by Trina Solet
When Rico went off, Rob expected him to go do some work, but instead of going to help his man, he was going into Julian's office. If Rob wasn't avoiding being alone with Julian, he would drag Rico right out of there by the scruff of his neck.
Left to mull over what Rico said, Rob wondered if there was some truth in it. Rob hated to think Julian might end up lonely, but he couldn't push himself on him either.
That morning Rob had woken up alone. Sometimes in the early morning hours, Julian had left. That was a lonely feeling.
After holding him for most of the night, Rob missed his warmth, his arm and leg over him, his beard rubbing against him softly. The blanket Julian had put over him before leaving was no substitute.
That's why he couldn't go and talk to Julian alone. If he did, he might just blurt out, "I need to wake up with you, or I'll never feel right in my own skin again."
He had to stay away from Julian until the urge to say crap like that passed. But was that ever going to happen?
Rob now knew what it felt like to dance with Julian, to fuck him, to sleep with him on the floor, but it wasn't enough. All the time he wanted more.
Chapter 18
As he sat at his desk, Julian could hear the renovations work in the library and the kids talking in their chirpy voices. That was so different from being at his of office at Upton Investments.
If only it wasn't such a struggle to keep his mind on work. Already he had been tempted to call Rob in to help him with something. Did he really need him? Yes, was the immediate answer that popped into his head, but he didn't need his help with work. He just wanted to have him there.
"Be professional," he told himself. He might be at home, but this office was a place of business. The only reason to call Rob in here was to help him with his work. Too bad he didn't need him for that right now.
Julian had never been particularly attracted to anyone he worked with. And all the men he slept with before Rob came along were fleeting, not part of his life in the least, and he didn't want them to be. He didn't ache for them to stay. He didn't mind if he never saw them again.
Rob was so different, so much more real, but he would leave as well. Julian wasn't enough to keep him here. He might give notice at any time, look for something better, move on to a more exciting place with more exciting people, leave Julian behind and forget him.
While Julian was forcing his mind to focus on a set of graphs, Rico barged into his office.
"I was just bitching out Rob," Rico started to say.
Julian cut in. "Rico..."
Rico dismissed the warning in his voice. "Don't worry. I figured out that I was bitching out the wrong guy. That's why I'm here."
"Lucky me," Julian said, leaning back in his chair and giving up on getting any work done. But if he had to neglect work, he would rather have Rob bothering him.
"You are lucky," Rico said. "Not everyone has someone to kick their ass when they're about to make a big mistake."
"What are you talking about?" Julian asked halfheartedly since he didn't really want to know.
"You're letting Rob get away and after I put you in matching costumes for Halloween."
Julian couldn't believe he wanted credit for that. "Just admit you're a sadist. You put Rob in a pink costume with antlers."
"Those were not antlers. You were guaranteed to disappoint that child. That's why I took matters into my own hands," Rico said.
To make it easier to forgive him, once again Julian reminded himself of how Rob said that doing silly things was good for him. Julian had internalized his grandfather's attitude that a Brenner man should never allow himself to look ridiculous. And there he was on Halloween looking ridiculous and not minding that much all because Rob was in the same boat.
"So how long are you going to have the blond hottie working for you?" Rico asked, not that it was any of his business.
Julian didn't know the answer himself. He had guaranteed Rob three months, but Julian didn't expect him to want to stay in Peach Tree that long.
Since Rico was staring at him quizzically, Julian told him the simple truth. "I don't know."
From that Rico concluded, "So indefinitely. OK." When Julian frowned at that, Rico challenged him. "What? Does that sound too much like forever?"
"No one said anything about forever," Julian said a little too sharply. It was wonderful to have Rob here, and it hurt to admit how much he wanted him to stay. "Rob has a job here for as long as he wants. But I don't think he'll want to stay here much longer."
"Well, Rob thinks you're going to get rid of him. He thinks you don't need him," Rico informed him, and Julian wondered if Rob really said that.
"That's crazy."
"Tell him that," Rico urged him while leaning on his desk. "He thinks you'll send him packing any day now."
"I'm not the problem," Julian told him. "Whether I need him or not, do you really see Rob wanting to stay here?"
"Not if you don't tell him you want him to. Don't wait till his stuff is all packed to beg him to stick around," Rico said.
Julian couldn't see himself doing something like that. "This isn't personal."
"You're so clueless," Rico said, getting frustrated. He then changed his approach. "Fine. If you want to keep it all business, then Rob deserves to know how long he'll be employed. Let him know where you stand as employer and employee. Does that work for you?" he said archly.
Thinking about it, Julian had to admit, "That is actually good advice."
"Yeah, no kidding," Rico said indignantly as he stalked out. "And don't be a cold fish about it. Put your heart into it. I mean it."
Rico was gone now, and Julian had to admit that he was right. He needed to speak to Rob, but first he had to take a few minutes. The feeling that made him hold back was evenly divided between fear and excitement. Both those emotions had gripped him since he started thinking about what came next.
His heart clenched at the thought that Rob would leave and it would be all his fault. But could he make Rob stay? And what waited for Julian if he did? Maybe nothing, maybe everything he wanted or some kind of special torture in-between.
For Julian, last night had happened without any thought or decision, just wanting and needing and letting himself go. But to face what was next sent his emotions into a whirlwind of fear and, God help him, hope.
For now he only needed to worry about Rob's job situation. He had to be fair to him on that front and set aside the rest of it. It's not like he stood any chance of figuring it out anyway.
Rico applied some pressure, and now Julian was calling Rob into his office. As soon as he came in, Julian had to get up and then stop himself from pacing the small space behind his desk. With Rob so near but feeling like miles separated them, Julian was torn in too many directions.
Instead of driving himself crazy, he gave Rob an uneasy smile then launched right into what he wanted to say. "Rico just pointed out to me that you might not know how long you would be working here," Julian said to give credit where it was due.
Rob looked like a man who wasn't expecting to hear good news. "You have Ms Dover, I figured you wouldn't need me for that much longer."
"I do," Julian rushed to say then he continued more evenly. "It's just that I'd rather have you looking after Danny when I get busy. That's more important to me than having you doing paperwork or answering emails for me."
"So you basically need me as a manny," Rob said.
That idea took Julian off guard. "I hadn't thought of it like that, but I guess that's true. Does that mean you wouldn't want that kind of job?" he wondered.
"That's already what I'm doing, and I like it. I like working for you, and Danny is great," Rob said making Julian smile.
"He's making good progress, and you're a really big help. So as long as you can stay on, you have the job," Julian said though he didn't expect that to be for very long.
"OK. That's good to know. I don't mind some job security for a change," Rob said with a smile. He was making it
sound like he would be with them for quite a while, but Julian didn't dare get his hopes up.
"I didn't mean to keep you guessing," he said.
"We cleared it up so it's all good," Rob said affably. He seemed more cheerful than when he came in.
But Julian couldn't help questioning his own motives for hiring Rob and for wanting to keep him here. That's why he decided to focus on the practical. "Your main duties are what you've already been doing. Take care of Danny, make sure he isn't scared. I'd like you to help get him ready for preschool next year."
"He can't wait to go," Rob said.
Julian had seen for himself how eager Danny was to join the other kids. Thinking of the little guy going off to school, Julian added one more item to his duties. "And don't let him grow up too fast."
Rob chuckled. "You're living up to your reputation as an overprotective, older brother. But you'll still need me in the office, right?"
"I will. Plus I'll need you to go through the library shelves to make room for more books for Danny. My grandfather's office also needs to be cleared, while making sure no important documents are lost. I've decided to remodel it."
"OK. I guess you'll be keeping me busy." Rob sounded glad to hear it.
"I'll have work for you for as long as you're willing to stay here and put up with small town life," Julian told him.
"It's been pretty easy to put up with so far," Rob said, but Julian wondered how long that would last.
"You don't mind living out here where there isn't much to do?" Julian prompted him.
"We've done plenty," Rob said offhandedly, and Julian froze. Did he mean...?
As Julian was on the verge of bringing up last night, they heard the kids yelling, "No, Lenny. No!"
"I better go be a good manny and see what that's all about," Rob said and he was gone.
Julian dropped into his chair and let out a long sigh. Being alone with Rob was unsettling, but Julian felt no relief now that he was gone. Julian wanted to look for any excuse to call him back. He felt such a crazy need for Rob.
Every moment spent with him showed Julian how good it could be. But the fear inside him told him that he already needed Rob too much.
Julian could feel the force of the turmoil Rob stirred up in him, the unbearable weight of it, but he refused to give it another name. He was still Julian Brenner. He fucked and forgot. He didn't fall in love.
Chapter 19
After rescuing a book that Lenny found delicious for some reason, Rob looked over the shelves to get an idea of what could go. He ended up over by the window where Mitch and Rico were just finishing up.
"Julian told me you stuck your nose in my business. Thanks. Don't make a habit of it," Rob told Rico, not that he expected him to listen.
"I took a break from home improvement to do some Jules improvement," Rico said, accepting the thanks and totally ignoring the warning.
"Julian doesn't need improving," Rob informed him with too much feeling and realized too late that he should have kept his mouth shut.
Rico nodded smugly. "I see your deer in headlights look. You know you said too much."
"You're just hearing things," Rob told him.
"It's sweet. You might just win my approval to be Julian's boyfriend," Rico said.
"Did you just...? Never mind." There was too much wrong with what Rico was saying. Rob decided to just leave it alone.
Mitch approved. "It is best not to follow Enrico down the rabbit hole."
"Hey," Rico objected, but Mitch fixed that easily with just a peck on the cheek and a few words.
"You know I love you."
"Aha," Rico said. He tried to pout but Mitch had disarmed him completely. No one else might be able to get through to him, but Rico ended up gazing at Mitch like the man owned him body and soul.
When Mitch, Rico and Sammy had all gone home for the day, and it was time to walk Lenny again, Rob hoped Julian could come with them. He got snagged by some issue with a client, so it was just Rob and Danny and the dog.
The light was already taking on the deeper colors of the evening and the air was cold. They took the hill path down and spotted Wyatt and the boys with their two dogs.
The kids were all excited to see each other and the dogs were barking and sniffing each other. Letting the noise die down, Rob and Wyatt stood back.
"We're going toward town. Sam will be leaving work soon and we're meeting him," Wyatt said as they all moved on together along the road into town.
Out in front, the dogs and the kids walked in a big cluster, and Rob and Wyatt followed behind them. Both of them were smiling at the sight of three boys walking three dogs.
Rob told Wyatt about his job situation. "Rico butted in, and I ended up with a job as the manny."
"Don't blame Rico. You wouldn't have taken the job if you didn't want it," Wyatt said with a chuckle. "I'm glad you'll be sticking around."
"Maybe Rico did a good thing this once," Rob told him. "But I still want to put him in a headlock half the time."
Wyatt raised an eyebrow at him. "Only half the time? You must like him."
"Nah. The other half of the time, I want to do much worse."
"He isn't so bad. He just likes to get a rise out of people. And you're just jealous," Wyatt accused him.
"What are you saying? Do I have reason to be?" Rob asked, getting a little heated.
His fierce attitude only made Wyatt laugh at him again. "Ease off. Not that kind of jealous. But don't you wish you could be free and easy with Julian like Rico is, instead of being formal?"
"We're hardly formal," Rob said, but there was some truth in that.
"You do keep each other at arm's length, don't you? Aren't you worried you'll get stuck being just boss and employee?" Wyatt asked him.
"Julian might not want anything more, especially right now when Danny still needs him so much," Rob said.
"Isn't that just an excuse?" Wyatt asked just as an old truck rattled past them and Danny froze and hunched forward.
In a split second, Rob had his arm around him, telling him. "It's gone already. See it?"
Danny had his head down, hiding under his yellow cap. Cautiously he lifted his head up and watched the old truck disappear down the road. Lenny was climbing up to lean on Danny with his front paws.
"I'm OK, Lenny," Danny whispered to the little dog, but his voice sounded kind of shaky so Rob stayed with his arm around him.
The Hayes boys were looking on with concern, then DJ told Danny. "That was Mr. Miller's truck."
"It scared me," Danny admitted.
"It scared Brownie too," Riley said and pointed to the little brown dog sticking close by his side.
Hearing that, Danny said, "You too. Brownie?" Then he got down to give the little brown dog a consoling hug.
On the way back to the house, Rob held Danny's hand the whole way though he seemed OK now. As they neared the front steps, Danny looked up and told him, "Rob, I don't want to be scared of cars any more."
"You're not as scared as you used to be. Soon you won't be scared at all," Rob told him and Danny nodded.
Danny was in bed when Rob finally texted Christie so he could update her about his job. He beat about the bush a little, and she jumped in to ask him when he was coming back.
Once he made her slow down and gave her the news, she had a warning for him. "Just don't make the same mistake you made with Craig and start hooking up with your boss."
"Come on, Christie," Rob texted her instead of admitting that she hit the nail right on the head. Except with Julian, it wasn't just hooking up. It was a lot worse.
"Aha. Just be smart, OK?" Christie told him.
Too late for that. All evening and into the night, Rob had been restless. Hanging out in his room, he couldn't stop remembering last night, wondering if there would be more like it.
Finally he got out of bed and left his room. Right away, he saw that Julian's bedroom door was standing open and he wasn't in there or anywhere upstairs. Going down the
stairway, Rob stopped in mid step. That sound. It was the piano, the keys being pressed lightly, barely drawing a note.
Hearing it, Rob had to close his eyes. The sound of a piano being played echoed in his heart so strongly, so painfully, he could hardly breathe. How many times had he heard his mom play or just finger the keys idly? He didn't know, but the sound of it was etched inside him so deeply, he kept hearing it even after she was gone and her piano too.
This time, it wasn't a sound he imagined through a haze of grief. Following the sound of the piano playing, Rob found Julian in the living room, sitting at the grand piano, letting the uncertain melody fade away under his fingers.
He seemed lost in thought and so alluring in the dim light, but Rob didn't go to him. He wasn't sure if he was hanging back because he didn't want to disturb Julian or because he felt too attracted to him to trust himself to go any closer. There was still the echo of his mother's piano playing too. Rob waited for the jumble of feelings to unknot inside him, but then Julian noticed him.
"I was looking for you," Rob told him as he came forward. He decided to talk about Danny until he got a better handle on himself. "I was wondering if I could take Danny on some short rides to get him used to being in the car. Start by just sitting in the car then drive him down to the gate, that kind of thing. What do you say?"
"I like the idea, but I want to check with Dr. Vallarta." Julian didn't want to wait for Danny's next appointment though. "I'll call her tomorrow and see what she says. Thank you for thinking of this," he said to Rob with a smile.
No longer able to resist going closer, Rob took a seat next to him on the piano bench. As Julian went back to running his long fingers over the keys, Rob breathed through everything he felt right then. The temptation of being so near Julian in the darkness was so strong it made him lightheaded while the sound of the piano tugged at the pain in his heart and called out memories of his mom.