by Levine, Nina
29
Winter
* * *
Birdie was in a mood and I was bouncing off it. Melissa was moody too, which meant dinner had turned into a fucking wreck. Melissa wavered between being nice to Birdie and then bitchy to me. In the kind of passive-aggressive way I fucking hated. I hadn’t expected less from her, and I’d been prepared for it, but Birdie’s mood screwed with my headspace. Not that my head had been in a good place today.
Max and I spent the day clearing out Dad’s study and his bedroom. It took a lot longer than either of us had thought it would. Hell, neither of us were mentally prepared for the task. Looking through all the belongings that meant something to our father, and touching each item, had been far worse than sitting through his funeral yesterday.
I’d left his place feeling all kinds of fucked up. When I’d returned to the hotel to get ready for dinner, I knew Birdie wanted me to catch her up on how we were going with Dad’s house, but I hadn’t had it in me to get into it. Not because I didn’t want to give her the information or talk to her about it, but because I couldn’t talk about it.
It was too fucking hard to discuss the fact my father’s clothes no longer hung in his wardrobe where they’d hung for decades. Or to discuss the fact his refrigerator no longer stood in his kitchen, covered with childhood photos of Max and me. Or to discuss the fact that everything he and Mum had owned now sat lumped together in boxes that were stacked on top of each other in some dark, cold cement storage shed.
I’d helped my brother pack my parents’ lives up this week and it was one of the hardest fucking things I’d ever had to do. And as much as Birdie wanted me to rip that information from my heart and give it to her, I couldn’t do it this afternoon. And so we sat next to each other all night with our simmering tension twisting and grating.
“So, when are you guys heading back to Sydney?” Melissa asked as we finished eating dessert.
Birdie had pushed her piece of chocolate cake around her plate for the last five minutes, seemingly unable to eat but a few bites. At Melissa’s question, she looked at me with arched brows that I didn’t like the look of.
“I’d planned to leave Sunday, but it looks like I may be needed back for work before then. Maybe Friday,” I said, taking my last bite of cake while trying like fuck to ignore the irritation that Birdie had flared with. This had been going on all night. Almost everything I said appeared to piss her off.
Melissa looked at Birdie. “And you’re heading back at the same time?”
Birdie nodded. “Yes.” Then, glancing between Melissa and me with a flicker of doubt in her eyes, she said, “Well, I think so. Unless Winter—”
Fuck.
I cut her off. “Yes, we’re heading back at the same time,” I said with a tone that called for no argument. Of course we fucking were.
Birdie scowled at me and drained her glass of wine. Thank fuck she’d reached the end of her supply for the night. The alcohol she’d drunk was mixing with whatever the fuck she was angry about, making her mood worse.
She shoved her chair back. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she snapped.
Melissa stood and cleared the plates, also throwing a scowl my way. I hadn’t said a thing out of place to her tonight, so I figured she was holding onto her anger and resentment towards me over the will.
As she left the room, Max said, “Birdie’s pissed off tonight, brother.”
I reached for my whisky and nodded before drinking some. “Don’t I fucking know it.”
“Did you two get into it before you came?” he asked, but before I could answer, Thomas called out for his father.
Max excused himself, leaving me alone when Melissa came back into the room. She looked to be on a mission to clear the table, so I stood to help her, but she shook her head. “I’ve got it.”
I ignored her and grabbed the empty glasses. I didn’t make a habit of not helping clean up after someone cooked me a meal.
“Suit yourself,” she muttered. “You always do.”
I stopped what I was doing. “Have we still got a problem, Melissa?”
She stopped, too. “Just because Max and I are sorting out our problems, doesn’t mean I’m good with you all of a sudden. Nothing has changed between us as far as I’m concerned. I’ll be civil towards you, but that doesn’t mean I like you. I still think the way you’re controlling your brother by refusing to sell your mother’s house is a big power trip for you. I don’t think you’re doing it for any other reason.”
“It’s clear to me that you’ll never even try to understand my reasons, let alone understand them, so I won’t bother trying to explain them to you again. But you should know that Max and I have spoken about this again and he understands.”
Her lips pressed together. “That’s because he thinks the sun shines out of you.”
“He doesn’t, but like I said, I know you’ll never understand me or our relationship.”
“God, you are so fucking high and mighty. How the hell Birdie loves you is beyond me.” She paused. “I feel sorry for her that she can’t have children. I can only imagine the pain she must have gone through when she discovered that. But I was never convinced you’d make a good father anyway with the way you try to control everything and everyone.”
Fucking hell, she was a piece of work.
I was about to respond when Birdie stepped next to me, a gush of wild, angry energy hitting the room. “Don’t you ever say that again, Melissa,” she practically breathed out like a flame of pure hot fire. “Winter will make the best father any child could hope for. And if I’m lucky enough to be the mother of his children, it will be all my dreams come true.”
My gut tightened at her words and the conviction with which she spoke.
Melissa was less than impressed. “I don’t know how you put up with him or why you even got back together with him. He’s always been—”
My little spitfire had my back and didn’t fail to let Melissa know what she thought of that. “He’s solid and loyal and caring and protective and so many other things you’re too blind to see. And I’m really tired of your attitude towards him, Melissa. Do you not know the meaning of family yet? I mean, I don’t know how you don’t since you married into the Morrison family whose core fucking belief is that family runs deep and is everything worth fighting for. FYI it’s not you and Max against Winter; it’s all of you for each other. All I can think is that you’re so unhappy with yourself that all you do is look for flaws in other people to make yourself feel better. It’s time you did some work on yourself so that you can start appreciating the people in your life.”
When she took a step forward, I knew she intended to say more, so I hooked an arm around her, over her chest, and pulled her back, flush against me. Melissa wasn’t worth wasting our breath on. She’d never open her eyes and see the truth of me because she’d judged me years ago and wasn’t willing to see anything else. Bending my mouth to Birdie’s ear, I said, “Enough.”
She yanked my arm from around her and spun to face me, the fire she’d breathed at Melissa now directed at me. “No, not enough. She needs to—”
“I said enough, Birdie. We didn’t come here tonight to get into this shit again.” My own fire flashed back at her.
Her mouth spread out into a thin line as she forced out a shitty breath. “Fine,” she snapped.
Max had returned and looked anything but pleased.
“We’re gonna get out of here,” I said to him.
He nodded, glancing between the three of us. “Yeah, might be a good idea.”
“Thanks for dinner,” I said, pulling my phone out, ready to order an Uber.
Birdie looked at Max. “Thank you for dinner. I’m sorry it went downhill at the end.” Her voice was tight, and I knew she was working hard to keep her anger in check.
After we said our goodbyes and I ordered an Uber, I followed Birdie outside to wait on the footpath. She went ahead of me, her body rigid, anger still blazing from her.
&n
bsp; I decided to give her a wide berth, not wanting to touch that anger because I’d worked hard to keep my own contained and it would only take a spark from her for it to break free.
The Uber didn’t take long to arrive, but it was time in which the silence between us felt anything but silent.
I opened the back door of the car and ushered Birdie in. She scooched across to the other side and I slid into the back seat next to her. She then turned to stare out the window while I made small talk with the driver.
It was a fifteen-minute drive that felt like fifteen hours. Every second I carried on a conversation with the Uber driver, I was painfully aware that whatever was going on between Birdie and me tonight was building.
When we pulled up outside the hotel, she exited the car and walked through the hotel doors without waiting for me. By the time I caught up with her, she stood waiting for the lift, eyeing the doors like she was praying for them to open and swallow her up.
As soon as it arrived, she stepped in and pressed herself into the back corner. I moved next to her, noting the way she wrapped her arms around herself.
We finally made it to our room and Birdie hurried to her bag, rummaging in it looking for something.
“Are you cold?” I asked, wondering if she was searching for something warm.
Her head jerked up and her angry gaze slammed into mine as she demanded, “Are you asking me that so you can give me your jacket again?”
Her attitude agitated the strain between us and I failed to check myself. “What the fuck is with the attitude, Birdie?”
Those beautiful eyes of hers flashed with more of her fire. “You’re running so hot and cold, sending me mixed signals about the space you asked for. One minute, you seem to want it, the next, not so much. I’m just trying to figure out where you’re at right now, because after we talked last night, I thought we were starting to get somewhere, but then you pulled right away again today.”
I worked my jaw. “I had to pack up Dad’s personal belongings today. Where do you think I’m at after that?”
“I can imagine where you are, but I don’t fucking know because you won’t talk to me!”
“I can’t fucking talk about it. Did you ever stop to think about that?”
“Yes! I know what it’s like to lose a parent, so I know how hard it is. But Jesus, Winter, when I ask you a question and all you give me is ‘yeah,’ I may as well have not even asked it. You gave Melissa more of an answer than you gave me about how you went at your dad’s today. How do you think that makes me feel?” She snatched something from her bag and came my way. “It makes me feel like maybe you actually don’t want a future with me. That maybe you just think you do because you wanted that for so long.”
Pushing past me, she stalked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her with a heavy thud that matched the heavy thud of my heart.
Fuck.
She was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
I stormed into the bathroom, ignoring the closed door, refusing to acknowledge the privacy she wanted. This conversation wasn’t fucking finished. Not by a long shot.
She’d undressed and now stood under the shower, water cascading down her curves. Her bewilderment met me as she angled her head my way.
“When I tell you I want a future with you,” I growled, getting in the shower with her, boots and fucking all, “I fucking mean it.” I put my hands to her waist and spun her around so we faced each other. “Stop letting the bullshit in your head cause you to doubt that.”
That pissed her off even more. Hands to my chest, she lashed out while attempting to push me away. “The bullshit in my head is in there because you’re putting it there!”
I gripped her wrists. “How the fuck am I putting it there?”
“With all this hot and cold behaviour.”
I squeezed her wrists hard. “I’m hot and fucking cold because every time I think I’ve got shit about us figured out, I realise I don’t. I’m confused as hell as to how to fix this.”
“Why do you have to fix it?” she demanded, wrenching her hands from mine. “Not everything is on you, Winter. God!”
“Well who the fuck is it on then, Birdie? You’re the one who fucking walked out. I’m just trying to pick up the pieces and make sense of this mess.”
She smacked me in the chest, wild and furious. “Yes! I walked out! And I’m more sorry about that than you will ever fucking know. But you can’t tell me you want a future together and not let me be a part of fixing the problem I created. Be angry. Get in my face. Be confused. But bring all that to me and share it with me so we can start rebuilding our relationship. Meet me in the middle.”
“Fuck,” I hissed as her hurricane of emotions collided with mine. I wanted to cut this pain from my veins, from hers. It was fucking poison. But we couldn’t cut it out, couldn’t go around it, couldn’t fucking avoid it. All we could do was move through it and hurt together.
Putting my hand to her stomach, I forced her back against the tiles and crushed my mouth to hers. My kiss was violent. Savage. Fucking brutal. I gave it all to her. Everything I hadn’t been able to express with words.
Birdie moaned into my mouth as she grabbed handfuls of my hair, pulling it.
A deep, guttural growl tore from me as we both brought our anger and hurt to our kiss; as our hands frantically demanded what we needed; as our souls bled their emotions all over the fucking place.
Birdie ripped my clothes off, not once letting my lips go. The sound of her need filled my ears to the point where I was coming out of my skin, barely fucking able to restrain myself. She didn’t want that, though. She wanted this as rough and hard as I did.
We needed to take our inner ache and experience it on a physical level. Lay it out, wide fucking open, exposed. Taste it. Feel it. Fucking breathe it.
“Fuck,” I rasped, dragging my mouth from hers. “Fucking hell.”
She stared up at me, breathless and fucking beautiful. When she reached for my dick, my hand snapped around her wrist. I wanted nothing more than her touch, but fuck, I needed to know she was in this with me.
Keeping hold of her wrist with one hand, I brought my other one up to grip her face. “I’ll meet you in the middle, Angel, but if you’re not gonna be there, tell me now. Because no fucking way am I going through all this with you just to have you rip my fucking world out from under my feet again.”
Torment flashed in her eyes and before I knew what was happening, she had her legs around me, her arms around me, and she was climbing me. She gripped the back of my neck. “I’m here. In the middle. Waiting for you, baby. I’m never going anywhere ever again. Fucking never.” And then her lips smashed down onto mine and she kissed me like she’d never kissed me. Fierce. Bruising. Untamed. It was a promise and a plea all rolled into one.
I knew she meant it. Felt it deep in my gut. And fuck if anything would hold me back now.
I thrust inside her to the hilt before pulling out and doing it again.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I would never get enough of this woman.
Birdie’s fingers tightened around my neck, her nails digging in so sharply I was sure she drew blood. She cried out with pleasure as I pounded into her, our rhythm unrelenting while we chased what we needed.
We came together.
Our bodies fused.
Our pain shared.
Our hurricane hearts entwined again.
30
Birdie
* * *
Somehow, after Winter fucked me in the shower, we ended up on the floor of the hotel room. Well, not somehow; I knew how. He’d thrown me over his shoulder and taken me to the bed first for the roughest sex we’d ever had that lasted for longer than I could ever remember. Then, after I took a break and used the bathroom, he’d met me on my way back to the bed and fucked me up against the wall. I was thoroughly exhausted after that and barely able to stand, so we’d ended up on a blanket on the floor, his body almost crushing mine as he spoo
ned me underneath another blanket.
“Do you wanna know what I’m confused about at this point?” I asked as he lazily kissed a trail over my neck.
“What?”
“Why we’re on the floor when we could be comfortable on the bed?”
He chuckled against my neck. “You remember that we trashed the bed earlier, right?” At my nod, he continued, “I didn’t want to give up any time with you in my arms. Remaking the bed would have necessitated that.”
“So are you planning on us sleeping here? Because I’ve gotta say that’s not high on my list of fun things to do. Not even if you’re with me.”
“Clearly I haven’t worn you out, Angel. Not if you’ve still got enough energy to grumble about the floor,” he said, his voice tinged with that growly tone I loved so much.
When he slid his hand down my stomach, I knew where he was going. Reaching for it, I stopped his progress. “You’ve worn me out plenty.”
He tightened his hold on me and kissed my neck again. “Go to sleep, baby.”
His arms around me, his kisses, and his affection were everything I ever needed, and my entire body was lit with hope and happiness. I knew we had work ahead of us, but the fact we’d gotten from where we were hours ago to where we were now wasn’t something I’d take for granted. I would never take Winter for granted again.
I tried to go to sleep, but while my body was exhausted, my mind wasn’t. My thoughts wouldn’t switch off. I never had been any good at keeping my thoughts to myself, and tonight was no exception.
Snuggling back against Winter, I said, “How are Max and Melissa?” I hadn’t been able to get a good read on them at dinner. Possibly because my head had been full of Winter, but also because at first they seemed to be doing better, but by the end of dinner, not so much. I wondered how much of it was for show on Melissa’s part.
“You’re not even close to sleep, are you?”
I smiled at his tone. It was classic Winter when he had to listen to me go on and on about stuff. The man had some serious patience; I’d give him that. But he sometimes mixed it with low-level exasperation, and that was what I heard now.