner. I’d go through it all tomorrow.

  It took me a bit to find something that had any chance of fitting Kennedy. I finally opted for a tee, boxer briefs, and a pair of sweatpants that had a drawstring. I lifted the pile along with the water and aspirin I’d forgotten about and headed
down the hall. I faltered at the door. Kennedy stood in the center of the room, her hair wrapped in a towel, body clad in only one of the terrycloth robes that had been in the bathroom. A wrap that was gaping open in the front just a bit. I swallowed, hard. “Here you go. Sorry it took so long. I had trouble finding something I thought might fit you.”

  Her lips flickered as though they were trying to smile but couldn’t quite make it happen. “Thank you.”

  “And here’s some aspirin.” I set the packet of pills and the drink down on her bedside table. “I thought you might have a headache.” I cleared my throat as I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “Is there anything else you need? Something else to drink? A snack?”

  Kennedy bent to pick up the clothes at the end of the bed. “I think I just want to go to sleep.”

  “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

  As I headed for the door, Kennedy’s voice stopped me. “Thanks for not asking any questions.”

  “Get some rest.” What I didn’t say was that there would be plenty of time to talk in the future. And we would be talking. But I’d do my research first.

  I headed for my room, going straight to the wall safe I’d put in and opening it up. I pulled out my laptop and set it on my bed. I quickly showered, pulling on the only pair of flannel sleep pants I owned, something I didn’t think I’d ever worn before. But it seemed like a dangerous idea to sleep in the nude like I usually did. What if Kennedy needed me in the middle of the night? My chest constricted, but I forced the thought from my mind.

  I settled myself against the array of pillows on my bed and pulled the computer onto my lap. My fingers drummed as I waited for the security checks to complete. As soon as they did, I opened a browser. The first thing that came to mind was that Kennedy and her brother didn’t share the same last name. They could be half-siblings, I supposed. But there was something about the last name Barrington that tickled the back of my brain.