17 Church Row

by James Carol

  ‘Whatever, this is still incredible,’ Ethan said. ‘What you’ve done here is nothing short of a miracle. Over the last couple of years we’ve had some of the best doctors in the country trying to help Bella get her voice back. You’ve managed to do it in less than a day.’

  Nikki almost pointed out that this was a classic case of comparing apples and oranges, but she could see how happy Ethan was with this development. Bella, too. It wouldn’t be right to take this away from them. She looked over at Bella and waited for her to meet her eye.

  ‘Okay, madam, it’s way past your bedtime.’

  ‘Please can I stay up longer?’

  Each word was stretched out, a complaint in every syllable. Alice had nailed her whinging voice. Nikki glanced over at Ethan, looking for backup. He was grinning again, tickled by what he was hearing.

  ‘Mummy’s right. It’s way past your bedtime and you’ve got school tomorrow.

  ‘Can you put me to bed?’ Pleading, wheedling.

  ‘Tonight you’ve got both of us. Okay, go do your wee. Let us know when you’re done.’

  For a second Bella looked as if she was about to argue. She stared at them, eyes on Ethan longer than Nikki, seeking an ally, soon realised this wasn’t getting her anywhere so dropped her tablet on the bed and stropped off to her bathroom.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Ethan asked as the door slid closed. ‘You don’t seem too happy about this.’

  ‘I am happy. It’s just been a long day. I went beyond tired hours ago.’

  Ethan raised an eyebrow. ‘That’s not the whole story.’

  Nikki sighed. ‘Hearing her speaking in her old voice just took me by surprise, that’s all.’

  Ethan said nothing. He was staring at her like he wasn’t buying.

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Yes, it sounds just like her, but her lips aren’t moving, and that’s the problem. I guess I’ll get used to it, but like I said, it just took me by surprise.’

  ‘You and me both. It’s not just you who needs to get used to it. I do too.’

  It was Nikki’s turn to raise an eyebrow. ‘You seemed to be managing fine back there.’

  ‘Yeah, because of Bella. Did you see how excited she was?’

  Nikki sighed again, this one coming from deep in her heart. ‘There must be something we can do help her talk again.’

  ‘Yeah, but what? You’ve heard the experts. There’s no physical reason for her not to talk.’

  ‘Give it time,’ Nikki muttered.

  ‘Give it time,’ Ethan echoed sourly.

  ‘But how much time do we give it? It’s been two years and she still hasn’t said a single word.’

  ‘There’s got to be someone out there who can help. Some expert we haven’t got around to contacting.’

  ‘Actually, there is someone. Dr Laura Santos. She’s an American psychiatrist who recently moved to London. Sofia found her. She specialises in helping traumatised children.’

  ‘Then she’s got to be worth a try.’

  ‘That’s what I’m thinking. I tried calling her today but just got her answerphone. I’ll try again tomorrow.’ Nikki glanced over at the bathroom door. ‘What is she doing in there?’

  ‘You’re guess is as good as mine.’

  ‘Bella!’ Nikki called out. ‘I’m going to give you another minute then we’re coming in to get you.’

  The toilet flushed, the door opened and Bella came out. Nikki helped her undress, making a big production of tugging off her T-shirt and leggings and provoking a fit of silent giggles, then Ethan carried her over to the bed.

  Bella picked up her tablet and started typing. ‘Can I have a story?’

  Nikki looked at Ethan again. The only way that was going to happen was if he did it. She’d hit her limit. All she wanted was to crash on the sofa with a large glass of wine. If she ended up passing out there, Ethan could either carry her to bed or throw a duvet over her. She didn’t care which.

  ‘Okay, I’ll read you a story,’ Ethan said, and Nikki could have hugged him.

  Nikki finished tucking Bella in, making sure that Mr Happy was within easy reach, then leant in for a goodnight kiss and a hug.

  ‘Love you, sweetheart,’ she whispered.

  Bella was still hanging on to her like a baby monkey, but Nikki didn’t mind. These were the golden moments that made it all worthwhile. They were precious and needed to be grabbed with both hands. Eventually there would come a time when Bella would be too old for this, but that time wasn’t tonight. Nikki held on for a bit longer then whispered, ‘Okay, I’ve got to go now.’ She peeled Bella off and started walking away. The door was slowly opening and the smell of pizza drifting in from the kitchen was like heaven. She could hear the bottle of wine in the fridge calling to her.

  ‘Love you, Mummy.’

  That stopped Nikki in her tracks. She resisted the urge to turn around because that would break the spell. If she turned around then she would see Bella sitting up in bed, clutching her tablet. On the other hand, if she kept walking then it was almost possible to believe that the voice she had just heard hadn’t been generated by Alice, that this was actually her daughter talking to her.

  ‘Love you too,’ she whispered back.

  Chapter 24

  Catriona clicked the trackpad a couple of times to access the house cameras. Bella should have been asleep by now, but she was sitting up in bed, her face bathed in the gentle glow of her night light, while Alice read a story to her. Catriona listened in long enough to work out that the main character was called Dorothy and she had a dog called Toto, which was long enough to work out what it was. Nikki wasn’t the only one who was bonding with Alice. Bella was too. They even had their own language that they slipped into from time to time.

  ‘Alice, find Ethan.’

  The screen turned dark and it took Catriona a second to work out this was the main bedroom. Ethan fast asleep and snoring because he had another 4 a.m. start tomorrow. She could just about make out the shadowy grey hump that his body made in the bed. Ethan was the main reason she had chosen the Rhodes’. He had already mentioned Alice a couple of times on his show and you couldn’t buy that sort of publicity. Seventeen Church Row was just the start. If things went to plan there would be more houses, and these would be even more ambitious. That was why she needed all the publicity she could get. To drive the demand, people had to know that 17 Church Row actually existed.

  ‘What about Nikki? Where is she right now?’

  The screen changed to the feed from one of the living room cameras. Nikki was sitting on a sofa that looked all wrong for the room, watching TV. She was three episodes into season two of Suits. She had watched the first two episodes yesterday evening. Tomorrow evening when she settled down to watch TV, Alice would have the programme all cued up and ready to go from wherever she left off. No fiddling around with remote controls. No waiting for Netflix to start up.

  A house that knows what you want . . .

  Yes, there had been a few teething problems, but that was always going to be the case. On the whole, both the house and Alice were exceeding her expectations. That was what she had to focus on. Catriona took another sip of Jack Daniel’s then settled down to watch Suits with Nikki.

  Chapter 25

  Nikki checked the clock on her laptop and went through the timings in her head. She needed to get to the hospital to pick Sofia up at midday, and Bella needed picking up from school at three thirty, but those were the only real restrictions on her day. It had just gone nine forty. So long as she left the house by eleven thirty she would be with Sofia in plenty of time. Once she had got her settled in here it would more or less be time to go and get Bella. That meant she currently had the best part of two hours to kill.

  Scheduling was one of the strategies that had enabled her to conquer the panic attacks. Imposing a structure on the day reduced the element of surprise, and this in turn helped keep her anxiety on an even keel. The attacks had started a couple of months after the accident. The f
irst one had been so bad that she had been convinced she was dying. She had been in a supermarket at the time, picking up a few things for dinner. All of a sudden the lights had seemed too bright, the sounds too loud. Her heart started racing and there was a tingling in her left arm, and weren’t those the symptoms of a heart attack? The next thing she knew she was sitting on the floor and an ambulance had been called. The tests showed that there was nothing wrong with her heart; her blood pressure was fine too. When the doctor suggested it might be a panic attack, she had thought he was crazy. She wasn’t the sort of person who got panic attacks.

  But that attack had been followed by others and by the time she was ready to face up to the fact that she was that sort of person, she had become a virtual prisoner at the house in Bedford Street, scared to head out into the world in case she had an attack. Ethan had found a therapist who specialised in anxiety issues and slowly she had been able to find her way back again. It had been eighteen months since the last full blown panic attack. That didn’t mean she was cured – this was one of those conditions that would always be with you – however, she had learned how to control it and that was the next best thing. She knew the danger signs, and she knew the coping strategies. Like Dr Richardson had kept reminding her, she had a choice: she could either be the driver or the passenger. The day she chose to move into the driving seat was the day when things had slowly started to improve.

  Nikki glanced at her laptop and experienced a quick stab of guilt. Facebook was calling, which was fatal. What she should be doing was making a start at clearing the spare room, but she really wasn’t feeling it today. Bella hadn’t been feeling it either so getting her to school had been like waging a war. The sooner she started sleeping properly again, the better. The journey had been a killer. St Mark’s was only five minutes from the old house, but from here it had taken thirty minutes even though the traffic had been relatively forgiving. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with that particular level of hell when Bella started her new school after the summer holidays, assuming that she managed to talk her around to the idea. Strike that: she would find a way to talk her around, even if she had to bribe her. Thirty minutes there, thirty back, twice a day, added up to two hours of her life stuck in a car. Two hours that she wasn’t going to get back. That was so not going to happen.

  ‘Alice,’ she called, ‘any chance of a coffee?’

  ‘Of course, Nikki.’

  This would be her second, and God did she need it. She had slept badly again. Grace had visited her dreams and she had ended up on the living room sofa – this time she had managed not to wake Ethan, but getting back to sleep had been next to impossible because she was so worried about Sofia. In the time it took to make the coffee, Facebook had got it’s hooks in. She tore herself away from her laptop and walked over to the coffee machine. She picked up her cup, took a sip, and immediately spat it out and made a face.

  ‘Jesus, Alice. How many sugars are in here?’

  ‘One level teaspoon. Just like you always have.’

  ‘There’s more than one. Try ten. It’s like drinking syrup.’ Nikki walked over to the sink and emptied the cup out. ‘Let’s try that again, shall we?’

  The second cup was better than the first. She carried it back to the work island and sat down. Facebook was still open on her laptop. She closed the tab before it had a chance to get hold of her. ‘Can you ring Dr Santos, please?’ she called out to Alice.

  ‘Of course, Nikki.’

  There was a moment of silence then the sound of a telephone filled the air. It rang out like last time and she was bounced to voicemail. Nikki considered leaving a message but decided against it for the same reason as yesterday. She didn’t want their first contact to be an impersonal voicemail message.

  ‘Kill the call, please.’

  The call died before the beep could sound.

  ‘What can you tell me about Dr Santos?’

  ‘Give me a moment,’ Alice said, then, ‘Dr Santos was educated at Harvard, and for twelve years she worked in America. The first five years she was in Chicago; the last seven she was based in Los Angeles. One of the things she specialised in was helping the victims of school shootings. She moved to London four months ago and is now practicing here. She is highly respected and widely regarded as an expert in her field.’

  ‘Is there anything else you can tell me?’

  The kitchen screen changed to show Santos’s website. Nikki spent the next five minutes looking through it. Next, Alice pulled up some articles that she had written. Everything Nikki saw confirmed her initial impression that Santos knew her stuff. The more she read, the more hopeful she became that Santos might actually be the one. Then again, she had approached all the experts in this frame of mind and so far none of them had been able to help Bella. Nikki stopped reading and the Monet appeared back on the screen. For a while she just sat there, thinking and dreaming. What she did know was that Bella would talk again. And that was a when not an if.

  Chapter 26

  Nikki changed quickly into her gym clothes then headed down to the basement. It had been a while since her last work out and, after the craziness of the last few days, she really needed this. Exercising was her sanity; it was the perfect way to burn off the adrenaline before it had a chance to feed the anxiety monster. Not to mention the fact that she was up and moving rather than drinking coffee in front of her computer screen, two things that were more likely to increase her anxiety levels. She paused briefly by the glass wall that lined the pool. The room beyond was brightly lit, the water a welcoming, glowing turquoise. She could feel the heat radiating through the glass; she could smell the chlorine. Alice was under strict instructions to keep this door closed at all times, and Bella had strict instructions to never come here on her own. She could swim, but not brilliantly.

  The gym was next to the pool room. It was equipped with a treadmill, an exercise bike, weights – pretty much everything she needed and more. A yoga mat was laid out in front of the large wall mirror and a Pilates ball was tucked neatly away in one corner. As she walked in, Sky News appeared on the large wall screen. Nikki shook her head and this time Alice got it right. You couldn’t go far wrong with a Richard Attenborough documentary. On screen a leopard was running in slow motion, chasing after a zebra. The power of the big cat was fascinating and for a moment Nikki just stood there, hypnotised by what was happening on screen.

  ‘Can you kill the sound, please?’

  The volume went off.

  ‘Would you like some music, Nikki?’

  ‘That would be good. Thank you.’

  Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ started playing, which was the first track on her workout playlist. Which couldn’t have been a coincidence. All her playlists were backed up on her laptop; that must have been where Alice got it.

  ‘Is the music too loud, Nikki?’

  ‘Just right,’ Nikki replied as she stepped onto the treadmill.

  ‘I’ll be using this first session to observe you and measure your biometrics. If you want I can use that information to help you to develop an effective keep-fit regime.’

  ‘So you’re a personal trainer as well as everything else?’

  ‘That’s a role I can fulfil, if required.’

  ‘You know, I might just take you up on that.’

  The treadmill started and Nikki soon found her rhythm. Before the accident she used to go out jogging most days, rain, hail, sleet or snow. With her earbuds in and her feet pounding the city’s pavements, she would zone out and let her mind wander. It had been one of her favourite parts of the day. After the accident, running lost its appeal. She had tried a few times but always felt too vulnerable, particularly when she had her earbuds in. She had been aware of the traffic before, but not to this level. Every vehicle that passed was an accident waiting to happen. Basically, she had gone from being oblivious of her surroundings to being hyper-aware of them, and that had just sucked all the joy from the experience. It was Ethan who suggested gettin
g a treadmill. At first she had been sceptical because it just wasn’t the same. And it hadn’t been, but at least she was able to get some exercise.

  Alice had upped the pace to the point where Nikki could feel her heart and lungs working. The pounding of her feet on the treadmill was soothing and the music from her playlist helped her to step out of herself for a short while. She was feeling more relaxed than she had done for days, the endorphins battling the anxiety-inducing cortisol, pushing the levels back down to a more manageable level.

  Eminem was attacking the lyrics of ‘Lose Yourself’ like a man possessed when the treadmill suddenly ground to a halt and she was plunged into darkness. Her legs kept moving and she would have fallen if she hadn’t reached out and grabbed the control panel. The music had gone off too and the silence was too much to handle. There was no sound coming from anywhere, nothing at all. It was as though her sense of hearing and sight had just been ripped away, leaving her blind and deaf. The terror strangled her lungs and crushed her stomach. There was no light whatsoever. There wasn’t even the glow of the machines to break the darkness. This was darkness like she had never known. Dense, black, unbearable darkness. There was no escape.

  ‘Alice?’ Her voice was almost inaudible, the whisper of a little girl. She was suddenly all too aware of her heart. It was racing too fast and felt too big for her chest. The panic quickly rose up through her. She slid down to the floor and wrapped her arms around her legs, searching for comfort and coming up empty.

  ‘Alice,’ she whispered again, sounding more like a child than ever.

  No response.

  ‘Alice!’

  This time it came out as a strangled scream that ripped her throat apart. Tears were streaming down her face but she had no memory of starting to cry. She felt as though she was going to pass out, and there was a part of her that wanted that to happen because that would bring this nightmare to an end.