by Ivy Smoak
“Because I work for your father.”
“He’s not my father. A father is someone who’s there for you when you fall off your bike and skin your knee. A father is someone who hugs you when you’re crying. A father is someone that didn’t pay off your mother just to get rid of you. He isn’t my father. He’s a monster. No matter how hard he tries, he’ll always be a monster. Because that was how my mother remembered him. And I’ll never dishonor her memory.”
I didn’t even realize that he’d drawn closer to me. He reached out and ran his index finger and thumb down a loose strand of my hair. “It doesn’t matter how you think of him. He’s still going to take care of you. And I’ll never be able to. Not the way he can.”
“Are you talking about money? I don’t care about money…”
“You date guys like Felix Green and Matthew Caldwell.”
“I hate guys like Felix Green and Matthew Caldwell.”
“Hate and love are a fine line, kid.”
I wasn’t a kid. I was barely younger than him. “You were right, I shouldn’t have come down here.” I stepped around him but he moved to block my path.
“What did you want when you came down here?”
“For you to hide my dress.”
“That’s it?”
I shook my head. “I wanted you to make me feel less alone. Like when we ate ice cream together.”
“I’m not a cure for loneliness.”
I took a step toward him. “I know. But you also said a guy who doesn’t stick up for me isn’t someone who’s worth my time. And I have a feeling you’d always stick up for me.”
His eyes dropped to my lips. “I’ll never belong in your world,” he said.
My world? What world? The Pruitt’s? I didn’t belong there. I stared at him. But he was saying that I didn’t belong in his either. But his world was the same as my old one. How could I not belong in my new world or my old one? Where the hell was I supposed to be?
Before I even realized what was happening, his lips were on mine. His words said leave, but his grip on my hips and his tongue in my mouth begged me to stay. And I was more confused than ever as his kiss made my head spin.
He pulled away far too soon, his forehead pressed against mine. “I’ll make you feel less alone whenever you want. I’ll let you see your friends. I’ll stop checking every room you walk into if that’s what you want. I’ll let you eat my ice cream and borrow my phone. I’ll give you the code so you can sneak out whenever you want. But don’t ask me to let you spend the night when I know you’re in love with someone else.”
I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t in love with someone else. That I wanted to stay. But I couldn’t do that. “You could get fired for all those things,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
“They’re worth it if they make you smile.” He pulled back from me.
“So you’re offering me kisses but not…” my voice trailed off as I looked at his bed “…snuggles.”
He shook his head and laughed. “You’re definitely too young for me.” He walked over to his door and opened it.
“But you want to kiss me again?” I really was being juvenile right now.
He smiled. “I’m finding it hard to say no to you, Brooklyn. Which is why I’m leaving right now. Because I’m finding it increasingly hard to control myself. I’ve clearly lost all reason.” He walked away before I could respond.
I wasn’t sure where he was going. Because I was in his room.
Chapter 21
Saturday
I snuck down to Miller’s room every night after that. Eventually he stopped turning me away. One of the only house rules I knew was that boys weren’t allowed in my room. What would Mr. Pruitt say if he knew I spent every night in Miller’s? Technically it wasn’t breaking the rules. Just the spirit of them. And honestly I didn’t care about Mr. Pruitt’s endless rules. That’s why I’d signed the papers without reading any further. Isabella didn’t follow half the ones I’d read. And I had no intention of following them either. But for some reason, I hadn’t given the signed papers back to Mr. Pruitt. It was almost like if I gave them to him, I’d officially be one of Pruitts. And I didn’t want that at all.
Miller and I both knew he could get in trouble. But I wasn’t sure either of us cared. Sometimes we’d kiss. Mostly we just talked. He was always a complete gentleman. I was pretty sure he viewed my late night knocking as temporary. Even though I viewed it as necessary. I think we were both just lonely in a house that neither of us belonged in.
I opened my eyes and stared at the wall of Miller’s small room. I didn’t want to move. There was nothing more comforting than being wrapped up in someone else’s arms. Miller’s breath was light on the back of my neck, but his arm was heavy around my waist. It was hard to feel alone like that.
But each morning, just like this one, I still woke up feeling lost, if not alone. Nothing made sense anymore. Kennedy was suddenly as scared of the other students at Empire High as I was. We started eating lunch every day in the library instead of the cafeteria, tucked away from prying eyes. But I wasn’t sure anyone was even looking. Cupcake never came close to her, which was good, because I could strangle him for what he’d done to Kennedy. He broke her. And I think not having Kennedy act like Kennedy broke me too.
My phone was still sitting turned off in my drawer. And Matt hadn’t come to school for the rest of the week. I didn’t know if he was okay. I didn’t know if any of his friends were even talking to him. And even though I was mad at him, I was worried too. Because there was one thing I did believe that he’d said. James did seem capable of hurting himself. He’d shown up drunk to school at least twice. His eyes were bloodshot. His tie was always a little askew. He had stubble on his face when he was usually clean shaven. He was a mess. So I watched him whenever I could. Because even though I was still mad at Matt, I didn’t want his fears to become a reality. Besides, if Matt wasn’t at school watching James, who was?
“What are you thinking about?” Miller’s voice was groggy.
“That I should probably get back to my room before anyone else wakes up.”
“You weren’t daydreaming about homecoming tonight?”
I turned to look at him. I’d studied his face a lot over the last several days. But I’d never seen that expression before. He looked wary of me. “No.” What was there to daydream about? I was supposed to go with Matt, but we were no longer an us. I was supposed to go with Felix, but he’d stopped speaking to me. I was looking forward to going with Kennedy, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would be the first homecoming dance I’d ever gone to. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks. I just thought it would be more magical than this.
“Not even a little bit?” asked Miller.
“I wish you could come with me,” I said.
“I’ll be there.”
I propped myself up on an elbow. “What?”
“Mr. Pruitt doesn’t want me to let you out of my sight. I have to be there.”
I wanted to make some joke about how he didn’t even let me out of his sight when I was sleeping. But it didn’t feel right. “Why is he watching me so closely?” It was the one question I couldn’t get a straight answer about.
There was that look again. Maybe he was just wary of the awkward situation. “You know I can’t talk to you until you sign the papers.”
“I signed them.” I bit the inside of my lip. “I just need to give them back to Mr. Pruitt.”
He sighed and sat up, his ab muscles tightening in a delicious way. “We’ll talk about it again after you give them back.” He stared at me, searching my face. “You read all of it then?”
“Yeah,” I lied. I’d had homework to do, Cupcake revenges to plot, texts from Matt to ignore, plans to go over to avoid Isabella whenever possible, and of course my daily fifteen-minute cry session after school. When would I have had time to read that monster of an agreement?
“You’re sure about that?” he asked.
I
hated when he treated me like a child. “Of course.”
He nodded and then turned away. “We should head out a little early so we can swing by and grab Kennedy before the football game.”
I almost forgot about the homecoming game. I could feel the smile stretch across my face. “Really? Can she get ready here too?”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you.” I leaned over and kissed him.
He caught my hipbone in his hand and pulled me closer. “You should go. Before you get caught.” He reluctantly let go of my waist.
I climbed out of his bed. “Maybe if I get caught, they’ll throw me out.” I pulled on my white puffy robe over my pajamas.
“And where would you go if that happened?” asked Miller.
“I don’t know.” I looked at my mother’s dress hanging in the closet. “Somewhere far away from all this.” Home. I turned back to him and he was frowning. “What?”
“I assumed you were no longer planning on running away.” He grabbed his watch off the nightstand and strapped it in place on his wrist. “They’ll be up soon.”
He was right. I didn’t have time for this conversation right now. But I didn’t want to leave it like this either. “You’re right. I’m not leaving. This place is finally starting to feel like home.” And by this place, I meant specifically Miller’s room.
He smiled.
“I’ll see you in a bit.” I looked both ways before leaving his room and then hurried off to my bedroom. I thought I was in the clear, but as I rounded the corner to the staircase, I saw the whole family sitting at the dining room table.
“There you are,” Mr. Pruitt said. “Where have you been? We were all worried.”
I saw Isabella roll her eyes.
Think of something to say. Think. “I was just exploring.”
Mr. Pruitt raised both eyes. “Exploring? Haven’t you been given a proper tour? I’ll have to talk to Miller about that.”
“No, it’s not his fault.” It felt like I was digging my own grave. Or maybe Miller’s. “I just get so easily turned around.”
“It’s fine, darling. Come eat with us.”
Isabella looked shocked by his term of endearment. She used to call me that when we first met. But not in a nice way. The way Mr. Pruitt said it reminded me of how my mom used to say it to me. There wasn’t a hint of evil behind it. He sounded almost loving. And I had a weird feeling that maybe he used to call my mom that too. And that maybe she called me that because it reminded her of him.
“Are you deaf?” Isabella said. “Don’t just stand there when Daddy tells you to join us.”
Mr. Pruitt shot her a harsh stare.
I hurried over to my seat, trying to ignore the fact that I was in a robe and slippers and they were all fully dressed. I was sure Mrs. Pruitt was displeased, but I made sure not to look at her. “This looks great,” I said as I stared at the normal breakfast buffet. It was too much food. What did they always do with the leftovers?
“So are we allowed to eat breakfast in our pajamas now, Daddy?” Isabella asked.
“No,” her mother said. “We’re not troglodytes.”
At least as I sunk lower in my seat I was comfortable because my robe was so lush.
“Have you even given her the rules to sign yet?” Mrs. Pruitt asked. “Or will homeless-casual be the new dress code for all of our meals? We have to raise both of them with the same rules, Richard.”
“She’ll sign them once she’s read over them,” he said, seemingly oblivious to her hateful tone.
“It’s okay, I actually did sign them,” I said. “I’ll go get them now.” I doubted anyone protested, but I wouldn’t have known because I practically ran out of the room. Once I got upstairs, I quickly changed into clothes that would be suitable for the homecoming game. I opened up one of my boxes that I hadn’t unpacked yet so I could find my Keds. But the first thing I saw on top was Matt’s varsity jacket. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t go away. I’d never even gotten a chance to wear it.
In a different world, I’d be wearing it today. I’d be cheering him on from the crowd. But I wasn’t even sure if he’d show up to play. And I wasn’t exactly in a cheering mood. For him or anyone else at Empire High. Honestly, I was surprised that Kennedy still wanted to go.
I tried to shove the thoughts aside, along with the jacket, as I pulled out my Keds. Mrs. Pruitt would hate them as much as Isabella did. And for some reason I found that wonderfully pleasing. I laced them up, grabbed the signed stack of papers, and headed back downstairs.
“Here you go,” I said and handed Mr. Pruitt the papers, trying my best to ignore the evil ladies of the house staring at my shoes.
“Splendid. I’ll update the will immediately.” He snapped his fingers and a staff member I hadn’t met before appeared. “Have this sent over to my lawyer at once,” he said.
“Your will, Daddy?”
“Yes.” He took a sip of his coffee. He was so calm when all I felt in the room was building tension.
“You have to be joking,” Mrs. Pruitt said.
“I’m not. I have two daughters now, and I’m splitting my will accordingly.”
“Without discussing it with me first?”
“If either of you say another word I’ll alter the will a third time, and I promise you that you won’t be pleased.”
Mrs. Pruitt’s jaw actually dropped. I would have reached across the table and pushed it back into place, but that was probably against the rules. Besides, I was a little shocked myself. “It’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to update it at all. I don’t want anything.”
“Which is exactly why I’m updating it. You haven’t used your Amex card once since I’ve given it to you. Do you have any idea how much these two spend in a week?”
“Richard…”
“I’ve already made up my mind,” he snapped. Instead of throwing his coffee mug against the wall like I expected him to do, he just drank another sip calmly. “I’m going to call the lawyer in my study. Please do not disturb me.” He stood up and grabbed the newspaper. But before he walked off, he peeled away the page with the crossword puzzle and handed it to me.
He must have seen me staring at it last weekend. He noticed. He cared. He was changing his freaking will. What if I was entirely wrong about him? Some beasts had a Belle. Maybe my mom was his. And maybe he didn’t resent my existence. Maybe I really was all that he had left of the woman he truly loved. Maybe he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t know I existed. It was a whole lot of maybes. But even if a single one of them was true? He wasn’t such a monster after all.
Isabella’s chair squeaked across the wooden floor as she stood up. “You’ll never replace me, Brooklyn. Hell, your name says it all. Go back to the borough you belong in. Because Daddy only has one daughter. Me. And I’m not sharing him with you. And I’m certainly not sharing my inheritance with trash.” She turned on her heel and walked out of the room.
I knew her sweet act was in fact an act. But the way she could flip the switch so easily was terrifying. I never found the part in the rules about not murdering people. But I hoped there weren’t any loopholes to that rule. Because if there were, I was seriously worried for my wellbeing.
“Your mother was a slut,” said Mrs. Pruitt. She was so quietly sinister that I had practically forgotten she was still at the table.
“Excuse me?”
“As I’m sure you are too. You’ll slip up soon. And when you do, I’ll see it. And I’ll be the one to tell Richard. I’ll strip you of everything you thought you could gain. Because mark my words, you are temporary in this house. My husband had one weak moment in his life and it resulted in you. And I’m going to protect his legacy even if he has decided not to. Even if I have to make you disappear myself.” She didn’t storm off like her daughter. Instead she left with a sigh, like my presence was exhausting her.
Her words echoed in my head. There was a lot that should have made
my knees shake. But there were two sentences that had me literally trembling. Even if I have to make you disappear myself. Maybe the murder rule was for Mrs. Pruitt too. I knew it was a threat. But it was the other thing that stuck out even more. When you do, I’ll see it. I felt the familiar chill run down my spine and turned around to see no one at all. She was watching me. I knew she was. And I’d already slipped up every night when I went to Miller’s room. Did she know? God, she had to know. I heard the clock ticking down in my head that I always heard when something bad was about to happen. I’d never been wrong before. I’d always been good at knowing when my time was running out.
Tiffany came out to clear the dishes. “Are you alright?” she asked. “You look a little pale.”
Because I just found my ghost. “I’m fine.”
“You barely touched your food. Do you want me to send a plate up for you?”
“No, that’s okay. Thank you though.” Tiffany seemed nice enough, but I suddenly saw everything differently. I could think of a million loopholes to a murdering rule. One being that she could pay someone else to do it for her. A little drop of something in my food.
Tiffany smiled at me.
I needed to get out of this house before I wound up dead.
Chapter 22
Saturday
I could feel the stands rumbling as Kennedy, Miller, and I searched for three seats together. Music blared through the speakers, pumping up the crowd for the upcoming game. The stadium was a blur of Empire High blue and orange, except for a small section of the stands where our rivals Bernstein Prep were sitting.
“Go ahead and grab those seats,” Miller said and gestured toward a section of the bleachers where he most definitely wouldn’t fit.
Maybe I’d misunderstood. I could barely hear him over the music. “Aren’t you going to sit with us?” I asked.
He tilted his head to the side and I followed the direction with my eyes. Mr. and Mrs. Pruitt were seated across the aisle a few rows ahead. They were here to see Isabella cheer I guessed. I didn’t know whether or not either of them were alumni of Empire High. But they were sitting with a group of other adults, right next to Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell. I quickly turned away. Matt had said he’d told his mother about me. Did he tell her we broke up too? Did she know everything?