Back to Salem

by Alex Marcoux

  Jessie went back to the cut. White puss oozed from the wound after she applied additional peroxide. Jessie knew it must have stung, but this time, Taylor did not respond to it.

  “What’s going on here, Jessie?” Taylor asked.

  Jessie could not help looking into Taylor’s eyes. “What?”

  “What’s going on here?” Taylor pointed at Jessie sitting beside her, and then back at herself. “What’s going on between us?”

  Jessie’s gaze reverted to the first-aid kit. She picked up a Band-Aid. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I almost killed you and now I’m trying to patch you up,” she said, making light of the awkward moment.

  “Are you saying that there’s nothing going on between us?”

  Jessie pressed the bandage in place. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying; there’s nothing here.” She avoided eye contact, looked back, and picked up another Band-Aid.

  Taylor took the bandage from Jessie. “Look me in the eye and tell me there is nothing here.”

  Jessie ignored Taylor’s plea and looked away from her.

  With one hand, Taylor directed Jessie’s face, forcing eye contact. “Jessie, look me in the eye and tell me.”

  Jessie looked into Taylor’s eyes but remained silent. She couldn’t lie but couldn’t say anything either.

  Taylor’s eyes settled upon Jessie’s lips. With every ounce of courage she could find, her lips approached Jessie’s.

  Jessie backed away slightly, enabling each to reconsider their next move.

  Taylor reached for Jessie’s neck and pulled Jessie to her lips. This time there was no retreat.

  Jessie understood the familiarity of their touch and her feelings. It was a reunion that she had waited for, for lifetimes. But Taylor did not understand the intensity and was lost in the moment. She backed away, studying Jessie. She remained silent for some time, then she whispered, “I’m not gay. But…how come I’ve wanted to do that for so long?”

  Jessie did not say anything.

  “You can’t tell me that there is nothing here. I can feel it. How come you don’t admit it?”

  Jessie sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, pulling the hair from her face. “Taylor, you said it yourself—you’re not gay.”

  “Meaning?”

  “I never fall for straight women.”

  “So, if you have feelings for someone, you just ignore them?”

  “If they’re straight? Pretty much.”

  “I don’t understand what’s going on here. I’ve never been attracted to women, and then I met you. From the first time I met you, Jessie, I have been drawn to you, and I don’t understand why. And yet, I’m not attracted to other women. This is very confusing.”

  “I can see that. I’m sorry.”

  “Can I confide in you about something?”

  Jessie nodded.

  “That day…the first day I was to read for the role in Deceptions…”

  “Yes.”

  “When the two of us played the scene out…Jessie, I wasn’t acting.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I remember, I looked into your eyes and…I just got lost. I followed your lead. When I had to film it with Jennifer later…it was hard. It just wasn’t natural for me. But what does all this mean?”

  “Did our kiss help you find any answers?”

  Taylor’s eyes returned to Jessie’s lips, then back to her eyes. “When we kissed, I wanted…more. Tell me, how do you feel about me?”

  Jessie smiled shyly, wondering what to tell her. “I’ve had feelings for you for a long time now. I know they go beyond friendship, Taylor.”

  “What’s next?” Taylor asked boldly.

  “As much as I’d love to take you in my arms right now and love you, I can’t. My feelings run too deep to risk that you may just be curious about being with a woman.”

  “You think that might be it?”

  “It’s a possibility.”

  “How will I know?”

  “Search your heart. As long as you’re honest with yourself, I trust you’ll be honest with me.”

  “What do we do in the meantime?”

  Jessie looked into Taylor’s blue eyes. She wanted to reach out to her and kiss her again. It had been too long between kisses and embraces. The kiss tonight was a tease of their love for each other. This reminder could be intoxicating and difficult to just discard. Jessie took Taylor’s small hands in her own. She leaned over and kissed both hands.

  Taylor studied Jessie’s move. It was so familiar, as if it had happened before. Déjà vu?

  “In the meantime, we can be friends.”

  The rest of their evening together was awkward. They had an early dinner and decided that they would leave in the morning. Jessie wanted to have a physician look at Taylor’s ankle to assure that it was okay. Both were exhausted from the day.

  It was just after nine when Taylor announced she was going to bed. Still unable to put pressure on the injured ankle, she hobbled toward the hallway. Jessie went to her, Taylor leaned on her, and they moved toward the bedrooms. At the entry of Taylor’s bedroom, Jessie stopped. Taylor turned to Jessie. She smiled and looked into Jessie’s eyes, then cocked her head. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” Taylor asked.

  “You are a tease,” Jessie said.

  Taylor nodded then smiled. “Good night, Jessie.” She planted her lips delicately on Jessie’s cheek. Her eyes remained on Jessie as she closed the door of her bedroom.

  Both women were restless that night. It was close to two o’clock when Jessie heard noises in the cabin. Moments later she heard the door to her bedroom creak open. Jessie saw a shadow standing in the hallway.

  “Taylor?”

  “Yeah. It’s me. Are you up?”

  Jessie sat. “Is something wrong?”

  Taylor limped into the doorway. “I just had a terrible dream. Can I come in?”

  Jessie pulled the blankets over from the opposite side of the bed, inviting Taylor in. She hobbled cautiously, eyeing the bed. “I just wanted to see that you were okay.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Taylor climbed into bed. “It just seemed too real.” Her eyes wide open.

  “Tell me about it. Did it have something to do with me?”

  “It seemed so real…and yes, you were in it.”

  “What happened?”

  “I was on trial for something and found guilty, which really upset you. There was a fight…but it wasn’t you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not sure. You know when you have a dream and things just don’t look like they’re supposed to? But somehow you just know who they are?”

  “What were you on trial for?”

  “I don’t know. When the verdict was announced he…you got really upset. Then there was a hill where people gathered…you got hurt. It seemed so real. I woke up and needed to know if you were okay. You must think I’m nuts!”

  “Of course not, Taylor. Dreams can be pretty intense.” Jessie lay back down in the bed. “Why don’t you try and get some sleep.”

  Taylor put her head down on the pillow next to Jessie, but her eyes remained open, staring at the ceiling.

  Jessie turned over and closed her eyes. She tried to take her mind off the fact that Taylor was lying so close to her. Her mind wandered, recalling the events from the previous evening. There was a part of her disappointed that she had allowed the situation to develop between them. Then there was a part of her that was excited that Taylor had expressed interest.

  A half-hour had passed and Jessie was still wide awake. She rolled over searching for a comfortable spot and realized that Taylor was still wide-eyed. “Can’t sleep?” Jessie whispered.

  Taylor shook her head.

  Instinctively, Jessie opened an arm, inviting Taylor to her. Taylor laid her head on Jessie’s shoulder and she cradled her. “Shut your eyes,” Jessie whispered and Taylor obeyed. As Jessie held her, she felt Taylor’s r
apid heartbeat. “Relax Taylor. Try to sleep,” she whispered.

  Jessie lay there, lost in her thoughts. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt to hold Rebecca. Within minutes, Taylor’s breathing pattern change. Asleep in my arms, again. Jessie smiled at the thought.

  When Jessie woke later that morning, she was surprised to find Taylor still lying in her arms. Carefully, she managed to move her without waking her. She smiled as she closed the door of her room, watching Taylor asleep in her bed. In the kitchen, she made a pot of coffee, and it was then she realized it was going on nine o’clock. She couldn’t believe it was so late. She headed to the shower while the coffee brewed.

  After the shower, she noticed that the door to her room was ajar. The sound of water running from Taylor’s room informed her that Taylor was in her shower. There was a part of Jessie that was saddened that Taylor had left her bed. In the kitchen, she poured a cup of coffee, then went to the picture window and opened the curtain. Eight inches of fresh snow lay on the ground, and it was still coming down.

  “Good morning.” Taylor stood behind her, dressed in sweats.

  “Good morning.”

  Catching a glimpse of the falling snow, Taylor moved slowly, joining Jessie in front of the window. “It doesn’t look like we’re going anyplace today.”

  “I don’t give up that easily,” Jessie said.

  “My leg is feeling much better this morning. It doesn’t make any sense to leave in these conditions.”

  Jessie looked outside and knew Taylor was right. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Jessie?”

  “Yes?” Jessie turned toward Taylor, but she wasn’t prepared for Taylor’s assertiveness.

  Taylor’s lips were planted firmly on Jessie’s, her arms wrapped around Jessie’s neck. Not anticipating Taylor’s unwavering move, Jessie surrendered to her kiss. When Taylor released Jessie from her embrace, she took Jessie’s hand and led her down the hallway.

  Jessie hesitated at Taylor’s bedroom door.

  Taylor’s eyes met Jessie’s. Then Taylor said, “Trust me.” And so, Jessie did.

  A couple of hours later, Jessie and Taylor lay together in each other’s arms, beneath the comforter in Taylor’s bedroom. The women were somehow content not speaking. It was Taylor who broke their silence. “Is lesbian sex always like this?” Taylor asked.

  Jessie smiled. “No. This was pretty special.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I would hate to think I wasted all my years with men, if it were like this all the time.”

  Jessie smiled. “How are you feeling?”

  Taylor looked into Jessie’s eyes and returned the smile. “Great.”

  Jessie needed to know. “What happened? I mean…I asked you something yesterday. Did you find your answers?”

  “I did. My dream gave me the answers.”

  “It did? How so?”

  “I don’t understand most of it. But in my dream, I had genuine feelings for you or this man you kept turning into. I spent a good part of the night thinking about it. I realized my feelings for you were indeed real, whether you’re a man or a woman.”

  “I’m glad something good came from your dream.”

  Taylor moved to her side with her head resting on her hand. Her long dark hair fell naturally over her shoulders. A delicate gold chain draped loosely around her neck, and a small gold pendant caught within her cleavage.

  Jessie fingered the gold chain. Teasingly, she traced the path of the chain, starting at Taylor’s clavicle, then slowly down her chest to where the pendant was hidden in her breasts. Gently, she tugged at the chain until the small cross-like pendant fell free.

  Jessie studied the pendant, and then she realized what it was. “Why the ankh?”

  “I like what it symbolizes. Life.”

  “You used an ankh on the CD cover of Karmic Debt.”

  “I did.”

  “How did you come up with that design? There was a sunset and mountains and a rainbow, right?”

  “Right. When I was working on ‘Daniel’s Heart,’ I kept getting pictures of strange things popping into my head. I used them to design the jacket.”

  “It was very subtle if I remember correctly, having the ankh in the sky. Some believe…the ankh symbolizes more than life. Some believe it means reincarnation.” Jessie searched Taylor’s eyes.

  “I’m very comfortable with the ankh meaning life.”

  Jessie smiled. “Still a nonbeliever?”

  Taylor looked deep into Jessie’s eyes. She wondered if they had known each other before. That certainly would explain why she had been draw to her. She smiled. “I wouldn’t say a complete nonbeliever. Let’s just say I’m trying to be cautiously open minded.”

  “That’s a start.”

  “Jessie, what do we do now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “About us.”

  “I guess that depends.”

  “On?”

  “Our feelings,” Jessie said.

  “How do you feel about me?” Taylor asked boldly.

  Jessie repositioned her arms to support her head and the women mirrored each other. “I’m not really sure my feelings are important here.”

  “Coward,” Taylor smiled then inched closer to Jessie.

  “I admitted yesterday that I’ve had feelings for you for a long time.”

  “Annoyance is a feeling, you know.”

  “Cute.” Jessie moved closer to Taylor so they were inches away from each other. She put a finger up to Taylor’s lips. “Shh. Look into my eyes, Taylor. Don’t say anything.” Jessie continued to hold her finger on Taylor’s full lips. “When you see my soul, close your eyes and in your mind ask how I feel. You will have your answer.”

  “Cop out,” Taylor whispered.

  “Shh, this is far from a cop out. Remember, when you sense you have seen my soul, close your eyes, go inside and see if you can find the answer.”

  “Okay, I’ll play.” Taylor had always been drawn to Jessie’s eyes, and she didn’t understand why. It didn’t take long for Taylor to start feeling something. There was warmth in her chest. Initially she thought she was making it up. Then she realized she wasn’t. As she stared into Jessie’s eyes, the feeling of familiarity grew. Déjà vu?

  Taylor closed her eyes. The sensation in her chest intensified, and the warmth spread to her head. She felt a sense of incredible well-being, and the feeling of being blessed for all her gifts. It was gratitude. Then she felt unyielding, unconditional love. Taylor held back the tears; she opened her eyes, finding Jessie’s familiar eyes looking at her.

  Jessie brought her finger to her own lips. “Shh.” She leaned forward and planted her lips on Taylor’s. When Jessie backed away she said, “In case you didn’t catch that—I love you, Taylor.”

  “I got it,” Taylor whispered.

  Chapter 19

  Jessie and Taylor lost themselves in the rekindled romance. Although neither one wanted to leave, on the fifth morning they packed up and headed down the mountain.

  They had been in the car for a half-hour when Taylor said, “I shouldn’t be this happy.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m feeling guilty.”

  “Why?”

  “Kurk died only two months ago. I don’t think I’ve ever had a happier mini-vacation. I shouldn’t be this happy.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Kurk loved you. He’d want you to be happy.”

  “Kurk wasn’t that big of a person.”

  It was close to two o’clock when the Lexus pulled into Jessie’s three-car garage. Taylor and Jessie unloaded the car. Jessie stared sadly at Taylor’s bag as Taylor placed it in the trunk of the Porsche.

  Taylor noticed Jessie’s pout. She closed her trunk then went to Jessie. “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m going to miss you tonight.”

  Taylor kissed Jessie. “Then why don’t you invite me to stay?”
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br />   Jessie smiled. “Would you spend the night?”

  “Of course.”

  Jessie had unpacked most of her luggage, started a load of wash, and was giving Maxwell some loving when the Chinese food arrived. The women sat in the kitchen chatting over their dinner. Three white boxes of take-out sat on the table next to an unused set of chopsticks. Maxwell, attention starved, rubbed his neck against Jessie’s leg, purring.

  “I called Mark. I wanted to see if he listened to my music.”

  “And?”

  Taylor smiled. “He loved it. He’s getting the musicians together. We can start working on the new CD over the next month.”

  “That’s great, Taylor. I can’t wait to hear it. You didn’t tell him you were with me, did you?”

  “No. He still has a thing for you,” Taylor pointed at Jessie with her chopsticks. “Doesn’t he?”

  “No! I don’t think so. We had a chat shortly after filming started. He’s been fine since then. Besides, I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a crush on you.”

  “Me? Why do you say that?”

  “Just little things I’ve picked up here and there.”

  “He’s such a nice guy. I’d like to see him meet someone.”

  Jessie changed the subject. “Taylor, have you given any thought to appearances?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m openly gay. It’s no secret that I’m a lesbian. Have you thought about how it’s going to look if you start hanging out with me?”

  “It’s nobody’s business but our own.”

  “I totally agree. I just know that rumors could start pretty easily.”

  “I guess I haven’t really given this much thought.”

  The days passed. It didn’t take long for Taylor and Jessie to realize that they were spending every evening and night together. The 70-minute commute between their two houses didn’t hinder them from being together. At first, it wasn’t planned, but they managed to catch up with each other by the end of each day. Then they became wiser and started to plan their evenings together.

  The days turned into weeks and although the women became increasingly busy with their careers, they remained committed to being with each other every night. Their relationship thrived. Taylor admitted to herself that she had never been happier. As the months passed, Taylor was surprised that their love and passion continued to flourish.