His Heart

by Laney Powell

  Jensen

  After a scramble for our clothes, we both ran upstairs. The dishes were undone, the plates where we’d left them, the dishwasher open.

  “Good call,” I said, smiling at her. “We would have been busted had they come home and seen this.”

  “What, you don’t want anyone to know?” Carissa asked as she loaded up the plates I finished scraping.

  “Not yet,” I said. “I’d like to just revel in this, you and me. For a little bit.”

  “Oh, there’s a you and me?” she asked.

  I couldn’t see her face. I set the last plate down, and moved to her, putting an arm around her waist, and turning her face to me. “I’d like to think so. But it’s not a solo decision.”

  Her eyes searched mine, looking for the truth, I supposed. I was all wrong for her. Broken, relatively unemployed, and a bum arm. Although the arm had done all right tonight, I thought with a smile. I hadn’t been focused on it. I had a lot of my mobility back, due to the PT.

  But Carissa knew about my arm. She hadn’t even looked twice at it. She’d looked at me. Repeatedly. Not my arm, or the fact that I was older, or anything else.

  So maybe I needed to get the fuck over myself and not throw away whatever good fortune it was that brought her into my life.

  “However,” I continued, “If you feel we need to go public with this immediately, I’ll be happy to be by your side as you inform Freeze Buckley of the happy news.”

  Her eyes widened, and then she rolled her eyes. “You don’t want to tell him anymore than I do.”

  “Oh, so you want to keep this secret? Can we sneak around?” I leaned down to kiss her.

  “I think that might be kind of fun,” she said, giving me a half-shy, half-playful smile.

  “I like the way you think,” I said. “How about we finish this up and go back to your room and use the rest of the box?”

  She grinned. We finished the dishes in record time.

  We lay together in her bed, having turned the light off to “sleep” after using the remaining two condoms. Carissa twined her fingers in mine as she lay cuddled next to me, her head on my chest. “So… what happened with your arm?” she asked.

  I told her about getting hurt, and the fact that while I’d probably get most of my use of my arm back, it wasn’t enough to stay on my SEAL team.

  “You miss them, don’t you?”

  “I do. We keep in touch, but my team travels a lot. The term ‘in touch’ is relative,” I said.

  “What happened with your ex?” Carissa asked.

  I sighed. “I wish I knew. I mean, I know. She didn’t want to be married to an ex-SEAL.”

  “That’s pretty shallow,” Carissa said, her voice carefully neutral.

  “Yeah, and I don’t think it was the real reason. We spent most of our marriage with me gone, so maybe the thought of me home was too much to bear. Plus, she had a new boyfriend.”

  “Well, her loss,” Carissa kissed my chest.

  A warmth spread through me. “I’m glad you think so,” I said.

  “I do.”

  “What about your ex?” I asked. This was my chance to see what it was that was haunting her.

  Now it was her turn to sigh. She told me about coming home to a note, and her landlord telling her to leave, and about the ex being in the hole to some shady guys. I felt my rage rise at the thought of the douchebag putting her in danger.

  I’d been right. She was worried, and although she tried to keep it low key, the way she’d jumped when I startled her in the office was pretty worried. There was more to this, but I didn’t push. She would tell me in her own time. I’d keep watch on her until then, make sure she stayed safe.

  “What are you going to do when you’re finished helping your grandmother?” I asked.

  “I need to go back. I’m on vacation from work, and even though I’m supposed to be not working, my boss called, desperate,” I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Aren’t you worried about the shady guys?”

  She shrugged. I could feel her shoulder under mine. “That’s where I live. I’ll find somewhere else to live, make my address unlisted.” Her words were calm but I didn’t get the feeling Carissa herself was convinced.

  I didn’t like it, not one bit. But we had some time before I needed to share how much I didn’t like it. I didn’t want her to leave. I knew then—actually, I knew the moment I saw her—that she wasn’t a casual thing. I’d fought it, but here we were. There was time for the conversation of what came next. Not right now.

  I decided to change the subject. We’d both laid out our less than stellar pasts, and I didn’t want to focus on them anymore, hers or mine. “So how do you propose to do some sneaking around, Miss Webber?”

  “Why don’t you text me tomorrow, and we’ll see if we can meet up tomorrow night?”

  I agreed. Then we stopped talking about anything serious. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept with a woman and fell asleep smiling.

  Just as dawn began to creep across the sky, I went back to my cabin. I thanked whatever gods were smiling down on me for the first time in forever as I walked across the yard that the guest rooms were on the ground level, and everyone else was upstairs. I’d never have been able to sneak out silently. We’d exchanged numbers, and I was already thinking about how to get away. That was my specialty—strategic planning. And what a great way to put it into practice.

  It struck me that I was playing for far bigger stakes than I’d ever played for before. This was my life. And I wanted Carissa in it. I didn’t know her well, but I wanted to have the time to spend getting to know one another. I’d never felt surer of anything else. Ever.

  I was going to be dragging ass today, but I didn’t care. I felt like I’d felt before our missions—all jazzed up, ready to go.

  This was right. Although I’d been unsure before, I knew this was right. Even with all the baggage we both brought. While she had more active baggage than I did—which I was sure of, even though she tried to brush it off—this was right. My baggage was no less—but it didn’t seem to bother her. Which made me wonder if I was being hard on her. Maybe.

  Now I just needed to make this thing between us happen. That meant making a plan.

  For the first time since I’d heard the doctor tell me it was time to find a new life, I had a sense of hope. That there was something that I could make a life out of.

  It was Carissa.

  I went into my cabin, stripping off my clothes, and heading right for the shower. I hated to wash the scent of her off me, but if I didn’t someone would notice. I’d bet on Axel. Like me, he was trained to use all the senses. Being bounced off your team didn’t mean you lost all your training.

  No matter how much you tried to relax. But for Carissa, I was going to try.

  After I put the guys menacing her in the ground. I supposed I’d have to let her douchebag ex live, but he might need to have a visit with me where he learned the truth of how things were going to be. Mainly that he forgot her name and never put her at risk again.

  A rush of—I didn’t know what it was, but it felt good—moved through me. Whatever it was, I was happy. This felt fantastic.

  And I would fight to keep it. No matter who stood in my way.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Carissa

  I lay in bed after Jensen left, luxuriating in what had just happened. I’d made the decision I wanted to be with him, and I’d done it. Even better, he hadn’t pushed me away, and I’d had the best sex of my life. It blew the years I’d spent with Stephen right out of the water.

  I snuggled in, glad to have a little time to sleep, even if it was only a couple of hours. And time to go over the night, to think about and remember how wonderful it had all been.

  The fact that I was leaving to go back to San Diego in two weeks was something I didn’t want to look at. I decided for right now, I wasn’t going to.

  We’d agreed to try to meet tonight, just for a coffee.
I knew he was the absolute shit in bed, but I wanted to get to know him a little better. Raging hot passion was a good thing, but it only went so far. And if I was going to make something happen—I stopped. Was I there now? That had shifted for me. Just last week, I’d been full of the reasons why it couldn’t happen.

  He was that good, I laughed to myself. Setting my alarm, I fell asleep as the sun rose with images of Jensen in my head.

  I managed to get up in a timely fashion and spent a long time in the shower. I went upstairs, and Freeze was putting breakfast on the table.

  “Good morning, young lady,” he grinned up at me. “Sit down. Have some breakfast. You need it.”

  “I do?” I asked as I sat at the table. No one else was up yet. It was just Freeze and me. “Where is everyone else?”

  “Pris and Axel and me were out a little late,” Freeze said, his tone cheerful. “It was nice to get out and know that we weren’t leaving the ranch all alone. I think we all have some kind of separation anxiety.” He said down across from me, handing a plate to me as he set one in front of himself.

  “You all have a lot on the line,” I said.

  “We do, but you’re making me feel a lot better. I wish you lived here. I think you’d be swamped. Most of us ranchers can run the ranch blindfolded but hate the paperwork. It’s actually a challenge,” he said, his voice turning serious.

  “I think a lot of businesses are like that. It’s hard to find someone who can do all the things business owners need to be able to do.”

  Freeze nodded. “Lots of folks lose everything because they can’t keep up with the numbers. You’d have a good business,” he looked down at his plate.

  “Stop,” I laughed. “You’re as bad as Gran! Why are you so interested? There’ are plenty of accountants here.”

  “Now that is where you’re wrong, missy. We’re a good-sized town for the tourists, but we have to go several hours for a lot of services.”

  “I can see where that’s a challenge,” I said.

  He took a bite, nodding at me. “You’d better believe it. Lots of folks end up out of business because they’re aces with the stock, and all the things that have to be done around a ranch, but don’t know jack about how to keep the books.”

  “You’re preaching to the choir, Freeze. Not just because it keeps me in business,” I smiled. I had to shift a little in my chair because I found that I was sore after being with Jensen all night. First world problems, I thought to myself, stifling a giggle.

  “Well, it doesn’t hurt to be looking out for your own self-interest,” Freeze said.

  “I generally do,” I said.

  Freeze gave me such a sharp look that I was sure he’d been talking to my grandmother. I bent my head to my food, and thankfully, Axel and Pris came out, Pris yawning.

  “You’re a bad influence, Freeze,” Pris said. “We were out way too late.”

  “We deserved it,” Freeze said in a tone of voice that brooked no discussion. “I’m damn proud of us.”

  “We have done well,” Axel said, bringing over a plate of food for himself and Pris.

  At that moment, Jensen came in. Our eyes met, and heat bloomed up my neck into my face. Damn it. I wished my face would calm down. It was hard, however, when my body responded to seeing him. I felt like I lit up like a Christmas tree. Quickly, I ducked my head down to hide everything—my blazing cheeks, the happiness I felt at seeing Jensen—I wasn’t up for scrutiny.

  “Jensen, thanks for keeping an eye on the place,” Freeze said. “Sit down and eat. We got work to do today.”

  Conversation drifted to mundane topics. We could have been discussing me winning the lottery; once Jensen sat down next to me, I couldn’t focus on anything else. I felt the heat coming off him. His foot scuffed along the floor and came to rest next to mine.

  I smiled into my eggs.

  Once breakfast was finished, Pris started to clean up. I offered to help, but Freeze shooed me back to the office. About half an hour later, Pris poked her head in. “Hey, Carissa, you need anything?”

  “I’m good, thanks,” I said, looking up from where I’d wrangled the piles of ledger books into neat stacks. All that was needed now was proper storage and Freeze and Pris and Axel would be set. I’d made the decision that I would show at least one of them how I’d set things up. That way, if it took them a while to find someone to keep the books, they’d understand how to keep up with the records.

  It made me a little sad to think that I wouldn’t be here to see how the rest of the year went. I liked the Buckleys, independent of the fact that I was falling hard for their ranch hand.

  I sat back in my chair, the realization of my thoughts making me stop. Was I falling for Jensen? Oh, my God. I think I was.

  What did that mean? For him? For us? He wouldn’t want to come to San Diego. Despite the fact that I was temporarily homeless, my life was in San Diego. My job, for one. And my… I stopped. What else was there?

  There were some friends from work, but I wasn’t super close to them. My family outside of Gran didn’t count. Mom and Dad had their own lives, and they liked it that way. My boss, but he liked me mostly because I was the best accountant on his team.

  What did I have? I’d had Stephen. That had been enough. But he wasn’t there, and he’d left me. Actually, he’d left me long before I knew it. Thank God we hadn’t bought a house, or a car, or even a dog, together.

  I had to go back. I shook my head. I’d just run out of there, and it wasn’t like me to run away. Besides, I made good money at my job—I wouldn’t find another job like that.

  My phone buzzed on the desk next to me. I hit the screen to read the message. It was from Jensen.

  Meet me at the Beanery in town tonight.

  I smiled and picked up my phone. Can you get away?

  For you yes.

  I sent him a smiley emoji and then watched the phone obsessively. Finally, it buzzed again.

  7 pm?

  Yes. I texted him back quickly.

  Now he sent me a smiley emoji.

  I waited, but apparently, he was done. Which was fine. I needed to get this finished and figure out how to get away from Gran tonight without her asking too many questions.

  When Freeze came in later that day, I showed him what I’d done, and how I’d organized everything. “I know that you had a previous accountant, but I wanted to simplify this since you have so many records. I’ve separated it into everything that happened before you sold off your big herds and everything you’ve done with starting this new aspect.”

  Freeze looked around slowly. “That was a lot of work. You didn’t have to go through the old stuff.”

  “I didn’t. Well, not really. I checked the boxes to see that the labels were accurate, and except for the last five years or so, they were.”

  Freeze looked old all of a sudden. “Ginny used to keep the books. When she got sick, the books, along with a lot of things, kind of fell by the wayside.”

  I nodded, even as my heart broke for him a little. “It happens. The books aren’t what are important at those times.”

  “No, it wasn’t. In the end, it was easier to sell off all the herds. I’m glad to have a small herd back, though. I’d say the herd is almost the perfect size now.” He nodded to himself. “So, listen. Can I ask you to do a little more work for me? Write up a report of what you see, as in, is the business healthy? Can we expect to make a profit in the next five years, based on what you’ve seen?”

  “I don’t know that I’ve done enough work—” I began.

  Freeze waved his hand, dismissing my protest. “Yeah, yeah, I know. A true evaluation takes a lot more than this. Listen, I am going to hand it over to Axel and Pris. All of it. That was the deal. Get started with me, and then in a couple of years, I’d hand it over. They haven’t said a word, because they’re good kids, but that’s the deal. I need to have some idea of what it’s all worth so I can do the transfer right and not pay an assload of taxes.”

  �
��I won’t help you cheat the tax man,” I warned.

  “No, I don’t expect you to. But I do expect that you’ll help me take care of all the regulations I can,” he grinned.

  “That’s a lot more work,” I said primly. “And it will cost you.”

  “Of course, it will. I expected nothing less.” Freeze rolled his eyes.

  “You know I’m leaving soon?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at him.

  “That’s not my concern. I need to get this work done.”

  “I wish you’d told me what you were planning earlier,” I said. “I could have saved you some time by planning for this.”

  Freeze shrugged. “I needed to make sure that things were going all right.” He looked away, apparently not bothered that what he was asking for was going to cost him more.

  “You’re a strange man, Freeze.” I said. I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. It was pretty easy to see that the business was on the upswing and slated to make a profit as the bulls grew and were sold. But one thing I’d learned—people had their own ideas about money, and finance, and there was no sense in arguing with them. It was better if I nodded and let my own thoughts about it go.

  “Well, are you off for the night?” Freeze asked.

  “I am. I have some work to do for my job, and then we need to talk about when you want me out here.”

  “How about three days from now? Will that give you time to finish helping your grandmother and get your other work done?”

  I nodded. “Yes, it will.”

  “Then I want to hire you for the rest of the time you’re here,” Freeze said.

  “You keep spending money like that, you’re not going to be in the black,” I warned.

  “You’re a business expense, so I’ll be just fine,” Freeze retorted. “Get on home and tell your Gran I said hello.”

  I thanked him for the hospitality, and after a quick check of my room to make sure I hadn’t left anything, I loaded up my car, and started down the drive. As I drove back into Paulson, I found that I was humming, and I felt… happy.

  At least between my overtime and Freeze’s jobs, I’d have a good sum to put down on an apartment.