Loose Lips Sink Ships

by Katrina LaCroix

  *

  Despite her tendency for causing problems and saying offensive things, Avery had never actually been to detention before, least of all in-school detention, which consisted of staring at a tan-colored wall with a poster of Yoda urging kids to read for hours on end. It got so boring she actually decided to do some homework.

  Though she’d been trying to avoid drawing the attention of the cretins occupying the room, one of them sat down next to her at lunch. He squeezed into his chair and wiped some of the grease from his pimply face. Avery immediately got a whiff of pot fumes and recoiled. She knew he was staring at her even though she recoiled from him and slowly ate her French fries.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him remove the bun from his hamburger and use a fork to dig a hole in the middle. Picking up the hamburger patty and holding it in the air, he poked his fat finger through it and raised his eyebrow at her.

  Shivering, she got up and carried her tray to another empty part of the classroom. The rest of the day went terribly and she wasn’t allowed to leave the room until after-school detention ended at three-thirty. Having another two-hours to wait for Carter’s basketball practice to end, she didn’t even bother leaving school. Instead, she hid in some trees beside the parking lot to make sure Ms. Downing left the premises. The last thing she and Carter needed was to bump into her after practice.

  Sure enough, Ms. Downing drove away pretty quickly, and it took the rest of the two hours for her to compose herself enough to finally see Carter. She felt unsure of herself because of the punishment she took that day and nervous at the thought of being with him again after so long. She’d have to make sure she was extra good to him to wipe away any more thoughts of holding out on her. Maybe she’d even let him skip going down on her, which was a dear loss to be sure.

  Suppressing all of her ill feelings and ready to greet her man with a smile, Avery headed for the gym. Considering the time, they must all be changing out of their uniforms and getting ready to leave. Avery entered the gym and camped out right beside the tunnel leading into the men’s locker room, where she could listen to everything going on inside.

  “Hey, I just found a way to make my penis eight inches long,” one player boasted.

  “How’s that?”

  “I fold it in half!”

  Some laughter echoed through the tunnel before another player started speaking.

  “Coach Howzer couldn’t be riding us any harder. Every day I think he’s one step closer to a mental breakdown.”

  “It’ll all pay off once we’re out there in the game. First a perfect season, then the state championships, I’ve never wanted anything so bad in my life,” said another player.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to find coach and get some more of that Gongdong stuff. I’m starting to run low. Hopefully two weeks will be enough time to get my muscles in shape for the first game. Maybe I’ll even run a feature on us for my website,” Paul chuckled. Sounds of slapping and whipping towels echoed to Avery outside.

  “Alright, I’m outta here guys. Catch you later,” Carter said, delighting Avery, who could barely keep her hands still.

  “Whoa, whoa. Aren’t you coming over again do to a little partying? We’re going to pop a keg, down a few beers, play a little Monopoly,” Daniel explained.

  “Yeah, you have to come. We need the whole team together!” another player added.

  “Monopoly?” Carter wondered. “Seems like things have changed a lot since last year when all we used to do was watch porn.”

  “Well, you know,” Daniel stammered. “Sometimes you just get a little too excited and you need to chill a bit.” There were ripples of low murmurings in agreement.

  “I’ll have to pass on the Monopoly. I promised Avery I’d hang out with her.”

  The cacophony of moans nearly knocked Avery over.

  “What the hell are you still doing with her, man? I don’t get it,” asked one incredulous player.

  “I get it,” another player spoke up. “I’ve never fucked a girl wearing a muzzle before, but I’d be willing to give it a try. The girl is hot, there’s no doubt about it, but she’s not wifey enough to see more than once.”

  “She belongs in an institution! Some of the things she says are so crazy, I’m convinced she’s really a man who’s mastered the art of the tuck.”

  “She’s really not that bad,” Carter defended, though he was quickly shouted down. Was this what people thought of her? She didn’t even know most of their names. Avery leaned against the wall and clutched her hands to her chest. She didn’t want to hear anymore, but she couldn’t leave either. It all just hurt so bad.

  “Plus she’s got no tits, so it would be just like banging a little boy,” Daniel added. “Putting your hands on those thin shoulders, letting your fingers drift down a smooth chest with nothing but two little pebbles on them, and making sure there aren’t any Legos in the carpet that could grind into your knees.”

  “She’s not a man!” Carter shouted, ushering in plenty of laughter.

  “Alright, we know she’s not a man. That would be a disgrace to men everywhere,” someone said.

  “It’s a good thing she is a girl, or else we might not know what a cumbucket is,” another guy laughed. Paul’s cackling rose above the rest.

  “Isn’t it about time she gets some of that blubbery fat sucked out of her cheese-wheel midsection?” Paul asked.

  “Come on, guys. She’s not even fat.” Carter protested.

  “We could make soap out of that. I saw how to do it in a movie.”

  “You could use the fat to make some scented candles!” someone suggested.

  “Judging by what she eats, the only scent we’d ever get would be semen.”

  Avery was sobbing on the floor by the time she felt a hand tugging on her arm. It was Carter. She didn’t know how long she’d been there or what else happened, but he lifted her onto her feet and led her outside. Vibrant reds stretched across the dusky sky. Barely lucid, she found herself sobbing on the air mattress in the back of the Honey Wagon, Carter lying beside her.

  Carter kept apologizing to her, telling her it was ok and not to worry about it. But as she started to calm down, the impact of what had happened that day started to register. She’d been humiliated by a teacher and openly ridiculed by an entire sports team. Somehow she’d lost her image, being the person who was always in control. Everything she’d worked so hard to influence had slipped away. Now all she had was Carter.

  “Hey, it’s not so bad. They’re just a bunch of assholes anyway. It really doesn’t mean anything,” Carter said, trying to comfort her.

  “They called me a whore! That’s not what I wanted to be,” Avery shot back.

  “You’re not, not at all. You’re sexually progressive.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed.

  “See, it’s ok. Now why don’t you give me a smile? It’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.”

  “Are you really asking me for a blowjob?” she asked, incensed. She grimaced at him, wondering how he could hint at such a thing after what her team had said about her. She’d never felt more turned off.

  “What? No, that’s not what I meant at all!” he gasped. His retort struck a chord with her, making her snort dryly.

  “No, of course it isn’t. The last thing a guy would want from his girlfriend is a blowjob, or a kiss, or for her to touch him at all. I guess I’m just undesirable, worthless, alone. Maybe if you dump me now I can go blow a tailpipe and put everyone out of their misery. At least then I won’t have to live on the street when my family gets evicted from our house.”

  “What…what are you talking about?” Carter asked. He brushed a hand through his hair, making him seem both concerned and nervous.

  “I’m talking about you and whatever game you’re playing!” she said, unable to hold back anymore. “How is it so easy for you to wait this long? Why did you even get back together with me if I suddenly became so fucking unattractive to you? All I wa
nt is to have a functioning relationship with my boyfriend, but you cut off every chance we have to be alone. It’s not like it’d be our first time.”

  Carter furrowed his brows, putting his hand lightly on her shoulder as they watched each other.

  “You’re so beautiful. You’re like a snow angel come to life, perfect and clear.”

  “Yeah, a lot of good it does me if I should be wearing a muzzle,” she scoffed.

  “I’m serious,” Carter pleaded. “Didn’t I try to defend you against the team? Didn’t I back you up against Ms. Downing?”

  Hearing him bring up those incidents made her put her palms to her face and roll over. Her back to him, she stared at the rusting interior of her station wagon. It reminded her of how hard she’d tried to please him, which she’d completely forgotten about since he found her slumped outside of the locker room.

  “So did I pass your test?” she asked.

  “What test?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. Avery sighed, impatient that he would play dumb with her.

  “Don’t give me that. You know exactly what I’m talking about. If I’m so beautiful, you must’ve been holding out on me to punish me for how mean I’ve been. You always talked about how you wanted a good girl, and so that’s what I’ve been trying to be so you’d be more interested in me. I haven’t said a mean thing to anyone in two days. So did I pass your stupid test?”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!” Carter said, laughing so hard he couldn’t keep still. His shaking on the mattress made Avery spin around to see if he really meant it.

  “You mean you weren’t trying to change me?” she asked, wiping her eyes.

  “Oh! Is that why you just stood there and let Ms. Downing tear you to shreds like that? I thought you were going to kill her, and I couldn’t believe it when you said she was probably right and walked away. I’m still shocked!”

  He had a glimmer in his handsome blue eyes that made her believe him. But what did that mean if it wasn’t a game? She was so confused.

  “You mean you don’t want me to act like that?”

  “No! I like having a girl who speaks her mind and isn’t afraid to take charge. Maybe you could tone down some of the rough edges, like keeping some of your thoughts to yourself if they’re going to hurt other people. Well that and a few other things, but mostly you’re perfect for me. You do manage to keep things interesting,” he explained.

  “That’s such a relief! You have no idea how hard it was to be nice all the time. I’m so glad I don’t have to change.”

  Carter scratched his chin and peered at her for a moment. Avery finally did smile, though it didn’t last long as another problem struck her.

  “Wait, so if it wasn’t a test, why have you been so distant lately?” she asked, making Carter purse his lips and cringe. “Tell me!”

  “You know how when we were in my room I had that problem? It kind of happens all the time, finishing a little too quickly. I’ve just become really sensitive lately, and so it really doesn’t take much to set me off, if you know what I mean. So getting kissed, seeing any erotic images, too much touching, that’s all it takes.”

  “Oh my God, that’s terrible! How are we supposed to ever do it now? What’s causing it?” she asked, and Carter cleared his throat.

  “I think it has to do with this vitamin supplement Coach Howzer gave us. It’s called Gongdong, and the team has been taking it every day. He calls it our special weapon, but the most obvious side effect is outrageously premature ejaculation. No one on the team will say anything about it though. It’s way too embarrassing. Not the kind of problem you want girls to catch wind of, you know.”

  A devious grin struck Avery’s face. There were people out there who had wronged her, one ambitious basketball team and one scheming, home-wrecking gym teacher. Both would have to go.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to change?” she asked Carter, fluttering her eyelashes.

  “Like I said, there are a few things…”

  “Good! I’m glad you like me just the way I am. Now it’s time for payback! You’re not going to be upset if I get back at them, will you?”

  “Upset? Coach Howzer is a douchebag, the rest of the team obviously doesn’t respect me enough to keep their opinions about you to themselves, and I’ll be sitting the bench the entire season anyway. Just don’t get me involved and I’ll be fine. What are you going to do?”

  The two of them shared a mischievous, fiery gaze.

  “I’m going to crucify those bitches!”

  All this talk of revenge reignited Avery’s passions. Since they were already lying down, she decided to move in. Putting her hand to the back of his head, she leaned over to give him a nice, hard kiss. She’d barely felt the press of his lips when a shudder rippled through his entire body.

  “UNNNGGGGMMMMFFFHHHHHH.”

  Carter put his hand to his flushed face, peeking pensively through his fingers. Avery lowered her head, the sting of unfulfilled desire coursing through her veins.

  “God, you’ve got to stop drinking that stuff!”