Beyond the Heart

by Jeanie P Johnson

  There was a split between the main chiefs of the Comanches and the Kiowas, some wanting to fight against the whites and others wanting to live in peace, with them. Nonetheless, in order to live in peace, they would have to give up their Indian traditions and culture and be willing to adopt the white man’s way of life. They could no longer roam wild and free upon a land that had always been their domain until the white man came along and decided to claim it.

  He could see how happy Callie looked when she talked about building a house he thought was too big, and unnecessary. It would tie her to the land, where she would have to remain to care for cattle, so she could get money to buy fancy things that didn’t even seem useful.

  He knew of other Indians who had given up their true way of life, and moved into the white man’s houses, learning to farm, and live in one place like the government wished them to do, but he did not want to be counted among them.

  However, Chayton knew that if he chose his true Indian way of life, he would have to give Callie up. He thought about his son. He wished to raise him as an Indian brave should be raised, yet the future looked grim for Indian braves of old. If he left him with Callie, who was the only mother Joey knew, he would become like a white man, and never know of his own heritage.

  He already had a white man’s name, Chayton thought sadly. He would never learn how to speak his own language if Callie raised him as her son. This tore at Chayton’s heart because he knew, when her work-hand came back, he, himself, would have to leave, possibly never to return again. Chayton couldn’t face a future without Callie in it, and yet he could not stay at her ranch, for fear of being arrested for her husband’s death.

  Callie sat looking at the trunk, which had been placed in the corner of her room, containing the clothes she brought with her, and Chet never let her wear. She looked down at the drab dress of her sister’s she had been given to wear instead. Chet was no longer here, she thought. The girls didn’t even know how it felt to wear a dress because they were always dressed in practical overalls. They barely looked like girls, she thought, because Chet wanted to turn them into little boys.

  Suddenly, she rose to her feet and opened the trunk. Some of the dresses had already been used to make curtains for the house, and that one attempt to make dresses for the girls, which Chet had put a stop to. There was another trunk, just like this one, in the barn, with more of her clothes in it. Callie started rummaging through the dresses until she found one of her favorites. She even pulled out the fancy shift, and lace pantaloons, along with a petticoat. There was no reason why she couldn’t use her own clothes now, she told herself firmly, starting to realize that she was no longer under a man’s thumb, and she could do as she pleased.

  She discarded her simple dress, and drab under-drawers, and began putting the soft silk under-things on. She breathed in the sweet smell of the perfumed sashay bag she had kept in her trunk, and used to put in her dresser drawers, it seemed like a lifetime ago, which had transferred to her clothing in the trunk. It brought back pleasant memories of her past before she knew Texas even existed.

  Callie began pulling the light lavender silk dress over her head, fastening up the many tiny buttons in front. She chose it because it would be easier to nurse the babies when the time came. She started feeling like a woman again, as she viewed herself in the wavy floor mirror, in the corner. She placed her hair neatly in a bun at the back of her head, letting a few natural curls fall around her face. Then she fished out a small bottle of perfume, she had placed in one of the side pouches of the trunk and dabbed some behind her ears. There had been jewelry, but it was packed in a small jewelry box in her other trunk, which was still in the barn.

  Callie looked down at her worn high-top boots, but she decided against putting on the fancy slippers, which would merely be destroyed walking through the rough ground of the yard. She would put in walks and grass around her new house, she told herself, firmly. It would rival any ranch-house in the area.

  Callie opened the door of her bedroom and walked into the other part of the house where the children were gathered around the table, busy watching Connor teaching Chayton how to play checkers.

  When they all looked up at her, she could tell by the expressions on their faces, that she had given them a pleasant surprise. Chayton was the only one who did not appear very pleased.

  “Why are you wearing that dress?” Connor broke the silence.

  “Because it is my dress. Your father wouldn’t let me wear any of my fancy clothes, but I see no reason why I can’t do it now. In fact, I intend to make all you girls pretty little dresses as well, which was what I tried to do until your father stopped me. I don’t have a husband telling me what to do now, and I plan to live my life as I please from here on out.”

  The girls gathered around her and began touching her dress, as though they had never touched anything as soft before, and Callie realized they hadn’t.

  “You smell good,” Connor said, with a smile. He seemed pleased at how she looked, so she wondered why Chayton had his brows pulled together, as he looked up at her from his sitting position.

  “How can you do your work in those clothes?” Chayton asked.

  “That was Chet’s concern. When I lived in Pennsylvania, we changed our clothes several times a day. I wore a morning dress and then changed before lunch into a day dress. Later, I put on a dinner dress. We always dressed up for dinner, and I plan to revive that custom, once our new house is built. When I have chores to do, I will wear sensible clothes, but there is nothing to keep me from wearing something that makes me feel good about myself.”

  “We already feel good about you,” Chayton offered. “It is not what you wear, which makes you who you are.”

  “You are one to talk!” Callie responded. “Your people paint their faces and dress in bright-colored clothes when going to war. I have heard about the outrageous costumes you put on when you do your various dances. Even the men wear feather bonnets that come all the way to their ankle, as they parade around your village. Your clothes are covered in fancy beadwork and fringe. That is no different than this.”

  “All of those things have certain meanings and purposes,” Chayton told her.

  “Well, my clothes also have certain meaning and purpose. Just because it is not like your reasons, doesn’t’ mean it isn’t important to me,” she rebuffed.

  “I suppose you are free to wear what you wish to wear,” Chayton conceded. “I just don’t see why you wish to put on frilly clothes.”

  “Any more than I see why your people wish to run around half naked most of the time, and then wear so many feathers, they resemble a bird,” she smiled.

  Chayton frowned. He was beginning to feel that Callie was mocking him, and his people.

  “If you do not wish to be around a ‘bird person’, I do not have to remain,” he almost growled.

  “You know I did not mean it that way,” Callie cried. “You are getting upset over nothing.”

  “I am not upset,” he said softly. “I have just come to the awareness that my wound has healed, and it is probably time for me to return to my own ‘bird people’.”

  “I thought you said you always wanted me beside you? Have you suddenly changed your mind?”

  Chayton stood up and walked past Callie. “We should discuss this in the other room,” he said, going into Callie’s room, and indicating for her to follow.

  When the door closed, Callie merely stared at Chayton. He was being unreasonable over a silly dress, she thought.

  “Why are you doing this?” she asked. “I thought you wanted to be here with me?”

  “I will have to leave eventually. Your worker will arrive, and then there will be no place for me. Why prolong it? You will never come with me to my village, and I cannot remain here with you.”

  “You claimed to love me,” Callie accused.

  “I loved my wife, and she ended up dying. I had to learn to live without her.”

  “And now you want to learn to li
ve without me?” she almost raged, as she stepped forward. “You said you wanted to protect me. The problem is, you only wish to have me on your terms, the same as Chet did!”

  Chayton grabbed Callie’s wrist in his fist, which made her wince.

  “I am not Chet. I would never treat you the way he did! I do love you. I love you more than life itself, but we are from different worlds. I think I saw that when you walked into the room in your fancy dress. I can never fit into your world, and you refuse to fit into mine.”

  Callie stared up into Chayton’s dark eyes, as her light eyes brimmed with tears.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she whimpered, “I need you here, Chayton.”

  “To be captured and put in your white man’s jail? Is that what you want, On-thoe-gyah? By your people’s standards, I am a criminal. They would never allow me to have a white woman in her fancy clothes, while I am dressed in a breechcloth and leggings!”

  “You could make an effort. You don’t have to wear your Indian clothes.”

  “No more than you have to wear this silly dress,” he growled, as he started fumbling with the buttons down the front of her dress.

  They were so small; his large fingers couldn’t work them free from their loops. In exasperation, he suddenly pulled the material apart, causing the buttons to go flying in all directions.

  “Chayton!” Callie gasped.

  Only Chayton was burying his head against her breast, tearing at the lace material of her shift, with his fingers.

  “I need you, my love, but how can I have you?” he groaned, as he began to pull the sleeves of the dress free from her arms, yanking at the skirt and petticoat, in order to remove them from her.

  Chayton could not stop himself in his misery and rage of knowing Callie could never be his completely, the way he wished her to be. Only in the moment, his desire for her grew stronger, knowing he may never be able to be with her again, once he walked out of her house. His overwhelming need of her, drove him on, as he found his fingers, shredding away the flimsy shift material, and pantaloons until she stood before him in all her soft alabaster beauty.

  The next moment, Chayton’s mouth was tugging at her lips, as he clutched her to him. With a flick of one hand, he pulled his breechcloth free, guiding her to the bed, and bringing her down beside him.

  Callie caught her breath, but she couldn’t’ deny the excitement Chayton was creating, by his sudden need of her. After his infection had healed, he merely held her and kissed her at night, but this was something beyond that, she realized, and the flame that had flared up within him was catching fire to her as well.

  Chayton’s seeking mouth roved over her face and eyes, finding temporary gratification when it reached her pouting lips, once more; his need to explore her mouth followed, and Callie encouraged his exploration. She felt her heart speeding, as her breath came faster, and then, his lips wanted to discover more of her, beyond her mouth, as they slid down over her neck and shoulder, his tongue making a trail over her skin.

  When Chayton’s tongue tasted that familiar sweet milk, on her soft, mounded breast, his desire grew stronger, remembering the tenderness she had shown him when he was recovering from his wound. Now he wanted to experience that sweetness again and gave himself permission to do so, knowing she had just finished feeding the babies, before she had come into the living area, dressed in her finery.

  He wanted all of her; and he intended to take it, as the taste of her motherhood, filled his senses to the brim. All the same, that alone was not enough. He still wanted more. If this was the last time he would ever be able to touch her, he would make it the most memorable.

  Chayton left his feast of her breast; his mouth caressing over her, tingling at the very feel of her soft skin against his lips, wanting to consume her entire body. His reward began to be accomplished, as he savored the very feel and taste of her, while he listened to her mewing in approval, knowing he had the ability to touch the center of her universe if he chose, and that was what he intended to do.

  Callie gasped at the unexpected splendor that spread throughout her being, reaching beyond the stars, and causing her to sparkle with completion, at Chayton’s soft, and caring touch. Even then, he brought forth more of her inner soul, until she was saturated with contentment.

  Chayton, swelled with accomplishment and satisfaction, eager to continue with his expression of need and love, towards this woman who had managed to take the place of his wife, when he thought, no other woman could. In spite of that, the sadness he was feeling at knowing this was most likely the only time he could ever have her this way, also consumed him. As he pulled Callie to him, he discovered her own small, soft mouth was seeking against his skin, tracing over him in the same manner he had been playing against hers.

  The feel of her pink tongue tasting against him, caused his senses to begin to burst with anticipation. His own breath rose higher, as she showed no shyness in her approach. When he felt her breath upon him, causing his imagination to go wild, he stilled, waiting for her to proceed.

  When the moment came, Chayton released his breath, and then caught it again, lifting towards her kisses, as her boldness grew. It was a boldness he hadn’t expected and yet longed for, knowing she wanted him as deeply as he wanted, and needed her.

  Suddenly, he pulled from her, knowing there was only one end to this dance, and he wished to move to the next step before it was too late.

  When he found her warm and snug around him, he moved slowly, determined to make the dance last into eternity. He never wanted to lift from her or leave her bed, or the sweet-honey-feel and taste of her. The very thought pained him so deeply, he began smothering her mouth beneath his, breathing in her incredible essence, hoping it could last him for a lifetime, and knowing it couldn’t. He would always need this. He would always need her; only he couldn’t find any answers. This was the single answer he knew that would comfort him in the moment.

  Callie was astounded at how Chayton had the subtle magic, which made her eager to join him in a way she hadn’t expected. She had submitted to Chet regularly, over the last year and a half, and he had never made her feel the way she was feeling now. She realized she was not submitting; she was participating. Willingly participating in a way that took her own breath away. Her love for Chayton grew deeper with every move, every kiss, every stroke, every touch. She didn’t think her love for him could grow any stronger, but she was proven wrong.

  How could he leave her, she kept asking herself? She would die if she couldn’t experience this overwhelming need and sensation in the future. Only she knew he was right. How could she fit him into her life; and how could he fit her into his life? The very agony at the thought caused her to grasp him tighter, and meet his every move with the same enthusiasm, in which he offered himself to her. And yet it didn’t feel like it was enough.

  She prayed this love dance would never end. She couldn’t face a tomorrow, without Chayton being in it.

  However, the experience did come to an end. The ending was a reward in itself, as she felt her spirit fly above the clouds, and felt Chayton shiver against her damp skin, as his breath slowed, and his cry of bliss spilled from his lips.

  Both lay still, not wanting to move. Neither wanted to pull away and break the connection they had discovered was a very part of their will to live.

  Chayton pushed the wet curls back from Callie’s forehead and began kissing her brow.

  “You are my true love,” he breathed. “I will never love another the way I love you, unless, like my wife, you die. As long as you draw a breath in this world, my love for you will never turn.”

  “What are we going to do?” she whispered, as tears slipped from her eyes.

  “I cannot face a life without you, but I cannot remain here either. I will leave my son with you, so your people will believe I am dead. It will give me a reason to come see you as often as I dare.”

  “You will come back?” Callie smiled.

  “If I can manage it, but we
would have to meet in secret, or there could be trouble.”

  “Yes, I know,” Callie admitted.

  “Just know, I will return. Don’t turn your love to any other either,” he begged.

  “How could I? You are the only man I could ever love. Somehow we will find a way to be together. If they ever take you to trial, I will be a witness that you had no hand in killing my husband. I will swear I had seen the Indian who shot the arrow.”

  “You would be right about that because I was not the one who shot your husband. I do not know if the brave who shot him is still alive.”

  “Then you have nothing to fear,” Callie insisted.

  Chayton’s, mouth settled over hers once more. Abruptly, he was lifting away, arranging his breechcloth around his waist, pulling his leggings on, and his shirt over his head.”

  “Take good care of Joey,” he whispered, and then he left the room, and Callie turned her head into the pillow and began to sob.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “I know what we should do today,” Callie said to Connor and the girls, to cheer herself up. “We shall choose a place to build the house! How would you like that?”

  All the children cheered, and Callie put Joey in the cradleboard, placing it on Connor’s back, and lifted Shanny into her arms.

  Connor felt proud to be carrying Joey on his back. Chayton made him promise to help his mother take care of Chayton’s son. He had grown to like Chayton and thought about how perhaps, he may have enjoyed becoming a member of Chayton’s tribe. However, the ranch was much too important for him to give up, in order to live the life of an Indian.

  Connor and the girls, paraded outside behind Callie, following her into the center of the yard, as they all looked around to discover the best place to put the long, awaited house.