by Betty Paper
Tears filled my eyes thinking of my one true love, my Johnny. Why did he have to leave me? If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I was, falling for a man who paid for and controlled my body. In that moment I both hated and loved the two men who’d captured my heart. I should’ve just walked out of this palace and never looked back. I could get by with the money Jack gave me. He didn’t fill the same space in my heart as Henry did, but maybe that was for the best.
The door opened again and the butler appeared once more. “Mr. Henry will see you another time. The car is waiting out front to take you home.”
I was being dismissed? “Where is Mr. Henry?”
“In the library.”
I strode past him into the hall. “Where is the library?” I asked without stopping.
The butler trotted along after me. “Miss Ruby. The car.”
“I’m not leaving until I see Henry.” I hit the bottom of the stairs and started for the first door I saw.
“That’s the parlor. Really, miss, the car.”
I headed for the next door.
“The dining room. You can’t just wander around—”
“I wouldn’t have to if you’d tell me which is the library.”
“Mr. Henry doesn’t like being interrupted—”
“Well, Miss Ruby doesn’t like being assigned a bath by a stranger, then told to leave without so much as a goodbye.” I propped my hands on my hips and glared. “The library?”
He twisted his fingers together, looking very worried, his gaze darting down a side hall. Eureka! I turned in that direction, head down and determined.
The butler let out a strangled sound and followed after me. “Don’t, miss. Stop. Please stop.”
I threw open the first door I came to. It swung open with so much force it hit the wall. I stormed into the room—which was clearly the library, with its walls of books and inviting fire—leaving the butler to deal with the rebounding door.
Henry startled from where he lounged on a sofa with his back to the door.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the butler pleaded. “She slipped away from me—”
Henry stood, causing what was in his lap to fall to the floor. “Get out!”
The butler obeyed, backing out the door with his head bowed, but I didn’t.
I thundered forward with my finger pointed at him. “How dare you send your lackey to bathe me as though I’m a stray mutt!”
“You didn’t follow the rules. You reek of him. I have no use for you.” He pointed at the door. “Get out of my house. Now.”
“You left me no choice. You called last minute. I’d already cancelled on him twice in the last couple of weeks because you changed the schedule. I couldn’t cancel on him again.”
“You can and you will if you want to continue under my patronage.”
“I don’t understand how you could possibly smell him on me. I bathed thoroughly—”
“Not thoroughly enough.”
I took a couple of steps toward him. “Henry—”
“Do I need to have you forcibly removed?”
That was when I noticed the object at his feet. His prosthesis. His gaze followed mine. I made a move for it, but he beat me to it, snatching it up and holding it behind his back.
“May I see it?” I asked.
“No.” His body language told me that was a very definitive no.
“Please? I want to understand—”
“The only thing you need to understand is the money I pay you.”
His words wounded. I was under no illusion about our relationship. Except that I was. I felt close to him in a way I hadn’t experienced since my Johnny. Even with his gruffness and his secretiveness, Henry was good to me. He paid for access to my body, but gave me untold pleasure he didn’t have to. He cared for me. I know he did. The words were in the way he touched me, the looks he gave me, and the way he made me feel. Even now, with his anger simmering in the air around us, his eyes were wounded. I’d hurt him by showing up here after being with Jack.
“I’m sorry.” He stiffened as I drew to within inches of him. “I’m so sorry I broke your rule.”
I could see the pain behind his anger. He didn’t speak, but then he didn’t have to. His countenance spoke for him.
“I’ll never do it again.”
“See that you don’t.”
“I’d like to stay. With you. I’ve missed you.”
Something hot and aching flashed in his eyes. “No.”
“I’ll take a bath for you. Right now. I’ll go upstairs and scrub with your soap so I smell like you.” I reached a tentative hand out to touch his face. “Or you could wash me.”
“Can you wash away the memory of smelling another man on you?”
Oh, yes. I’d hurt him. More than I’d initially realized. “What would you like me to do?”
“End it. With all of them.”
I hadn’t mentioned my parting from Aaron because it would’ve broken Henry’s rule about not speaking of my time with other men. So I told him now. He didn’t seem appeased at all.
“How many are left then?”
“Just Jack…and you.”
“End it with him.”
I nodded. “I will.”
“Tonight. Right now.”
If he needed this to prove my love and allegiance to him, then I’d do it. Even if that meant hurting Jack. I strode straight for the telephone on the table next to the sofa and dialed Jack’s number. Turning to face Henry, I listened as the phone rang and rang. Jack moved slowly, so I knew to wait and be patient. He’d answer eventually.
After the fifth ring, Jack picked up. “Hello?”
“Hello, Jack. It’s me.”
Henry watched and listened with eyes blazing fire.
Jack’s voice dropped with intimacy. “Ruby. I was just thinking of you and our time together today.”
Our time included some acrobatics to account for his limitations in achieving the anal sex he’d been so enamored with since I’d shown him my book. I couldn’t help the rush of heat that swept through me at the memory. Henry noted it, his scowl deepening.
“We need to talk,” I started.
“Sounds ominous.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just spit it out, Ruby.” There was anger in his tone and some hurt too. It seemed I couldn’t keep from wounding both of the men I cared for.
“I won’t be able to see you anymore.”
Silence. Henry crossed his arms over his chest, his glare still firmly in place.
“I see,” Jack said evenly. “Can I ask why?”
“I’m seeing someone else.” I couldn’t lie to Jack. It would be a betrayal of everything we were to each other.
“I know you see other men. I don’t know how many and I don’t care. That’s never been a problem for me except when you didn’t have time for me. But I’m guessing it’s a problem for him.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Is it about money? Because I can come up with more—”
“No. It’s not about the money.” Henry’s eyes narrowed farther so I turned away from him and lowered my voice. “It’s more than that.”
“It’s more with him than it is with me. Is that what you mean?”
“Yes.”
“You love him.”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t love me.”
“I do, but not—”
“Not like you love him.” His chuckle was an ugly sound that grated deep down. “I bet if I had his millions you’d be having this conversation with him.”
“Jack—”
“Don’t start pitying me now, Ruby. I couldn’t take that on top of everything else. Not from you. Never from you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Is he there now, listening?”
I looked over my shoulder at Henry. “Yes.”
“Put him on.”
“I don’t think that’s a good—”
“Put him on.”
I tur
ned and held the receiver out to Henry. “He wants to talk to you.”
He snatched it from my hand and put it to his ear. “What?”
I couldn’t hear what Jack said to him, but his expression changed from wary to shocked to angry in a matter of moments. He vibrated as he listened. All the while he kept his sharp gaze on me. My body reacted as though he touched me, my nipples pressing against the constraints of my dress and my sex throbbing between my legs. He noted my arousal and crooked his finger. Being the obedient thing I was I went to him and stood there waiting for what he would do next.
He covered the receiver and whispered. “Take off your dress.”
I immediately began working the buttons until it fell at my feet. The cool air of the room hit me, making my nipples harden even more. He slipped his hand between my legs and lightly stroked me. Despite his anger, his touch was gentle and coaxing. I widened my legs for him, giving him greater access. I could deny him nothing. I was addicted to him.
Although I knew that Jack and Henry knew each other, neither one of them had ever spoken of the other and I’d never gotten the story of exactly how they knew one another other than some connection with Jack’s father. It was Jack who’d given Henry my name so I could only imagine how he felt in learning that Henry wanted to steal me from him.
Their conversation took some kind of turn and Henry immediately removed his hand and gave his back to me, stepping away and speaking in rushed whispers into the receiver. I shivered at the loss of his touch and wrapped my arms around myself. He hunched his shoulders, curling his body around the telephone. What was being said?
Whatever it was, it made Henry gasp and stumble back a step.
“You wouldn’t,” he said, his voice full of something I’d never heard from him—fear, real fear.
I stayed where I was, hurting for both of my guys. Maybe I should end it with both of them and walk away from the whole business. That thought had me shaking my head. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t leave Henry. I didn’t want to leave Jack, but I’d do it. For no one else but Henry.
He turned back toward me and raked his gaze over me. I couldn’t decipher the look in his eyes. It was dangerous and yearning and tragic all at the same time. What did it mean?
After a few more words that told me nothing of the conversation, Henry ended the call. He stared at me for several long moments. Painful moments. I could feel his agony like a force in the room. Then he slowly began to take his clothes off. He started by unbuttoning his pajama top and letting it drop to the floor. All the while his eyes stayed on me, gauging, reading, expecting. What, I didn’t know.
He hesitated at the waistband of his pajama bottoms, then yanked on the string.
Schooling my expressing, I maintained eye contact. It was near impossible to hide my excitement. This was it. He was going to reveal what he could never show me before. I wanted to go to him and tell him it would be okay. Nothing he could reveal about himself would change how I felt about him.
He loosened the waistband and pushed the pants down to his ankles, then stood straight and stepped out of them. I met his gaze and tried to put everything I was feeling into it—my love, my hunger for him, my concern and understanding. Most of all my understanding.
I knew his secret. I’d always known.
Henry was a woman passing as a man.
The thick thatch of hair between his legs did not hold a deformed or missing appendage that necessitated the use of his prosthesis because there had never been a male member there in the first place.
I moved toward him, careful to go slowly and not scare him. He was just as beautiful to me as he’d been before. Maybe more so.
When I reached him, I stroked light hands over him, beginning with his beautifully sculpted face and continuing down over his torso to his hips and down the front of his thighs and back up again, until I cupped him between the legs.
He shook, watching me. Tears glistened in his eyes.
He was wet on my fingers.
This was why he’d asked me if I’d ever been with a woman. But in my eyes he wasn’t female. He was Henry. It was as simple as that.
Keeping my hand where it was, I reached up to pull him down to me. I kissed him with everything I had in me. And even though I didn’t entirely know what I was doing, I stroked his slick folds. He trembled. Suddenly his arms banded around me and he kissed me like he’d die without me.
I pushed him back until he hit the edge of the sofa, then tumbled down on top of him, ending up between his parted legs. I pushed them apart and took him in. I’d never seen the female sex before other than my own. Not in person. Not this close. He made a move to stop me, but I pressed on his thighs, letting him know I would not be deterred.
“Don’t you know,” I told him in a shaky whisper as I continued to stare at his sex. “That you’re beautiful to me. Just the way you are. I want… I don’t know what I’m doing. You’re going to have to help me. But I want to taste you.” I ran a thumb through his slickness. “Here. The way you taste me.” I glanced up at him to gauge his reaction to my bold declaration.
Tears ran from his eyes into his hair. “Do it,” he raggedly whispered back. “Put your mouth on me.” He didn’t say it, but I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to put action behind my words. He wouldn’t believe me unless I showed him.
Lowering my head, I breathed him in just the way he’d done to me the first time I’d met him in his office. His scent was intoxicating. I closed my eyes in ecstasy. My first lick was tentative and inexpert, but his gasp and gentle hand in my hair spurred me on. He tasted like…like Henry. Sinking deeper into him, I placed hot open-mouthed kisses everywhere I could reach. And then I really got into it, flicking my tongue into him the way he’d done to me. I used my fingers on him the way he’d done me.
I got drunk off it. Off him. His taste, the pleading tone of his moans, and the way his legs widened and his head fell back. His fingers tensed in my hair seconds before he cried out in pleasure. I sat back and watched him go through it. Tears still leaked out of his eyes like they’d never stop.
He was beautiful. And he was mine. All mine.
Lesson Nine
Henry’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes bright on mine. His chest heaved and he shuddered in the aftermath of the pleasure I’d given him. My face was wet from it just the way his had been that first day in his office. I did nothing about it as I crawled up his body and put my open mouth on his. It was carnal. It was forbidden. It was incredibly arousing. I pressed my sex to his to help ease the throbbing. Grinding against him, I tried to get some relief, but only ended up increasing my arousal.
I wanted him. I wanted him in a way I’d never had him. Finally there was nothing between us. No secrets. No more hiding. No more barriers. Our bodies pressed together like this felt like nothing I’d ever experienced. I wanted to be inside him and all around him. I wanted to drown in him and never come up for air.
Breaking the kiss, I climbed off him. He reached for me immediately.
“Wait,” I told him. “Close your eyes.”
A crease appeared between his brows, but he obeyed anyway and settled back against the sofa. As quietly as possible, I retrieved his phallus and strapped it on. It took some finagling to get the leather straps on tight as I was larger in the hips than Henry. There was something on the inside of it; something textured that rubbed against me deliciously. Now I knew how Henry had achieved his pleasure as he gave me mine. It didn’t make me feel like a man the way it did Henry. It made me feel closer to him, understand him better. He was complex to be sure. But weren’t the most difficult puzzles the most satisfying to figure out?
I took a moment to enjoy the sight of him all long-limbed and laid out for me. He was naked in more ways than one. My heart pressed against my rib cage, trapping my breath. He was beautiful. Perfect. More so now than ever before. We’d reached some kind of threshold tonight and crossed over to the other side.
I wanted to ask him why. Why did he share him
self with me now? What had Jack said to him to get him to drop all of his defenses and show me who he really was?
Did I really want the answer to those questions or did I just want to accept that he’d finally come around? Because I knew. I’d always known his secret. I’d known and hadn’t cared. He was more to me than his parts, or lack thereof, more to me than the money he paid me, more to me than the pleasure he gave me. He was, quite simply, Henry. Perfect in his imperfections, his quick temper, and gentle hands. Perfect in his total domination of my body, my mind, my soul.
I lay down on top of him, careful to tuck the phallus off to the side so he didn’t discover it yet. The feel of him, his bare flesh against mine. I hadn’t realized until this moment how much I’d missed it and craved it even though I’d never experienced it. I took a moment to just lie with him and nuzzle that spot just under his jawline.
“I smell like you now,” I told him. “Every time I take a breath, I breathe you in.”
His arms came around me, his hand slipping into my hair the way I liked. “Now you know why I spent so much time between your legs. Can I open my eyes now?”
“No.” I slid a hand into the curls between his legs. “I’m not done with you yet. You’ve been hiding from me and I intend to punish you for that.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d accept me…”
“Accept you? Naughty boy, I worship you.”
“You still see me as a man?”
“Isn’t that what you are?”
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and worked my hand against his slick folds. “Am I?”
Gripping his wrist, I stopped his motion and drew his hand up above his head. His eyes remained closed. I had a feeling it wasn’t obedience. He was still hiding from me.