“Oh, yeah. I could eat.” Kelsey hands me the menu from her table and I quickly scan it. “I think I’ll have a BLT.”
“Great idea. I’ll have one of those too. And an orange juice.”
“Let’s go order together and then we can catch up.”
We both pay our own way and sit back down at the table.
Kelsey stares at me. “I can’t believe it’s taken us this long to catch up again. Was it really around 2000 when we last hung out?”
My last conversation with sixteen-year-old Kelsey was only a few weeks ago. I want to so badly tell her what I’ve gone through, but I know she won’t believe me. I could always try the Mr. Green reference, but I’m not sure that would be a good idea so soon after reconnecting.
“It doesn’t seem that long,” I say, compromising.
“I know. I can’t believe I trusted that jackass over you. I’m sure a tiny part of me knew you didn’t really sleep with him, but he said he knew about that little heart-shaped birthmark on your butt.”
I slap her arm playfully. “Everybody knew about that birthmark, remember? We went out one night and got really drunk and you started telling everyone.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Well, you did.”
“God, I’m sorry. I hope we can be friends again. No one gets me like you used to.”
“I hope I don’t disappoint you now.”
“I’m sure you won’t.”
“So what’s been happening?”
Her face falls. “Well, Andy’s finally out of jail. I’m guessing you heard about everything that happened?”
“Sort of.”
“I won’t go into the details now, but it wasn’t pretty. He’s staying at Mum’s too and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m going to have to find my own place again soon.”
“Where were you living before that?”
“I was in Buderim with my husband, Aaron.”
“Don’t tell me…”
She nods grimly. “Yep. Aaron from high school. The one I could never get interested in me when we were sixteen. We reconnected in 2014 when I was visiting Mum one weekend and we ran into each other at the supermarket. He wasn’t as hot as when we were at school, but he was so nice to me. He’d gone through a pretty rough decade and seemed humbled by it all. He asked me out for a drink and I guess I kind of felt sorry for him. Plus, I felt like I owed it to my teenage self to give him a chance.”
I laugh. “You’re a crack-up.”
“I don’t know what happened, but we sort of just fell into a relationship. He made all the effort and I went along with it. But I sort of knew right from the beginning it was a mistake.”
I ignore the similarities between Kelsey and Aaron’s relationship with mine and Ed’s for the moment, because I was basically in Aaron’s role. “But you still married him?”
“Yeah,” she sighs. “It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We were on a holiday in the US, and I was using the trip to kind of decide whether to persevere when we got home. And then one night in Vegas we were both really drunk and ended up getting hitched at one of those awful Elvis chapels. I regretted it the next morning.”
“Oh no. A bit of a cliché, huh?”
“Tell me about it. And you know what? Some of those Elvis chapels are really gross. They’re outside the main strip and they’re really grungy and depressing.”
“So what happened after that?”
“Well, until that point, I had actually been planning to leave him as soon as we got home, but then I couldn’t. He was so excited and totally oblivious to my misery.”
“How long did you last?”
“A year. But you know what the final straw was?”
“What?”
“We were at his parents’ house one afternoon and everyone was sitting around watching the football on TV, and I made some comment about reading an article on the gender pay gap. Aaron turned to me and said: ‘Oh God Kelsey, you’re not one of those crazy feminists, are you?’”
I roar with laughter. I knew even back in high school how strong and pro-women’s rights Kelsey was. I can only imagine her position would have solidified over time.
“And so you just walked out?”
“Pretty much. I moved in with a friend for a while, but she lost her job and I couldn’t afford to pay the rent on my own, so I ended up going back to Mum’s. I swear it was the most depressing day of my life when I pulled up in her driveway with all my stuff, divorced and single again.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” I say, sighing.
Kelsey looks at me, surprised. “You’re divorced too?”
“I will be soon.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. That sucks, Anna. But if I’m being honest, I’m kind of glad. Now I don’t feel so alone.”
“If my misfortune helps anyone in any way, I’m happy,” I say.
Our food arrives and we eat quietly. My personal life might be pretty miserable right now, but at least I have Kelsey back in it.
TWENTY-THREE
After lunch, Kelsey tells me she has to take her mother to a doctor’s appointment, but she would like to meet up again later for drinks. I like that it gives me something to focus on for the rest of the day, instead of dwelling on how crappy things are with Ed.
Yet again, he hasn’t tried to get in touch. Surely if you knew your wife was upset, you’d check on her.
It’s not like I even want us to get back together anymore. I just want to know that he cares about me as a person. That all those years we spent together meant something to him, even if it wasn’t ‘true love’.
I spend a little time in the afternoon catching up on some admin, and then take a leisurely bath before properly doing myself up. Nothing extravagant, just styling my hair—this time with a proper hair straightener—and putting on some makeup.
I hadn’t realised, but in the last few weeks, I haven’t had much of an appetite, so my outfits are a little looser on my body. That has never happened in the past. Normally I put on weight when I’m depressed. This break-up has really affected me.
I go downstairs and Dad does that cheesy thing dads do and whistles at my appearance.
“You look great, honey.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say, embarrassed.
“Where are you off to?” he asks.
“Just out for drinks with Kelsey.”
“Do you want a lift?”
“Actually, that would be nice. Thanks. I don’t plan on drinking too much, but just in case.”
“Are you ready to go now?”
“If you are.”
“I’ll just grab my keys.”
I wave goodbye to Mum, who is on the couch as usual. It must be so hard being a spectator to everyone else’s life and not having your own. I hope medicine progresses enough to help her out sooner rather than later.
“How’s Mum doing, mentally?” I ask Dad once we’re in the car.
“She has her moments. Some days are harder than others.”
“How are you coping?”
“The same. It’s hard seeing someone you love suffer.”
“I know.”
“That extends to you and Amy as well. All my girls are going through a hard time at the moment, but you’re the only one who hasn’t told me why.”
I tear up. I didn’t really want to get into it with Mum or Dad this weekend, but I suppose there’s no point putting it off any longer.
“Ed and I have separated.”
He nods. “I’m not surprised.”
I stare at him. “I am!”
“Surely you knew deep down that he wasn’t the person you’d spend the rest of your life with?”
“Actually, yes, I did think I would spend the rest of my life with him. I wouldn’t have married him otherwise.” I don’t want to admit the thoughts I’ve had since, which question the level of delusion I experienced to make me feel that way.
“I always thought you’d end up with someone a little less serious.
You always had such a zest for life. And then when you met Ed, you seemed to adopt his personality. It made me sad to see the little girl I used to know disappear.”
“How come you’ve never mentioned any of this before?”
“Because it wouldn’t have done any good. It’s my job to support you, no matter the decisions you make. Was it your choice to separate?”
“Sort of.”
“How are you feeling about it? I mean, apart from the obvious?”
“I think it’s too early to say. But I’m hopeful there will be a day sometime in the future when life feels normal again.”
“Good. That’s all I needed to hear. I know your mother said there wasn’t enough space at the apartment for a semi-permanent guest, but she just didn’t want to be a burden on you. If you need somewhere to stay, you’re more than welcome to spend as much time as you need with us.”
I brush a stray tear from my cheek. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll keep that in mind.”
We reach Main Street and I pause to wrap him up in a tight hug. “I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you too, honey. Will you catch a cab home later?”
“Either that or an Uber. But there’s a chance I might go back to Kelsey’s too.” Once I turned eighteen, Mum and Dad said if I couldn’t get home by midnight, then they’d prefer I stay at a friend’s house to avoid waking them up.
Dad laughs. “You’re welcome to return after midnight if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Either way, I’ll figure something out.” I give him a last peck on the cheek and jump out of the car.
Kelsey told me to meet her down the end of Main Street at a new place she discovered. When I enter the bar, I see her and another woman sitting at a nearby counter. They have their backs to me, so I can’t tell who the other person is. I’m sort of annoyed Kelsey didn’t warn me she’d be bringing someone. I’m not in the mood to be the odd one out if she’s her new bestie or anything.
“Hey, guys,” I say cautiously.
Kelsey spins around, beaming. “Hey! You look awesome! And look who I found! I thought I’d see if anyone from the old gang was still in town.”
The other woman faces me with a genuine smile. “Anna! Hey!”
“Rachel! Oh my God! It’s been, what, like, twenty years?”
“I know. Wow, you haven’t changed a bit.”
“You either. Well, except for the hair. But I really like this look on you.”
Rachel used to have long dark hair, but now it’s cropped into a cute bob and dyed a golden blonde.
“Thanks!”
The initial shock of seeing her wears off, and I suddenly realise something.
Rachel is Kurt’s cousin.
My heart starts hammering.
“Anna is just about to join the divorce club too,” Kelsey explains.
“Ugh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Rachel says. “I split up with my second husband last year.”
I blink. “You’ve been married twice?”
“Yup. I should have learned after the first time, but apparently not.” She laughs and picks up the glass in front of her, taking a large gulp.
“Guys suck,” Kelsey says. She pats the stool next to her. “Sit down and grab a drink,” she instructs.
I oblige and order myself a passionfruit mojito. I need to grill Rachel about Kurt. Or do I? Now probably isn’t the right time.
“So you never left Shell Beach?” I ask instead.
“Nope. I’m glad, too. It’s such a beautiful town. And everyone who left comes back eventually. Look at you two!”
“Actually, I’m only up for the weekend,” I clarify. “But I do plan on visiting more often.”
“Good. It’s a shame we all lost touch for so long, huh? I think the friends you make at school are the ones who understand you the best. I’ve made some other friends over the years, but it’s not quite the same. Oh, Anna, Kelsey mentioned you live in Brisbane, so I should put you in touch with Jackson. You remember he used to work at Beans? He’s been living down there for ages.”
“Oh, I would love to see Jackson! I was just thinking about him the other day!”
And talking to him, but I can’t tell them that.
“Remind me to give you his number later.”
“I will.”
My mojito arrives and I take a sip. Yum. “This is a cool place,” I say to Kelsey.
“I know. I don’t mind how they’ve prettied up Main Street over the last twenty years. Mind you, I still have fond memories of the nineties. We practically lived at Beans, didn’t we?”
“I think I still prefer Beans,” I say. “But I’m open to new things as well.” I turn to Rachel. “What’s your brother up to these days?”
“Oh, Chris. He’s a big disappointment to my parents,” she laughs. “Instead of going to uni, he went overseas and became a scuba diving instructor. He’s based in Koh Samui right now.”
“That sounds like fun. Have you been to visit him?”
“Once. I’ve been meaning to book another trip, actually.”
I’m trying to formulate a way to naturally divert the conversation to her cousin when Kelsey cuts in. “Well, he’s a lot less of a disappointment than my brother.”
“Yeah, I was sorry to hear about Andy,” Rachel says. “I always thought he was a little…”
“Psychotic?” Kelsey provides.
“Um, possibly?” Rachel says awkwardly.
“Don’t worry. I always knew he had problems. I just didn’t realise how big they were until he was caught.”
“You can’t help who you’re related to,” I say gently.
“You’re right. Speaking of family, how’s that sister of yours?”
“Normally I’d say I have no idea, but we kind of did the whole sibling bonding thing yesterday and it was nice.”
“Well, the men we thought we could count on might have let us down, but at least we have each other.”
“That’s right.” Rachel picks up her glass and clinks it with each of ours.
“Cheers to being friends forever.”
***
For the next couple of hours, we get increasingly drunk. The bar also serves food, so we make our way over to a booth and order a couple of pizzas.
I still haven’t found a way to ask Rachel about Kurt, but I know my window of opportunity is closing as the night wears on.
And then I think of the perfect segue.
“I found my old diaries the other day,” I tell the girls. “And I was reading about how we used to go down to The Palace, but sometimes we’d go across the street to that old record shop. I miss record shops.”
“And video stores,” Kelsey adds.
Rachel nods in an exaggerated fashion, thanks to the alcohol in her bloodstream. “Me too. Hey, my cousin used to work at that record shop.”
And there it is. Even though I expected him to exist in reality, hearing it from Rachel’s mouth makes it properly official.
“How come we never talked to him when we went there?” I ask.
“Actually, I don’t know. I guess he was only there for a year and maybe he wasn’t working on the days we visited. I’m sure I would have told you, though.”
It’s possible. My sixteen-year-old self would not have remembered Rachel vaguely commenting on how a cousin I never met worked there.
“Why was he only there for a year?” I ask. I know that’s kind of a weird question to ask, but Rachel doesn’t seem to notice. I’m grateful I can use the cover of drunkenness to excuse anything odd I say.
“Oh, he was studying music production or something. He ended up moving to London and becoming a fancy music producer.”
Butterflies swarm in my belly. He might still be the same person I met in 1996!
“Is he still there? Would I have heard of any of his music?”
“Uh, yeah, last I heard he was still there. He works with a lot of famous DJs, apparently. We never really talked in the end, because Dad didn’t like how he was a
bad influence on me and Chris.” She giggles. “If only he knew what Chris and I got up to even without Kurt.”
I feel the moment slipping away. Quick. What can I ask?
“So Chris doesn’t see him either?”
“He might have visited him once.” She squints as if trying to think hard. “Oh, that’s right. They caught up in Paris and Chris mentioned how he was intimidated by Kurt and his model girlfriend…” She narrows her eyes at me. “Hang on, why are you asking all these questions about my cousin?”
“No reason,” I say, a sick feeling settling in my chest. Of course he would have a girlfriend. And a model one at that.
Kelsey looks at me strangely. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. I think I’ve had too much to drink. My brain was doing that thing where you keep asking questions but don’t have any idea why.”
“Is that a thing?” Rachel asks, laughing.
“Yeah, I can relate,” Kelsey says after a second. “But you know what the cure for that is?”
“What?” I ask.
“Shots!”
I try to protest, but Kelsey insists. She orders some tequila shots, followed by a round of B52s.
After that, I feel very much like I do just after taking the youth compound.
I think I might be about to black out.
TWENTY-FOUR
When I first wake up the next morning, I worry that I actually did take some of the youth compound and ended up back in 1996.
I’m disoriented for a moment, and when I look around, I see I’m in Kelsey’s bedroom. How did that happen?
But when I focus on the walls, I see that they no longer feature movie posters. Instead, they are adorned with eclectic art. There are no CDs on the floor, and the furniture is slightly more modern.
I roll over and look at the person next to me. I let out a sigh of relief when I see that it’s Kelsey, but very much the almost-forty version.
Why am I here?
Oh, that’s right. The shots.
And Rachel.
And learning that Kurt is alive, but he’s a bigshot music producer in London and has a model girlfriend.
I almost wish I was back in 1996. At least I know that Kurt is single then. At least, I assume he is.
1996 (90s Flashback Series) Page 17