Memory Walker

by Carly Marino

  I wanted to clutch my ears. The sound of her words in my head made processing more difficult. “Can you please speak out loud? I’m having a hard time following.”

  She sighed. “The Ancients have ears all over this place. If they hear me…” Her chin lifted to the cloud still hovering above the trees. “Give everything a moment to sink in. All will feel natural once you do.”

  I pursed my lips. “Wait? I have no memories? What are you talking about? I have plenty of memories.”

  Mnemosyne’s expression hardened. I didn’t like the seriousness in her eyes. Since I’d stepped into this world, I found that most of the questions I asked, I didn’t like the answer.

  She gazed up. The trees rustled in the breeze. I listened to birds chirping their bedtime lullabies.

  “A few years after your birth we discovered what you were.”

  “Yeah, an alien. I know.”

  Mnemosyne shook her head. Her mouth twitched at the corners as if she held in a smile. “Your parents were Inflexaen as well, dear. You, however, are Erraticus, or Erra. These days they are better known as Roamers.”

  I swallowed as I considered the possibility. But how? “I can’t be. Cole said Roamers can’t live on Earth.”

  “You’re right, they cannot. I ran from my duties with the Ancients for years, traveling with your parents. I gave you my essence to sustain you.”

  “You’re an Ancient? Why didn’t you take me to The Mirrors? I’m guessing this isn’t it.”

  She nodded. “I am, but I couldn’t let you enter The Mirrors. It isn’t safe. I have suspicions there are Ancients who have turned to the Resparé. I couldn’t risk it. Not after everything we did to keep you alive.

  “As you grew, your power was beyond anything we’d ever seen. You needed much more essence than even I could give. Eventually, your parents had to take other measures.” Her gaze darted around. She clasped my hand and guided me through the forest. “You see, when we first arrived on this planet, more and more Inflexaens birthed Roamers. We had no way to prevent it from happening. Out of fear, many stopped having children. Our purpose, as Ancients, is to maintain our race. If Inflexaens don’t reproduce, we’d eventually become extinct.

  “With our knowledge of science and medicine, we created a pill with the ability to suppress the Roamer gene. It worked for thousands of years until a mutation proved resistant to the pill. My generation started having Roamers again, and more children died.

  “Luckily, the pill did keep the numbers down, and less were born. One every thousand or so. As much as we hated to see parents cry over lost children, we were relieved at how sporadic they came about.”

  I inhaled the scent of fresh pine to calm my accelerating breaths. I wanted to freak out, scream, run, but my mind also desired answers. A pulsating warmth from Mnemosyne’s hand eased the fear spearing my heart. “Am I alive because I’m part human?”

  She bobbed her head. “Your parents were great scientists. They did a lot of wonderful things for humans and our kind. I was always very proud of them both.”

  Mnemosyne cleared her throat. I raised an eyebrow, expecting her to speak aloud. “They tried to conceive for many years but had difficulty. So you can imagine their pure joy when they found out they were pregnant. Your mother did everything right to keep you healthy as you grew inside of her. All the right things.”

  She glanced at me, a thoughtful and caring expression on her face. “The day you were born was the happiest of our lives. When we found out what you were, the thought of losing you killed us inside. They devoted day and night to finding a way to save you.”

  Her eyes turned downward. “They experimented on humans. Many died.”

  I cringed in disgust, thinking of scientists prodding and cutting pieces from Aunt Karen, Ethan, or Wynter to keep me alive. It wasn’t right. It was murder.

  Mnemosyne paused our stroll. She released my hand and placed her palm on my cheek. “I hate that it was done and wish there had been another way. But to have you standing here, looking at me … I’d have done it again a million times.”

  The sincerity in her voice made me realize that despite how young she appeared, this woman was indeed my grandmother. I gave her a small smile, silently telling her I understood why. I’d do almost anything to help the ones I loved. Maybe not to that extreme, but things were different in their world.

  Her mouth turned up. “Around your fourteenth year, your parents found a way to save Roamers. We could insert their souls into a recently deceased human body. They could sustain on their own energy, still use their abilities, and most importantly, they could live.”

  I widened my eyes and shook my head. “My fourteenth year? That would mean—”

  Her head bowed, hiding the sadness or shame in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Thea. The life you knew before is not your own. It’s Thea Scott’s. She died with her parents in a car accident her freshman year of high school. We put your soul into her human body.”

  I swayed with dizziness and a heaviness pulled on my stomach. My memories weren’t real? She squeezed my hand, and currents of tranquility steadied my legs. I couldn’t mask emotions, and at that moment, I was glad. Otherwise, I might’ve fainted.

  “We’d hoped when you became human, we could live together as a family. But Resparés found us wherever we hid and we realized that wasn’t possible. And once Larc knew a part-human Inflexaens could exist, he wanted the secret of how to achieve it.”

  “But if it’s meant to save Roamers, why would it matter if you shared how it’s done?”

  “There is evil in the universe, and right now Larc is at the heart of it. A lot of Inflexaens dream of using their powers freely, never having to charge. If the secret got out, more of our kind would join the Resparé army, killing humans to insert their souls. You see, once inside a body, the Inflexaen would survive as humans do on Earth. They would no longer need essence. Thus, they would no longer need humans. I wish to live in peace with the beings on this planet.”

  “I suppose Resparé Roamers would not be great, either.” I sighed. “I guess I understand why you hid me. I just don’t understand how, and why these memories are so real for me.”

  She straightened her halo of jewels. “The hardest day of my life was the one we dropped you off at Karen Scott’s home. Your parents and I changed the memories of everyone around you. They believed Thea’s parents died when she was an infant.”

  “That’s why Aunt Karen never questioned the photo of my parents? She didn’t know it wasn’t her brother. It’s why we didn’t have any other pictures of them.”

  Her lips pressed together, and red hair splashed around her cheeks as she nodded. “We disposed of everything we could find. Then we edited Karen’s and Thea’s memories and erased every Inflexaen memory you had. If another Mem had read yours or Karen’s memories, they would’ve found holes. We could only pray they never would. Once your life no longer held Inflexaen memories, you assumed all of Thea’s. Essentially, you became her.”

  “Is that why I don’t remember Nora or Drake? They were erased from my memory? It doesn’t make sense. They said they moved to Seaside in tenth grade, yet, I never saw them until now.”

  “Without the knowledge of Inflexaens, your mind refused to see them. Your father is a very powerful and intelligent Mem. He figured out a way to create a mind field around you. You were very ill after, and we were terrified we’d lose you. But the sickness passed, and Inflexaens could no longer see you.” She creased her forehead. “At least until recently, so it seems.”

  I scuffed my boot in the pine needles and fallen leaves, curious if Cole had anything to do with it but too afraid to ask. “Do you know why?”

  “I wish I did. Something must have changed to sever the block. Something quite powerful.”

  “Could that be why I fainted on the first day and was sick afterward? The block, or whatever, was wearing off?”

  “I’d assume so. Have you found your Yuenfan? That’s—”

  “I know
what it is, and I haven’t. Why?”

  “Nothing is stronger than the bond between an Inflexaen and their Yuenfan.”

  My toe dug holes in the dirt. “I don’t know if I can have one. Human and all. It’d be nice to have an Inflexaen mom I could talk to about this stuff. No offense, but talking to my grandmother about my love life isn’t really ideal.”

  “I understand.” Her petite mouth curved downward. “I realize now that the plan, although ingenious, was flawed. Hiding you and changing memories at such a large scale took great power. We had to manipulate every person who knew that Thea died in the car accident and that your parents didn’t pass when you were a baby. Your mother, father, and I pooled our abilities together. Your mother…” She swallowed, and surprising me, spoke aloud, “She didn’t make it.”

  My knees shook, and I sat on the cool ground. Water burned in my eyes. I killed my mother. She died trying to save me, and for what?

  Mnemosyne kneeled in front of me. She stroked my hair, tucking the sides behind my ears. I peered at her. The love on her face swelled in my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her neck and cried. Tears dripped onto her beautiful gown. She didn’t pull away but squeezed me tighter, enveloping me in love and safety.

  “It’s okay, Lyra. It’s okay.”

  I jerked from her and wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands. “What did you call me?”

  She looked back and forth as if she said something she shouldn’t have. Her voice returned inside my mind, “You were born Lyra Janica Pearl. Daughter of Janica and Weston Pearl.”

  “If I’m Lyra, then Larc already knows. He came after me.”

  She rose, pulling me with her. Her golden eyes surveyed the forest. She inhaled. Her eyelashes fluttered as if she was listening to something.

  “I’ve run out of time. They will come for me now. You must do whatever it takes to keep the Original Memory safe.”

  “The Original—”

  She shushed. “It’s what your parents named the formula.”

  She faded in and out. Her mouth moved but no sound flowed from her lips. I stepped back.

  “Larc desperately wants … Lyra, you have the …”

  “What? I don’t understand. What’s happening?” I croaked, desperate and strained. Not now. I almost had all the answers.

  She looked to the night sky as tumulus clouds rolled over us. A blurred crimson halo circled the full moon, bleeding into the silver rock.

  “We don’t have much time. You have to erase my memory of this meeting. When we meet again, tell me to search your mind for it. Protect the memory, and yourself. No matter the cost. The memory can never come out. Do you understand, Lyra? Never.” Her shoulders angled to the side. “Take off your gloves.”

  “But—”

  “Now! We don’t have time.”

  I yanked off my gloves and tossed them to the side. She grabbed my shaking hands. The urgency in her eyes frightened me. I hoped I could get it right the first time. In my heart, I knew I could.

  I inhaled until the cold air burned in my lungs. Digging from within, I beckoned my ability and rewound the last few minutes, dissolving each scene one at a time. Electricity shot up my arms as Mnemosyne’s power seeped from her hands into my body. My arms twitched to jerk from her, but she latched onto me. It was too much power all at once.

  The final moment of our meeting played before my eyes. Mnemosyne peered into them. Terror, love, and concern mixed in hers.

  Hundreds of white smoke butterflies encircled us. Trails of blue light followed behind them. One landed on my wrist, its fluttering wings tickling my skin. I paused before erasing her final memory. White smoke twisted in swirls with gold threads to make up the intricate designs of the butterfly’s wings. Peace rushed through me.

  “I love you, Lyra. I have since the day you opened your eyes.”

  With her last echoing word, she disappeared in a bright light.

  When I opened my eyes, I was lying on my hotel room bed. I leaned over the side and threw up. Tears filled my eyes. My head spun. Everything I had learned pounded between my temples. I wanted to sleep, but then I remembered Cole and Logan. Where had they gone while I spent so much time in the forest with Mnemosyne?

  Had they survived the fall?

  I placed my hand on my head and tried to get up, but couldn’t. My muscles trembled. I rotated and dry heaved. Then I wiped my mouth with my hand.

  The sound of people arguing gave me the energy to move. I crawled to the end of the bed, swung myself to the floor, and dragged my body to the conjoining door. Through the crack, I could just see into Cole and Logan’s room.

  I lifted my arm to knock but it collapsed. I collapsed. I folded my hands and rested my cheek on top. I couldn’t move. I lay on the floor and listened to their argument.

  Logan faced the door. His expression was not angry but pained. “You can’t go after her, Cole. Larc could be bluffing. He’s using your obsession against you. He may not even have her. The Ancient said—”

  I raised my head slightly, but couldn’t hold my neck upright. Larc?

  “I don’t give a shit what the Ancient said. How can I even trust her, or anyone? I’ve been lied to all these years. I won’t let this happen again.”

  Had Mnemosyne told them about me? I opened my mouth, but my voice croaked out. The back of my throat scratched. Maybe from getting sick, or maybe from Mnemosyne’s power. Pain ripped at my esophagus when I swallowed.

  “Cole, calm down. You aren’t thinking straight.”

  Cole gripped his hair and paced around the room, forehead tensed and redness burned his cheeks. “I’m thinking just fine.”

  “Listen, bro, I know how you feel—”

  Cole stopped. He pointed a finger to Logan’s face. “You have no idea how I feel. She’s my Yuanfen. I’d do anything for her. Anything.”

  His Yuanfen? Maybe he realized when we kissed earlier. Our light had danced about the room and the way I felt… Why hadn’t he told me?

  My chest heaved. The power from erasing Mnemosyne’s memory surged through me, knotting and tugging on my nerves. A thickness clogged my throat. The current jolted to my limbs, contracting my body, forcing me upright. An overwhelming sensation burned, but at the same time froze from beneath my skin. I gritted my teeth. The intensity of her power was too much.

  I screamed, scratching at my neck with my fingers. “Get it out,” I yelled. “It’s burning.”

  “What was that?” Logan asked. “Oh my God.”

  He ran over to me. His face distorted and swirled like a pinwheel. I tangled my hands in my hair and rocked. “Get it out. It hurts.”

  Cole shoved Logan out of the way, dove next to me, and cradled me in his arms. He laid me gently on the bed.

  When he did, the pain subsided, and my muscles paralyzed. My eyelids clamped shut and wouldn’t open. My breath slowed to a calm whisper even though I screamed inside for freedom.

  “She’s out,” Cole said.

  I wasn’t out. I’m here! I’m awake.

  “What do you think happened to her? Do you think she drained an Ancient?”

  “No, she doesn’t know how to drain anyone,” Cole said. “I … honestly don’t know what’s wrong with her. Maybe she erased one. I imagine that kind of power would be a lot for her body to handle.”

  “I’ve heard erasing an Ancient can cause temporary paralysis. You think it’s worse for her? Shit, is she alive? Did you check?”

  I’m alive! Mnemosyne’s power stunted my movements, and my human body had gone into a state of shock to deal with the pain.

  “Yeah, she’s breathing.” He brushed the strands of hair from my face. His fingers lingered at the base of my neck.

  “Thank God. I’m all for fighting an Ancient but—aww gross, man,” Logan said. “She barfed. I’ll grab a towel and clean this up.”

  Cole touched my face. “I need to know where she is. Where is she, Thea?”

  Huh? Was he talking about Mnemosyne? She was at The Mirrors, o
r not really. I didn’t know if she’d gone back or not. I scrunched my closed eyes but still couldn’t speak.

  “Let your mask down.”

  I thought about the armor and in my mind, I broke the metal, letting him in.

  “Dammit,” he whispered.

  The chains on my eyelids released, and I opened them. I still couldn’t move, but at least I could see.

  Logan returned with a towel. “Here”—he handed Cole the washcloth—“so you can clean her up.”

  Cole gently wiped the warm cloth on my face and mouth. He gazed at me, lips pinched and eyes squinted. His hand rolled over my head and then he faced Logan. “Grab me another washcloth.”

  Logan shrugged. His body blurred into shadow form and he zipped in and out of the bathroom. He tossed a fresh towel to him.

  Cole grabbed my arm. My bracelet jingled as the chain slipped from my wrist.

  “What are you doing?” Logan asked.

  “I can’t read her thoughts. Whoever did this to her put a block on her mind.” Cole blew out, and then dropped my bracelet into the washcloth. He stood, folded my hand over my stomach, and bent down to kiss my forehead. “I’m sorry, Thea.”

  Logan put his hands up. “I can’t let you do this.”

  Cole scrunched the cloth around my bracelet and shoved it in his pocket. He pulled something else out. A torn photo. He stared, admiring whoever looked back at him. “I thought Thea was her. That they’d dyed her hair to make her look different.” He shook his head. “I even searched her aunt for answers, but her memory had as many holes as Thea’s. I thought maybe… Doesn’t matter, I found this on the floor.” He glanced at me, and then back to Logan. “I can’t believe I forgot her face. After all these years, all I could remember were her eyes. I guess that’s why—” He gave me a lingering look. “She’s not her. These feeling I have for Thea … they’re not real.” He exhaled heavily. “I have to stop trying to convince myself that they are. I can’t sit here and trust some Ancient I know nothing about.”