Forgiveness: A Lords of Carnage MC Christmas

by Loveling, Daphne

  I scoff. “He’s had heart shit goin’ on forever. High blood pressure, cholesterol, all that shit.”

  “Well, I guess it’s gettin’ worse. And Jenna says…”

  “Fuck what Jenna says,” I snarl. “He’s got no business back here. And they both know it. Jenna fucked me over. She fucked the club over. She fucked you over. Whose side are you fuckin’ on, anyway?” I challenge.

  “I’m on the club’s side,” Ghost says tersely. “Of course. Goddamn, Angel. How the fuck can you ask me that?”

  “Doesn’t really sound like it right now.”

  I can see my brother-in-law’s jaw working. He stares down at the cigarette he’s holding, his free fist clenching. Yeah, maybe I’m bein’ an asshole. Maybe I’m lookin’ for a fight.

  But just when Ghost opens his mouth to answer me, Jenna’s SUV comes down the street. Ghost shoots me a look and takes a final drag of his smoke.

  “Abe said at the clubhouse he’d accept whatever happens,” Ghost mutters. “I dunno, prez. Seems to me he means it. Maybe that’s somethin’ to respect.”

  I make a rude noise. “You’re goin’ as soft as your old lady, brother.”

  “Fuck that shit,” he spits out in disgust, tossing his cigarette butt on the driveway. “I’m done here. You talk to your sister. You’re gonna have to figure this one out on your own, prez.”

  Ghost pushes himself into a stand and stomps back into the house. A second later, the front doors to Jenna’s SUV open. From the passenger side, my seven-year-old niece Mariana jumps down. She runs toward me, blond ponytail flying behind her.

  “Hi, Uncle Angel!” she cries as she flies up to me. “Did Sam have her baby yet?”

  I do a double-take. “What?” I frown at the reference to Hawk’s very pregnant old lady. “Did she go into labor or something?”

  “No,” Jenna cuts in as she gets out of the car herself. “Mariana is obsessed with Sam’s pregnancy, for some reason. She’s so excited. She keeps saying she’s gonna be an aunt.” My sister lets out a soft chuckle. “It doesn’t matter how many times I explain it doesn’t work like that.”

  “Where’s Noah?” Mariana asks. She lifts the long strap of her small gym bag over her shoulder and does a sort of turn-and-kick maneuver, her foot raising high over her head. “I wanna show him what I learned in class!”

  “He’s in his room,” I reply. With a whoop, Mariana runs through the garage, a tornado of energy practically whipping up in her wake.

  Jenna looks after her daughter with pride. “One of these days she’ll be able to give any of the Lords a run for their money,” she murmurs as she watches Mariana go. She waits until the door to the inside has closed, then crosses her arms and turns to me. “So,” she says with a resigned sigh. “I suppose you’re here to chew me out.”

  “You suppose right. Goddamnit, Jenna, what the hell were you thinking?”

  “It’s not what I was thinking. I didn’t decide this, Angel. Dad did. He was coming back regardless.” She blows out a breath, shaking her head. “Did he tell me? Yes. And I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. But honestly, what difference would it have made?”

  “What difference?” I explode, spreading my arms. “Are you fucking serious?”

  “Yes!” she retorts. “How would it have been better if you’d known in advance he was coming home?”

  “This ain’t his home,” I interrupt.

  “I’m not going to play word games with you,” Jenna says, rolling here eyes. “How would it have been better if you had known in advance he was coming back to Tanner Springs? All that would have done would have been to give you information you’d have to decide whether or not to keep from the Lords until Dad actually showed up here. This way, you didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to feel like you were lying to the club, because you weren’t.”

  “Except about Abe being alive,” I retort.

  “But they don’t know that, do they?” she points out. “No one knows you knew that. No one but you, and me, and Ghost. And Jewel, if you told her.”

  “Yeah, I did. I had to, after Abe showed up. And that’s another fuckin’ thing,” I growl. “My wife’s pissed at me now for lyin’ to her, because of you.”

  “She’ll get over it,” Jenna murmurs, putting a hand on my arm. “You know she will. I’m sure she’s hurt, but you can make her understand.” She pauses, then continues more softly: “So, what are you gonna do?”

  I’ve asked myself this question at least a hundred times since Abe stepped through that clubhouse door. But for some reason, when Jenna asks me, my mind starts to come to some conclusions.

  “I dunno,” I growl. “But I do know one thing. This is not just my decision alone, Jenna. Abe betrayed the club, back in the day. Or at least, betrayed our president. That was bad enough.”

  “But your own president ended up betraying you far worse…” she protests.

  “That’s not the point,” I say, cutting her off. “The point is, the club never came to a decision about Abe. They never got the chance.” I lock eyes with her. “And now, because of all this, they’re about to know that I kept a secret from them, for years. And so did Ghost. This could mean the end of the Lords for both of us.”

  For the first time, Jenna seems to really understand what might be at stake here. Her eyes widen. “You… don’t think they’d kick you and Ghost out of the club, do you?” she breathes.

  “I don’t know,” I shrug. “Maybe. I made the best choice I could at the time, but I wasn’t president. I didn’t have the authority to do what I did. And Ghost? He was doing it for your sake. But the club wasn’t in the middle of all that. They’re not gonna understand it the same way.”

  I rub my hand over my face, feeling exhausted. “I don’t want to be in the command of a club that doesn’t trust me,” I continue. “I ain’t Rock Anthony. So they need to know what’s goin’ on. I need to tell them what happened. All of it.”

  I exhale. “And then, the club can make the decision. About Abe, and about Ghost and me.”

  7

  Angel

  After I leave Jenna and Ghost’s place, I head over to the clubhouse to deal with some bills and other crap.

  In spite of all the bullshit swirling around me right now, I still can’t help but chuckle at the Christmas shitshow the old ladies set up in the main room of the clubhouse. I guess I’m starting to get used to it by now, but there’s no denying it’s a goddamn tragedy in here, with all the lights and tinsel and shit. I know they mostly did it to drive us men crazy, and it worked. Shit, those women are basically professionals at that. I snort at the sight, just like I always do, shaking my head at all of it.

  There aren’t too many people around the clubhouse tonight, which suits me just fine. I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. A couple of the club girls are straggling around, looking for something — or someone — to do. I run into Beast and Thorn on their way out to go meet their wives for dinner. They invite me to join them, but I beg off.

  Walking down the hallway toward my office in the back, I pass by the game room. Jude, Jewel’s brother, is in there by himself, playing some shit I don’t recognize because video games aren’t my thing. Jude looks up and notices me when I walk by. Immediately he gets to his feet, shutting down the game he’s playing almost instantly. I get the feeling he’s been waiting for me.

  “Hey,” he calls. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  There’s a tense, resolute tone in his eighteen-year-old voice I haven’t really heard before. Not directed at me, anyway. Jude is planning to start prospecting for the club starting in the new year. Hale, of all people, is plannin’ to be his sponsor. Hale sure as shit didn’t start out thinking too highly of Jude, but looks like the kid has grown on him.

  I’d be Jude’s sponsor myself, but as prez, it’d feel like nepotism or something. I don’t want that for Jude. I want the club to be able to make a decision on him fair and square. Though, if I had to guess, I think he’s ready. I’m pre
tty sure he’ll make it through, no problem. As long as he calms that hot head of his.

  Right now, though, it feels like that temper of his is about to rear its ugly fuckin’ head. And I get the feeling I might know why. Looks like I’m about to find out, one way or a-fuckin’-nother.

  “Yeah, I got a minute,” I say neutrally. “What’s up?”

  That young-ass fucker doesn’t waste any time.

  “Dude, what did you do to piss Jewel off?” he demands.

  “Oh, Jesus Christ,” I groan. “Not you, too.”

  “She’s been acting all down and sad lately,” he presses. “She won’t tell me what’s up, says she’s fine. But come on. Jewel is always cheery. Even when shit was bad at home when we were kids, she’d always put on a smiling face.” He takes a step forward. “So what’s going on between you two?”

  “None of your business.”

  “That ain’t good enough,” he shoots back.

  “Jude,” I warn, my voice going quiet but deadly. “You’re talking to the club president here. The president of the club you aim to prospect for, I’ll add.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” he argues stubbornly.

  “It ain’t a done deal that you’ll get in, just because you’re my brother-in-law.”

  “No. But it ain’t gonna help my case if I’m a pussy about standin’ up for my sister.” His chin juts. “And I ain’t a pussy.”

  “Goddamnit. It’s nothin’, okay?” It ain’t any of Jude’s business what’s going on, but I decide to tell him anyway. If only to get him off my back. “Look, I think she’s just pissed off about Abe Abbott coming back.” Even now, it sticks in my craw to call him my father out loud. “She didn’t know he was still alive. And she’s holdin’ it against me that I never told her otherwise. Thinks I don’t trust her, or something.”

  “Shit,” he swears with a frown. “ I mean, that is kinda cold, dude.”

  “It ain’t any of your business,” I snarl, “but I did it to protect her.”

  “But she doesn’t see it that way.”

  “Nope. I guess not.”

  “You try apologizing to her?”

  “Fuck no, I didn’t apologize to her!” I raise my voice, astonished. “I didn’t do anything to apologize for.”

  “You hurt her feelings. Ain’t that enough?”

  “Jesus Christ, Jude. When did you turn into such a fuckin’ touchy-feely asshole?”

  “That ain’t what I’m saying.” He shakes his head, clearly pissed at me. “Look, Angel. You’re all about fuckin’ loyalty. Well, I’m loyal to my sister. She’s put up with a lot from me over the years. And I remember back in the day, you telling me to suck it up and treat her right.” He crosses his arms and shoots me a look. “So, now it’s my turn to say it to you. Suck it up and treat her right.”

  “Fuck…” My jaw clenches. “You’re lucky she is your sister,” I mutter.

  “Yeah. I am. And you’re lucky she puts up with your bullshit.”

  I don’t answer. I know he’s right.

  “So…” Jude continues, cocking his head. “What’s the deal with your dad, anyway? What’d he do that was so bad? I’ve asked the guys, but no one will tell me.”

  “He fucked up. That’s all you need to know. The rest is club business.”

  Jude snorts. “That’s all?”

  “It’s enough. It wasn’t your run-of-the-mill fuckup.”

  “So he fucked up. Well, so did I, if you remember. And you forgave me, anyway. You took me in.”

  “That was because of Jewel,” I point out. “You would have been in deep shit otherwise.”

  Jude waits a beat. “I bet you’ve fucked up a time or two yourself, over the years.”

  “Jesus, boy, you are really pissing me off right now.”

  “Good. Pissing you off is the first step to making you listen.”

  My jaw is clenched so tight I’m starting to get a headache. This conversation needs to end, right the fuck now. “Jude,” I grit out, turning to him. “Take my advice. Get the fuck out of here. Otherwise Jewel is gonna be mad at me for punching the shit out of you, too.”

  Jude grins and backs up a step, raising his hands in surrender. “Understood. I’m going. I’m going.”

  Smirking like a fuckin’ asshole, he brushes past me and saunters down the hall in the direction of the front door. The little cocksucker. He really is lucky I didn’t teach him a lesson with my fists.

  I gotta admit, I do admire his loyalty to his sister, though. It wasn’t always that way.

  I slam my way down the hall, grumbling to myself. When I get to my office, I grab a bottle of whiskey I keep in one of the bottom drawers and pour myself a couple fingers. Sitting back in my chair, I prop my feet up on the desk and take a drink.

  Jude has changed a fuck of a lot since he got here to Tanner Springs, that’s for sure. The kid he was back then, I could never have imagined prospecting for the club. He had an attitude problem a mile wide — and not the right kind of attitude problem, either. I suppose it wasn’t all that surprising, though. He had a father, technically speaking. But he never had a father figure. Jewel and Jude’s parents were about as absent as two people who were actually present could be.

  I know that in a way, I’ve taken up the position of father figure in Jude’s life. Me, and the other Lords, have done more than his biological father ever did to help teach him how to be a man.

  A little like the club took the place of my own father for me.

  The difference between Jude and Jewel’s father and mine is that their father never wanted to be one. Their parents have literally never once called their children, in all the years I’ve known either of them. Jewel will phone them from time to time, out of obligation more than anything. But she’s said to me more than once that she thinks they’d prefer it if she stopped.

  I know that hurts her.

  Fuck. My father was pretty wrapped up in his own shit when I was growing up, but at least he wasn’t like that.

  And at least he came back.

  The thought is in my head before I know it. Reflexively, my pulse speeds up, my jaw clenching angrily.

  Too fuckin’ little, too fuckin’ late! I argue back, silently. Abe Abbott was never there when it mattered.

  He fucked up. And he knows it. He knows coming back could literally mean his death. But he’s here anyway. Knowing the consequences. He’s owning up to it all. Finally.

  “What, so now I’m just supposed to ignore all the shit he did?” I bark out loud to myself, breaking the silence. “I’m just supposed to pretend none of it ever happened?”

  The room doesn’t answer.

  “Fuck me,” I mutter, reaching for the whiskey. “I’m turnin’ into a goddamn looney tune.”

  8

  Angel

  When I finally make it back home that night, Jewel’s already in bed. It’s the second time in as many weeks that she hasn’t waited up for me.

  Christmas Eve is in three days, and she’s made our house into a Christmas scene of its own. Last year, TJ was just a baby, and this year Jewel has been excited as hell to do the holiday up right for his first real Santa year. The whole place is bathed in the glow of the multi-colored Christmas lights on the living room tree. It smells like baked cookies throughout the house, though I don’t see any sign of them in the kitchen.

  After going in to check on my boy, I push open the door to our bedroom. Jewel is lying on her side, facing away from me. That’s becoming a familiar sight these days. I try to be as quiet as I can as I walk in, but I think her mom instincts have made her a permanently light sleeper. The second my boots cross the threshold, she stirs and turns over.

  “What time is it?” she murmurs sleepily.

  “Not too late.” I lean down and kiss her forehead. “Sorry I woke you up. I was trying not to.”

  She doesn’t reply.

  “You still mad at me?” I ask, trying for humor.

  “Yes.” She lets out a breath. “You s
till being an ass?”

  That smart remark should piss me right the fuck off, but dammit, I’m too tired to argue. “Probably,” I admit.

  I ease myself down on the mattress and pull off my boots. Jewel and I go around and around sometimes, it’s true. I’m pretty pigheaded, and she holds her own. But I’m sick of havin’ my wife give me the cold shoulder. And much as I hate to admit it, I see why she’s mad at me.

  So I do the thing I ain’t all that good at.

  “I’m sorry, babe,” I mutter. “For not tellin’ you about Abe. I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

  “Okay. Why did you do it, then?” Jewel turns toward me, raising herself up on her elbow.

  “I told you. I was tryin’ to protect you. And hell, maybe I was tryin’ to pretend to myself like Abe wasn’t out there somewhere.” I blow out a frustrated sigh. “Fuck knows, my life would have been a hell of a lot easier if he wasn’t.”

  Jewel looks up at me. I can see on her face that she’s trying to digest what I’m saying.

  “What are you going to do now?” she asks quietly.

  “I’m gonna bring it to the club, I guess. Come clean on it.”

  “Come clean?”

  “Abe did something that betrayed the club. They need to know everything.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then whatever happens, happens.”

  I don’t get into what could happen to me in the process. I don’t want to worry my wife. If that makes me an asshole, so be it. I’ll tell her everything once it’s all over. She’ll have to know at that point anyway — especially if the club decides to vote against me and Ghost.

  “Are you going to try to defend him?” she murmurs.

  “No,” I retort gruffly. “I ain’t. Far as I’m concerned, Abe gets whatever’s comin’ to him.” And so do I.

  “And if the club decides to let the whole thing drop?” Jewel presses. “What then?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, what about your relationship with your dad?”