For the Love of Us

by Kaylee Rose

  I search the racks further, passing on the edible panties and candy G-strings. Then, Bingo! My eyes find the shelf with rows and rows of adult toys. I don’t know what most of them are, as this is the first time I’ve considered buying any. Brad and I have never experimented with toys, but maybe it’s time. I want it to be the start of a brand new us, and that means stepping out of our comfort zone.

  I glance about, red from chest to cheek, hoping the guy leaning on the checkout counter isn’t watching me. A quick peek over the top of the rack toward the cashier assures me I have some privacy. He’s too engrossed in his phone to care what I’m doing.

  I tap my finger to my chin wondering; what do I want to bring into our bedroom for the first time? I see a tube with the words, Clone-a-Cock, and start to crack up. Yeah, I can totally picture Brad when I tell him I want to have a rubber version of his dick.

  No, that’s not what I’m here for. The dirty girl that Tina claims I have buried inside would come in very handy right about now, but I have no idea how to let her loose. It’s all on me to figure this out.

  I need to think less extravagantly. Make it simple, less shocking.

  A few shelves down are about forty different varieties of vibrators. They come in all sizes and colors. My eyes go from one to another in circles never quite seeing anything that catches my eye.

  I reach for the first one. That may have been a mistake. It’s named ‘The Happy Rabbit Triple Curve’ vibrator. It’s rechargeable, so I guess that’s a plus. I have no idea to be honest. I’ve never researched sex toys. Oh shit! It’s huge.

  Brad isn’t small down below, but this would split me in half. Still, I continue to read the description. It has seven inches of insertable length. That seems way more manageable for a beginner. Reading further, the bullet points inform me of a few more interesting facts; two powerful motors send nine intense vibration combinations through its ears and angled anal beads.

  Oh, my God! Anal beads. What. The. Hell! That’s a no go. Exit only. Noooooo. I don’t think I can ever do it again.

  Brad and I tried anal once, before having kids. Having his dick shoved up there felt like my ass was being ripped in half. He never got a chance to get the first inch in before I was screaming for him to pull it out. I shudder thinking about the experience. We couldn’t continue the passionate night we had planned because I was in pain. He drew me a hot bath and climbed in with me, begging for my forgiveness and promising never to ask permission to enter my back door ever again.

  It was that experience, when he switched from the rough adventurous lover, to the gentle and soft natured partner that has rooted our sex life to the spot for years. My embarrassment of that one time kept me from getting up the nerve to tell him I want some rough, down and dirty sex again.

  The next vibrator on the shelf is another rabbit toy with ears pointing up. This one says, G-spot and clit stimulator. Hop on over and let those ears flick your clit while the curious bunny head vibrates and rubs on your G-spot.

  This one doesn’t look as scary.

  I am curious though about the Happy Rabbit. If I want to find that spark in our bedroom, then I need to make some big changes. Perhaps I should give it a try. I know the books I read say men always want in the back door.

  A shiny object catches my attention. It’s a silver bulb with a pink jeweled heart. My mouth gapes and eyes pop open when I suddenly realize it’s a butt plug. It’s so pretty it’s hard to imagine shoving it into my ain’t gonna happen again spot.

  My curiosity about all these new things is starting to open my mind to possibilities I never expected to consider. Would Brad be angry to discover I’d bought a toy–like he can’t please me? My gut says he won’t be upset with my purchases. I’ll keep a hold on both boxes and continue looking.

  Maybe I need to rethink my stance on anal sex. What it would feel like, if done right? With a little bit of care, it might be quite enjoyable.

  Brad has tried rubbing his finger on my sensitive hole a few times and it feels good. I’m still not sure about having something put inside there though.

  I push the negative memories aside and decide to buy the silver butt plug. Maybe with lots of lube, and this little bugger, I can try again.

  A large assortment of lube hangs next to the vibrators. I didn’t know there were so many choices. It’s not like we have never used it before, but Brad’s always been the one to pick up what we need.

  I’m drawn to a red package that tells me this brand of lube is safe for use with toys. But it’s the gold box that stands out. The one that states it’s perfect for anal play seals the deal, not least because it has a numbing cream as an added extra, just in case we go there. If the description is to be believed, the experience will be enjoyable for everyone. Just for fun, I grab a small sample pack of fruit flavored lube.

  My eyes follow along the shelves landing on the kinky section. A full display of restraints, blindfolds, a tie, fluffy handcuffs, and a crop. That crop is more than I’m ready for.

  I step back and linger over the ties. This gets me thinking of the ones in Brad’s closet and how we could use them together. The cuffs could be interesting too. We could role play as cops and bad guys. Unlike his work cuffs, these are padded. They get added to my now overflowing arms with the rest of my purchases.

  I’ve picked up more than enough for now, but if my plan pays off, maybe next time Brad and I can shop together.

  I walk to register, holding my chin high like this is just an everyday purchase for me. Thankfully the cashier shows no interest in what I’m buying. My heart slows a beat as he rings the items up and places in an opaque black bag without the store logo on it.

  I’m not ashamed, but it’s nobody’s business where I shop. Honestly, I’m a little shy about it but still, my business.

  With ideas about tonight popping into my head I stride back to Lily’s to pay and thank her once again.

  Lily makes eye contact with me as I step in. She holds up her finger as she finishes with a grandmotherly looking woman. With the same excellent customer service Lily showed me, she completes her transaction with the customer. “Have a great day! Enjoy your getaway.”

  I smile at the woman as she passes me on her way out.

  “I have your dress and other things all packed and ready. Be right back.”

  Lily walks to the back room. She quickly returns with the bags I came in with and my new purchases from her store. The dress is in a lavender zip up garment bag. She hangs it from a hook behind the counter while we figure out the damage I’m doing to my savings.

  She tilts her head and lifts a single brow. “Wow, you look amazing. Who did your makeup?”

  “Jenni from the store across the way. She’s a miracle worker.”

  “I should have known. She and Angie have been friends for years. I’m glad she was there today. I wrote up your invoice while you shopped.”

  She passes me the handwritten bill. It’s not as much as I calculated in my head. I scrunch up my face trying to think back to everything I tried on. “This can’t be right. Are you sure you billed me for everything?”

  “Yep. I have a sale on right now, and because tonight is a special night, I subtracted my friends and family discount. It’s correct I promise.”

  “Lily.” I know I am whining, but I feel guilty. Everyone has been so kind and understanding today.

  “Now stop. This is the way I choose to run my business. I did for you exactly what I do for all my friends. Now let’s settle this up so you can get everything else finished. You have an important night to get ready for.” She winks at me.

  The lump in my throat is the only thing keeping me from ruining everything Jenni just did. I hand over my credit card. She swipes it then hands me the slip to sign.

  “Your hands are full. Let me help you to your car. Ang, can you come up front.”

  Angie bounces out of the back and waves to me while Lily follows me out the door. Both of our arms are loaded with bags. I’m glad she offe
red. Plus, it gives us a little more time together. It’s so easy to talk with her.

  “I think your husband is one lucky guy. Not a lot of wives would go to so much trouble. I have no doubt you’re going to have a great night.”

  “I hope so. We need this change. I want us to find that spark again.”

  “I want that for you too. Remember that woman I was ringing up when you walked in?”

  “Yeah, she was cute. Full of smiles. She seemed so happy.”

  “She’s celebrating her fortieth wedding anniversary this weekend. Along with the new dress she bought for her party is some sexy lingerie to wear for her husband. After all these years, he still loves seeing her in satin and lace.” Her hand rubs my arm in a few quick strokes. “See it can happen. It just takes effort. From both of you.”

  “So, you’re saying there is hope after all.” I giggle thinking that could be me in just eighteen years if we play it right.

  “Yes, you have more than hope. You’re trying now. You’ll succeed. Keep reminding yourself and it will happen.”

  We pile the bags into the trunk and lay the dress flat in the back seat.

  Lily points to me and smiles. “I want an update. You have my business card and I wrote my cell on the bill as well. How does coffee next week sound?”

  “Coffee sounds great. I’ll call you with an update and we’ll set up a date.”

  An extra tight hug gives me a touch more confidence, and I’m off.

  Chapter Eleven

  Starting the car, I push the button on the steering wheel to call Tina.

  Her voice is lower than normal when she answers, “Secret Agent Tina Lange. How may I help you?”

  “Ha, ha. That was quick. Were you holding the phone to your ear waiting for my call?”

  “Not quite but close. What else needs to be done?”

  “I’m heading to the bakery for dessert right now. I need another favor. I’m afraid I’ll be late. Can you pick up dinner for me? I ordered everything from Nick’s. They’re packing it up, so all I need to do is warm and plate it. I didn’t want to fuss with cooking and cleaning up too much after dinner.”

  “Good thinking. You’ll have better things to do after dinner.”

  “My thoughts exactly!”

  “I was just heading over to get your flowers. I’ll grab dinner then meet you at your house.”

  “You’re the best.”

  “And don’t you forget it. See ya in a few.”

  I see Tina’s car parked by the curb as I pull into the driveway. Popping the button to the trunk, I climb out of the car just as Tina hustles over, ready to help carry bags into the house.

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Like I’d let you do this all by yourself. I’m proud of you. This isn’t a small thing. You’re exposing yourself. Showing all your vulnerability and insecurities.”

  She nailed it. I can only hope biting the inside of my cheek is doing the job of keeping my jitters from showing. My best friend understands me. She and Brad are the only two people I show all my sides to.

  “I’m overwhelmed and terrified he’ll reject me,” I whisper.

  “Brad loves you.”

  “I know he loves me, but does he still desire me? That’s the big question I’m not sure I want the answer to.”

  “He’ll figure it out. Deep down you know how he feels.”

  “Well, whether I want the answer or not, after tonight I’ll know.”

  Tina throws her arm around my shoulder giving me her signature side hug.

  “You got this. Brad loves you to the moon and back. He just needs a reminder that you’re more than a wife and mom. You’re a gorgeous, sexy, desirable woman who needs some attention. It’ll work. If you can’t trust yourself, then trust me.”

  I wish I felt as sure about all of this as Tina is, but my dry mouth and current need to retch tell me otherwise.

  “And if this reminder doesn’t work, I’ll come give him a smack upside the head. See if I can knock some sense into that thick skull of his.” This time her attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t change my nervousness.

  “It has to work. I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t. It will work.”

  Maybe saying it out loud will make it happen. A deep breath brings another squeeze from Tina.

  “Let’s get in there and finish checking off your list.”

  It takes two trips with both of our arms loaded down to get everything inside. On the first trip we take the bags and boxes from Lily’s shop to my bedroom. The second trip is the cake and the new items for the dining room.

  “Hey Tina,” I shout from the dining room. “Did you get the dinner stuff from Nick’s?”

  “Yeah! By the way, Nick wished you good luck!”

  I freeze. “You did not tell him?”

  If she told him about tonight, I would never be able to show my face in there again without blushing.

  “Of course not. I only told him I was picking up your dinner and that you and Brad are having a romantic date night.”

  “I guess that’s ok.”

  Tina walks into the dining room, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “What else do you need to do?”

  I pull the wrinkled to do list from my purse. The paper didn’t stand a chance of surviving a day in my bag. Pen scratches and small tears show how often I referred to it today. I didn’t want to forget anything. My eyes scan the list and realize I still have a lot to do. Tina sticks her hand out with greedy fingers, begging me to hand it over.

  I give her the paper, doubting everything will be completed in the short time we have left. “I’m not sure I have time to pull it all off. Maybe we can take some of the things off to make it doable.”

  “This is easy. I’ll do all of these things, but…” She points to an item on the list. “…for this part, you may want some privacy.”

  Her finger points to the part where it says scrub, shave and polish. She’s right. I can take care of this myself.

  “Are you sure you can finish all of that?”

  “You go do whatever it is you need to do upstairs, and I’ll tend to the rest. Easy peasy.”

  She’s gently pushing me out of the dining room as she speaks.

  “Damn, I’m going pushy woman.”

  I climb the stairs with a little extra pep in my step knowing Tina has everything in hand.

  A little wiggle and waggle help the skinny jeans scoot down my thighs, taking my socks with them. Tossing the rest of my clothes into the basket in the corner with a perfect three-point swoosh, I hold the shot for the imaginary fans cheering me on. I’ve still got it.

  A glance to the right has me staring at my naked body in the closet mirrors.

  The same woman is staring back, but this time I see hope in her eyes.

  The hair and the makeup are new, but it’s still me.

  I look good for forty-three. I’m okay with what I see, but my grooming down below is a problem. I have some serious work to do before Brad dines at this restaurant.

  I search out my new razor blades under the sink of our master bath. Like a lot of women, I hide them since Brad is always stealing them when he can’t find his.

  The cabinet is deep, and I find myself digging through the storage under the sink, behind the extra toilet tissue. “Ah, there you are.”

  I pull a clear container out. This is where I keep my secret stash of essentials; razor blades, Q-tips, Band-Aids, and other little things the house elves always seem to steal.

  The handle of the shower feels cool to my warm hand as the water spills out and I wait for the temperature to turn lukewarm. Hopefully, the lack of steam from the cool mist won’t destroy my new makeup.

  With a click, I replace the old blade with a new one. The shower head tilts away from me as I step into the enclosure. I silently thank Brad as I reach for the removable head on the long pull-line and aim the spray on my legs. I’ve heard this little gadget could be fun if Brad and I made it to the shower toget
her some time. Shivers climb my body thinking about the possibilities.

  The pulsing water loosens my tight calf muscles while prepping my legs for shaving. I turn the water off and leave the hose to dangle. With a squirt of shaving foam into my hand, I rub it over my right calf and shin. Using slow careful strokes, I remove the stubble I’ve ignored for weeks. I don’t know when shaving became optional and stopped making a difference in our sex life. Smooth or prickly, the sex remained the same.

  The razor scrapes up my leg, as I slow down around the ankle and knee to avoid nicking myself. Those little cuts hurt and bleed like they’re a gaping wound.

  I repeat the process carefully on my left leg then rinse the remaining foam down the drain.

  It’s time to address the patch of hair I’ve allowed to grow au natural.

  When this part of my grooming was a priority, I would trim to a simple strip but perhaps a change is in order. Maybe taking it all off can be another gift for Brad. This whole night is about surprises so why not add a bare pussy to the list?

  Shaving is a little awkward at first. I don’t want to cut myself. I go at a snail’s pace with lots of foam. Finally, every hair is gone, leaving me smooth and fresh.

  I let my fingers explore. It feels different. With my eyes closed I enjoy losing myself in another fantasy.

  Brad’s hands travel between my thighs. His fingertips stroke with gentleness—agonizingly slow.

  I whisper his name which makes him pause.

  “Callie, your skin is so soft, you feel amazing.”

  My eyes are squeezed tight in anticipation of his next move.

  I switch off my brain and concentrate on the here and now. How his touch feels. The scent of the vanilla candle burning mixed with his musky cologne.

  Our breathing increases in time to the rhythm he’s set with his fingers.

  My muscles tense and I moan just seconds away from tipping over the edge.

  Opening my eyes, I move my fingers away from my pussy.