by Trina Solet
"Can you play?" Rob asked. He wasn't sure from what little he heard.
"Not really. My boarding school had music classes. I learned a little piano, a little violin. Wasn't particularly good at either. When I was home, I wasn't allowed to touch the piano. I was just trying to figure out if I want to keep it. What do you think?" Julian said, his voice low.
"I..." Rob shook his head. His mind was still too confused by grief and memories and being close to Julian. He couldn't answer. "Sorry. We had an upright piano in the dining room. Hearing you play reminds me..."
"Sorry. I..." Julian said and moved to close the fallboard.
"No. The memories of my mom at the piano are good ones. When she stopped playing..." When Rob didn't finish, Julian found his hand gripping the edge of the piano bench. He covered it with his own until Rob let go and turned his hand over so their fingers could entwine.
Comforted by his touch, Rob started talking again, his voice only loud enough for Julian to hear as he sat close to him. "Hardly any schools have music classes any more, you know. After my mom lost her job as a music teacher, she taught students at home for a while, but she didn't have many. In our part of town there wasn't much demand for piano lessons. One day I came home from school and saw them loading the piano into the back of van. My mom had donated it to a nursing home. Seeing it go gave me such a low feeling. I can only imagine how my mom must have felt, giving away a part of herself. And I didn't even know then how bad an omen it was. It meant my mom had given up, lost all hope."
"I'm sorry," Julian said, gripped his hand tighter and leaned his head on Rob's shoulder.
Rob pushed himself to think further back, to the days before the piano was gone. "She used to play this piano version of 'What a Difference a Day Makes'. She didn't sing it, but I swear I could hear the words of the song being formed when her fingers hit the keys. It was so beautiful." Rob closed his eyes, caught somewhere between smiling and crying. "But when I was little, I loved anything fast and I was amazed at how her fingers danced across the keys. She taught me how to call for an encore instead of saying, 'Again, again, do it again.' And Christie and I used to say prestissimo instead of hurry up. Mom got a kick out of that."
Now Rob got such a terrible, tearing pain in his chest as he thought about her smile. He hunched forward over the piano and felt Julian's arms go around his back.
"She was so patient and loving with us, and then she did such a cruel thing." Now Rob couldn't help crying. "She stole herself from us. Made herself a ghost. But as soon as I think that, I start to ask why didn't we stop her? She didn't turn into a ghost in one day, she was fading all the time." Rob took a shuddering breath. "On the day she took her own life, Mom told me, 'I love you, Robbie.' She hadn't called me that since I was little. I didn't tell her I loved her. I just said, 'You too', like a total dick." Rob sobbed the words angrily and then gulped back tears and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes.
"You weren't a dick just a teenaged boy," Julian told him and smoothed his hands over Rob's hair. "Your mom knew you loved her. She just wanted to make sure you knew she loved you despite what she did."
Rob breathed hard while grief wracked him. "I never knew that someone could say goodbye forever like that, 'Have a good day. I love you, Robbie.'
It pulled the ground out from under my feet. I was blind to her pain, and I wasn't loving enough. I wasn't a good kid."
"I'm sure you were," Julian insisted even though he didn't know him then, so Rob told him what he was like.
"I used to give Mom trouble, and my dad too. I got into fights a lot. Not that I always had a choice. I came out in high school and some guys thought that meant they could mess with me. Seeing me come home with bruises or with a busted lip couldn't have helped my mom's state of mind. And then I started taking on the bullies even when they weren't coming after me. First I'd warn them then I'd punch them out."
"Then you would get suspended," Julian guessed.
"Sometimes. If we were on school property. But I couldn't just stand by. When those assholes started picking on someone, I'd just get so pissed off." Rob remembered the white hot anger and how it got smothered by grief and guilt. He would have been an angel if he had known. He would have never raised his hand against anyone if it would have saved her.
She was so gentle. The only act of violence she committed was against herself with the same hands that could draw the softest sounds from the keys, notes you had to hold your breath to hear.
Rob touched the keys and his hand shook so he drew it back.
"Did your mom teach you to play?" Julian asked, his voice low and soothing, guiding him back from terrible memories.
"I learned the basics, but I had no talent or patience," Rob told him. "Mom didn't push us. She wanted us to find our own passion, that's how she put it. Except I never did. I went to college because it seemed like I should, but I stopped wanting anything. I stopped planning, like her suicide killed something inside me too. All I could do was to keep going, not think too much, not feel too much."
"Rob," Julian whispered and pulled him into a hug.
With his arms around him, Rob let out a strangled cry and buried his face in Julian's shoulder and held him tighter than he should have.
"I would take all your pain if I could," Julian said.
"I wouldn't let you," Rob murmured into the crook of his neck. Being surrounded by the warmth and the strength of his body was enough for now.
Chapter 20
That morning Julian got to do his work in relative quiet. Mitch and Rico were at another job, and Rob was keeping Danny busy. The peace and quiet didn't last long. When his phone rang, Julian groaned as he saw that Thayer was calling him. Julian couldn't wait for Mr. Upton to return and take charge again so he wouldn't have to take all of Thayer's calls.
Once again Thayer found every excuse to mention Rob while at the same time claiming that Julian's work wasn't up to par. Julian ignored his insinuations and stuck to business, but Thayer always came back to the same subject.
"I'm not surprised your work is suffering. It's like you're on vacation with you 'personal' assistant attending to your every need." Thayer chuckled.
"The Brooks Fund is showing some renewed strength, but it's too soon to rely on it," Julian said.
"That doesn't sound like a denial. It must be nice having that muscle-head at your beck and call," Thayer said. "It's obscene what some guys will do for money."
"Yes, it is," Julian snapped, but he was thinking of Thayer and his marriage to Upton's niece. "I have to go now." As he hung up, Julian heard Thayer laugh. Of course he did. He just managed to get to Julian. With the way he talked about Rob, Julian was bound to crack. Rob was his weakness.
That's why Julian couldn't claim innocence where Rob was concerned, but hell if he was going to let someone like Thayer make him feel bad about it. Even after knowing Rob for only a short time, Julian felt closer to him than anyone he had ever known. He trusted Rob, and last night, Julian listened to him share his grief. Someone like Thayer would never understand that kind of connection.
By lunchtime, Julian was ready to escape the office. Going outside, he found Rob in the back of the house, soaking up the autumn sunshine and watching Danny and Lenny playing. It was a spot by the corner of the house that overlooked the orchard.
"Look at you taking a break without me having to drag you away from your desk," Rob praised him with a smile.
Julian admitted why. "I had to speak to Thayer. Now I think we should go out to lunch."
"Or we could take Danny and Lenny out for a picnic. It's a nice day for it," Rob said and pointed at the sun shining down on the golden colors of the countryside.
"Picnic?" Julian hadn't figured on anything like that.
"Get takeout, drive around until we find a good spot to spread out a picnic blanket and eat. You need a proper antidote to Thayer. What do you say?" Rob asked.
It was unexpected, but Julian decided to go for it. "Let's do it." He didn't
want to miss this chance for them all to spend time together, and the beaming smile it put on Rob's face made it more than worth it.
"The ground is bound to be cold, so we should get extra blankets and take along some dog food for Lenny. I'll get together what we need," Rob said and he was gone inside leaving Julian to give Danny the good news.
By the time Julian and Danny were ready to go, Rob had the supplies in the car. Danny still didn't love to go on a drive, but he was excited about the picnic so that made up for it.
First, they stopped in town to get some food. In front of Peach Tree Café, they got out and saw Mr. Jasper sitting on one of the two benches by the front doors.
"It's Mr. Fisherman!" Danny called out. "Can I show him Lenny?"
"I think Mr. Jasper can already see him, but yes, you can show him Lenny," Julian told him.
Mr. Jasper was already smiling at the little dog. While Rob and Danny introduced Lenny and passed the time with Mr. Jasper, Julian went inside to order their lunch.
He was going to approach the counter, but Mrs. Del Rio waylaid him. "It's so nice to see you in here. You should stop in more. What? Those sweet boys are not coming in?" she asked seeing Rob and Danny outside though Lenny wasn't visible being down somewhere around Mr. Jasper's feet.
"Not today. We have Lenny with us and we're taking him on a picnic," Julian told her.
"You sure are good to that little doggie and to the rest of them too," she said, but she put on a sly smile as she eyed Rob in particular.
Julian made sure not to follow her gaze, but she could probably guess that he couldn't help but be attracted to someone like Rob.
"We'll get some takeout," Julian said and Mrs. Del Rio motioned for Hannah to come and take his order.
As he went out to wait for Hannah to bring out their takeout, he heard Rob asking Mr. Jasper for a recommendation. "Is there a good place for a picnic around here?"
Mr. Jasper looked at Danny and Lenny then he said, "There's a special place upriver from here. It's called the Little Waterfall. Like the name tells you, it's not very big or impressive, but it is a nice spot for a picnic."
Julian had Mr. Jasper look at a map on his phone, and he showed them where it was. The drive would be longer than Julian had planned for. As he frowned at his phone, Rob knew that he was worried about how Danny would handle the drive.
"Danny has Lenny to keep him company, and we can stop any time we need to," Rob told him, and he agreed.
It didn't take long for their order to be ready. Hannah brought it out. Greeting them all, she asked Julian and Rob, "You gonna be here for the turkey parade?"
"I thought it was the Fall Harvest Festival," Julian said.
"It's held on turkey day, so it's all the same whatever you call it. You guys gonna volunteer or slack off and sponge off the work of others?" she asked.
Julian didn't like either choice. "I'll see what I can do." He didn't answer for Rob, but it was nice to think that he would be around for that and they could go together to the festival.
"Are we going to a fun place?" Danny asked once they were on the road.
Since it was a longer drive, Rob was in the back with him and Lenny. "We're going to a waterfall that's little, like you two guys," Rob told Danny.
That was the idea anyway, but even when they arrived at the turnoff, they saw no sign of the place where they were going. They drove down a dirt path under canopies shimmering with yellowed leaves. Julian knew to head for an outcropping of rock, but he could only glimpse it through the trees.
When the dirt road ended, it was time to go the rest of the way on foot.
"Are we lost?" Danny asked as they walked among the trees and dry leaves shushed under their feet.
"Lenny isn't lost," Rob pointed out. "Look at him sniffing all around."
"You know where you goin', Lenny?" Danny asked him, but the little doggie only snuffled and strained to go forward and explore all the forest smells.
There wasn't much to the waterfall. The water came down from an outcropping of dark gray rock. It was only as much water as would come from a faucet but plenty to fill up a pool underneath it, and it made for a pretty sight. The iron gray stone surrounded the blue-green pool while rust colored leaves undulated on its surface.
"It's not big but it is a nice place," Rob said as he took some pictures of it.
Julian was dying to take pictures of Rob, standing there and looking even more beautiful than the backdrop of the waterfall and the rocky hillside behind it. As he took pictures of Danny and Lenny, Julian only got Rob in one shot, mostly by accident.
Danny had a different perspective on the Little Waterfall. "It's not little," he said, looking up at it.
Rob chuckled. "I bet it's the biggest waterfall he's ever seen, so it's not little to him."
Lenny liked it too. Drinking from the pool eagerly, he then shook himself out and went back to sniffing everything in sight. Danny held the leash and didn't mind following him around wherever he wanted to go.
"Only as far as those two rocks, OK?" Julian warned him, pointing out a pair of rocks that stuck out of the ground. He sighed as he turned to Rob. "I swear Lenny has sniffed every tree and every single leaf on the way here."
"That's why he's digging under now." Rob nodded toward Lenny poking his head under the carpet of dry leaves.
"Let's just hope he doesn't find anything interesting," Julian said.
"I'm pretty sure dogs never find anything good," Rob said to Julian and then grinned at his worried expression.
The blanket was spread out on a small, sun drenched clearing, and their sandwiches were served. Julian got roasted vegetables with balsamic for himself and a maple glazed bacon sandwich for Rob.
"You can order for me any time," Rob told him after having a bite.
It wasn't easy to get Danny to sit still for long. Hardly done eating his simple chicken sandwich, he wanted to follow Lenny and see what he might find. That left the picnic blankets for just Rob and Julian to share. With Danny chasing after Lenny, the two of them might as well have been having a picnic alone.
Julian did his best not to think that way. He needed to remind himself that Rob was probably bored. But looking at him, Julian noticed that he smiled as he stretched out, his long legs sticking out off the blanket. Resting on his elbows, Rob stared up at the clear, autumn sky above them while the sun shone down on him.
He was so gorgeous that Julian thought his heart might stop. That was probably as good a warning as any to not stare at him. To keep his eyes off him, Julian took in their picnic spot.
He couldn't believe how pretty it was here with the fallen leaves in brown, red and every shade of gold, and the green-blue water of the pool. But his eyes always returned to Rob. He felt so lucky to be there with him. Leaning back on the blanket, the two of them were surrounded by the rich colors of autumn and the sound of water cascading softly. It was like a dream.
"Do you want to talk about your call with Thayer?" Rob asked, breaking him out of the dream.
Julian groaned. He didn't really want to rehash that unpleasantness. "Let's just say that I'm glad to be far away from him," Julian told him, but even the little he said made Rob grit his teeth.
"Kills me that you have to put up with that asshole as your boss," Rob said.
"It's temporary, only until Mr. Upton returns. I spoke with him too. He should be taking the reins again soon," Julian said.
"And you'll let him know what kind of boss Thayer has been, right?" Rob said in that challenging way he had.
"I will, believe me," Julian assured him. "That man doesn't belong in charge of anything. If I had known he would become my boss, I would have never gone to work at Upton Investments."
"Did you know him before?" Rob asked.
"Not him, but his younger brother was at boarding school with me. He was one of my biggest tormentors," Julian told him.
"Great. Asshole genes run in the family," Rob said like he was ready to pummel both Thayer brothers if he
only got the chance.
"His brother must have told him that I make a good target." The first thing Pete Thayer said to him when they were introduced was that Julian and his brother went to school together. Then he smirked knowingly. "Thayer zeroed in on me as soon as I started at Upton Investments. He kept it low key while Mr. Upton was around, but since then, he has become more reckless."
"That has to bring up bad memories. How bad did it get when you were bullied at school?" Rob asked, his tone grave.
Julian didn't like talking about that, but he couldn't refuse Rob when he had that serious look in his eyes. "My things were always disappearing then reappearing with obscene things written or drawn on them. One day some of the guys led by Alex Thayer barged in on me when I was taking a shower and took pictures and video, said they would put them online. They didn't as far as I know. Another time they pushed me down the stairs, and I sprained my ankle."
"They had to get into serious trouble for that," Rob said.
Julian shook his head. "They claimed it was an accident."
Rob glowered into the distance then brightened when his eyes fell on Danny trying to get Lenny to look at a big leaf. Turning to Julian with a sigh, Rob shook his head. "That should all be in the past. You found your little brother. You should be happy. But to have to put up with Thayer at work after being bullied at school by his brother of all people. Damn, it pisses me off."
"I lived through it. I'll live through Thayer as my boss as well." Julian was trying to be reassuring, but he found himself frowning. He then saw Rob watching him intently, questioningly, so he confessed what was on his mind. "I hate to think that what happened at school had any effect on me, but between that and my grandfather, I became so closed off. If it wasn't for Danny coming into my life, I might have lived the rest of my life inside my protective shell. I hate that I did that to myself. It was like I let them win."