by Levine, Nina
I swallowed down my fear. And my guilt. I’d spent last night weighed down with both as I’d turned this over in my mind again. The first year after I left Winter, I’d been consumed in this same way, and now all those feelings and thoughts had crashed back into me. I’d never actually managed to move past them; I’d just shoved them in my dirty secrets box and pushed it down as deep as I could.
“It’s about him… okay, and me…. Fuck…” My face twisted with the torn emotions coursing through me. “I don’t honestly know anymore.”
“This is something I think you need to put some serious thought into, because if I know Winter as well as I think I do, he’s not going anywhere. And, if I know you as well as I think I do, you won’t be able to resist him for much longer.”
She wasn’t wrong about any of that. After I’d kissed him yesterday, he’d tried to boss me into having dinner with him tonight and I’d almost said yes. He’d had me under his spell, that was for damn sure. Somehow, though, I’d called upon my skills of denial and managed to say no. And I’d then forced him to accept that no. Well, as much as anyone can force Winter to do anything. I knew it was only a matter of time before he made another attempt at ambushing me. I just had to be better prepared for him.
“Geez, Mum, how do you find anything in here?” I asked late that afternoon as I dug through the pile of clothes on the couch in her spare bedroom. My mother wasn’t known for her organisational skills, but I’d never seen this room so messy.
She nudged me aside. “Let me find it. And stop with the judgey eyes, darling. I’ve been busy with more important things.”
“What things?”
“Men things,” she said as she passed me the pink top I’d been looking for.
I cocked my head to the side. “Men things?”
Straightening, she smiled. It had a whisper of sexy to it that caught my attention. “I’ve been chatting with this guy online for the past two weeks. He’s kinda been distracting me from everything, including housework.”
It had been fourteen years since my father died. Mum had dated a lot of men since then, trying to find someone to love her like he had, but she was still to find the one. The fact my father had loved her something fierce made it harder for her. When you’d had the best, how did you ever replace that? I understood; I’d had the same struggle since leaving Winter.
Gripping her wrist excitedly, I said, “You need to tell me everything.”
“Do you wanna stay for dinner? I’m making that walnut salad you love. I’ll tell you everything while we eat.”
I exited the room, heading to the kitchen, dragging her with me. “I’ll help you make it while you talk. And I wanna know absolutely everything. Your first conversation. All about him. Your first date plans. Whether he gives you that feeling in your tummy that Dad did. Don’t leave a single thing out.” I spotted her phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed it. Passing it to her, I demanded, “Show me what he looks like.”
Taking the phone, she giggled. Like a freaking schoolgirl. “Oh, Birdie, don’t go getting all excited. It probably won’t go anywhere with him.”
I arched a brow. “Seriously? The last time I heard you giggle like that was when Dad was alive. I’m not calling it yet, but I think this dude might start showing up at our Sunday lunches in the future.”
She shook her head as if to say she thought I was being ridiculous. Then, as she passed me her phone with the guy’s dating profile open on it, she said, “If I start seeing him, it’ll be a while before he starts showing up at our family lunches.”
I eyed the dude. Glen. Good strong name, and he had a good strong face to go with it. Mum had excellent taste. Glancing up at her, I asked, “Why?”
She frowned. “Why what?”
I gave her back the phone. “Why would it take that long for you to invite him to lunch? Life is short, Mum. You know that better than anyone.”
“I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to rush into anything.” The vulnerability bleeding through her voice shot sorrow through my heart. It had taken her a good three years to get back out there dating after Dad died, and another couple of years to be truly open to finding a new partner. It didn’t seem, though, that time had lessened her wariness. The fact I hadn’t witnessed this with any other man she’d met told me there must be a spark here with this guy. A spark that caused her a little bit of fear.
I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. “I get it, Mum. No rushing. But still, I wanna know everything so start spilling.” I wouldn’t rush her, but I’d push her in an effort to get her out of her comfort zone. Just a little. That was my job as her daughter.
We spent the next twenty minutes making salad and talking about Glen. I managed to learn he was a lawyer, divorced with two kids, who spent his free time doing anything that involved water sports or motor racing. I’d also learned they shared similar taste in music and art. They hadn’t organised a first date yet, but I got the impression that wasn’t for his lack of trying. It was Mum holding them up. And that surprised me because she hadn’t ever slowed down a first date.
“So, why do you need my pink top?” she asked, barely taking a breath after telling me there was no date lined up. It was obvious she was attempting to divert the conversation.
“Ah, we haven’t finished talking about Glen. I was thinking you guys should get tickets to see Bon Jovi. They’re coming next week and I know there are still tickets available. And you just told me you both love them. That’d be a great first date. Dinner and a concert.”
“Birdie,” she started, her voice settling into the warning tone that I knew meant I’d pushed this as far as she would tolerate today. “Let me decide this for myself, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay. But, I’m gonna keep asking you about him because he sounds like someone you really like. And you deserve to have someone like that in your life.” In an effort to honour her wishes, I moved with the conversation change she’d initiated. “I need the pink top for my date with Patrick tomorrow night.”
“Why on earth do you need my pink top when you have a million of your own? And you’re still seeing him? I thought he bored you on your last date.”
Because I need a distraction from the one guy who doesn’t bore me.
“Yes, I have a million pink tops, but I love this one. You should just give it to me. And yes, I’m still seeing him. I think I was just having an off day on our last date.”
Liar.
My phone sounded with a text.
* * *
Winter: Heads up. Your mother asked me to take a look at her back deck to see if I could fix the storm damage to it.
Me: Okay.
* * *
I will kill her later.
* * *
Winter: Giving you advance warning that I’m doing that tonight.
* * *
Shit.
* * *
My head shot up and I eyed Mum. “I have to go home.”
She frowned. “We haven’t eaten yet.”
I grabbed my bag, scrambling to get out of there as fast as possible. “Yeah, sorry. Something’s come up.”
She followed me down the hallway to the front door. “Darling, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”
“Yes. Sorry, Mum, I’ll explain it when I see you next. I don’t have time to get into it just now.”
Another text came through as I turned the door handle. Without checking it—I knew it would be Winter—I opened the door and came face-to-face with him.
Fuck.
That smug bloody smile of his sat proudly on his face. “Angel,” he said, the gravel in his voice hitting me everywhere.
I looked at the text.
* * *
Winter: Another heads up, Angel. Those lips of yours will be on mine again by the end of the night.
6
Winter
* * *
Birdie’s mouth fell open just the way I liked it. Surprise and sexy were two of my favourite things she ever wore. A
nd fuck, she wore the hell out of them.
“Angel,” I said, being sure to emphasize the deep rumble in my voice that I knew would cause her brain to malfunction. She’d often told me I could convince her to do anything with that rumble.
Her eyes flared with heat. Score one to me.
The words on her lips died when her mother gushed, “Winter! You’re just in time for dinner. Are you hungry?”
My smile turned into a grin as I watched Birdie struggle with this development. I was a bastard, but fuck, I’d take every win in my efforts to make her mine again.
Stepping inside, I pinned my gaze to Birdie’s. “Yeah, I’m starving.” I dropped my mouth to her ear as Jennifer turned and walked away from us. “I’ve never been so fucking hungry.”
Her hands came to my chest and pushed against me. A half-hearted push at best. “What are you doing, Winter?”
Before she saw it coming, I gripped her waist and backed her against the wall. “You kissed me yesterday, Angel. I gave you the chance to say no, to let me know you didn’t want me, and you didn’t take it. So you need to be prepared for me coming for you.” I threaded my fingers through her hair while I took hold of her face with my other hand. “I can go slow if you need that, but I can’t walk away. Not again.”
Her breathing sped up as she grasped my shirt. I would have hazarded a guess she didn’t even realise she’d done that, because she appeared lost in what I said.
I traced a finger over her lips. “We’re going to have dinner together tonight. I’m going to check out your mum’s deck. And then I’m going to make sure you get home safe.” I dropped my voice deeper again. “And tomorrow night I’m taking you out for dinner. I’m not accepting no for an answer on any of that.”
That got her attention. It drew the fight out of her that I loved. “No is a valid answer to all of that. And it’s one I’m choosing. Your bossiness doesn’t work on me anymore.”
She finally pushed me away with enough force to actually move me. I watched that ass of hers sway with determined defiance as she stalked down the hallway.
Hell, she got my dick hard without even trying. I’d take her challenging ways any day of the week. The last five years had been filled with women I barely managed to remember. Women I didn’t care to make mine because they had no spirit, no heart, no fucking substance. None of them came close to affecting me like Birdie did.
I followed her into the kitchen where she collected a pink top and told her mother she was leaving. Jennifer argued for her to stay, but Birdie was having none of it. She was hell-bent on getting out of here as fast as possible.
As she brushed past me on her way out, she hit me with a filthy glare and grasped a handful of my shirt. Dragging me with her, she called out to her mother, “I just need Winter for a moment, Mum.”
I let her drag me. There was no need, though—I would have willingly followed her.
When we reached the front door, she let me go and said, “Just so you know, that kiss yesterday was a momentary lapse in judgement. It won’t happen again. And as for you coming for me, you can stop that right now. There’s nothing here for you, Winter.”
A smile danced across my face. She amused me with her fierce determination to keep me at bay. If she thought she truly had any chance of that, she was dreaming. “That’s where you’re wrong, Angel. Everything is here for me. And from where I’m standing, you are so fucking open to this.”
“No. I’m not,” she said forcefully. “Stop making things out to be something they’re not.”
I opened the door and pulled her outside with me, closing the door after us. Drawing her close, I reached for the bottom of her dress. As my fingers ghosted across the skin on her thigh, I demanded, “Am I imagining the fact that your heart just started beating faster? Or that your breathing sped up?” When she didn’t answer me, I pushed her harder. “I know I’m sure as fuck not imagining the fact you’re not saying no, Birdie. Do you want my fingers up higher? Do you want me to find that sweet spot I know so well? Or do you want me to stop and let you leave?”
I slowly inched my hand up her leg, waiting for her to signal what she wanted. The way her neck arched as she dropped her head back gave me the answer I was looking for, but still, I waited for her words. I fucking wanted to hear her say she wanted me. I needed that.
She didn’t give me her words. But she did place her hand on mine, trying to push it further up her leg.
When I refused her wish, she met my gaze questioningly. But still she said nothing.
“Birdie, tell me what you want.”
I saw the hesitation in her eyes. The torment of making this choice that she clearly wanted. But I had no idea why she fought it so damn much. I had to get to the bottom of that before she’d give herself to me, because as much as I could entice her physically, I wanted a lot fucking more than her simply in my bed.
Curling her hand around the back of my neck, she said, “I want you to fuck me, but that’s all I want. One night and then we’re done for good.”
She was full of shit, and no way was I giving her that. I’d rather not know her touch again than to only have it once. Dropping my hands from her, I took a step back. “I’m not interested in a one-and-done fuck, Angel.” Jerking my chin towards her car, I said, “Go home.”
Surprise filled her features again, but she acted fast in an attempt to cover it. Gripping the strap of her bag, she said, “Your choice, Winter.”
As she cut across the yard to her car, I called out, “I’m a patient man, Birdie. You know that. We are far from done here.”
Serving in the military taught me the kind of patience not many people understood or knew. It also taught me the kind of meticulous attention to detail that rewarded a person in their endeavour to succeed with a goal.
I would figure her out.
I would help her find her way back to me.
I would succeed in putting us back together.
Birdie had no idea what she was in for.
7
Birdie
* * *
By the end of work on Friday, after a week of resisting Winter’s persuasive ways, my brain was a mess of confusion. I’d had to work hard to stay focused on my clients during the week. Bloody Winter was front and centre in all my thoughts, and no matter what I did to remove him, I failed.
“Birdie, are you free tonight to go over our budget projections for the next quarter?” Cleo asked as she entered our office at the back of the studio. We’d gone into business together when I’d returned to Sydney a few months ago, and bought this studio. I ran the Pilates side of it while Cleo managed the physiotherapy side of it. The previous owner had run the business into the ground with bad management and a team that didn’t care much about their clients, so we were putting in the hard yards to bring it up to where we needed it to be. An extremely tight budget meant we had to be careful with every dollar, so Cleo liked to run projections regularly to ensure we stayed on track.
I glanced up at her from the computer where I’d been typing out client notes for the past hour. Leaning back in my chair, I shook my head. “I have a date with Patrick. Can we do it tomorrow night?”
She pulled up the chair next to me, her face lit with interest. “Yes, tomorrow night is good for me, but I need to know more about this date. For some reason, I thought you weren’t really into him.”
My shoulders slumped as I thought about what she’d said. If this conversation was with anyone but Cleo, I’d continue the denial. Continue telling myself I was all about Patrick when really I wasn’t. “I honestly thought I was. Until Winter showed up. And now I realise how bored I am with Patrick.” I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. “Gah, why does this have to be so hard?” I looked back at her. “Why can’t I just find a guy who isn’t Winter that I’m really into? That’s not too much to ask for, is it?”
“I’m telling you, Winter is your guy. Take a chance and tell him what happened.”
“I’m not going to do tha
t. It will hurt him too much and I refuse to hurt him more than I already have.”
She nodded slowly as understanding and sadness both filled her eyes. “I get it, Birdie. I do. But I feel like it’s such a waste. You guys loved each other like I’ve never seen any other couple love each other.” Squeezing my hand, she added, “Whatever you do, though, I’m always here for you.”
“And I love you for that,” I said as the front door to the studio opened.
Cleo pulled a face. “Shit, I forgot to lock it.”
I stood. “I’ll go see who it is. You finish up whatever you need to. Mark will kick my butt if you’re late again tonight.”
“No he won’t,” she called out as I walked away. “He loves you nearly as much as he loves me.”
I heard what she said, but my brain barely registered her words because my eyes had landed on Winter who sauntered my way like he owned the place.
His gaze dropped to my body and he took his time with my curves before meeting my eyes again. A smile that should be banned was fixed on his face. Coming to a stop in front of me, he said, “I never thought it possible for you to get sexier than you were five years ago, Angel, but you have.”
My brain all but melted. And seriously, the same could be said about him, but I wasn’t going there. He didn’t need to know I’d spent time thinking about the muscles he’d packed on since we’d broken up or that I dreamed of the ink he’d covered those muscles with. Nope, I wasn’t ever going there with him because he’d never let me forget it.
“I’m not sleeping with you,” I blurted as my brain worked furiously to gather some sense.
He arched a brow, amused. “I always did love the way your mind jumped from A to K, but that’s not why I’m here.”