Bat Shift Crazy: An Ex-Shifter turned Vampire Hunter Urban Fantasy (The Legend of Nyx Book 2)

by Theophilus Monroe

  "So you got into Karate instead?" I asked.

  Devin nodded. "Karate moms can be just as nuts. But at least, in Karate, you are actually learning decent skills that can help you in life."

  "Like how to kick people's asses?" I asked.

  "It was about self-defense," Devin said. "We weren't supposed to use what we learned unless we needed to."

  "Did you ever have a reason to use your Karate?" I asked.

  Devin laughed. "Yeah. I tried to give a bully a roundhouse after he knocked my books out of my hand when I was walking through the hall in high school one day. He caught my leg, and I fell on the ground."

  "So you're saying you sucked at it?"

  "Not really. I was pretty good. When we were sparring, I won a lot of matches. Still, didn't seem to work so well in a real-world fight. I think you have to be really good at Karate, like Chuck Norris good, before you can actually use it effectively."

  "I never took any lessons like that. And I can handle myself well enough with the vampires."

  Devin bit his lip. "Good question, now that I think about it. How did you learn to fight like that?"

  I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I ate a ninja at some point and absorbed his abilities."

  "Maybe so," Devin said. "Sort of like how you absorbed that bat curse by drinking Alice's blood."

  "It isn't just fighting," I said. "I picked up human language, too. I don't think it's a coincidence that I can speak both German and English. Pretty much everyone I ever ate, I think, spoke one of those two languages."

  "Kind of gives new meaning to the whole idea that you are what you eat," Devin said, reaching over and grabbing my left hand with his right as he guided the car down the highway. "It's too bad you don't remember more from when you were an elemental."

  I nodded. "Sometimes, I get flashes of old memories. Usually, when I'm sleeping, old memories come back like dreams. Most of the time, though, unless I write it down or something, I forget about it shortly after I wake up."

  "Dreams are like that," Devin said. "I don't remember most of mine, either. But my dreams aren't usually old memories. They're usually connected to old fears, usually silly ones."

  "Like what?" I asked.

  "Like showing up to school and realizing I'm totally naked."

  I laughed. "Like you just forgot to get dressed?"

  "Exactly!" Devin said. "I know it's absurd. But when I have dreams like that, they feel real at the time. Until I wake up and realize that it wasn't real."

  I bit my lip. "Unless your dream world is what's real. And all of this is the real dream."

  Devin smiled. "You know, I've actually thought about that before. But if that was the case, well, the real world would be pretty damn absurd."

  I chuckled. "Just wait until we get to the asylum. If you think your dreams are absurd, the things that go on in that place are off the charts crazy."

  "Speaking of absurdities and craziness," Devin said. "I can't believe we have my mom, staked as a vampire, in the back seat of the car."

  I rolled my window down. "Yeah, the smell is getting pretty rank. Vamps always smell bad. But usually, I'm not trapped in a tiny car with one."

  "I actually smell it a little, too," Devin said, rolling his window down in turn. "Thankfully, we should be there in a couple more hours."

  Chapter eleven

  We parked in a small lot on Chartres Street, just a block or so from the St. Louis Cathedral in New Orleans. We had to figure out how to get into Vilokan—the underground Voodoo city where the Vilokan Asylum for the Magically and Mentally Deranged was located. An underground city beneath another city that's already below sea level? The whole place was enchanted and protected by a firmament that held the water that flowed above Vilokan in suspense.

  The entrance to Vilokan was through a magically shrouded door on one side of the Cathedral, down Pere Antoine Alley.

  I didn't come to the Asylum on my own the first time I came to New Orleans. The newly crowned Voodoo Queen admitted me after hearing that I was wandering the streets looking for a meal—of the human sort. I was still pretty new to the whole human thing back then. Who would have thought serenading passers-by in the French Quarter on the corner, then introducing yourself to someone saying, "Hi, I'm Nyx. Pleased to eat you," wouldn't fly with most folks.

  We left Debbie in the car. Until we could figure out how to get her to the asylum, she'd have to stay there. Neither Devin nor I were inclined to carry her around, hoping to find our way through the magic door.

  I knew roughly the location of the door that led into Vilokan. There'd be a bunch of stairs after that. Another problem that I wasn't enthused about tackling with a staked vampire body in tow.

  I tapped on the wall at approximately the spot where I remembered the doorway was.

  "Look up," Devin said.

  I glanced right above where we stood. There was a camera aimed directly at our position. "I wonder if the broadcast streams inside of Vilokan."

  "Would be a strange place to aim a camera, rather than straight down the alley, otherwise. That camera is looking straight at this location."

  I shrugged and started waving at the camera. "Hello! Can you let us inside?"

  I suddenly felt a weight on my shoulders, something draping over my neck and dangling down my chest. I looked down and shrieked. I might be tough and confident when facing off with vampires. But snakes? No, thank you!

  I shook my body, trying to rattle the thing off of me. It was a beautiful creature, so far as snakes go. It was long and thick. It had a faint glow to it, all the colors of the rainbow glowing from its body.

  "Damn!" the snake said out loud. "Are those Louboutins?"

  "Um, Nicky... did that snake just talk?"

  "Yeah, those are Christian Louboutins!" I shouted. "Now, whatever you are, get off of me!"

  The snake laughed. "The name's Pauli. We saw you on the camera. You're Nyx, right?"

  "How do you know my name?" I asked as the snake slithered down my body and curled up on the ground in front of me.

  "I didn't," Pauli said. "Annabelle said she knew you and sent me to come to get you."

  "Who is Annabelle?" Devin asked.

  "The Voodoo Queen," I said.

  "The one who committed you to the asylum?" Devin asked.

  I nodded. "Yes. That was her."

  "Those shoes are fantastic," the snake said. "Almost as nice as mine!"

  "Wait," I said. "What the hell do you do with a pair of heels?"

  The snake giggled, and then as the glow intensified, it extended its body upright. Its tail split into two legs. Two arms grew out of its side. Then, its whole body morphed into a human frame. A naked human body.

  "Holy shit!" Devin said, taking two steps back. "A snake shifter?"

  "Something like that," Pauli said, not at all shy about the fact that he was standing, naked, next to a Roman Catholic cathedral in public. He had a slender, chiseled body. He was a young Black man, probably in his early twenties.

  "Are you cursed?" Devin asked.

  Pauli laughed. "Depends what you mean by that. But, no, not really. It's a long story, but I have the aspect of Aida-Wedo."

  "Who is that?" I asked, my eyes still glued to Pauli's nude form. He was like a work of art.

  "One of the Loa," Pauli said. "Anyway, you want to come inside, or would you like to spend a little more time checking me out?"

  I diverted my eyes from Pauli's lower half and looked at Devin. He wasn't angry like I thought he might be. But he wasn't particularly thrilled by the fact that my eyes had inadvertently locked onto the oversized organ that was dangling between Pauli's legs. It wasn't that I was attracted to Pauli. I was more impressed than anything else. The human form I'd taken didn't measure up, comparatively speaking.

  "Yes," I said. "Please. Take us inside. But we have to go get something first."

  "Bitch," Pauli said. "I'm not waiting out here in the buff. You'd best hurry. What do you have to get?"

  "It's
my mom," Devin said. "She's a vampire. Recently turned. We were hoping that Cain could help."

  "You're bringing a youngling into Vilokan?" Pauli asked.

  "She's staked," I said. "She won't be a problem. We won't take out the stake until she's secured at the asylum."

  Pauli sighed. "Alright. Don't get me wrong. We often welcome vampires to Violokan. They are, in a way, children of Baron Samedi, after all. But we've had some bad experiences with younglings."

  "We'll take her straight to the asylum," I said. "She won't cause any problems. If she does, I can handle it."

  "You'd better!" Pauli said. "Been bitten before. Not inclined to go through that shit again."

  "You and me both," I replied, nodding in agreement. I ran as fast as I could to the car, threw Debbie's body over my shoulder, and jogged as quickly as I could with the extra weight back to the alley. I could have used Devin's help, but he couldn't make the run at half the speed I could.

  "Alright," I said, catching my breath. "Let's go."

  "You're going to carry that vampire down a thousand stairs?" Pauli asked.

  "We'll do what we have to do," I said.

  "Bitch, please," Pauli said. "Stand close together."

  "Close?" I asked. "Like back to back, or what?"

  "Doesn't matter," Pauli said. "Just get as close to each other as you can."

  I shrugged and stepped toward Devin, Debbie still hanging from my shoulder.

  Pauli, in a flash, shifted back into snake form. He wrapped his long body around all of us, and the next thing I knew, we were standing inside Vilokan.

  "Damn!" I said. "You can shift and teleport?"

  Pauli, still in serpent form, unwrapped himself from around us and chuckled. "I've got skills, ho!"

  I looked around. It had been a while since I'd been to Vilokan, and I forgot how marvelous and beautiful the voodoo underworld was. The blue glow emanating from the magical firmament that held a canopy of water over the whole city gave everything inside the city a matching hue. The buildings inside the city were impressive. They were older structures constructed in the antebellum period. I knew the city was flooded several years back. Some voodoo battle that shattered the firmament. Even so, the long-term damage was minimal. The buildings, as old as they were, remained in great shape. The streets in the city were narrow, more like sidewalks than proper roads. I supposed no one ever traveled by automobile or, back in the day, even by carriage in Vilokan.

  "Can you point me in the direction of the asylum? It's been a few years."

  "You aren't going there," Pauli said. "At least not until Annabelle has had a chance to talk to you."

  Chapter twelve

  Pauli slithered through the streets ahead of us, leading us to a building with large columns. The words "Voodoo Academy" were engraved over the entrance. Another sign, much more modern, hung below it. It said, "Voodoo University" printed on white vinyl in a flourished script. Apparently, the world of voodoo education had gained some kind of magical accreditation in recent years.

  Pauli curled up in front of the door. "Care to open it for me? No thumbs. Can't work the handle."

  Devin nodded, and since I was still carrying his mom over my shoulder, he opened the door for all three of us.

  The place looked as though it had been recently renovated. It had a very different feel than the rest of Vilokan. It was clean. The walls were all white. Modern art hung all around, the kind of abstract shit that an unrefined eye could easily mistake for the work of the seven-year-old as likely as if it had been done by some kind of critically acclaimed savant. None of it compared to Geraldo's work.

  "We'll take the elevator to Anabelle's office," Pauli said, slithering over toward a glass column that carried the elevator up and down, from the ground level where we were to whatever was on the next floor.

  Devin pushed the button. I watched as the elevator made its way down to our level. With a ding, the door slid open. We stepped inside.

  Devin hit the number two because it was the only option, other than the number one, which was obviously the floor we were elevating from.

  The elevator carried us up smoothly, and the door opened with a second ding. The door opened directly into Annabelle's office.

  She sat there, papers scattered all over a glass-top desk. When we stepped through, she looked up.

  "Nyx!" Annabelle exclaimed as she stood up and, moving around her desk, wrapped her arms around me.

  I couldn't even hold back since I was holding one-half of Debbie's body. It was awkward. I didn't know Annabelle that well. She'd committed me to the asylum. That was about it. The hug felt oddly inappropriate. But I didn't say anything. I didn't want to be rude.

  "You can set the vampire on the ground," Annabelle said. "I'd like to catch up! It's been a while."

  "Four years, a little longer, I think. This is my boyfriend, Devin."

  "A boyfriend?" Annabelle asked, sizing Devin up with her eyes before raising her eyebrows. "I'm happy for you, Nyx."

  Devin extended his arm and shook Annabelle's hand. "Your highness, I presume?"

  Annabelle blue a raspberry. "Just Annabelle. I'm not into all that regal crap."

  "Alright," Devin said. "Nice to meet you, Annabelle."

  Annabelle nodded. "So, what brings you back to Vilokan, Nyx?"

  "Nicky," I said. "That's what most people call me now. Unless I'm hunting. Nyx is my vampire-slaying alter ego."

  "Well, you didn't slay this one," Annabelle said. "I presume she's a friend?"

  "It's my mom," Devin said. "We were hoping that Cain could help her, you know, adjust."

  Annabelle pressed her lips together. "That can be arranged. If you couldn't tell, a lot has changed since you were here last, Nicky."

  "Nice elevator," I said.

  Annabelle smiled. "Used to have a rickety staircase here. We tried a new staircase for a while. But I got tired of climbing steps all the time. It satisfied my Fitbit stair goals, but after about thirty trips up and down each day, it got old."

  "I can imagine," I said. "I'd also like to see Cain if possible."

  Annabelle cocked her head. "Are you doing okay? You certainly look fabulous."

  "Did you see those Louboutins?" Pauli asked, slithering his way up on Annabelle's desk. "I love them!"

  "Me too!" Annabelle said. "But you've always had a taste for good style."

  "Not always," I said. "I used to have a taste for human."

  Annabelle laughed. "Well, since you used the words 'used to,' I presume a relapse isn't what brought you here."

  I shook my head. "We've got something of a vampire problem. And a bat shifting issue."

  "One of them bit my mom," Devin said. "I don't know what came over me. I healed her."

  "You healed her?" Annabelle asked. "What kind of magic did you use?"

  "I'm a warlock," Devin said. "At least I try. Probably not the most powerful one you've ever met. But I can hold my own."

  Annabelle pressed her lips together. "I know what that's like. When someone gets bit. I once healed a recently bit girl. Just couldn't accept letting her die."

  Devin nodded. "My mom's pretty pissed about it. My dad was a part of the Order of the Morning Dawn."

  "Say no more," Annabelle said. "I know all about those bigoted assholes. I'm sorry you had to be raised in that environment."

  "I'm something of a rebel," Devin said, smirking.

  "Well, obviously! You have to be true to yourself."

  "Exactly," Devin said, nodding his appreciation for the Voodoo Queen's empathy.

  "If it means anything," Annabelle said. "The girl I healed and turned. Her name's Hailey. Also, a witch, for that matter. It all worked out. She's doing quite well these days. Not too keen on the crowd she hangs around with. But you know, Nicky. Mercy and I have a history."

  "I remember," I said. "How's Mercy doing these days, anyway?"

  Annabelle shrugged. "She's a heel in my side, like always. But she's doing good things. Really working hard to g
et the vampire community in order."

  "Do you think I could see her?" I asked. "After I'm done at the asylum, I mean?"

  Annabelle shrugged. "If you can track her down. She's a busy little devil these days."

  "So, anyway, you probably remember Alice, right?"

  "Of course," Annabelle said. "Did you ever catch her?"

  "Yes and no," I said. "She's also changed. I think she's in town, actually. Somewhere, anyway."

  Annabelle furrowed her brow. "I heard the rumors, but I didn't believe it. You're saying it's true?"

  I nodded. "She was hoping to find Mercy, I think. She also had a lot of ideas about how to reform the vampire community."

  Annabelle chuckled. "To be a fly on the wall when those two met up again."

  I nodded. "I'm sure it was awkward. But Alice isn't the same monster she used to be. People can change. Apparently, some vampires can, too."

  "Good to hear," Annabelle said. "I'm going to need more details about exactly what you need. For security reasons, as you can imagine, I have to approve any new admissions to the asylum."

  "I'm not looking to be admitted," I said. "Maybe just a session or two with Cain would suffice. On an outpatient basis."

  "I understand," Annabelle said. "But the same rule applies. Cain has made it clear, after a series of unfortunate events at the asylum recently, that it would be helpful to screen all new cases."

  "In the process of hunting Alice, another vampire compelled me to drink her blood."

  "Compelled you?" Annabelle asked. "Mercy has that same ability. At least she used to. I'm not sure she's using it much anymore if she still has it at all."

  I nodded. "I'm aware. Anyway, Alice has a bat-shifting ability. We believe it's a curse she inadvertently absorbed at some point. I caught the curse or whatever it is when I drank her blood. Now, I can't so much be in the presence of a blood-thirsty vampire without turning into a bat."

  "And you think that Cain since he also has a shapeshifting curse might be able to help you figure it out?"

  "That's why we're here," I said.

  "And also to help your boyfriend's mom," Annabelle said.