Dungeons of the Crooked Mountains

by Alexey Osadchuk

  “After that?” I saw Happy laugh for the first time in my memory. For the record, it actually made his face look more frightening. “I played a little joke of my own and got him back.”

  “How?”

  “I cut an ear-to-ear smile into his rude face. Hehe. That made him so happy he didn’t survive.”

  We walked the rest of the way to the cave in silence, each thinking about our own thing. I don’t know what Happy was thinking about, but there was just one thing bothering me... How to hide all the loot the mysterious Higher Powers had deigned to give me without him noticing? I don’t even want to think what would happen if Happy looked in my bag right now.

  Walking and pretending to shake the dirt from my knapsack, I took a look inside. Oh, Great System! How can it be?! Only counting experience essences, I have fifteen hundred! And a pile of tablets of various kinds... And six are silver! When Crum finds out, he’ll lose the gift of speech! Hmm... If I don’t get burned before that...

  “When we get there, you’re going straight into the lake,” came Happy, startling me.

  At first I didn’t understand what he was talking about but then it hit me. The mud.

  Wait... The mud... The lake... That was a way out!

  “Yes, of course!” I answered, smiling happily. “Right into the lake, no question!”

  Happy shook his head and grumbled under his breath.

  “What a dumbass.”

  * * *

  Kneeling in the water, I’m pretending to wipe down my bag.

  Before that I laid out all the food on the ground for appearances. Out of the corner of my eye, I’m watching Happy. He has forgotten to even think about me. With a hungry gaze, he’s boring into the little pile of delicacies Crum gave me. I thought he’d just eat them without asking, but the crook caught me off guard. He hasn’t even touched the food. I had to move things along:

  “Did you eat breakfast?” I ask.

  “Nope,” Happy shakes his head, hope in his eyes. I understand. The smoked sausage has a stupendous smell so strong it even reaches me over in the water.

  “Then be my guest,” I nod carelessly at my stock. “I had a big meal when I got up. Plus this would be too much for just me. I bought it all on those two esses yesterday because I was so hungry...”

  It wasn’t hard to talk Happy into it. And he fell on the food with abandon. Just wolfing it down.

  I was about to mention the flask, but it wasn’t necessary. Happy was already sucking down ale with glee.

  And shortly after that, he was snoring away heroically, the sound filling the cave and telling me that Crum’s potion did the trick.

  With a pitiful sigh of relief, I hop out of the icy water. Shivering and clacking my teeth, I walk over cautiously to the sleeping man. After a bit of hesitation, I decide to touch his hand. He just keeps snoring. I touch again. No reaction. Emboldened, I jostle his shoulder. He’s asleep.

  Great!

  With no delay I run over to my hiding spot. While I hid the trophies, I managed to read the properties of a few of the tablets.

  - Clay Tablet “Resistance to Mental Attacks.”

  - Level: 1.

  - Category: Skill.

  - Effect: + 0.1 to current progress in “Resistance to Mental Attacks” skill.

  - Weight: None. Takes no space.

  - Stone Tablet “Lie Detection.”

  - Level: 1.

  - Category: Skill.

  - Effect: + 0.2 to current progress in “Lie Detection” skill.

  - Weight: None. Takes no space.

  - Iron Tablet “Charisma.”

  - Level: 1.

  - Category: Characteristic.

  - Effect: + 0.3 to current progress in “Charisma” characteristic.

  - Weight: None. Takes no space.

  - Bronze Tablet “Power of Suggestion.”

  - Level: 1.

  - Category: Characteristic.

  - Effect: + 0.5 to current progress in “Power of Suggestion” characteristic.

  - Weight: None. Takes no space.

  I held the silver tablet in my hand longer than the others. Just think! Six whole tablets in one go! After all, that was more than half of what Crum got when he was born.

  - Silver Tablet.

  - Level: 1.

  - Effect: + 1 to any characteristic/skill/profession.

  - Weight: None. Takes no space.

  Now I was feeling worse about my inability to use any of this stuff than ever before. But I quickly cast off all my doubts. For now, being level zero is an advantage.

  With difficulty, I tear myself from admiring the treasures that unexpectedly fell in my lap, and hide the last tablet in my hiding spot. Still shivering cold, I walk toward the moss-covered wall. As soon as I start working, I’ll warm right up.

  Chapter 10

  DESPITE THE MIDDAY snack, my work pace had practically fallen to zero. My supplies just didn’t want to go back up. In the end I was able to cut about five and a half pounds of moss. Just over a pound and a half less than yesterday. But it was easy to explain. I was cutting on the upper level.

  After fifty cuts, here’s what I ended up with:

  - Experience essence (500).

  - Clay tablet “Herbalism” (50).

  - Clay tablet of Agility (50).

  - Clay tablet “Knife Proficiency” (50).

  - Clay tablet of Strength (50).

  - Clay tablet of Endurance (50).

  - Clay tablet of Acrobatics (50).

  - Clay tablet of Flexibility (50).

  I had an order of magnitude more esses and tablets than the day before. That meant it wasn’t the quantity of resources that mattered. More important was the effort it took to harvest. And that effort couldn’t just be contrived.

  I even tested that. I filled my knapsack with level-zero pebbles and held it in my right hand, then made a cut with my left. But alas, there is no tricking the Great System. My pitiful attempt had no effect. Who knows, maybe I’m doing everything wrong?

  Happy is still snoring away, just dead to the world. I decided not to wake him for now. First I have to clean my clothes.

  The water in the lake had become a bit warmer. Either that or I was just overheated from all the exertion.

  I “admire” my reflection in the water. Hmm, a pitiful sight. My hair is sticking out every which way. My face is glinting with dirt, as if I spent all day working in a barn. As for my “powerful” torso, capable of putting any girl into a lustful daze, I won’t even comment. Thin arms, an inverse chest, bony shoulders. Just skin and bones. It creates the impression that Crum and I are the same age.

  Seeing the lake, so out of place in this subterranean world, reminded me of Mia the blonde beauty from back home.

  Almost one year prior…

  Today I got up a bit early and first thing I did was run over to the window. Glory to the Great System! What a wonderful sunny day! Exactly what I want. Yesterday I finally worked up the courage... well actually it took all year to work up... Anyway, I overcame all my doubting and walked over to the blond-haired Amelia and asked her on a date...

  As I spoke, I was alternating between pale and crimson, burbling and hiccupping the whole way. I’m not sure Mia understood all my mumbling but, to my untold delight, she said yes.

  I flew home as if I’d sprouted wings! At that moment, I sincerely believed it was the happiest day of my life!

  I was picky in my choice of location... Eventually I decided on the shore of a forest lake. It was even called Crystal Lake. The water there was clean and very warm. I loved that place. I had spent a long time there, sitting in the shadow of an old weeping willow and watching the little critters racing around underwater.

  I really wanted to show it to my beloved. And for some reason I thought she was sure to appreciate the beauty and purity of this fairy-tale location. In my dreams, I was already imaging her laughing in delight with her magical voice like the peal of silver bells. I was picturing little crystalline tears of ador
ation welling up in her big sky-blue eyes, her tenderly crimson lips spreading into a sweet and kind smile, revealing a set of pearly white teeth.

  Oh, Great System! What a pure and wonderful creature! My love for her was tearing my heart to bits. It was keeping me up at night. And when I did fall asleep, I always saw Amelia in my dreams. Her and I walking hand in hand and talking about anything and everything. I told her I loved her once there in a flash of emotion and she just listened and smiled.

  Then I’d wake up and go to school where I would admire her in stolen glances. But consciously I realized we were not fated to be together. Who was she, and who was I?

  Beyond that, I saw the way she looks at Haakon, son of Ulvar the hunter. The black-haired handsome lad shot his first wolf at the age of twelve. Now it’s long gray tail adorned the young hunter’s leather belt. Oh, I would catch her staring at him and wished her nothing but happiness! If she was happy, I’d be happy.

  But still I asked her out on a date. I had to tell her how I felt, knowing and accepting the fact that I would never be her choice. Just to let her know that there is a person who would always be there to give her pure and sincere love.

  Mia came a bit late for the date. We agreed to meet after breakfast, but it was nearer midday when she showed up. Honestly, I didn’t give a crap. It wasn’t a big deal! Most importantly, she was here! And I was in no position to talk about lateness. I’d been here since sunup anyway. I was guarding our spot. I picked up all the rocks and dry leaves off the grass. Everything had to be perfect!

  Mia walked slowly and proudly. In a cream-white silk dress, she looked like a bird of legend. Her golden locks were up in a high ponytail and there were luxurious white ribbons woven into it. Her eyes and brows were expertly underlined with black makeup, making her facial features even more distinctive. I might even say crisp...

  Her deep eyes, the hue of an ocean wave, had an intrigued look. Her little nose was slightly upturned. The corners of her crimson lips were curled upward barely noticeably. A bit more and cute little dimples would appear in her soft cheeks. She is so pretty! Her and this place... Seemingly my heart is about to tear itself from my chest!

  “You came,” I whispered timidly.

  “I thought I was gonna break a heel the whole way,” she told me in dismay.

  She looked over the meadow and lakeshore scornfully.

  “Why’d you have me come way out to the sticks anyway? Was the city not good enough? There are musicians performing on the square today. Everyone from our class is there. It’s so nice!”

  “I thought it would be nice here too,” I burbled, thrown off by her reproaches.

  “Well, you were wrong,” Mia looked over the lakeshore again. The scornful grimace just wouldn’t leave her face. To be frank, I didn’t expect her to react this way to my favorite place in the world.

  “Well, what are you so quiet for?” she asked demandingly. “What did you have to tell me that was so important?”

  The words I’d spent a whole year carefully selecting got stuck in my throat. I was disheartened. I felt like an animal backed into a corner.

  “Actually,” she raised a dainty little hand. “You don’t have to say... I already know. You asked me out here to tell me you love me. Right?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I whispered in surprise. “But how...”

  “You think I’m blind? And I don’t notice you staring at me with those puppy-dog eyes?”

  I felt my face burning... I had never felt this much shame in my life... But still I made up my mind...

  “Yes Mia. You’re right... I love you! With all my heart! When I see you, my heart breaks into pieces! I know it isn’t in the stars for us to be together, but I just wanted you to know that there is a person in this world who will always love you!”

  I shot those words out and froze, my shaking hands squeezed to my chest. I could read an air of superiority and satisfaction in her sky-blue eyes. And it also seemed I saw a hint of scorn...

  “Mia, bravo!”

  A loud exclamation behind me forced me to sharply turn around. Haakon came out of the bushes laughing happily. Loudly clapping, he said:

  “You were right as always! This freak has a huge crush on you and invited you here to say he loves you! Haha! You win the bet! Now I have to be your slave for seven days!”

  Then jester-like, Haakon gave an exaggerated bow.

  The bushes shook and the guys from my class all crawled out, laughing merrily.

  “He didn’t get any drool on you, huh?!” Skeggi shouted.

  Everyone found that funny. The raucous laughter of several dozen kids carried over my little meadow. Not breathing, I turned to Amelia and watched with horror as she laughed along with the rest...

  I don’t remember walking home after that... I didn’t go outside for two weeks, burning in shame and crying in anger... Then after some convincing, mom finally got me out into our yard. And another week later I went to school. On the first day, they all laughed at me again, but with less enthusiasm. It probably had to do with the fact that I no longer had any reaction to their antics. Since then, I did my best not to stare at Mia or any other girls. I withdrew into my own mind.

  And I stopped going to the lake... It was like they had defiled it with their mocking laughter...

  Present day.

  “Hey, Rick, what’s up?”

  A frightened whisper from Crum right above my ear made me shudder.

  I turned sharply.

  “Why’d you sneak up on me like that?” I asked fearfully. “Yikes! You just about made my heart stop...”

  “I snuck up on you?” Crum asked in agitation. “I’ve been here for an eternity trying to shout to you... Hm... Honestly I was whispering... But still! You could be paying more attention!”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just what I said! I came to the cave just as we agreed. First I saw the snoring oaf... Then I noticed you on the shore. Sitting stock still, not moving a muscle. Staring at the water. I shout once... Twice... Zero attention... What’s up with you, buddy? And why’d you take all your clothes off?”

  I looked around. With a heavy sigh and rubbing my face, I answered:

  “Sorry, Crum... Some old memories came over me. I just can’t seem to shake them...”

  “Don’t worry, Rick,” Crum waved it off. And while pulling my clothes on, I said:

  “And as for memories, here’s what I have to say... They’ll let you go as soon as you want them to. Got it? Now get dressed quick. Or you’ll catch cold... You understand. You can’t afford to get sick here.”

  “Now that’s for sure,” I agreed, pulling on my pants and shirt.

  “How’d it all go?” the kid asked, nodding at Happy, asleep.

  “Perfectly.”

  “He been sleeping long?”

  “Since morning...”

  “Woah! Then we need to hurry. How much dropped today?”

  “See for yourself,” I extended him the bag.

  Crum gave a whistle of admiration. He quickly counted out a couple esses and tablets then put them back in the bag

  “That’s Livid’s fifth,” he explained. “I mixed it up a bit. So he won’t suspect anything...”

  “That isn’t all,” I said, picking up the bag.

  “I’m all ears,” he said, rubbing his little hands together. “Don’t draw it out, tell me!”

  “You have to see for yourself. Let’s go!”

  Stopping at the wall with the hiding spot, I stuck a hand into the crack.

  “Pretty nice little nook you crafted,” Crum praised.

  “Thanks,” I said and extended him all my stuff. “Here, look.”

  It hurt to look at the little guy. He quickly covered his mouth with both hands and started bleating. His eyes bulged. Veins popped out on his forehead.

  I understand where he’s coming from. The mountain of loot really was impressive.

  Finally, the kid got himself together.

  “Rick! Where’d you
get all this?! Charisma, Power of Suggestion, Lie Detection? Stone, bronze, iron... Six whole silver tablets?! And look how many esses! Just look!”

  “Quiet down, don’t shout! I’ll explain it all later... You’ve gotta go... Happy is gonna wake up any minute... Take it all and hide it as we agreed...”