by Levine, Nina
I sat back down and put my hand on J’s arm, gently rubbing it. We held each other’s gaze for a moment and then I turned to look at Mum. “Thanks, Mum. It means a lot to me that you feel that way about J.” J just grunted in response; if it had been anyone other than my mother bringing this up, he would have told them to fuck off and mind their own business. I loved that, for me, he showed her respect and answered her questions.
We were all saved from this conversation when Dad’s phone rang. He stood and took the call in another room and Mum started clearing the table.
I murmured to J, “You are a bossy motherfucker. When were you going to have that discussion with me? The one about me moving in?”
He grinned. “I wasn’t, babe. It was a fucking given.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course it was.”
Dad came back, hard eyes fixed on J. “You and me. Now.” He indicated with his head that they were to leave and J was straight up, concern visible on his face.
He leant down, took my face with both his hands and kissed my forehead. “You stay with your mum till we’re back.”
I fought the need to ask what was going on and simply nodded in agreement. “Okay, baby,” I replied.
Mum and I watched in silence as they left, neither of us sure what was happening, both of us being guided by faith and trust. I had come a long way in the last few days.
* * *
Jason
* * *
Marcus and I entered the bar, scanning the room for Scott. He was keeping an eye out and saw us straight away. Seated next to him was Nash, and across from them were Bullet and one of his boys. They made room for us to sit as we approached; I was nervous about what this meeting meant and sat with some trepidation.
Marcus spoke first, “What the fuck’s so important to drag me away from a family dinner?” He glared at Bullet; there wasn’t much love lost between these two. They had come to blows over club dealings in the past and Marcus didn’t trust him at all.
Bullet’s jaw clenched. “Got word that Nix’s crazy sister is out for blood. Thought you should know.”
“What are we talking here?” Marcus asked.
“She’s threatened your family, Madison especially.”
“Fuck!” I roared and slammed my hand down on the table. “When the fuck does all this shit end?”
Bullet threw his hands up in a defensive stance. “Got nothing to do with me. I’m just showing some courtesy by letting you know what I’ve heard. I figure it’s the least I can do after what Nix put your club through.”
Scott leaned forward, a menacing tone to his voice, “Where the fuck is this bitch?”
“We’ve lost her. After we heard she’d made threats, I sent some of the boys around to see her. Seems they scared her off and she’s done a runner, but I’ve still got concerns she means business.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and slid it across the table to Marcus. “This is a list of places to try first. We’ll be out of town on a run the next few days but when we get back, I’ll contact you, see if you’ve located her. Trust me; I want this shit dealt with once and for all too.” He pushed his chair back and stood to leave.
“Once this is dealt with, we need a sit down. Nix fucked our club’s relations and I want us to fix that, Bullet,” Marcus said.
Bullet stopped mid-stride, and contemplated Marcus for a moment before replying, “Yeah, seems he did.”
After they left, I looked at Marcus and ranted, “This is fucked up. I want to find that bitch and deal with her. No fucking loose ends this time, no fucking holding back.”
“We find her first and see what she’s playing at, J. No need to start a war where one’s not needed,” Marcus countered, and then continued, “Tomorrow, first thing, you, Scott and Nash follow these leads up.”
I nodded, but I had no fucking intention of leaving that bitch to carry out her vendetta. This time, I would make sure Madison was safe and do whatever the fuck it took to make that happen.
17
Madison
The next morning I woke at seven, alone in J’s bed. He and Dad had come back from meeting with Bullet and told us about Nix’s sister, Mandy. J appeared quite pissed off about it all, but Dad was pretty calm so I wasn’t going to worry about it too much at this point. Although, I had met Mandy once and she was a crazy bitch, so perhaps I should be worried about it. J was going out with Scott and Nash to find her, but I hadn’t expected him to leave so early, or without waking me first.
I got up, made coffee and then tried to phone J. My call went straight to message bank so I left him a message to call me back. Fifteen minutes later, he still hadn’t called so I tried him again. Now I was beginning to feel like a nagging wife but I just wanted to say good morning. The call went to message bank again, so I left another message. I hung up and put my phone down. That was it; no more calls to him until he rang me back.
It was time to get ready for the day. I had a yoga class booked for eight o’clock and then a hair appointment at one. After finishing my coffee, I had a shower, got dressed and was out the door. J had left me the keys to his Jeep, which I was grateful for. I arrived at the yoga studio ten minutes later and checked my phone; still nothing from J. It was starting to piss me off, but I tried to remind myself that he was technically at work so perhaps he was occupied with stuff. I shoved my phone in my bag and headed inside; I was more than ready for a session and hopefully the knot of tension I felt in my gut at the moment would be eased by the yoga.
Just over an hour later I was fumbling with the car keys trying to get them in the lock when my phone rang. Yoga hadn’t smoothed any of the tension from my body, and as I struggled with everything in my arms in order to get to my phone, I threw a hissy fit and just let everything fall to the ground.
“Fuck!” I yelled as I retrieved the phone from the ground and answered it.
“Madison,”—it was Scott—“where the fuck is J?”
Well, fuck me. The day was quickly turning into one big ‘ole pile of shit. Yes, where the fuck was J, if not with Scott? “I’ve got no idea,” I snapped back at him. “I thought he was with you.”
Scott was fuming. “Well, he should be, but he’s not fuckin’ here.”
“I’ve left him two messages, but he hasn’t replied to either of them.”
“Yeah, not answering my calls either. Okay, gotta go,” he said and hung up.
I was left staring at my phone. God, I loved the way my brother spoke to me. Not. And again, my mind swung to J. Where was he? I dialled him again, hoping he might actually answer my call this time. No fucking luck; it went to message bank yet again, and now I was really shitty. I picked up the rest of my crap that was strewn across the ground and finally unlocked the car door. Throwing everything on the passenger seat, I got in, started the car and threw it into reverse. Screaming out of the parking lot, I shoved my sunglasses on and turned the music up really fucking loud. What better way to drown in one’s own shitty mood than with some Avenged Sevenfold.
I swung past his house hoping he might be there, but he wasn’t, so I continued onto the clubhouse. As I parked the car, I saw Scott walking out the front door and quickly got out of the car to catch him before he left.
It had been about twenty minutes since I had spoken to him and he was still pissed off so I guessed that he hadn’t found J yet.
“Any luck finding him?” I asked, as he approached me.
“Haven’t spoken to him yet, but got word as to where he might be so we’re heading out there now,” he answered me gruffly.
“What’s going on? Why has J gone off the grid today?” I asked Scott, even though it was highly unlikely he would give me an answer. A girl can try though, right?
“Madison, I don’t have time for twenty fuckin’ questions right now,” he barked.
I threw my hands up. “Fine! But when you find him, tell him I expect a call.”
Scott shook his head, clearly exasperated. “I’m not getting involved in your drama with
J. That shit’s between the two of you.”
He walked past me towards his bike and I flipped him the bird. Even though he didn’t see it, it still made me feel good. “Fuck you, too!” I yelled and stormed off in the direction of the clubhouse.
A few minutes later, the rumble of bikes sounded as he and a couple of the boys left. Pissed at both J and Scott, I needed to vent so I pulled out my phone as I headed inside. Dialling Serena, I noted how empty the clubhouse was and thanked the universe for some peace and quiet.
Serena answered on the first ring. “Why haven’t I heard from you for days?”
I laughed. “Well, why haven’t I heard from you? And it hasn’t been days, you drama queen!”
“I’ve been busy screwing hot guys. What’s your excuse, chica?”
“Oh, I bet you have.” I had no doubt that was exactly what she had been doing. “I’ve been busy screwing one hot guy,” I answered her with a wicked grin on my face.
She squealed. “Tell me it’s J!”
“Of course it’s J,” I chastised her.
“It’s about time you two did the dirty,” she teased, and I could hear the approval in her voice. “So, how is the moody motherfucker?”
I groaned. “I couldn’t tell you how he is today because the asshole left before I woke up and hasn’t returned any of my calls.”
“Oh…trouble in paradise so soon. Doesn’t sound good,” she said.
“Well, I have some other news for you. Nix is dead. Don’t ask, it’s a long story. But, his sister has made threats against us, so I think J is busy looking into that. Still…he should call me back, so I’m annoyed at him.”
“Perhaps you should withhold the love tonight, babe,” she joked.
I laughed. “You always know how to cheer me up, honey. Thank you.”
“Well, that’s what best friends are for. I think I need to come for a visit. How about this weekend?”
“Yes! Do you think Gina would give you Friday or Monday off as well so you could stay for longer?” I asked, excited at the thought of seeing her. It had only been a few days since I’d left but I really missed her.
“I’ll ask and will let you know,” she promised.
We chatted for a couple more minutes and then hung up. I felt so much better after talking with her; I had known she would lift me out of the shitty mood I was in. I sat quietly for a moment, thinking about our friendship and what it meant to me; how it had helped me through a really tough part of my life. I wasn’t sure how I would have gotten through all of that without her, and I smiled thinking about it, and also about how far I had come on my journey to give up alcohol.
“What’s got you smilin’ like a bitch who just had good cock?” I was interrupted by a sexy drawl.
I looked up to see Nash leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of him, sexy smirk plastered on his face. He was tall, all muscle and ink; he exuded a couldn’t-give-a-fuck attitude. Nash was one of the cockiest men I had ever met and the women flocked to him.
I rolled my eyes. “Can a woman not smile unless she’s had cock?” I asked.
He uncrossed his arms and pushed away from the door frame coming towards me. “No, sweet thing, it all comes down to cock.”
“Well, I hate to tell you, Nash, but this woman hasn’t had any today, and yet I’m still smiling. I think your theory is a little off.” I loved bantering back and forth with him.
He raised his eyebrows. “J’s fallin’ down on the job there, sweetheart. You sure you don’t want to jump ships? I’ve got all you’ll ever need.” He grinned at me, opening his arms wide in an inviting gesture.
“You never give up, do you?”
He shook his head. “Not where you’re concerned. Until J makes an old lady out of you, I figure I’ve still got a shot.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble but I really am taken, and as much as he pisses me off at times, I think it’s a forever thing.”
He cocked his head to the side and contemplated me for a moment. “You’re serious there, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, Nash, I am,” I replied.
The flirty tone of the conversation had just been replaced, and Nash pulled up a stool. “So, what’s givin’ you that smile today, if it’s not J?” he asked, genuine interest on his face.
I wasn’t one to share thoughts and feelings very often, and although we shared a flirty friendship, I had never really had a deep conversation with Nash. But something compelled me to open up to him. “I was just thinking about my friendship with my best friend, and also about how I’ve given up drinking. That was fucking hard to do, Nash, but I hardly think about having a drink these days.”
“That’s fuckin’ great, sweetheart. And I should know because I have been where you are, and I know how hard it is to kick that addiction.” He surprised me because I didn’t know he was an alcoholic.
I leaned closer to him, almost like we were sharing secrets that no one else could know about. “You’re an alcoholic?”
“It’s been just over five years since I’ve had a drink, but I still have my days where I want one. I remember how you were before you left and you’ve come a long fuckin’ way. Best thing you ever did, getting outta here then. You reckon you can handle being back? Being with J? ‘Cause being an old lady isn’t a piece of fuckin’ cake, sweetheart,” he said.
“Honestly? I’m going to give it a good go but I hear you. I know being with J won’t be easy, but I’ve realised things about him and the club that make me think it will be different this time. I’ll be different in the way I react to stuff.”
He leaned even closer to me and grazed my cheek with his thumb, his minty breath in the air between us. “You’re a strong woman, Madison, and J is a fuckin’ lucky man to have you. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone who understands how fuckin’ hard it is to battle this shit, you just call me. Okay?”
I nodded, overcome by emotion. Having never seen this side of Nash, I was surprised into silence for a moment. He pulled his hand away and leaned back on his stool, serious for another few moments, and then he flashed me that sexy grin of his. “Okay, sweetheart, I’ll leave you to it. Gotta get back to work or your daddy will have my balls,” he said.
“Thanks, Nash,” I said, quietly. “That means a lot to me.”
He winked at me. “Of course, if you ever get sick of J not sharin’ his dick with you, I can take care of that too.” And he was back to his cocky self.
I smacked his ass as he walked away which really only encouraged him, and I rolled my eyes again as he looked back at me to blow me an air kiss. Laughing, he finally left the room and I was still smiling like an idiot ten minutes later when Scott and J found me.
They stormed into the club bar where I was sitting, yelling at each other, not realising that I was in there.
“I don’t give a fuck what you or Marcus say about it. This time I am not leaving loose ends, Scott. This time I am going to do what I should have done last fucking time,” J roared, eyes blazing, body tense. He even scared me a little when he was like this.
“No! You need to calm the fuck down and get your head straight, brother. You do this, and there’s no telling where this shit will end. That chick has connections, and you piss those connections off, you could be bringing hurt to the club, the likes we haven’t ever seen,” Scott yelled back, trying to talk some sense into him, but I could see that J was focused on his own agenda.
“Fuck her, and fuck her connections! Madison needs—” and at that point, J saw me and stopped dead in his tracks. He took a moment and then started yelling at me, “What the fuck, Madison? Why are you here?”
“I was looking for you.” I stood then walked to him. Jabbing my finger at his chest, I continued, “God, you can be an asshole sometimes. You left before I woke up this morning and haven’t returned any of my calls, and now you speak to me like that.” I shook my head at him. “Not happening, J. Come and find me when you’re ready to apologise.” We glared at each other while that sunk
in, and then I turned, grabbed my bag and headed outside. I expected him to follow me out, but he didn’t and that pissed me off even more. Fuck, could this day get any worse?
Seven hours later, I was thinking that yes, the day could in fact get worse. Having left the hairdressers, I walked to the car and saw J leaning against it. He hadn’t bothered to call me, and I had stewed on that all afternoon. As a result, I was in the kind of mood where I could reach out, grab his balls, and yank them the fuck off. With one fucking hand. While punching him in the face with my other hand.
As I approached, he stayed where he was; shades in place, arms crossed and looking sexy as fuck. But I wasn’t getting sucked in by that. I had balls to rip off, so I stalked up to him and snapped, “Seven fucking hours, J! I thought we were doing it differently this time.”
“I had things to take care of,” he growled, still not moving from where he was.
“Things that were more important than me?” I was possibly being a bit selfish here but fuck it. I needed him to step up and put me first.
He ripped his shades off, his eyes dark and flinty. “Yeah, babe. Things that were more important than you, and let’s get this straight from the get go, I’m not at your fucking beck and call. That’s not me and you know that, so don’t start trying to change that, ‘cause it ain’t happening.”
“I don’t want you at my beck and call. I just wanted a damn apology!” I yelled.
“What the fuck for?”
“Seriously? We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, J, if you need to ask me that.” I gestured with my hands for him to move out of the way so that I could get in the car.
He shook his head. “Passenger side, babe,”—he held up a set of keys—“I’m driving.”
I looked around for his bike but couldn’t see it. Scowling, I muttered, “Oh, fuck me.” Knowing there was no point arguing with him, I did as he said.
“You didn’t answer me. What am I supposed to be apologising for?” he asked as he settled into the driver’s seat, eyes focused on me, a hint of anger still there.