Unravel (Unbound Trilogy Book 1)

by Kathy Coopmans

  I place my hand over her mouth. “I know what he is, Renita. Please don’t say it out loud.”

  Worry shows in the wrinkles around her eyes as they close briefly, only to re-open wide.

  I drop my hand at the same time she brings one of hers to cup my cheek. “Okay. I’m not judging the man or you, I’m concerned. You won’t stop me from feeling that way, Ellie. I won’t lock it down.”

  “I don’t expect you to.”

  I trust my instinct to spill; I don’t trust the man I’m spilling about. It takes the better part of a half hour for me to explain how I met Logan, and what went down after. The only thing I leave out is his association with Shadow. That’s too much for her right now.

  “Logan, he’s, I don’t know what he is. He frightens me, but there’s something about him that makes me want to learn more. It could be a mistake, Renita. I won’t know unless I give him a chance.” That’s the truth.

  “Okay, I’m going to ask a couple of questions and then I’m staying out of your personal life. Safety, please tell me you used it?” Renita’s voice is laced with her motherly worry.

  “Of course we did.” There isn’t much of us yet. If things were to get to the point where no protection is brought up, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask Logan to show me proof he’s safe. Although, I don’t think the man is the type to go around screwing people if he wasn’t.

  “I figured you did.” She gently strokes my cheek. “Do you want Logan or need Logan? There’s a difference, Ellie. I don’t have to remind you how dissimilar they are.”

  “I know.” I swallow, remembering how she explained just how unlike the two are.

  Need is something obtained. A means of survival. Want is something that people wish to have, that they may, or may not, be able to obtain. But like any depravity, we are all of a mind to fall face first into a confined hole full of want than to rise in the chasing of our needs. Put the two together, and the sum is desire.

  A yearning that doesn’t go away.

  “I hope you do, because the first fall is the hardest. Some last forever, others don’t, and no matter how old you are, Ellie, I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  I grab hold of the fiery strength and determination Renita gave me to place my feet on the floor every morning and walk. To not let life’s unexpected twists knock me down.

  But there’s also this little thing in my chest called my heart. Telling me Logan would never be faithful to me.

  “I don’t want to be hurt either, but I’m tired of being lonely. Tired of letting what happened rule my life.”

  I’ve been lonely for so long, searching for something when it became severe. I gave up searching long before I met Logan and that’s when it happened. The man filling me with hope, branding me with his sin.

  I want to be touched, soothed, and talked to. I deserve to find out everything there is to know about someone like I’d hope that someone would want to do with me. I also need a man to keep that fire he lit burning, and Logan did that for me. I might have been out of sorts when we talked, but I felt the spark. Those sinful eyes of his wavering between hunger and regret. The flames of need in the way he reached out and wiped my tear away and the misery in the pinch of his face when we said goodbye.

  Now that I’ve had time to think, I believe Logan would seek deep within me as well as fire me up with one of his numbing kisses, a look from across the table, or an evening filled with sexual innuendos that lead to mind-blowing raw satisfying sex.

  It’s an opposing contradictory feeling to what I felt when I first found out who he was.

  “You deserve to experience what it feels like to be treasured and adored. Worshipped and sated. I don’t know this man, but I know you, and you wouldn’t have given yourself to him if you didn’t feel a connection.”

  “I felt it.”

  God did I ever. I can feel it now and he’s not even near.

  Last night, I told Norah everything and when I climbed into bed, I tossed fitfully. Finally I got up and decided to focus on Logan during my morning swim. I allowed my mind to think the whole situation through, acknowledging these feelings he’s stirred inside me and how one passionate night could lead to something great.

  Logan is a sexual man. He’s not afraid to say what he wants. I have no clue what I want; I only know what I need.

  I shoved his past aside. It might be the stupidest move I’ll make. His past doesn’t mean a thing to me. It doesn’t define who he is. It’s whether he’ll give it up that matters, and I’m sorry to say. I won’t go out with him, won’t let him touch or kiss me ever again if I’m not fully convinced he will.

  So, this morning I called him to find out when he’d be returning from Atlanta, and when it went to voicemail, I left a message, as of yet he hasn’t called back.

  The chemistry we shared could be all there is. A heartbreak ready to happen before it even starts. Still, I can’t take my mind off Logan no matter how much I try, and I don’t want to stop thinking about him.

  I should be scared to death and stay as far away from Logan Mitchell as I can. I’m not. I’m going with my gut, which tells me this man might have secrets, some I might learn quickly, others may come in time, but I honestly don’t believe he’s in my life to hurt me. At least, I hope not. And hope, along with staying true to who I am is what will guide me.

  Most importantly to me and my sanity, I’ll never be free from that heinous night, never stop hearing Shadow’s voice or the feeling of my body ripping in two if I don’t give in to my desire, if I do, then he and Whitney win in their wicked way of destroying me.

  With those thoughts lingering, my heart thuds wildly just thinking about seeing Logan again.

  Renita’s gaze warms me as we both stand to leave our early dinner date, her lips spreading into a smile.

  “You’re a grown woman, one I’ve loved as if you were mine since you were born. Your mother would be proud of you, Ellie. I’m proud of you. I want to tell you something my mother told me when I started dating. She said, when you fall, you’ll know because that man, the one you’re supposed to be with for life, he’ll fight for you when things are bad. He’ll hold your hand when life feels like it’s too much to handle, and he’ll steal your breath, catch your soul, love you, and never tell you a lie. That’s what my Jonathon did for me. Our love was short-lived when he died. I’ve yet to find another. If Logan isn’t that man, then the right one is out there somewhere.”

  A grin plays around my face, and heartwarming tears form in my eyes. I breathe in deep and remember my mother’s smile and the way she jumped up and down like a cheerleader, clapping her hands and doing a little dance when I finally mastered diving into the pool during swim lessons. For some reason, hitting water head first scared me. But I wasn’t going to give up, swimming was what my dad called family time in the hot summer evenings, and I wanted to learn so that I could race my parents across the length of the pool, and learn I did, and to this day I swim at the local YMCA as much as I can.

  Just as quickly, my happy memory vanishes, replaced by my mother’s empty eyes when she’d look at me having no clue who I was.

  “You might be jumping the gun a bit, Renita. I’ve only seen Logan three times. I’m far from falling. However, those are wise words from a wise woman.”

  Renita’s husband was killed in a car accident when Norah and I were four. I barely remember him. I remember my mother and me going over to Renita’s house where she helped with whatever was needed while Renita cried and cried, and I sat with Norah wanting to play and couldn’t quite understand why she was sad. We went back every day for a month, and every day I put new clothes on Norah’s dolls and held her hand while my friend’s silent tears dripped down her face.

  “I’m not jumping the gun; I’m tooting my horn. I raised some smart girls, and I’m taking my old ass home with pride. You get on back to your place. I’ll see you Monday morning. I love you.”

  Right. Tomorrow is Sunday, my day to sleep in, and God do I need it. I’ve b
een on an emotional rollercoaster, and I want off.

  “And Ellie, listen to your heart. It might get hurt, it might be wrong, but when you open it to the right person, he’ll do everything in his power to keep it beating. I promise he will. Don’t be afraid to let go and give your body what it craves either. Don’t shame yourself for giving in and enjoying the perks of a man; it’ll only beat you down if you let it.”

  I stare at her backside with my mouth gaping open as we walk through the small Italian restaurant, confidence and embarrassment a giant bubble ready to burst in my chest.

  Building and building.

  “If I do, I won’t be sharing a thing with you or Norah. I love you so much, Renita. Thanks for dinner.”

  Renita turns and flashes me a devious smile as if she wants to spill things about her sex life; my ears will never bleed free.

  “Don’t say a word.”

  “Fine. Just know I might not have found someone else to give my heart to; it doesn’t mean I still can’t tempt and tease and do some taking and shaking of my own.”

  “Stop.” I burst out laughing as she walks away. I wait for her to get in her car before hitting the key fob on my Jeep, crossing the street and climbing in.

  Five minutes later, I’m still giggling as I pull into the parking lot next to the store, by the time I climb out, I’m exhausted. I want to take a bath, slip under the covers and rest my mind.

  My confidence slips and panic in the form of a cold sweat blankets me like a sheet of ice when I notice a dark SUV slow to a crawling speed until it stops and whips into the parking lot. The black tinted windows put me on high alert. My hands start shaking, my legs wobble. My heart hammers against my breastbone, a painful strike that shortens my breath. Sweat dampens my palms and fear spreads throughout every part of my body as I rush toward the door.

  I fumble with my keys trying to get them in the lock, and just as I fling open the door, I’m grabbed from behind and shoved inside. I jump and scream, nerves tattering at the ends when it slams shut.

  Terror.

  It blares in my ears.

  Unceasing and unrelenting as it splinters my thoughts and grips hold of my senses.

  The hairs on the back of my neck rise when a man with a ski mask over his head snarls and licks his lips through the small hole around his mouth.

  I blink, steadying my glare to make sure those eyes aren’t Shadow’s.

  They aren’t, still, dread beats like a drum in my bloodstream, the impact of what could happen to me again jars me to my bones.

  Everything I learned in the self-defense classes Renita, Norah, and I had taken evaporates from my mind. The only thing I recall is how fearful I was when Shadow hurt me, how I crawled on my hands and knees the rest of the way home. The tears wouldn’t stop falling. They blurred my swollen eyes over what I lost. My legs, knees, and palms were scraped and covered in blood. My mind wondering how anyone could be cruel enough to destroy a person’s life. I vaguely remember Renita falling to the ground and holding me when I finally reached the end of our driveway and screamed for help.

  Filthy. I felt it stab holes into my bones, and it’s drilling into them now.

  Old memories crash into my skull, the examination, the police questions, bright white lights and the way I just wanted to die.

  A cry rips from my mouth when the man reaches for me. Curling a hand around my wrist, his fingers pressing painfully into my flesh.

  Fear floods my veins, pushing through as if it wants to escape this stairwell. I wish it would and take me with it.

  I scream when he grabs hold of my throat in a brutal grip as he shoves me against the wall, presses his body against mine, and throwing my mind into the nightmare of my past.

  “Get off me.” I chance a glance into his eyes and see punishing intent, wickedness like none other. This man will kill me with one snap of my neck and not think twice.

  I whimper, my fright reaching in and strangling my strength.

  A fist connects with my cheek and knocks me to my knees — the air escaping from my lungs.

  Get up, Ellie. You are stronger than this. You kill him if that’s what it takes.

  “You bastard.” My voice wobbles around my gasping. All I can see, all I can feel when my fear courses through me is the monster who took my innocence away — the evil in his voice, the laughter, his grunts, and groans. The satisfaction I felt rolling off of Shadow as he tore through me.

  I flinch, my face erupting into flames when he bitch slaps me. I try shutting my mind down from the memories of what happened to me before. I try remembering every trick I was taught to protect myself, but when he kneels in front of me, my recollections of being attacked have me gasping for air.

  I can’t breathe.

  “You’re a hot little piece of ass; maybe I should take a piece of it.”

  No! I won’t let that happen again. I will not allow a man to take from me ever again. I’m in charge of who I give myself to. I will fight this crazy son of a bitch with all I have.

  I swallow the bile in my throat and meet his eyes. “Touch me, and I’ll shoot you.” I reach for the gun in my bag only to have him jerk it out of my hand and fling it to the floor.

  “Not if I kill you first.” His eyes narrow and a hand slides up my thigh.

  My chest tightens, and freezing shots of terror that mirror my breathlessness take over, a cold, nauseous sensation pricks at my ribs.

  I can handle this man hitting me, but unwanted hands, I cannot.

  Fury, it burns right through me.

  Lifting my head and my hands, I cuff the man in his face, I scratch at his eyes, pushing them as far into his warped brain as I can. Terrifying sounds tear from my throat, fingernails scraping at his cheeks. He jerks on my hair, and I suck in a lungful of air at the excruciating pain in my scalp.

  I’ll survive or die trying. No matter what this psycho does to me, no matter the fact I’m in an enclosed area where no one can hear me, I’ll never give up. Not until the last breath leaves my lungs.

  He grips both of my hands in one of his, the other grabbing hold of my jaw.

  “Fucking little cunt. When was the last time you were properly fucked?”

  My body freezes and my mind races.

  I don’t say a word, hoping he’ll leave. He doesn’t, but what he said is running through my head like a nightmare. Terror curls through my veins in freezing gushes at the reality that the man intends to tear into me.

  My stomach flips on itself as hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His hand comes up and the next thing I know, I’m hit in the temple and flying sideways, landing on the stairs leading to my apartment with a loud crack and a throbbing jaw.

  Bitterness drains, it stiffens my spine and knows no bounds. I’ve no idea where it comes from, but I welcome it like a flame. I kick at the attacker, knocking him back on his ass.

  “I’ll do you from both ends for that. One warning you little bitch. Stay away from Logan Mitchell.”

  My body freezes and my mind races.

  Did one of those women from Logan’s party send this man to scare me away? Well fuck them, I’ll do as I damn well please. I now possess a hatred that makes me want to hurt whoever sent this asshole to threaten me.

  Tears blur his yellowing smile as he pushes up and towers over me.

  A sob rips from my chest.

  My head spins, and vision fades. I swear I feel the temperature rise like someone opened the door. Lifting my head, my gaze darts toward the man, and I don’t know whether the dark figure standing in the doorway is my savior or a partner to this evil man.

  I hear the cock of a gun. The sound of cursing and then everything goes black.

  Chapter 8

  Logan

  Wrath unfolds and covers my insides, attempting to convince me to kill without getting the information I need, the sweet taste of doing just that climbing up my throat. Not that I’ll get what I want. Most people who know they’re about to die, tend to clamp up or spew lies to try a
nd save their ass. This cocksucker has been doing a bit of both.

  Teasing and twisting my guilt a little further.

  My own bottle of toxic.

  It’s now trying to poke through Ellie.

  “I’m guessing your momma didn’t teach you not to put your hands on a woman without permission.”

  “Fuck you,” the guy snarls.

  He already did by putting his dirty hands on Ellie.

  “Man, you have nowhere to go but hell from here. You may as well tell me what I want to know or die a painful death from being burnt alive.”

  This asshole’s smug grin has me clenching my fists while all the ways he could’ve violated Ellie loop around my brain, leaving me a violent pissed off man.

  My anger increases, howling and doing its best to swallow me whole. I knew this would happen, didn’t think someone would stoop this low as to have Ellie attacked. I should have shut my feelings down, should do it and leave her be before they take this violence further.

  It won’t do me any good, obviously whoever set this atrocious plan in motion set out to do more than scare her away. Makes me want to shower her with protection all the more. She’ll have it too.

  Never have I wanted to yank out someone’s jugular and crush it in my hands the way I want to destroy whoever hired this fucker.

  Punishment. An old-fashioned settling of scores by death.

  “Let’s try this again. Did you happen to be in the neighborhood or did someone hire you?” I grind out for the third time, lift my booted foot and nail this stupid moron in the balls — chuckling as he tries wrapping his arms around his stomach but fails when I lodge my arm underneath his throat, pressing on his windpipe.

  He sucks in a gasp of air, his body tightening with all the commotion I imagine is creating some frightened ruckus inside his head. Little prick knows he’s going to die.

  “That has to burn like a bitch. You’re lucky I don’t cut it off. Limp-dick motherfucker.”