His One Regret: Sons Of Lost Souls MC Book Four

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  “Cas,” she warns and drops her eyes to her drink. She lifts it to her mouth and drinks until the glass is empty.

  I go to pour her another, but she covers it with her hand and shakes her head.

  “You can’t take this away from them, it’s Slade and Leo’s right to take him out.”

  “What else am I supposed to do? I want Harper home and that isn’t going to happen if the truth comes out. I can’t trust Ellis around anyone and have him running his mouth.”

  It’s rare when Alannah doesn’t agree with me and I know I’m pushing it when she can’t even look at me.

  “She’s my kid, babe. We’d do the same for the boys and you know it.”

  “I’m not disagreeing with you on that, perhaps you can set her up somewhere out of town and go see her from time to time?”

  Frowning, I can’t believe I’m hearing this. “Babe? I want her here. We’re here, her husband is here. I thought you were okay with her?”

  “I am, Cas, I wouldn’t lie about it, but this is the club. You make these decisions and you follow through with them, it’s going to rip brothers in two and I’m not sure where it will leave us.”

  “I’m not sure where it leaves us anyway, India’s death is rippling, and it’ll get worse if they learn what Harper did.”

  “I don’t know, the truth always outs. I suppose if you can live with the fact that you could lose your son, your brothers, over this, then you do what you must.”

  I pour myself another drink and neck it in one gulp. She might not want a second but I sure as shit do.

  “It’s happening, I won’t have her out there alone somewhere living with a decision she was forced to make.”

  “The club will understand if you tell them the truth, you know they will, they’ll know it was Ellis. Fuck me, that’s what we’ve been telling Leo all this week, that it wasn’t him who pulled the trigger.”

  “Yeah? And does he believe you?”

  She sighs and takes the bottle from me. Pouring us both a drink, she screws the cap on and gets up and puts it in the cabinet.

  Sitting back down, she reaches across the table and holds onto my hand.

  “You’re the president, you’re going to do what you do, but please, before you walk out of this house, weigh your options a little harder. I’m not saying put the club before Harper, but I’m also saying, don’t put her before the men you’ve called family for a very long time.”

  Leo

  The cabin is as quiet as it was during the days when India was at college. Those days were brutal on their own, not knowing what she was up to, thinking she had aborted our daughter, I believed that was the worst pain I could endure. How could I have been so naive?

  While Rayna is swaying in her all singing, all dancing, baby chair, I dump all her bottles in the soapy water and clean and rinse them all thoroughly. I put them in the sterilizer and wait for the timer to tick round, watching it count down.

  Numbly, when it’s done, I make her bottles up for the night and carry my daughter upstairs for her bath with a fresh bottle for after.

  I lay her in her crib and turn the light on in the bathroom. I run the cold water first like India drummed into my head and then the hot water. The baby bubble bath fills the room with a sweet smell, and I shut the water off when it’s nice and warm.

  Popping the caps on the shampoo and soap bottles, I settle them on the side of the tub ready to use. I lay her towel on the soft bath mat ready to lay her on when we’re done.

  India made sure I would remember to have everything ready before I put the baby in the water, because as soon as she hit the water she turned into a slippery little fish.

  Rayna is still awake in her crib and she doesn’t cry out when I undress her and sink her slowly into the water.

  She kicks her legs out happily and I take advantage of her good mood and wash her.

  Her eyes were blue when she was born but they’re darkening as she grows, and her hair is coming through thicker each day.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come for you sooner. I was hurting real bad, baby girl.”

  She continues to kick her legs and splashes the water around herself. It doesn’t bother her; she only cries when I take her out the water and wrap her in the towel.

  She screams as I dry her and hollers her lungs out as I dress her in a sleepsuit with too many fucking buttons. She quietens as we sit in the rocking chair and I push out the memory of the last time I sat in this thing with her.

  The sucking noises are the only sounds to be heard in the room and she guzzles the milk down in the bottle in no time. Her eyes, usually full of intrigue and wonder, flitter closed and she’s asleep before I lay her down in her crib.

  Tucking her in, I kiss her forehead and turn out the lamp. I make quick work tidying her things up and grab the empty bottle and her monitor. I leave her door ajar and head downstairs.

  The back-door clicks shut, and I dump the shit in my arms on the hall dresser. In the drawer, I pull out a gun I hid in there weeks ago and release the safety.

  Is someone raiding my fucking fridge? Creeping down the hall, the kitchen light turns on and I release a heavy breath when Zachery is leaning on the fridge door, checking out what I’ve got in.

  “What the fuck, brother? How did you get in here?”

  I made sure I looked all the doors and windows, on the first floor and second when I got back.

  “Your mom gave me a key,” he tells me. “Have you got any chips around here?”

  “If I did, they wouldn’t be in the fucking fridge. Sit down, I’ll make us some dinner.”

  Now I’m the kitchen, it’s clear to see he’s in no fit state to cook. I don’t know how he made it here in one piece. He’s stoned as stoned can be. If he smokes any more, he’ll put himself in a coma.

  The chair scrapes against the tiled floor as he falls onto the chair and sighs heavily.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him while searching the cupboards for the pasta.

  “I have no idea, I can’t go home,” he sighs. “My mom is staring into nothing, my dad has hit the bottle and Nina won’t get off my ass about smoking, she says I won’t deal properly if I’m high.”

  “She has a point, but what’s the fucking point in dealing with this sober?”

  “You’re sober.”

  “I’m a dad.”

  “So might I be.”

  Looking at him over my shoulder, I raise my eyebrows and wait for him to elaborate.

  “She chose this morning to drop it on me that she done a test and it came back positive.”

  “Congratulations?”

  Cocking his brow, he doesn’t look thrilled to be a soon-to-be-daddy.

  “Or not?”

  “I want to be tied to her in every way, but…”

  Through the kitchen door, I can see into the living room and India is there, crying, as she tells me she’s pregnant and she doesn’t want my kid. If I could go back to that day, I would have stopped her from leaving, we would have talked a lot more than we did and when it came to her going into labour, I would’ve bit my tongue and listened to my father. Killing Roman is my one regret because it cost me her.

  “If you want to be tied to her, then do it all. Give her a ring, have the babies, buy her a house.”

  “I don’t…I can’t…if I lost her.”

  He can’t face losing everything after living with it. I get it.

  “If she’s pregnant, you’re going to have to step up regardless of what you want. You can’t be selfish when you have a kid. Wanted or not.”

  “I know that,” he snaps and rises from his seat.

  I forget about dinner and grab two beers from the fridge, then I put one back and reach for the bottle of water.

  He opens the back door and pulls out his smoking tin.

  “Out, I don’t want that shit floating up the stairs.”

  I grab the monitor too and end up pushing him outside and onto one of the garden chairs.

  I pl
ace his beer on the table next to him and crack open my water. He lights his joint and the smell of weed wafts into the night’s air.

  “You’re not bothered you knocked Nina up, there’s something about her that has changed you. What’s really brought you out here when all you want to do lately is be with her?”

  “I’m not sure, I just want…” He tokes on his smoke and holds it in until his lungs can hold it no more. “I just want to tell you that I don’t blame you for India.”

  He doesn’t have to, I blame myself regardless.

  “If you think I need validation from you to make what I did easier for me, you can leave.”

  “Like fuck, I’ve never wanted you to have an easy ride.” He snorts, and this is more like him. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t want you to do anything stupid with all that guilt you’re holding.”

  I’m not looking to do anything stupid.

  “I have Rayna, everything I do now is for her.”

  I couldn’t protect her mom, but by god, I’m going to protect our daughter. No one and nothing will get close to her. He finishes his beer and I don’t touch my water, all the while sitting in silence. I don’t have the heart to tell him to fuck off. His finger constantly taps his thigh, he inhales deeply every now and then and I’m guessing it’s his way of releasing his feelings or some shit without breaking down in front of me.

  Zach has been a one-eighty of actions towards me and while I want to be there for my brother, it’s not me he needs.

  “You should go home, your old lady is pregnant, your life hasn’t stopped although it feels like it now. You don’t want to regret anything. Go home. You need Nina and she’s going to need you.”

  And that’s all the advice I can muster to give him.

  “Knowing what the future held, would you go back and do it again?”

  The lines on my forehead deepen as I try to work out what he’s asking. I don’t have to wait long, he continues.

  “Would you still make India your old lady?”

  Rubbing my hands on my denim clad thighs, I wipe the sweat away and I focus on the rough material of my jeans.

  “Yes. Being with her, she made me complete when I didn’t even know I wasn’t. We fit…”

  The words die on the tip of my tongue and I’m saved from carrying on when he pulls himself up.

  “Do you know what’s going to be harder to deal with then what we’re trying to get through now?”

  I shake my head and brace myself for whatever he comes out with next.

  “The things she won’t be around for, now I’m going to be a dad, my kid will never know their auntie. When I marry Nina someday, she won’t be there. It’s always going to be hard, isn’t it?”

  I can’t speak, I simply nod and agree with him because he’s right. This is only the beginning of our nightmare. He holds his hand out and I stand. I clasp his hand in mine and pull him towards me. I’m in no rush to let him go, and he with me.

  “Watch yourself on the way home,” I tell him.

  “Will do.”

  We pull apart and walk around the side of the cabin. I’ve never noticed how dark it is out here before. Anyone could be here right now. There are Crows lingering around and they could already be here.

  Paranoia is setting in and usually I’d laugh at myself and not worry about a thing. Tonight, I’m letting it settle in and lay its roots. It’s going to keep us safe. I can’t be too careful with Rayna. Anything my gut doesn’t like; I’m going to trust it.

  Zach prepares to leave, and I pull my phone out of my pocket. I turn the torch setting on and shine it in all the bushes and behind trees as I walk around the front of the cabin.

  “You hear something?” Zach calls over and stops climbing on his bike.

  “No, just checking before I head inside and lock up.”

  “I can call up some brothers, we can stay if you want?”

  Fuck no.

  “I’ll be fine, I’ll call if anything comes up.”

  I stand on the porch until he’s riding up the drive and out of sight. Casting one last look around the front, I walk inside and lock up. After checking the windows are tightly locked, I’m too alert to sleep. I poke my head in Rayna’s room and she’s still sleeping soundly.

  I lean against the door frame and slide down to the floor.

  I’m too used to wearing a gun, I forget it’s on me until it digs into my ribs. Taking it out, I place it on the carpet beside me and I wait.

  I listen to all the creaks and tapping around the old cabin and form a list in my head for tomorrow. We need better security being out here. I want gates at the top of the drive. I want a better alarm system and cameras. I want everything that will give me a faster heads up if someone comes onto my land uninvited. My mind is racing with places to keep my shooters around the place with easy access but no where near where Rayna can get her little hands on them. She’ll be on the move in no time and they’ll have to be locked away for sure.

  Cas

  Its 12.03am and two head lights shine bright in the distance, growing bigger the closer they get. Sparky and his boy ride side by side and I wait for another set of headlights to join them.

  She’s late or she’s not coming. I’m choosing to believe she’s running late. Sparky comes to a stop beside the prospect’s van and JJ stops beside him. They’re two peas in a pod and I hope one day, my son comes back to me and forgives me for what I’m about to do.

  “Is she here?” JJ asks, swinging his leg over his bike. He closes the distance between us and brushes past me to look in the warehouse. He stills when he sees Ellis hauled in chains and stands tall.

  “Dad said we’re going to kill him without the club.”

  “We are,” I nod. “Do you have a problem with that?”

  “Hell fucking no, but Leo should be here. Ellis killed Indie, he’s going to need to see him dead.”

  Tal stands off to the side and as we walk inside, he closes the door behind us.

  “Is she coming?” Sparky asks quietly.

  “I have no idea.”

  The sound of skin slapping skin has us turning around and JJ’s taking great delight in backhanding our guest, followed by a right hook that wobbles Ellis’s jaw.

  “Where did she go?” he growls at him.

  “Don’t ask me, she stabbed and grabbed and fucked off. She’s your wife, shouldn’t you know?” he laughs, and it gains him another right hook from JJ.

  “Like you should know how she whimpers when you wrap your hand around her throat and how cute she is when she tries to fight you off.”

  Stomping across the mill, I swing my hand through air and my knuckles open up at the impact. His lip gushes with blood and I enjoy the sight of the redness seeping down his chin.

  “My favourite sound is her begging me, it warms my fucking heart.”

  Stepping back, I gesture for JJ to take my place and before I can blink, JJ is straddling him and the chair is tipping backwards, them both landing in a heap on the floor.

  He throws punch after punch. He latches onto his hair, leaning down to smash his head against Ellis’s forehead.

  His lip is well and truly busted. His nose splits open like a fucking banana skin and his eyes immediately swell. It’s when his cheekbone breaks under JJ’s knuckles that JJ leans back and takes a breather.

  “I don’t know what goes on in your head, but she was never yours. It’s me she loves and always will.”

  Groans and blood spluttering mutters comes from Ellis as JJ pulls himself up to his feet.

  “One thing I’ll accept from tonight is your dead corpse as I drag it to an unmarked grave.”

  Through the pain and through the blood, he still laughs as his head rolls to the side lazily.

  “Dead or alive, I’ll be in her head for the rest of her life. Even when you think she doesn’t think of me; something will remind her of our time together. If anything, she’s ours, not all yours, and not all mine.”

  JJ can’t hear another word
from him before he loses it completely.

  “What are we waiting for? Let’s get this done, I have a wife to look for if she doesn’t show,” he spits at me.

  I’m hoping said wife will show up tonight.

  “Five more minutes…”

  “What are you waiting for, Cas? The prick is taking one too many breaths.”

  “He’s waiting for me.”

  Everyone turns and there she is, standing in the doorway, tired and holding herself tight.

  JJ doesn’t miss a beat and crosses the room, enveloping her in his arms. He’s over a head taller than her and he tucks her into him. I reckon if he could cocoon her, he would. He’s so wrapped up in her being here he misses her flinching as he squeezes her, he misses how her eyes are focused on Ellis.

  “Why is he not dead?” she asks quietly.

  “Apparently we were waiting for you,” JJ tells her, pulling away from her but he doesn’t let her go far.

  “I’m surprised he didn’t bleed out before you got to him.”

  “Apparently he’s like a cockroach,” Sparky mutters and I clear my throat.

  Harper slips from JJ’s hold and walks towards me. Beat after beat I take her in, and since I found out I had cancer, I breath as easy as water flowing down the river on a calm day. She’s here, and she’s alive. She came back because she believed me when I told her I would protect her. My daughter.

  She lunges towards me, and then she’s in my arms. She’s trembling but she clings to me like a child should with her father, with complete belief nothing can touch her when he’s around and come hell or high water, I will be there for her.

  I squeeze her and I hold her, I just wish I was there for all her bad times when she needed a dad.

  “Does JJ know the truth?” she whispers.

  “Yes.”

  Her chest shudders and I rub her back before she steps away and looks up at me.

  “I’m scared.”

  “It’s okay to be scared, but you’re home now, and I made you a promise that you could kill him. Sparky has a blade or we all have guns, whatever you want to use.”