Whodunnit Mrs Christie

by Robert Challis

your money.

  Thomas: You think the money means anything to me?

  Greg: A whole lot, I'd say.

  Thomas: You wouldn't credit how blind the police can be.

  Greg: I've been thinking exactly the same thing.

  Thomas: Of course, they come in cold. They don't know any of us - who might be capable of committing murder.

  Greg: (Pointedly) Yes.

  Thomas: Of course, they rely on deduction. I go on feeling. (Hand into pocket with gun) Like you for instance. Never thought you were very brave. All talk, no stomach.

  Greg: That kind of courage - to commit murder - you speak of it as if it were a virtue.

  Thomas: Not a virtue, a curse.

  Greg: Now take you - a dark horse, I'd say. I wouldn't put anything past you.

  Thomas: You may be right there, Sir.

  Greg: Sir, still Sir, when you're being so bloody impertinent.

  Thomas: But if someone else did all the dirty work...

  Greg: Just what are you insinuating?

  Thomas: (Nervously fingering his gun in his pocket) That's a big word for me, Sir. I haven't had your education.

  Greg: Oh I get it. The best form of defence they say, is attack.

  Thomas: Why did you come back this morning?

  Greg: What? Something I have to sort out.

  Thomas: How did Mrs. Hodges enjoy her first night in prison?

  Greg: Now look, that's going a bit far. You think this has been pleasant for me?

  Thomas: I'm surprised the police didn't keep you.

  Greg: They asked me a lot of Questions, and in the end they were satisfied and let me go.

  Thomas: And you left your wife to take the blame?

  Greg: Well what do you expect me to do? I couldn't force them to let her out.

  Thomas: Maybe it suited you to leave her.

  Greg: What do you mean by that?

  Thomas: Get your wife nicely out of the way.

  Greg: Do you think I planned it like this?

  Thomas: And then straight back here.

  Greg: You're sounding like a blasted detective.

  Thomas: I know what's been going on behind your wife's back.

  Greg: Well bully for you...

  Thomas: And I can add up two and two and get the right answer, when it's staring me in the face. The body barely cold, Mrs. Hodges languishing in gaol, and you back here to collect your fancy woman.

  (By now, Thomas is facing the audience, with his back to Greg, hand in gun pocket.)

  Greg: I spent three hours answering police questions last night, and I'm not putting up with your insolence. I don't have to answer to you.

  (Thomas removes the gun from his pocket, unseen by Greg.)

  Thomas: That's where you're wrong.

  (Janet enters right, with suitcase. Thomas puts the gun away, unseen by Janet, and hurriedly exits left into house.)

  Janet: Why was he in such a hurry?

  Greg: Some rather impertinent questions. I was just about to send him off with a flea in his ear.

  Janet: And Sarah?

  Greg: They're formally charging her this morning. I've been through hell.

  Janet: But at least it's all over now.

  Greg: Is it? It's a nightmare in the making, except that when you wake up in the morning, the nightmare's still there. Every morning. There's no peace anymore.

  Janet: But just think, we'll be together now. That's all we ever wanted. And there's the inheritance.

  Greg: Sometimes you amaze me, Janet. Everything that's happened - you can't just block it out and walk away smiling the day after.

  Janet: (Unconvincingly) You're right, Greg. It's been hell for me too, but it's no use dwelling on it.

  Greg: I just need a few days to get myself on an even keel.

  Janet: What?

  Greg: I just need time to think.

  Janet: What do you mean - alone?

  Greg: Yes alone. I mean alone.

  Janet: (Long pause) All right. When shall I call you? Friday? Will that be enough time?

  Greg: Janet, I came back this morning for another reason altogether. Something's been troubling me in this whole business.

  Janet: What?

  Greg: Well what it comes down to is, Sarah couldn't have done it - or at least, not in the way that she explained to the police.

  Janet: (Turning away from him) Oh?

  Greg: No. I've been thinking about it - and the questions the police kept asking me. They think I was covering up for her, and so I was, but not in everything.

  Janet: Isn't it better to put all this behind us?

  Greg: I can't. You see, originally, I was convinced that Lady Bayfield had arranged for Sarah to be her murderer in the game, you understand.

  Janet: What made you think that?

  Greg: Earlier, I'd found a bottle of some kind of powder in our overnight bag. This was shortly after Thomas had taken our bag up to our, room. So later, when Lady Bayfield went upstairs, I made out I was tired and went back to my room to have a good look to see if there was any more evidence. (Janet turns back to face him)

  Janet: That's what landed you in all the trouble. Why did you have to interfere?

  Greg: I told you. I wanted to be the one to expose Lady Bayfield's plot.

  Janet: (Quietly) I should have thought of that. (Louder) Your bloody ego. So you went up and messed with all the clues.

  Greg: But apart from the bottle, I couldn't find anything. Of course, I didn't know anything about the pillows at that stage.

  Janet: How could you?

  Greg: So I went into Lady Bayfield's room. And that's when...

  Janet: When what?

  Greg: When I found her... found her... dead.

  Janet: But she's an old lady - why didn't you assume a heart attack?

  Greg: The glass by her bed, and - one more thing - this. (Takes a note from his pocket and shows it to Janet)

  Janet: "My water. She's drugged it. I can't keep my eyes open.” But this is so obvious - it was one of Lady Bayfield's clues.

  Greg: Well, what was I supposed to think? She was lying there dead, with a note beside her. I assumed she meant Sarah, and Sarah really had murdered her. And you see, there was all Sarah's talk about going to any lengths to keep me.

  Janet: For Godsake, why did you cover up for her?

  Greg: I did it without thinking. I mean, dammit, she's my wife.

  Janet: But you want a divorce don't you?

  Greg: I wanted a divorce, but that doesn't mean I wanted her in prison.

  Janet: But if you thought that she deserved it...

  Greg: But can't you see - what she did was for me.

  Janet: I can't believe I'm hearing this.

  Greg: Or at least, what I thought she'd done. But here's the clincher, the reason why I know she's innocent.

  Janet: But leave it, Greg, you must be mistaken.

  Greg: I can't be. You see, she was supposed to have taken a pillow from our room, then put another pillow back in its place. But except for when I was in Lady Bayfield's room, I was in our room all the time. So there was no way she could have done it without me knowing.

  Janet: But weren't you asleep?

  Greg: No, I was pretending. When I realised Lady Bayfield had been murdered, I didn't want people to think I'd been roaming around the place. But the point is, Sarah never touched the pillow.

  Janet: Did you tell this to the police?

  Greg: Of course I did, but they already knew that I'd been covering up for Sarah, so they thought I was lying for her again.

  Janet: Well then, you've done all you can.

  Greg: But there's more. You see, I've got it all figured out now. We've got to tell the police. Lady Bayfield wasn't suffocated. Someone forced her into an overdose of her own heart pills. Don't you remember us talking about it?

  Janet: But that's ridiculous. What about the pillow under her bed, and the sleeping powder?

  Greg: I've been thinking about that. I think the bottle and
the pillows must have been set up well in advance, planted to make it look like Lady Bayfield was smothered to death.

  Janet: But this is all speculation.

  Greg: And if the evidence was planted, someone was trying to put the blame on Sarah to cover up for themselves. And that can only mean one person.

  Janet: (Turning away) Oh?

  Greg: Yes. Don't you see? Thomas. (Janet turns back) Who made the beds in the first place? Who carried our bag up to our room? And planted the sleeping powder? Who was the last to see Lady Bayfield alive? Thomas. He forced her to take the pills - at gunpoint, probably. He's got a gun hasn't he?

  Janet: Are you sure you're not mistaken?

  Greg: And another thing - the way he was talking to me just now. I've never seen that side of him before. I don't think he's stable.

  Janet: So what do you propose to do?

  Greg: I want you to help me. If I say all this to the police, they won't believe me. But if you do too, maybe they'll start to listen.

  Janet: And then what?

  Greg: What do you mean? They'll let Sarah out of prison.

  Janet: And we'll be right back to square one.

  Greg. But Sarah's innocent.

  Janet: At least she's out of the way. Listen Greg, they're not going to hang her. With all this business about her being desperate not to lose you, and hoping that her share of the inheritance might hold you, she'll probably get off on manslaughter - diminished responsibility they call it. It won't even be a long sentence.

  Greg: I don't understand you.

  Janet: If she's convicted of killing Lady Bayfield there's no way she can inherit Lady Bayfield's money. Her share then goes to you. The point is, if you interfere now, you'll be giving away half your money.

  Greg: (Realisation slowly dawning) Why should Thomas try to set up Sarah? He liked her. She was the last person he'd want blamed.

  Janet: Why did you have to go interfering up there, messing up all the clues. You could have ruined everything.

  Greg: You!

  Janet: Why can't you let sleeping dogs lie?

  Greg: (Holding his head) This is a nightmare.

  Janet: It should be a dream come true.

  Greg: But Lady Bayfield dead, Sarah in prison.

  Janet: Do you love her or me? (Thomas enters right. Greg rushes out past him to front door, in panic.)

  Thomas: Why is he going? I don't understand.

  Janet: He's a fool.

  Thomas: I always thought you were well suited.

  Janet: If he hadn't guessed, it would have been all right.

  Thomas: It rather makes a hole in the plan.

  Janet: What?

  Thomas: I've worked out that much Janet. You're very clever, and for the life of me, I still can't work out how you did it. But at least I know why.

  Janet: This is interesting. Tell me.

  Thomas: With Sarah locked away, you and Mr. Hodges share his inheritance. Only if you fall out with him, then it's all been for nothing.

  Janet: You talk more than's good for you.

  Thomas: Then I'm right!

  Janet: Then you mean you're not sure?

  Thomas: Oh, I want to be sure. I want you to look me straight in the eye and say you killed lady Bayfield.

  Janet: (looking straight at him) Very well, Thomas, I can say to you categorically, I did not kill Lady Bayfield.

  Thomas: What? Then Mr. Hodges did it. You're playing with words.

  Janet: No Thomas, we weren't working together. And no, Thomas, Mr. Hodges didn't kill Lady Bayfield either. He wouldn't have the courage. He knows as little as you do.

  Thomas: You're lying.

  Janet: What makes you think that?

  Thomas: (Desperate) It's got to be you. It's just got to be.

  Janet: What difference does it make anyway?

  Thomas: Oh, it makes a very big difference. (Takes out his gun) It makes this much difference. (Points gun at her)

  Janet: (Laughs at him) Thomas, there are two kinds of people in this house, those with the courage to make things happen, and those who like to play games. You come into the second category. So does Greg. He's a weakling. That's probably one of the things that attracts me to him.

  Thomas: And which sort are you?

  Janet: Oh I'm one of the first sort, without a doubt.

  Thomas: But not a murderer, so you say.

  Janet: You know, Thomas, I'm almost tempted to say that I did kill Lady Bayfield, just to see what you'd do with that toy.

  Thomas: You're mad.

  Janet: Not mad. I just like to have things my way.

  Thomas: So Mr. Hodges had nothing to do with Lady Bayfield's murder, and Mrs. Hodges is innocent too. Do you know who is guilty?

  Janet: Yes.

  Thomas: Who is it?

  Janet: I'm not going to tell you.

  Thomas: (Cocking gun) Tell me. It's you, isn't it?

  Janet: You're not going to shoot me, Thomas.

  (Thomas holds gun steady. Then his hand begins to shake. Finally he lowers his gun and his arm hangs loose.)

  Janet: I told you, Thomas, you're one of the game players. You're nicely set up yourself, Thomas. You ought to thank me... or whoever did it.

  Thomas: (Sourly) I'm grateful all right.

  Janet: Nice sum of money for your retirement. Plenty of horses you can back with that. Little house near Epsom. Potter down when you feel like it and have a chat and a drink with your mates.

  Thomas: At least you won't be getting any of the money.

  Janet: Oh won't I? It's funny how people get used to things. Greg'll see where his best advantage lies. He'll be back with me in under a fortnight. You watch.

  (Knocking on front door. Extended pause)

  Thomas: That might be him now. (Puts gun back in his pocket. Pause)

  Janet: Well aren't you going to answer it?

  Thomas: You can this time. (Knocking again)

  Janet: (Pause) It could be anyone.

  Thomas: Then why don't you answer it? (Knocking again)

  Janet: For Godsake Thomas, answer it.

  (Agatha glances in at left then exits to answer door. Rayner, Constable, Greg enter.)

  Greg: (As he enters) You have to listen to me, Inspector. She's innocent.

  Rayner: You're getting very repetitious, Mr. Hodges.

  Agatha: Thank you for coming, Inspector.

  Rayner: I came as quickly as I could after you called...

  Agatha: Miss Drewer, I see by your bag you're about to leave.

  Janet: Nothing to keep me here any longer.

  Agatha: If you'll just bear with me for a few minutes, Miss Drewer.

  Janet: (Looking at Constable at left exit) I get the feeling that I don't have any choice.

  Rayner: That's right, Miss Drewer.

  Greg: So what's going on?

  Rayner: If you'll just be patient.

  Greg: But Sarah, she's...

  Rayner: It's all right, Mr. Hodges, we're dropping all charges against your wife.

  Greg: She's no longer under suspicion?

  Rayner: That's correct, Mr. Hodges. By now, she should be at your home. If you have any sense at all - and that's a matter of serious doubt -you'll go to her at once. That woman's a treasure.

  Janet: She told you she'd go to any lengths to keep you. Can't you see that's why she took the blame? It's her mad possessiveness. Are you going to let her get her clutches into you again?

  (Greg looks at Rayner and at Janet again. Then he exits left to outside.)

  Rayner: (To Janet) All your plans. Like a house of cards.

  Janet: Inspector, hasn't it occurred to you that the two of them were in it together?

  Rayner: Really Miss Drewer, that's not worthy of you. Mrs. Christie, I believe you have some new evidence to put before us.

  Agatha: Thank you, Inspector. Thomas, I hinted to you earlier my suspicions. But there was one problem I just couldn't work out.

  Rayner: Miss Drewer, Mrs. Christie intimated to
me at an early stage of our enquiry her suspicion that we were looking not at a case of murder, but suicide.

  Agatha: Lady Bayfield presented the clues with her own lips - her reference to voluntary euthanasia, the missing pills, her insistence that this weekend would be her last.

  (Janet turns her back on the speakers.)

  Rayner: But I ruled out the possibility because it required an accomplice - someone to reveal to the guests at a suitable time the solution of the mystery - namely suicide.

  Agatha: The point is that if she'd told someone what she was planning, they'd have had no choice but to try to prevent it.

  Thomas: Why not a suicide note?

  Agatha: Then there's no mystery. She wanted the mystery to last until Sunday night, when the guests were due to go home. Of course, she could have given someone a letter with instructions not to open it until Sunday night.

  Thomas: The letter that Lady Bayfield gave to Janet!

  Janet: I've shown you that - a dismissal letter.

  Rayner: An unsigned forgery. We had no reason to doubt it until Mrs. Christie uncovered the new evidence.

  Janet: Oh?

  Agatha: Of course, handing Miss Drewer a letter containing the solutions with instructions not to open it until Sunday were not the full answer, because as soon as it was discovered that Lady Bayfield was really dead, Miss Drewer would have been obliged to open the letter at once - destroying -the mystery.

  Janet: So you've got nothing to go on.

  Agatha: Then I began to think to myself, if I were Lady Bayfield, how would I make sure that this letter was not opened until Sunday evening? The answer, of course, was that the person entrusted with the letter should not know that Lady Bayfield was dead.

  Thomas: But how could she possibly do this?

  Agatha: By arranging for the holder of the letter to go on a long trip to somewhere they couldn't be contacted.

  Thomas: The trip to Paris.

  Agatha: I can almost imagine her words to Janet on Friday - and if Thomas hadn't heard the word Paris, I'd have had nothing to go on. It might have gone something like this: Janet, to make my plot interesting this weekend, I've booked a trip to Paris for you. You leave for the train as soon as Thomas announces my murder straight away, mind you. You keep this letter safe until Sunday night. Then you can open it, and there will be some more Instructions for you. Under no circumstances attempt to phone back here until then. Meanwhile, you can have a lovely time in Paris, and here's fifty pounds spending money to make sure you do.

  Thomas: The severance money.

  Rayner: So called.

  Thomas: And what did the letter really say?

  Agatha: We'd better ask Miss Drewer.

  Janet: This is all a fantasy.

  Agatha: Which is exactly what the game is. Except that this time, Lady Bayfield provided the game with a real corpse. I imagine the letter advised Janet of the suicide, and told her to phone the house with the news - the solution of the game.

  Janet: Rather an elaborate way to give the solution, don't you think?

  Agatha: Ah, but what a mystery it would have been - a real corpse, real detectives called in, a forged will on her desk, sleeping powder and pillows planted to further confuse the situation - I imagine she asked Janet to plant the powder bottle for her - and then to top it all off, a suspect absconding to Paris, and no way of contacting her.

  Thomas: But Janet opened the letter an Friday.

  Agatha: Unknown to Lady Bayfield, and set out to change all the clues, destroying the letter to cover up the suicide, and making sure that all the evidence pointed to Mrs. Hodges.

  Thomas: And Mr. Hodges?

  Rayner: In complete ignorance.

  Thomas: But how could she know that Mrs. Hodges would confess?

  Agatha: She didn't. Once her plan was set in motion there was no turning back. Mr. Hodges nearly spoiled the whole thing by interfering with the clues Janet had planted, and making it look as if he was the guilty party.

  Janet: Even if I were to admit what you say is true, what crime have I committed? It's hardly murder we're talking about.

  Thomas: (With feeling) You knew she was going to kill herself, and you let her:

  Rayner: And tried to have Mrs. Hodges put away for murder.

  Thomas: You were down here, I remember,