by Levine, Nina
Fuck.
Who was I kidding? I had a desperate need to know these details of his life.
I mentally slapped myself. It was time to get my shit together.
“So, darl, have you decided if you’re going to head up to Brisbane?” Gina approached me.
I sighed. I hated this question. “I think I’m going to have to, even though I don’t want to. But I don’t want to leave you stuck for staff.”
She waved her hand. “Don’t worry about me or the shop. We’ll sort something out. I just want to make sure you’re safe. And I want you to go tomorrow.”
My eyes widened. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, absolutely. You stay away as long as you need, and your job will be here when you come back,” she promised.
I gave her a huge hug. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re the best boss?”
“Oh, they don’t need to. I already know I am,” she replied, her eyes dancing with naughtiness. “Now, you go and have your lunch break and then Serena can have hers.”
I grabbed my purse and headed outside. J was on the phone, but saw me come outside and signalled for me to wait.
“I’m going to buy lunch, J. And I only get an hour so I don’t have a lot of time because the place where I buy lunch is always busy,” I said. He kept talking so I turned and walked towards the cafe where I always bought lunch. He could catch up.
I could hear him muttering something into the phone and then silence for a moment before he barked, “Madison!”
The last thing I wanted to do was stop for him, but there was something in his tone, a don’t-fuck-with-me command. So I halted my progress and turned back to him.
He stalked to where I waited. “Why the fuck do you have to be so difficult about this?” The vein in his neck pulsed and his hands clenched by his sides.
I stared at him, unsure where his harsh words came from. “About what? Waiting for you so I can buy lunch?”
Be expelled a long breath and raked his fingers through his hair. “No, about everything. I thought we were on the same page, but then you insist on working today and then you don’t wait for me to walk you to lunch. I’m just trying to keep you safe and you’re doing everything to make that hard.”
“Maybe it has something to do with the way Scott has gone about this. And the fact that he sent you.” I knew I was being irrational, but all my old hurt had resurfaced. Hurt that I’d never fully dealt with. Unfortunately it manifested itself as anger.
He flinched. It was only for a second, and most people wouldn’t have even noticed it. But I knew J, and I saw it. It surprised the hell out of me. “Well then, it looks like we’ve got some shit to sort out, babe, because I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want to sort shit out with you. That ship sailed two fucking years ago, J,” I spat.
He gripped my arm, pulling me closer. “No, it fucking didn’t,” he growled, eyes blazing, “And you can’t deny there’s still something here. I feel it and I know you feel it too.”
I laughed. No, actually, I cackled. “You wanna fuck, J? I can feel that, and yeah, if you wanna go there, I’m all for it. But don’t mistake my desire for your cock for anything else.”
He let me go, and looked at me with disgust. “When the fuck did you get so bitchy?”
I settled icy eyes on his. “The day you ripped my fucking heart out, asshole.” We glared at each other for a few moments and then I said, “Now, can we go and get lunch?”
“Lead the way, sweetheart,” he grit out, and I didn’t miss the way he said ‘sweetheart’, like I was the furthest thing from his sweetheart.
My heart cracked a little more, even though I didn’t think it was possible. And fuck him for that.
8
Madison
I unzipped my bag and then answered my ringing phone, balancing it between my shoulder and ear so I could continue packing my clothes. It was Tuesday morning, and after talking it over with Serena and getting her opinion on the situation, I knew it was time to leave. J seemed immeasurably happy about this, as did Scott. I was yet to talk with my father about this, which surprised me. I figured he would have called by now. He usually had something to say about everything I did, or at least that was how it felt to me. Since moving to Coffs Harbour, I’d managed to lessen his involvement in my life and even my mother had stepped back and given me the space to live as I wished. She was the kind of woman who had to have a say in just about everything involving her family. The thought of returning to the club had caused me some sleepless nights. I’d fought hard for my independence and wasn’t about to give that up for anybody.
“Hello?” I answered the phone.
“Madison,” — it was Blake — “what time are you leaving?”
“Soon, honey. Have you got time to come over so I can say goodbye?” I really needed to see him before I left.
“I’ll be there,” he replied and we hung up.
I opened my closet and started throwing clothes into my bag.
Serena breezed in and sat on my bed watching me pack. “That man of yours is moody. I’ve been trying to make conversation but I give up,” she said.
“Let’s get something straight. He isn’t my man,” I said, as I finished packing.
“Why did you two break up?” she asked.
I sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. “There were a lot of reasons we broke up, but he was the one who ended it when I accused him of cheating on me. When I found out later that he didn’t cheat, I thought we might have had a chance at getting back together but stuff happened, and he told me to get out of the club, to leave town. He was done with me.”
“Fucker.” She rocked a dirty look – best friends were the shit. I loved that Serena never pressured me for more information than I was willing to give. Even though we’d been best friends for two years now, she’d never pushed me to talk about this stuff from my past. She knew I had been through something that I didn’t like to talk about, and knew that I had a messy breakup, but was happy enough to leave it at that.
“Yeah, fucker.” I grinned and hugged her. “God, I’m going to miss you.”
She hugged me hard and then pulled away. “I know. Me too. Maybe I could come and visit soon,” she said.
I shook my head. “I don’t think you should, honey. From what J and Scott have told me, it’s pretty messed up at the moment. I don’t want you getting mixed up in all of that.”
“Fuck that. I can’t leave my best girl alone when she needs me. I’m sure that J and his boys can look out for both of us.”
I laughed. “You’ve got no clue but I do love you. Now, get your ass off the bed and help me carry my stuff out of here.”
As we entered the living room, we ran into Blake who’d just walked through the front door. He pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a few moments. It would be tough leaving him as I’d come to depend upon him over the last two years. He was my voice of reason when my level of crazy hit epic proportions, and he was the steady influence in my life.
“You know where I am if you need me, baby girl,” he murmured in my ear and then let me go.
My eyes met his and I smiled at him, “Absolutely. You’d better keep your phone close all the time because I’m sure I’ll be calling you often. I’ll need you to talk some sense into me when I lose my shit. Okay?”
He nodded and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I mean it, Maddy, if you need me, I’m there.”
A phone started ringing and I looked around to catch J staring intently at Blake and me. He stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and I hadn’t heard him come in. It was his phone ringing but he wasn’t rushing to answer it.
“Are you going to get that?” I asked with a brow raise.
He stared at me for another moment before finally silencing the phone. “What?” he barked into it and walked back into the kitchen, away from us.
I turned back to Blake and Serena. “Are Rowan and Faith able to come and say g
oodbye?”
“No, they’re busy, but I think they’ll both give you a call later on,” Blake answered. He jerked his head towards J and asked, “What was that all about?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.” And I really didn’t. J could be a moody bastard and I figured he was just in one of his moods, especially because of what was happening with Nix and the club.
“Are you sure you want him to take you back home? I could drive you,” he offered.
“No, I’ll go with J,” I said quickly and Blake raised his eyebrows at me.
Shit. That was pretty eager of me. Fuck, this wasn’t good. I needed to keep my distance from J.
“No, maybe you could drive me.” I changed my mind and looked to Blake who was nodding in agreement.
“Madison is with me,” J growled, and I turned around to find him almost right behind me. He caught me by surprise and as I stumbled back a little, his hand shot out to catch me from falling. His arm snaked around my waist and he held me firmly. I looked up at him as he stepped closer to me; our breath mingled and my stomach clenched with that feeling of anticipation that I hadn’t known since we broke up. “You’ll ride with me. It’s safer,” he ordered.
“I think Madison can make her own mind up,” Blake retorted.
J tore his eyes from mine to glare at Blake. “Did you not fucking hear me the first time? She rides with me.”
“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Blake snorted. “Madison is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.”
“Do I look like I’m fucking joking?” J challenged, and I realised it was time to cut in before this got out of hand. Blake was still being polite, probably for my sake, but if push came to shove, he wouldn’t hesitate to take J on.
I laid a hand on J’s chest and said to Blake, “It’s okay, I’ll ride with J. He’s right. With Nix off their radar it’ll be safer for me to stick with him.”
Blake and J continued glaring at each other, and I pushed on J’s chest and pulled myself out of his hold. “Are we going?” I asked him impatiently.
He looked away from Blake to me and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll get our stuff and meet you outside.” With that, he gathered up our belongings and headed out to his bike, shooting Blake one last glare before he left.
“Like I said, moody,” Serena stated and looped her arm through mine as we followed him out. She turned her head to me with a wicked glint, “I bet he’s fucking intense in bed, right?”
“Oh, my God! We are not going there.” I shook my head in exasperation. Serena had a one track mind most days.
She laughed and I couldn’t help but join her; she really was the sunshine in my life.
I grabbed Blake and Serena in a group hug. “I’ll call you once we’re there. Should be in about four or five hours.”
J was waiting for me on his bike. Sensing his impatience, I finished my goodbyes and climbed on behind him. Apart from the other night, it had been years since I’d been on the back of a bike and it felt good. I’d missed it. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I tried to wipe away the thoughts of just how good it felt to be on his bike. He pulled my hands together so I was holding him tighter and pleasure shot through my body at his touch. I wondered if he felt it too, but quickly dismissed that thought; after all, he was the one who hadn’t wanted to pursue a relationship again two years ago. I doubted he’d changed his mind.
We took off and I settled in for a long trip. It would give me some time to sort through my feelings about going home. And about J. After I moved, I’d never heard from him, and hadn’t intended to see him again. I didn’t want to want him again, but the heart can’t be led. I was trusting and hoping like hell that my heart knew J had the power to break me again.
9
Jason
I leaned into the doorframe of the clubhouse bar, crossed my arms in front of me and settled back to watch the duel between Scott and Madison. We’d been back barely fifteen minutes and they were already at it.
“I don’t want you going to see Crystal now because I can’t go with you. I’ve gotta be somewhere else.” Scott’s body tensed as he argued with her. He and Madison had a long history of battles, both as stubborn as the other.
“I can take a prospect with me,” she suggested.
My eyes wandered down to her hips where she had placed her hands. She wore the tightest fucking jeans, and I figured all the assholes in the room were probably mentally undressing her. I wanted to tell them to all fuck off, but I had no right to those thoughts anymore.
Scott was pacing. Jesus Christ, if he was like this with his sister, what the fuck would he be like with an old lady? He didn’t do relationships and that was probably a good thing because his over protectiveness wouldn’t be appreciated by many women. I should fucking know. I had those tendencies too, and it had caused no end of problems between Madison and I when we were together.
“Fuck it,” Scott swore, and tipped his chin in my direction. “J will go with you then.”
I pushed off from my leaning spot and walked towards them. Madison swung around to face me, a frown on her face.
“J doesn’t have to go with me.” She looked wildly around the room until her gaze stopped on Stoney who sat in the corner. She jabbed a finger towards him. “Stoney can go with me.”
“I will go with you, Madison,” I growled. “Get your stuff and we can leave now.”
“Madison.” We all stopped and turned at the voice of our president. Marcus Cole was a commanding presence and I watched Madison shrink a little. She’d always had a difficult relationship with her father. He was a man used to being in control and unfortunately for him, had raised a daughter who was too much like him, so they were constantly arguing.
She composed herself. “Dad.”
“Go with J for fuck’s sake. Not sure why you have to always fucking argue with everything.” He could be a bastard sometimes and I squeezed my fists, itching to punch him for being so harsh to her.
“Nice to see you too,” she seethed.
Marcus ignored her and turned to me. “Take her to see Crystal and then bring her back here. I want her staying at the clubhouse until we find Nix.” With that, he strode out of the room without a backwards glance at Madison. Hurt crossed her face, and I fought the urge to pull her close and wrap my arms around her. Instead, I silently stayed where I was, waiting for her to make the next move.
“Nothing much changes around here, does it?” she asked no one in particular and threw her hands in the air. “Fuck! Is it any wonder I didn’t want to come home?” She directed this one at me.
Shit, I didn’t want to get into family fucking politics. It had been a long day and it wasn’t over yet. I pointed at the front door. “Time to go,” I said, walking towards it and then looked back over my shoulder at Scott. “I’ll check in with you later, see where we’re at.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Later, brother.”
* * *
Madison
* * *
Well, my father hadn’t changed much since I last saw him, still as controlling as ever. He and Scott were the same. How the hell was I going to get through this visit? And J, well, that was a whole other headache. The mixed signals he threw out gave me whiplash. One minute he acted as if being around me was a hardship and the next he looked at me like he used to.
I followed him outside and walked to his bike while he stopped and spoke with a guy I had never seen before. They discussed something in hushed tones and I could tell from J’s facial expressions that he wasn’t happy with whatever had been said. He muttered something at the guy before shaking his head at him in disgust. This couldn’t be good.
“What was that all about?” I asked as he approached me.
“Nothing you need to worry about,” he dismissed me.
My blood boiled. “Why do you, Scott and Dad do that? Why can’t you just answer my questions rather than always dismissing them?”
J turned his angry eyes to me. “Not everything is about you, Madison. Seems to
be something you still haven’t figured out.”
I flinched at his words and swallowed back my hurt. His anger felt undeserved. I’d changed a lot in the last two years but he seemed set on believing I was still the same person. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to explain where I was coming from. “Yes, I know that, but with what’s happening, I figured it might be about Nix. And that is about me.”
“Yeah, baby, that is about you,” he snapped back at me. “But this isn’t. Now get on the back of the bike and let’s go.”
Oh, no he didn’t. “What does that mean, J? The bit about that being about me.” There had been an ugly tone to his words that I didn’t like and I struggled to understand their origin.
He leant down into my face and the anger emanating from him stunned me. “Perhaps all of this shit wouldn’t be happening if you hadn’t dated Nix.”
Tears threatened my eyes. “I can’t believe you just said that,” I whispered, staring at him in shock and confusion. He stayed bent and in my face, glaring at me while the hurt feelings and unsaid things from years ago sat painfully in the space between us.
Finally, he stood back and broke eye contact. “Crystal’s staying with Brooke, so be prepared for that.” He changed the subject just like that; just like he always used to do and it hurt just as much now as it had then.
Brooke was J’s sister, and we had a long, hard history. Back in school we were close, but the year after we finished school, a misunderstanding had come between us. It was a silly misunderstanding, about a guy, and she’d hated me ever since. Bec, however, had remained friends with Brooke, so she’d continued to be a presence in my life. However, we did our best to keep out of each other’s way. When I started dating J, she’d been pissed off and had done her best to break us up. Brooke was the only family J had left after both their parents had died in a car accident and he was very close to her. She was his younger sister and he looked out for her and made sure she was always okay. When she began her campaign against us, it had almost worked because J always made excuses for her behaviour. I’d often felt like I came second to her and had threatened to walk away from the relationship a couple of times. It all came to a head about a year into our relationship and J had been forced to take a stance. He chose me, but it was always clear how much he loved Brooke, and from then on, I tried hard not to put him in the middle again. I think Brooke did the same because she stopped trying to separate us.