Whatever his real motives, it became clearer as each day passed that he wasn’t planning to put too much effort into that endeavor. Surely if he was intent on courting her, he would go out of his way to seek her company. Since they’d last spoken, she’d only seen him during the evening meals when his family was also present.
She most certainly wasn’t disappointed by that fact.
From those dinner conversations, it became clear he was spending part of his days entertaining his nephew and niece. The revelation of that fact baffled her at first, but then she began to wonder if he was choosing to spend time there because of their young nanny.
She told herself it was only curiosity that had her visiting the nursery that afternoon. The room was situated on the second floor of the house, facing the back gardens. Ellen approached the open doorway and raised one hand to tap lightly on the doorframe, but she stopped short when she took in the scene before her. She refused to acknowledge the odd fluttering sensation in her chest.
Henry had his head bent over a task at a low table while his nurse supervised from a seat next to him. But what drew her attention was the way Castlefield held his young niece against his chest and smiled down at her. When he spoke to Hope, it was in what could only be called a singsong voice.
He would be a good father. Hard on the heels of that discovery was her certainty that she didn’t want to see him cooing over a baby he’d had with another woman. It was unfair that men could put off matrimony and have no concerns about being able to father children while, at thirty-two, she could well be past the age of bearing her own.
She had to look away from Castlefield to collect her wayward emotions. She’d already decided she would never wed again, so it didn’t matter whether she was capable of having children.
After giving herself a moment, Ellen tapped lightly against the doorframe and stepped into the spacious room. She expected Castlefield to act as though she hadn’t witnessed him doing something most men would consider embarrassing. Instead, one corner of his mouth lifted in a lopsided smile. It reminded her so much of the young boy with whom she’d once been friends. To her surprise, he continued speaking to Hope in that same lilting tone.
Ignoring the way it unsettled her to watch him playing with his young niece, she did her best to keep her voice even. “When I learned that you liked to visit the nursery, I was convinced Jane was having one over on me.”
He gave her an enigmatic look she couldn’t decipher. “It’s no secret I’ve always had a close relationship with my family, and it’s almost impossible to resist the exuberance of youth. Even if Henry and Hope do make me feel old.”
“That’s because you are old, Uncle Charles.”
Ellen laughed, watching as Henry looked to his nurse. Both had risen to their feet when she made her presence known.
The young woman stood with her arms crossed, a frown creasing her brow. “What have I told you about insulting your elders, young man?”
“I’m sorry,” Henry said. But it was clear from the twinkle in his eyes before he looked away that he was far from being repentant.
“It appears that your nephew has inherited your penchant for mischief,” Ellen said, her tone dry.
She couldn’t hold back her smile at the way Castlefield shook his head, an expression of mock dismay on his face. “And the world continues to turn.”
“So it does.”
Castlefield’s gaze softened, and she found it almost impossible to look away. She disliked this man standing before her, so why was her heart beginning to soften just because he was holding a young child in his arms? One who appeared to have just fallen asleep.
“It seems that Hope finds your company less than scintillating.” She wanted to add something about whether that was a problem he had with all women, but she was conscious of the other woman in the room with them. The children’s nurse was fussing over Henry, but Ellen could tell she was very interested in the conversation she was having with Castlefield. She couldn’t help but remember how her husband had dallied with most of the younger women on their household staff and found herself wondering, not for the first time, if there was anything between the nurse and Castlefield. The thought bothered her more than it should.
“I’ll admit I’ve taken to coming up here about this time every day so I can spend a few minutes with my niece before she sleeps away the afternoon. She was little more than a babe the last time I saw her. I can scarce believe how much she’s grown.”
Castlefield handed the sleeping child to her nurse, who had materialized at his side when Ellen mentioned she’d fallen asleep. Ellen watched them carefully for any signs of familiarity. She was well acquainted with the blushing and averted gazes that had passed between her husband and many of the young maids in their household. But she saw nothing untoward about the way Castlefield and the children’s nurse interacted.
She didn’t realize Henry had moved until she felt a small hand sliding into hers. “Uncle Charles is taking me to the stables for my riding lesson.”
He’d tried to lower his voice, but as was often the case with children, Henry’s attempt to whisper fell far short of the mark. The nurse cast a fond smile his way before disappearing through another doorway with Hope.
“Can you come with us?” Henry asked.
Henry’s question caught her off guard. She glanced at Castlefield, who lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug as if to say he’d had nothing to do with the spontaneous invitation. The man might not have had the opportunity to conspire with his nephew, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to take advantage of the opportunity with which he’d been presented.
Ellen didn’t have the heart to deny Henry’s request, even if her initial inclination was to continue avoiding the boy’s uncle. But she reminded herself that she wasn’t going to hide from him any longer. After all, she was more than up to the task of spending a few moments walking side by side with Castlefield.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea. It’s a lovely afternoon, and I was thinking of going for a stroll.”
Henry started to tug on her hand but stopped abruptly and gave her a sheepish smile. “Nurse says I must remember to be patient.”
“I know how difficult that can be,” Castlefield said. “But I have it on good authority that good things come to those who wait.” There was something odd in the tone of his voice that unsettled Ellen. Especially when his eyes flitted from Henry’s to meet hers again before he turned back to his nephew. “Or so I’ve been told. And if I can learn to be patient, I know you can as well.”
Ellen refrained from comment. It would hardly set a good example, after all, to start needling Castlefield in front of an impressionable child.
They made their way from the nursery with Henry filling the silence that had settled between the two adults with stories about his riding lessons and how much he had improved since last year.
Henry kept his hand in hers the entire way, and Castlefield fell into step on the boy’s other side.
A small part of her hoped Castlefield would take his leave at some point before they reached the stables. She could tell herself then that she was no longer hiding from him even while she avoided dealing with her confusing emotions. But if there was one thing she’d come to accept, it was that her life had never been easy.
Castlefield stayed with them the entire way, interjecting a comment only when Henry asked him a question. Ellen kept her gaze on the child, but she didn’t miss the way Castlefield’s body tensed slightly when they reached the stables.
“Smithers?” he called out.
Ellen turned to face him then, not bothering to hide her surprise. “He’s still here?”
Castlefield nodded toward the back of the stables where a wiry older man had poked his head out from one of the stalls. He was much older than Ellen remembered, his hair almost entirely white now and his skin weathered from time spent in the sun. But he was definitely the same man who’d been in charge of the stables when her family used to vis
it.
“You’re early,” he said. “Wasn’t expecting you for another half hour.”
Ellen laughed—time hadn’t mellowed the man one bit. “I can’t believe you’re still here. I thought you would have gotten tired of His Grace long before now.”
Smithers had turned toward her, his head tilted to the side as he tried to place her. She could tell the moment he did by the way his blue eyes lit up.
“As I live and breathe, it’s good to see you again, Miss Ellen. I wondered when you’d come to visit.”
She saw Castlefield open his mouth to correct the man, but Ellen forestalled him with a quick tap on his arm. She didn’t want to be reminded that she was now Dowager Viscountess Laughton. And it wasn’t as though she wasn’t used to being treated with such familiarity. Ellen had taken on many guises over the past two years when working for her brother, and she didn’t mind the old stable master’s lack of formality.
He’d gotten away with it when he first came to work for Castlefield’s father because the man had no equal when it came to tending horses. He’d always known where to draw the line, however. And now she imagined he was almost a member of the family.
“Should we come back later?” Henry asked. It was clear from the expression on the young boy’s face—a mixture of hope and dread—that he hadn’t wanted to ask the question.
Smithers scowled in contemplation, making the boy wait just long enough to have Henry almost jumping out of his skin with anticipation, before smiling.
“I’m always happy to see you, Mr. Henry,” he said. “You can help me saddle your mount before your riding lesson.”
Henry took one step forward before turning back and giving Ellen a formal bow. She curtsied in return, a fond smile on her face as she watched him walk away with Smithers.
Castlefield turned and waited for her to fall in step beside him as he walked away from the stables. Her thoughts filled with memories of past summers when Smithers had overseen their own childhood outings.
Castlefield glanced at her as they made their way back to the house. “I haven’t seen much of you over the past week.”
If he was hoping to get her to admit she’d been avoiding him, he would be disappointed. “You’ve seen me every evening at dinner.”
He halted before a large oak tree, one they’d both climbed many times during their youth. Ellen was tempted to keep walking, but she came to a stop as well.
“It’s not nearly enough, Ellen. I was hoping we could regain our friendship at the very least.”
And just like that, she realized it hadn’t been the moonlight that led her to realize just how attractive she found Castlefield. His dark eyes seemed to bore right through her, and a sense of anticipation had her heart rate increasing. She’d never admit it to him though. She could scarce stand the fact she’d come to that disturbing realization.
A change of subject was in order. “Jane has been keeping me occupied. And when she’s busy elsewhere, I’ve been going for walks. Reacquainting myself with the area.”
“Of course,” he said, leaning back against the oak.
“I assumed you’d be too busy to notice.” It was a lie, but she hoped he’d be too much of a gentleman to contradict her. She was wrong.
“While I’m sure that’s true, we both know you’ve been avoiding me.”
Ellen crossed her arms, knowing the stance was a defensive one but not caring in that moment. “I don’t want to have this conversation again.”
His eyes narrowed the tiniest fraction, and she knew he wanted to press the matter. In the end, he lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug and began to walk back to the house. Ellen followed, determined to hold on to her poise.
“Jane and her family will be heading to Brighton soon,” Castlefield said. “They’re eager to take possession of their new estate. We’re close to the sea here, but not close enough for her liking.”
“I’ve always liked Brighton.” Ellen would miss Castlefield’s sister, but now that they’d repaired the breach in their friendship, she knew she’d see her again soon.
“I remember.”
Ellen glanced at him and couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking. “I find it a little worrying that she hasn’t invited me to visit.”
Castlefield glanced at her. “You must know that Jane is matchmaking. She doesn’t want to see us separated so soon. But worry not, she’ll ask you to join them before the summer is over.”
She hadn’t expected him to acknowledge his sister’s efforts bring the two of them together. “I see.”
He chuckled at her simple reply. “You never used to be so closed off. What happened to the carefree girl who wouldn’t have thought twice about telling me what she really thought of that sentiment?”
“She got married.”
She must not have done a good job at keeping all hint of emotion from her voice, for Castlefield stopped walking and turned to face her again. She expected to see pity in his eyes and steeled herself when she met his gaze. Instead, she saw a hint of anger.
“Yes, she did. And I blame myself for that.”
Ellen dropped all pretense of indifference. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Do you remember that summer when your brother and I had just returned from school? It was his first year, and I stayed with your family for a few days before continuing here.”
She remembered it well. She’d wanted her brother to be the first person, aside from her parents, to learn she’d accepted Laughton’s proposal. She’d been so excited to share the news she hadn’t even cared that Castlefield was present when she’d told Brantford.
“I do. I remember Lucien’s less than enthusiastic reception to the news, but I’d expected that. He’s always been one to hide his emotions. It was your reaction that hurt. We’d been friends once, and I thought you’d be happy for me.”
Instead, he’d said something about Laughton only wanting her for her name and connections. Told her it wasn’t possible the man who’d been wooing her so diligently actually cared for her, let alone loved her. The seeds of her hatred for this man had been sown on that day, made only worse when she discovered he’d been correct.
His jaw tightened, and she got the distinct impression he was wrestling with what to say. She didn’t have to wait long before he replied.
“How could I be happy? Something fundamental shifted within me that day. I don’t know why, but when you came outside to greet your brother, all smiles and dressed in blue, it was as though I was seeing you for the first time. I’d never seen you happier… or more beautiful.” He gave his head a slight shake. “And every fiber of my being rebelled at the thought another man was responsible.”
Ellen examined his face, certain he must be lying, but could see no signs of deception. Still, she couldn’t make herself believe what he seemed to be saying. “No.”
He stepped closer but didn’t reach for her, keeping his hands clasped behind his back. “Yes, Ellen. I realized in that moment that I cared for you as far more than a friend. That I wanted you to be mine. And almost as soon as I’d come to that realization, I knew I’d lost you forever. That my stupid need to prove my family wrong—that we’d never be anything more than childhood friends—had led me to push you away and now it was too late. They’d been correct all along, seeing something in our friendship that I’d been too young to see, let alone acknowledge.”
Ellen turned away from him. This couldn’t be happening. “You never said a word.”
“Oh, I believe I said plenty.”
She whirled around to face him again. “About Laughton, yes. But nothing concrete. Did you know he was such a monster?”
The sadness in his eyes almost tore her heart in two. “No. I’d heard small rumblings about him being selfish, but hell, the same could be said of me. I never imagined—”
Ellen raised a hand to stop him from continuing. “Don’t. If you have intimate details about my marriage, I don’t want to know.”
“Your brother didn
’t tell me anything. But I learned soon enough how he was with other women. And I had to trust that Brantford would keep you safe.”
He had. Her brother had taught her how to defend herself against the superior strength of a man. Taught her how to use a dagger, one that she kept strapped to her thigh to this day. But not before her husband had shown his true colors.
“I should have told you how I felt instead of lashing out because of my jealousy.”
Several emotions threatened to overtake her. The first was regret and anger, but not at Castlefield. She was angry with herself. At the naive, silly girl she’d once been.
“It wouldn’t have mattered. Laughton played his part well. I truly believed he loved me, and I loved him too much to have listened to you. You wouldn’t have been able to sway me from my purpose. But you should know that I’m no longer the same foolish young woman. I won’t be easily won with sweet words.”
“I find that my tastes fall to women who know what they want.” He leaned in closer, causing her breath to hitch when she saw the warmth in his eyes. “Tell me, Ellen, what it is you want when you’re all alone in your room at night?”
She knew it would be unwise to answer, but no one had ever asked her that question before, and she found she wanted to tell him. Open herself to this man who had known her longer than even her own brother.
“I don’t know if I have it in me to trust another man. But if I could, I’d want to be with someone who sees me for who I am. Not just as a trophy to be taken out and displayed on occasion.”
Silence stretched between them for several long moments before Castlefield replied. “I see you.”
Just like that, she was lost. In that moment she didn’t care if he was telling her the truth. She hadn’t ever acknowledged that desire to even herself, but being here was wreaking havoc on her defenses. She blamed it on the sentimentality caused by being in Sussex again. It didn’t help that she’d been witness to many displays of affection between Jane and her husband.
The Unsuitable Duke Page 6