by Reana Malori
“You don’t understand—” he began, but then snapped his lips closed at the look she shot his way.
“Doesn’t matter, Jackson. Yes, I called you Jackson, because that’s your name. There shouldn’t be limits and restrictions on what I can call you because of another woman. You sleep in my bed, you make love to me. Oh, maybe I should say that we fuck instead.”
“Stop, Lisa. That’s not fucking fair and you know it,” he interjected. “This has been one hell of a fucking homecoming. First, Austin thinks I’m ashamed of you and we get into a fucking fight. Then I come to your office to see you and some strange man has his paws all over you. Now you’re giving me shit and saying how I can’t touch you until I’m ready to talk. What the fuck is this?
“What did you say? Did you just say Austin thinks you’re ashamed of me?” she asked. Turning her body toward him, she paused the show and faced him full-on.
“What? I didn’t say that.” Did he admit the reason he and Austin got into a fight out loud?
“Explain. Now,” she demanded.
Waving his hand as if to brush away the thought, he walked over to the bed, palms up. Damn, she looked mad.
“It was just something stupid. It’s no big deal. He told me he knew about us and wondered why I hadn’t told him, or the other guys from the SEAL team.”
Jackson didn’t want to admit the truth, but he didn’t want to hide anything from Lisa. Not anymore.
Her eyes bored into him, “That doesn’t sound like Austin.”
“Well, that night, it was. Some things were said that shouldn’t have been. People making assumptions and shit.”
“But is it true?” she asked, her voice oddly calm.
That should have been his first clue. If he was a bit more sober and less needy tonight, he probably would have stopped right there.
“What do you mean? Is what true?” He was losing track of the conversation. Maybe she’d been right. He was too drunk to talk about this tonight.
“Are you ashamed of me?” she clarified.
“Why would you ask me that?” he countered.
“That’s not an answer, Jackson.”
“Oh, no. Fuck no, Lisa. We’re not doing this. You and I agreed that we wanted to keep this quiet. That it was no one’s business but ours what we had going on. Those were your words. You said that,” he finished.
Clutching his head between his hands, he suddenly realized just how bad he was feeling. Oh, this wasn’t good. He was in no condition to have this discussion with her.
“You’re right, I did. And I see the error of my ways now. You know, we’ve actually never talked about what this is. Now is as good a time as any to broach that subject.”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” He tried to stop this conversation before it got any worse.
“But I do. Who is she?” she asked.
“Who is who?” he responded. Damn, now he was getting confused again.
“The woman holding you back. The woman who called you Jackson. Who is she?”
He’d tried to avoid this topic for so long. Jackson wasn’t even sure he was ready to talk about it tonight.
Fuck, he needed to sit down.
Walking over to the ottoman at the end of Lisa’s bed, he sat down hard, misjudging the distance. Where to begin? How to even relate this sorry tale that made him question so much about himself. Would this change the way Lisa viewed him? Would she tell him to leave and never return?
Fuck it. In for a penny, in for a pound.
“Her name was Sarah,” he began. Pausing, he looked over at Lisa, sitting just a few feet away from him.
Resting her hands on her lap, she nodded at him. “I’m listening. Go on, I won’t interrupt.”
“We were high school sweethearts. I mean, we were joined at the hip, never to be parted. Everyone assumed that we’d be together and get married. You know, the whole two kids, a dog named Spot, and the white picket fence. For a while, I believed it, too.” He paused as the memories flooded back.
He really should have just taken his ass home after leaving Austin’s house tonight. But, because he hadn’t, he was about to be splayed raw in front of the one woman who made him feel again.
“It started as a grumble. Rumors. Everything was so hush-hush. People would stop talking when we walked into a room. I was blind and so stupid. It never dawned on me that the snide remarks were based on something real. I was almost demoted because some jackass at the base gym made a comment about Navy wives having a sea husband and a land husband. He then turned to me and asked how it felt to be married to a woman who shared her ass with any dude who asked.”
Lisa’s gasp made him turn to face her. “Wait. You were married? I thought she was just your girlfriend.”
“I don’t like to let people know I was stupid enough to marry her, but yes, I was. We married right when I graduated from BUD/S training.” With a self-mocking smile and a shrug of his shoulders, he turned away again.
He couldn’t look at her while sharing the lowest point of his life. If he hadn’t drunk half the fucking bottle of single malt, he wouldn’t even be sharing this.
Picking up the story, he continued.
“Anyway, so the guy made that comment and the next thing I remember, Austin was pulling me off him. His voice screaming at me to stop or else I’d kill the dude. I put the dude in the hospital for four days. The only thing that saved me was that we were scheduled to go on a mission and my command needed me.” Scrubbing a hand down his face, he recognized the feeling of discomfort flowing through him. He was embarrassed to admit how blind he had been, and the lengths he was willing to go to for that woman.
“Anyway, some shit went down that would have been worse if I hadn’t been there. I saved some of my guys and we got the bad guy. Luckily for me, my almost killing a man was swept under the rug because I was so damn good at the real thing.”
“Jackson…” she began.
“No, let me finish. You wanted to know. I’m telling you. So, everything seemed to die down. It was chalked up to an ol’ boy running his mouth when he didn’t know what he was talking about. Lo and behold, he knew more than I thought.”
Taking a deep sigh, he ran his hand down his face. “Shit, maybe I need another drink,” he mumbled.
“No, you don’t. You’re not even a heavy drinker, so I’m not sure why you decided to hit the bottle tonight,” she retorted.
“Hmph. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” He laughed a little. “Anyway, our mission ended on time, but the travel back and debrief took less time than expected. I wanted to surprise Sarah. Show up and just take her away for the weekend, since I was always off saving the world. Long story short, when I drove up to my house, a strange truck was in the drive. When I saw the military base sticker on the car, I knew the shit was about to hit the fan. First thing I did was call Austin.”
He paused as he thought about what came next. Did he want Lisa to know about what he’d done? He’d lost his shit and it had taken him a long ass time to get back to normal.
Her soft voice called out to him. “Jackson…”
Smiling sadly, he glanced at her, “There’s more.”
Shaking her head, as if telling him no more, she continued, “It’s okay. I think I’m getting the picture.”
“Oh baby, you ain’t heard nothing yet. I waited five minutes after I called Austin. I needed him to be driving and on his way. I needed him to get there in time, because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop. Finally, I walk into the house and start looking around. Clothes and shit are all over the fucking floor. Wine glasses are sitting on the table. It was all there for me to see. I guess she didn’t expect me back until a few days later.”
“Damn. That bitch…” He heard her hiss beside him and he smiled.
“Yeah, well, that she is. Long and bloody story short, they were asleep in our bed when I opened the door. Lisa, I beat that guy to within an inch of his life. She’s over there crying and screaming and t
elling me to stop. Accusing me of going crazy. Hell, maybe I had. All I knew was that she’d played me for a fucking fool. Everybody knew it. All this time, I was a damn chump while she’s fucking Jody in my bed,” he finished.
“Jody? Was that his name?” she asked.
“No, that’s what we call the dude who steps to a woman when her man is off fighting. It’s a military thing,” he responded.
“Wow,” she exhaled. “So there was no Dear John letter. You actually caught her with another guy,” she concluded in a whisper.
“Yeah. After that, more and more shit came out. I was fucking paranoid about ever being with another woman again. And until you, I was the king of one-night stands.”
Sighing deeply, he turned to look at her with a small smile. “Hell, after we first met—” he paused and looked over at her. “Well, I had no intentions of us going beyond that first weekend.”
He heard her sharp inhale and winced slightly. His words hurt, he was sure of that, but she’d wanted the truth.
“Now you know the whole sordid, sad-ass tale.”
Quiet filled the room as he finished telling her about Sarah. Hopefully, now she would understand more about him. He didn’t want to deal with the potential heartache anymore.
It took all the pull his command had—and then some—to stop his ass from being court-martialed and dishonorably discharged.
Every shit assignment that came up, he was on it. When the Captain wanted someone to use as an example for some FUBAR shit, he was the one called on. If he didn’t love the Navy so much, he would have said “fuck it” a long time ago.
But he did love it, and everything he had at this point was because of his service to his country. The good and the bad. The Navy was all he had after his heart had been ripped out of his chest. His only option was to do whatever he could to make her proud.
Turning his head to look over at Lisa, he blinked a few times. He was seeing two of her in front of him, but he was almost positive that there was only one Lisa sitting on the bed. Beautiful, lush, smart, amazing Lisa. She was most assuredly one of a kind.
A woman like her deserved more than what he could give her. Even if he did feel like ripping the head off any man who even looked at her twice.
“I’m tired, Lisa. Am I sleeping up here or is the guest room calling my name?” he asked as he braced his hands on his knees and stood up.
She looked up at him with those gorgeous brown eyes and he swore he could drown in her gaze. “Here. You can stay in here with me. Plus, you need to sleep it off anyway and I’d rather have you next to me just in case something happens.”
“You make me sound like I can’t handle my liquor. Baby, you know me better than that,” he slurred as he walked to his side of the bed.
He was glad she wanted him here. It would have killed him to sleep in the same house as her, but in a different room. Holding her close to him made his nights better.
Even if that other guy was trying to push up on her.
Lisa turned out the lights as they both got under the covers. “Go to sleep, Jackson. I need to be up early for work tomorrow.”
“C’mere,” he whispered, opening his arms for her to lay close to him. Pulling her close to him, he wrapped his strong arms around her. Her ass kept pressing up against him and his dick was reacting to her being so close. “If you don’t stop moving, I’m going to fuck you silly, woman.”
“Fine. I’m just trying to get comfortable. Don’t be so grumpy,” she murmured as her body settled into position.
After a few more moments of silence, he spoke again, “I like being here with you, Lisa. I just need more time.”
Her sigh was loud in the darkened room. “I think you like that I’m comfortable. You know me. I know you. We see each other when convenient and when you leave, there are no expectations, no tears, and no questions. Both of us expected this to be fun, with no strings attached. Maybe time is the one thing we’ve both run out of.”
* * * * *
His head was fucking killing him.
Loud beeping noises were interrupting his sleep, but it felt like it was a church bell about two inches from his ear. Grit caked his eyes as he squinted them open. Shutting them quickly once the sunlight hit his pupils, he groaned in agony.
“How fucking much did I have to drink last night? I know I’m not that much of a bitch,” he mumbled.
“I think bitches everywhere would be offended by that remark. At least we don’t drink a half-bottle of dark liquor and expect to get out of it without a hangover.” Lisa’s voice reached him over the lingering sound of the alarm.
“Uh…yeah. True. What the fuck. What’s that sound?” he groused.
“Your phone. I was going to answer it, but saw that it was Austin. Figured you’d want to do the honors,” she chirped as she placed a hot cup of coffee next to him on the nightstand.
“Yeah, I’ll call him,” he mumbled as he reached over with the hand closest to the phone and swiped the screen, ending the call. “Just give me a second.”
“I’ll be in the shower.”
He managed to open one eye as she walked into the bathroom. The phrase “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave” popped into his head. That described how he felt about Lisa to a T.
As he heard the shower come on, he rose off the mattress. If Austin figured out that he’d come over here crying and begging to be let in, he’d laugh his ass off. On the other hand, maybe that would smooth things over with him a bit.
After spending yesterday with him and Kara, things were better, but not where they needed to be. He knew Austin would always have his back no matter what, but he still didn’t like that his friend had doubts about him and how he felt about Lisa.
Then again, how did he feel about Lisa? Yes, they were having fun, but was it more than that? Seeing her with that guy sure as hell pissed him off, but that could just be him not willing to share well with others.
If she pressed, would he finally be willing to step up and give her what she wanted, or would he run for the hills?
Not wanting to face the truth of that answer, he decided calling Austin was the better option. Dialing the number, he took a sip of the hot brew as the phone rang on the other side.
“Where you at, Pittman?” was the greeting he got when the phone was picked up.
“Why? You miss me?” he responded. He knew that would get his friend going.
“You wish, cupcake. Anyway, I got something I wanted to ask you. You and I have talked about you going into business with me. I think it’s time that you start giving it some serious thought. After yesterday at the house, I picked up on something and I think you’re ready to leave the Navy behind. What do you think?”
* * * * *
Just as she was exiting the bathroom in her fluffy bathrobe, Jackson was talking on the phone. Motioning with her finger that she was going downstairs, she saw him nod as she exited the room.
While Jackson took his shower, Lisa busied herself by making breakfast. Looking at her phone, she answered a few emails that had come through from last night. When that was done, she glanced at her schedule for the day and groaned. Meetings were stacked on her calendar, one right after the other. If she didn’t have to attend all the meetings that were scheduled for her each day, she’d be a hundred times more productive.
“What was that about?” Jackson asked as he strolled into the kitchen to stand beside her.
“My day is gonna be a beast. I think they schedule meetings this way on purpose so that we’re forced to interact with each other,” she responded. Looking at him under her lashes, she hesitated for a second before broaching the touchy subject from last night. “Thank you for telling me about your ex.”
His hand stilled for a second before he resumed spooning eggs onto his plate. “You needed to know. We’ve been doing this a while, so you should know the truth of why I’m so gun-shy.”
“I guess I just figured you enjoyed your bachelor lifestyle too much. Should
have known it was deeper than that,” she mused.
A few moments of silence passed as he ate a few bites of food. She looked at him. He looked at her. Awkward.
This wasn’t them. They didn’t do moments like this where neither knew what to say to the other person. It wasn’t comfortable and she didn’t like it one bit.
“So, where—” he began.
“How do we—” she started at the same time.
They both laughed.
Waving her hand toward him, she consented, “You first.”
“We alright?” he asked.
She paused. Should she keep this going or just let it go?
In her mind, she still had some soul-searching to do, but it wasn’t Jackson’s fault. This was her issue to deal with.
“Yeah, we’re good.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Glad that the day was over, Lisa finally put up her feet, grabbed a glass of wine and allowed herself a moment to just breathe. This week had taken forever and she was just tired as all hell.
It has been two days since Lisa had last seen Jackson. He’d called her and they’d talked, but she’d always come up with an excuse as to why they couldn’t see each other. She had a project come up at work and needed to stay late. She wasn’t feeling well and didn’t feel like having company.
They were all great excuses, but they were all lies.
Somewhat surprised that he would accept her reasons for not seeing him so easily, she’d been somewhat disappointed that he hadn’t pressed more and rolled right through her protests like he normally did.
Maybe he’d gotten the hint. He wasn’t her favorite person right now and they just needed space. Space was good. Even married couples needed alone time. Right?
The simple fact was that she didn’t want to see him right now. She knew it wasn’t fair to Jackson to do this to him. Especially because she’d told him they were fine just a few days ago, but that was how she felt at the moment. It was getting more difficult to ignore the feeling bubbling up inside of her.