by Levine, Nina
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. These two need to just have sex again and get it out of their system. That, and admit once and for all how much they want each other. Seven months of pregnancy has only brought them closer together as they navigate the tricky waters of bringing a child into the world while not together.
“At least your child has a father who is going to be there for it,” I remind her.
“Well, there is that, I guess. And I’m thankful for his involvement, honestly, but he’s being a tad overbearing for my liking.”
“Estelle makes ‘em bossy, that’s for sure.” My heart beats a little faster as I think about Luke. Even after all these months, the pain hasn’t gone away.
“Luke asked me about you yesterday,” she says softly.
I want to beg her for every single last detail of that conversation, but I don’t. “How is he?” When I first moved, I made it a rule that we weren’t to talk about him, but over the last couple of weeks she’s been sneaking him into our conversations. Estelle has been, too.
“He’s still moody as hell. I hope you know that you leaving made my life hard. Sean still talks about you. That kid misses you something bad. But at least he has his mum kind of back in his life.”
I grip the phone harder. I miss Sean just as much. The day I left Australia, I dropped by Luke’s place to say goodbye to Sean. I couldn’t leave without doing that. It had been almost as hard as leaving Luke. I wanted to keep in touch with him, but it wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. “Do you know how Jolene is?”
“Luke doesn’t talk about her to me very much, but I asked Tyler and he said she’s doing it tough waiting for the appeal to come up. Luke takes Sean twice a week to see her and from what I know, they’re growing closer. I don’t know much more. Except that Luke and Jolene aren’t getting back together. I overheard him talking to Tyler about the divorce.”
“So they’re definitely getting a divorce?” I don’t even want to admit to myself how much I crave the answer to this question.
“Callie, it’s gone through. Luke and Jolene are divorced.”
My legs go weak and I steady myself by grabbing hold of the kitchen counter and leaning against it.
“Babe, are you still there?” she asks when I don’t say anything.
“Yeah, I’m still here.” And I feel so far away. I wish like anything I was back in Brisbane. Back with Luke.
“Are you okay over there? I worry about you. Talk to me and don’t leave anything out.”
Admitting when I’ve made a mistake isn’t something I do easily. I’m so damn stubborn and will keep plodding along in the direction I’ve chosen. Within two months of arriving in LA, I knew I’d screwed up. And not just because I missed Luke like crazy. “I don’t fit in here, A. I love writing, but I don’t love writing as part of a team for a TV show. And the people are all so… fake. I can’t tell who at work actually likes me for me, or whether they think I can do something for them and that’s why they like me. And don’t get me started about the coffee here. I miss Aussie coffee.”
“Oh, babe, why don’t you come home if you’re not happy?”
“I don’t want to be a quitter. Maybe it will get better.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince the most here.
“It’s not called quitting if you make a decision for the right reasons.”
“It’s also damn expensive to pack up and move home. Trust me, I’ve calculated it. And then I’d have to get a job and find somewhere to live… It all just feels too hard and too much.”
“Callie, stop and breathe for a moment. Everything can be sorted out. You can live with me until you get on your feet. You can even work with me in my eBay shop. My sales just keep growing and we could definitely expand it and do more if I had you working too. I can help you out for money—”
“Avery, you need your money to pay for the baby.”
“Just shut up for a minute, okay? I’ve been saving like you wouldn’t believe over the last six months and things have really turned around for me. I’ve been telling you this for months. I could help you out for a little while.”
She has been telling me this, but still, I hate the idea of taking money from my friends. “I’ll think about it.”
“I swear I will come over there myself and get you if you don’t either start loving life again or come home by yourself. Some days I can totally understand why Luke used to get so frustrated with you.”
I sag against the counter. “Did you have to mention his name again?”
“My bad.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got Harvey.”
“Oh, God, you’re back on him?”
I never stopped.
“Let’s make a pact—no more talk of men for this conversation. Talk to me about Estelle’s wedding. What are you wearing? I need to know everything so I can get ready.”
We spend the next half hour talking about everything under the sun, except for Luke or Tyler. When I hang up the phone, I curl into a ball on my bed and cry myself to sleep.
I thought breakups were supposed to get better with each passing day and month. Mine isn’t. Luke Hardy has taken up residence in my heart and my soul, and I don’t know how I’ll ever get over him.
44
Luke
“Daddy, you’re late!” Sean flies into my arms the minute I enter the kitchen. His excited features cause a smile to spread across my face. Coming home to my son is always the best part of my day.
“How was school today?” I ask, still holding him. I figure it won’t be long now until he stops wanting me to hold him so I’m making the most of every minute I have with him at this age.
“Jacinta May got into a fight with me. She always fights with me.” I chuckle. My son is learning that girls can be a handful at an early age.
I let him down and eye my family sitting around the dining table. Paris is deep in conversation with Avery while Tyler shakes his head at something they say, and Mum is laughing flirtatiously at something George has said. Paris looks up and smiles. Waving me over, she says, “Luke, we need your input on this.”
Sean drags me to the table and I take the seat next to Mum. “What’s up?”
Avery rolls her eyes at the same time that Tyler says, “Avery wants to go sailing while we’re at the Whitsundays—”
Avery jabs her thumb towards Tyler. “And he says it’s not safe. For God’s sake, I’d just be sitting on the damn boat. I wouldn’t go snorkelling or anything so I don’t see how it could harm me or the baby.”
Tyler turns to face her. I’m sure all she sees is him arguing with her, but what I see is a man so in love with a woman and the child they’re having that he is desperate to keep them safe. “What if the water gets choppy? Or you stand and lose your balance? You could fall and then we’d be stuck out at sea with no way of getting you to the hospital.”
I nod. “He’s got a point, Avery. I wouldn’t let my woman go sailing when she was as far along as you are.”
Her brows rise. “Let? You wouldn’t let her? Like you own her?”
“Yes, I wouldn’t allow it. And no, I don’t believe men own women—you’re being dramatic now—but as a man I take it very seriously when I love someone and just want the best for them.” I try like fuck not to think of Callie as I say this, but it’s a hopeless endeavour considering she’s the only woman I have truly loved.
I always thought I loved Jolene but I understand the difference between first love and true love now. I imagine that for some people they are a one-in-the-same thing, but for me, they weren’t. I was too young and inexperienced when I married Jolene to grasp the concept of love. Callie taught me what true love really looks like. It is selfless and all consuming. It is wanting the other person to be happy and being willing to sacrifice anything for that to happen. It’s found in the daily give and take between two people as they work together to build the life they want. It’s the romance, the fighting, the fun, the sad, the heart speeding up when you catch a glance of the per
son you love, the tears, the smiles, the taking care of them while they are sick. It’s the giving of yourself without hesitation when you’d rather be doing something else. True love is found in the small gestures, not the big ones.
“So, no sailing,” Tyler says as if that settles it between them.
Avery shakes her head. “I’m not your woman, Tyler. I won’t do anything to harm our baby, but I will make my own decisions.”
I chuckle. “Good luck, man.”
“Luke,” Mum says, “because you’re flying in earlier to the island than the rest of us next week, I need you to do me a favour please.”
“What?” I never willingly agree to anything she asks without knowing exactly what it is. My mother has this tendency to assume anything she wants is possible when that’s not the case at all. George seems to have grounded her a little, though, so her expectations aren’t as fantasy-like as they once were.
Something I don’t see often on my mother’s face surfaces—hesitation. “Well, Callie’s flight arrives just before yours. I was hoping you could make sure she arrives safely and settles into the hotel okay.”
I should have known it would have something to do with Callie. My mother has an agenda other than her wedding for this trip. “I think we all know there’s no way I wouldn’t check in with Callie and make sure she’s okay. But that does not mean you’ll get your wish where she and I are concerned.”
Mum pouts. Fucking pouts. “I don’t understand why you are so stubborn about your relationship with her.”
“There’s no way to make a relationship between us work when we live in different countries. Sometimes we can’t have what we want, Mum.”
“I think Callie would drop everything and run back to you if you told her you wanted that.”
“I wouldn’t want her to. She’s finally getting to do the one thing she’s always wanted. I wouldn’t take that from her.”
Mum rolls her eyes. “You don’t understand women very well. I clearly failed to teach you about us. Luke, love is what all women want. You wouldn’t be taking something from her. You’d be giving her your heart, and that my boy is what she really wants.”
“Mum, not all women are like you. Some want far more than a man in their lives.”
Avery butts in, saving me from this god-awful conversation. “Callie’s not happy in LA.”
I stare at her. “What?”
“She would kill me if she knew I told you this, but she doesn’t love her job and she doesn’t love the people over there. I’m pretty sure she wants to come home.”
I ignore the way my heart slams against my chest. “It’s only been six months, Avery. You know she hates change. She just needs to give it more time and she’ll settle into her new life.”
“I don’t think so, Luke.”
I push my chair back and stand. “Anyone want a beer? Or a drink?”
Mum hits me with a dirty look. “So that’s it? You’re going to refuse to talk about her?”
“Yeah. Callie’s making a new life for herself and I’m happy for her. End of story. Now, if we could get dinner happening, that would be fucking awesome because I’m starving.”
Jolene’s eyes light up a few days later when I take Sean to visit her in prison. She holds her arms out to him and he moves into them for a hug. A newfound happiness fills me at the sight. I’d lived in hope for so long that she would learn to love her son, but as she spiralled into a desperate existence in prison, I gave up that hope. To see it happening now means everything to me.
My son will finally have two parents who love him unconditionally.
She sits and pulls him onto her lap. Looking across at me as I sit opposite her, she says, “Barry came to see me yesterday. We have the DNA we need. Finally.”
I look at her—really look at her. My ex-wife is slowly turning back into the beautiful woman she once was. Her skin no longer has the pallor it did for so long and she’s grown her hair so it hits her shoulders. The thing that really brings her to life now is something I’ve never seen on her before—a sparkle in her eyes. It’s only faint, but it’s there, especially when Sean is with her. I don’t visit her on my own much, but occasionally, we have stuff to talk about without Sean hearing. On those days, her sparkle isn’t as bright.
“Thank God. Alanis is getting nervous. I haven’t seen her but Barry has eyes on her. Her behaviour is erratic and she’s started packing up her house.”
She frowns. “You think she’s moving?”
I shrug. “Got no idea and I really don’t want to know. He’ll keep on it, though. I just want that woman locked up. Your date can’t come fast enough.” Her appeal date is set for three months’ time. It’s fucking outrageous that wrongfully convicted people have to work so hard and for so long to prove their innocence.
Jolene’s lawyer was adamant we needed scientific evidence to back up every other piece of evidence we’d gathered in order to exonerate her. The last six months have been spent searching desperately for that.
“I think it’s all going to work out, Luke,” she says quietly and I feel the pain, the doubt and the hope behind those words. She hasn’t wanted to fully believe she’ll be freed in case it doesn’t happen. I can’t blame her. If I lost everything like she has, I wouldn’t want to believe I might get my life back again in case that all crumbled too.
I reach for her hand and squeeze it. Smiling, I say, “Yeah, I feel it, too.”
We sit in silence for a few moments, watching each other. Reflecting. And then she looks down at Sean. “Okay, baby, you need to tell me all about school and how you’re going with Jacinta May.”
I chuckle as my son groans. He’ll learn soon enough that it’s the girls who annoy us the most that we want more than anything else in this world.
Jolene’s eyes meet mine briefly.
We exchange a knowing smile.
As she becomes engrossed in Sean’s story, I know we’re going to be okay. Whatever happens, the three of us will get through this because we’ve finally found our way back to each other.
A couple of hours later, Sean struggles with the shopping bag he’s carrying for me. “Dad, this is too heavy for me,” he grumbles.
I reach for it and take it out of his arms. Nodding at the door in front of us, I say, “You knock.”
He does as I ask and we wait for it to be opened. Looking up at me, he asks, “Do you think Mariah will come out today?”
I smile. “I hope so. She must be pretty hungry by now.”
“I’ll feed Jasper first and then look for her.” Callie’s cat. Mrs Harper took on the care of Jasper when Callie moved.
The door opens and Mrs Harper gives me a stern look. “You’re late, Luke.”
I fight the chuckle working its way up. This woman is one tough cookie, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. “The traffic was bad.”
She scowls. “Likely story, young man.” Gesturing for us to enter, she steps back to let us in.
I make my way to her kitchen and place the groceries we bought her on the kitchen counter. I then unpack them and put them away while Sean grabs the cat food and attempts to feed Jasper and Callie’s strays. They don’t always come out for him, but he lives in hope.
Mrs Harper joins me in her kitchen. I know what she’s about to do because we do this dance every week when I visit to stock up her groceries and check if any maintenance needs to be done around her home.
I get in first. “No, I haven’t spoken to her and no I have no plans to do so.”
The scowl is still sitting on her face. “You are a fool, Mr Hardy.”
I eye her. “So I’ve been told.”
“But you’ll be seeing her next week, yes?”
My movements halt. “Yes, but it won’t change anything.”
“You are so focused on the fact you think she needs her work more than she needs you. Have you ever stopped to consider she could have both?”
“I’ve considered this from every angle I can. And I always come up with the
same thing—what if I ask her to give up her job and move home and she does that, but then resents me for asking that of her? What if she never finds her dream job again? I won’t be that man, Mrs Harper.”
“That’s a lot of what-ifs. You can’t live your life with those guiding you. You need to take charge and put all your cards on the table. Callie is a strong woman. She’ll make the right decision for her. There’s no harm in asking for what you want, Luke. It’s time you started putting yourself first. Live a little. God knows life flies by so fast that if we don’t make ourselves happy while we have the chance, we’ll grow old in a puddle of regret.” Her eyes glint with joy when she adds, “Now, where is that boy of yours? I’ve got a present for him.”
She shuffles away from me in search of Sean. Mrs Harper has become the grandmother to Sean he never had. My mum loves him, but she doesn’t spend time passing wisdom on to him. Mrs Harper showers him with time and attention. I often find them snuggling up on the couch, poring over the atlas or a history book while she relays stories of her life to him. He adores her and craves time here. I crave time here for a whole other reason.
45
Callie
I am never travelling on a plane for that long ever again. Thank God I don’t have to.
I exit the cab outside the Daydream Island resort where Estelle booked me a room and close my eyes so I can breathe in the Queensland air.
It’s so good to be back in Australia.
Home.
“Good afternoon, ma’am.” The porter greets me and begins unloading my luggage.
I give him a huge smile. “Hello. I hope you’re having a wonderful day today. The weather is divine!”
He returns my smile and nods. “Every day on this island is a good day, ma’am.”
“I can imagine,” I murmur.
I make my way to the check-in desk and fiddle in my handbag for my phone while I wait.