Metallic Heart

by Liahona West

  If she’s taken from me, I’m not sure I’ll survive.

  Come on, Bannack. Stop worrying. The nanites are probably just tired.

  “B…Bannack?” Her voice, weak and frail, petrified him. He stared at her. Golden eyes looked back, bloodshot and dull, then her arm lifted, hand hanging as if she didn’t have the strength to finish the motion.

  He stepped back, tears in his eyes, and he croaked out words. “I am sorry. I…”

  Bannack ran. He should have gone to her, held her, wiped the sweat from her face and arms like his mother had done with his father. That was the honorable thing to do. She needed him.

  But he was too much of a coward to face the inevitable stench of death or bear witness to Eloise’s last breath.

  ***

  Bannack stalked along the riverbank. Angry, terrified tears gathered along his lower eyelids. He launched another flat rock at the clear water and it skipped three times before succumbing to the shallow river.

  This is some cruel joke.

  She is being taken from me the same way as my father.

  “Hasn’t my suffering satisfied you enough?” He screamed into the forest, rage surrounding his words and consuming. His entire body shook. With a grunt, Bannack launched a speckled rock into the river.

  Why do I have to love her so much?

  Bannack feared the question might never be answered. He loved her. Adored her.

  And she was dying.

  It made him simmer.

  The path of the river Bannack walked beside led him out of the fading evening sun and under the cover of trees. He tipped his head back. Between the earth and sky stretched branches filled with needles and leaves, and they swayed in the light breeze. The oasis of green and earthen fertility was suddenly foreign, as if he were walking through an alien planet. And Bannack wanted to stay forever.

  This was the earth Before.

  He needed a good polar dip. The events of the next day threatened to haunt him forever.

  Stepping up to the river, the water lapping at the grassy bank, Bannack removed his shoes, shirt, and pants, leaving only his undergarments. He crouched, letting the frigid water slide through his fingers. Then he placed one foot in the water, cold shocking up his spine and out through his fingertips. Another foot. Same reaction.

  If she dies…

  He shook his head and willed the thought away.

  Bannack inhaled rapid, sharp breaths, calming his pumping heart. The water rose up his back and the algae covered rocks beneath the water slimed up his arms.

  He lay there, slowly bringing his breathing under control, and stared at the sky once more. It was grey. The clouds drug through their domain, leaving a trail of more clouds behind them.

  I do not want to return.

  I am afraid of what I will find.

  I do not want to be alone again.

  Crisp water coursed over his body, pushing at his feet, and moving him centimeter by centimeter up river. Bannack closed his eyes, the rocking motion calming his mind, helping him to think clearly.

  “Maame.” Bannack’s voice came out in a way that was not his own; it was coarse and heavy, weighing his throat and heart down with a force he had known only once. His words came out in Twi, crying to the heavens. “I need you here. I am lost, and I do not know what to do. Please, Maame.”

  More than anything, he needed her. He needed her to sweep him into her arms and hug him tight, whispering with her smooth, warm voice while she caressed his head as she had done when his father died.

  She appeared in front of him, an apparition of his own making, and held out her hands. His knees buckled.

  “I cannot do this without you. I need you, Maame.”

  “My sweet, darling boy,” she crooned, her invisible arms around his shoulders. “You must return to her, my brave one. She needs you.”

  “It hurts too much.”

  “I know. I know.”

  He looked at her, barely visible as she faded. His mother placed her palm on his cheek and he envisioned the touch that never came, the memory etched in his brain. Retrieving it burned like a hot poker. His mom’s caress was warm, motherly, and everything he missed about her. She hadn’t been perfect, but he always knew she loved him unconditionally.

  Then she was gone.

  And he was alone

  Bannack screamed. The water sprayed across the river when Bannack slammed his fists into it. He covered his face and huffed over and over.

  He had to return. If these were his last days with Eloise, he needed to spend them with her and perform the same caring rituals for her as his mother demonstrated years ago. He needed to whisper to her, to help her feel safe and validated that she, although terrified, was going to be okay.

  But he hated it.

  Hated that he cared. Loved. Hated he knew better. Hated he would watch her die. Hated himself for being so unwilling to be beside his woman as she took her last breath.

  Bannack sat up, the water dripping off his skin.

  I am going to be there for her.

  Even if she takes a part of my soul.

  Even if it means I die as well.

  ***

  Bannack entered the dark Compound. He padded to the bathroom, slid a towel off the rack, and finished drying his body. The toilets were missing, removed because of the lack of running water.

  He picked up his shirt, a dark, muddy splotch on the front. Letting out a quiet growl, Bannack bundled it up and opted to carry it with him upstairs. He changed in his room, slipping on sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

  Then he made his way to Eloise’s room. Soora sat by the door, her head back and arms crossed over her stomach.

  “Hi,” Bannack said and sat next to her.

  Her eyes were bloodshot. “What time is it?”

  “Late.”

  “That’s right. Habit from Before.”

  “Sure. How is she?”

  “Weak. Tired. But she’s doing better. No fever. Able to go on short walks.” Soora rubbed her eyes. “My shift is almost over.”

  “I can take it from here.”

  “Thank you,” Soora said and smiled. “Check on her soon. I left some fresh water for her.”

  Bannack nodded. When the doctor left, he opened the door.

  Moonlight draped over her body as she lay asleep on the bed. Eloise kept her hands tucked underneath her chin. Her long hair spread out over her face, a section falling across her forehead and over the edge of the mattress. Eloise took his breath away.

  Bannack grabbed the bowl of water, knelt by Eloise’s head, and squeezed liquid from the washcloth, the trickling ear-piercing in the quiet. With a shaking hand, he washed the sweat off Eloise, moving in slow, meticulous strokes, struggling to remember how his mom had done it.

  “Soft strokes, Akoma,” she used to say. “As if the wind were kissing his skin.”

  As if the wind were kissing her skin.

  He took extra care in the grooves of her scar to make sure perspiration didn’t sit too long and then moved onto her shoulders and arms. Although the room was dark, aside from the moonlight, he could feel her muscles. They were tight and defined. Bannack remembered back to the day of their time in the sparring yard and how she had almost gotten the better of him because he had doubted her strength. He bit back tears.

  These memories…they’re either going to be precious or they’ll destroy me. Probably both.

  When he finished, Bannack set the bowl back on the dresser and pulled the end of the blanket over her feet. He glanced back at her face. Her open eyes bore into him like they always did. She possessed a habit of looking deep into his soul and pulling out the remnants of good. Nothing in his life felt more real. Or more beautiful.

  “Your toes looked cold.”

  She ignored his comment. “I waited up for you.”

  “I see you did. Why?” A twinge of guilt attacked his gut.

  Eloise groaned and stretched.
“Because I needed to make sure you didn’t run off.”

  “Akoma,” Bannack whispered, tucking a silken strand of red hair back behind her head. “I will always return to you.” Her expression was difficult to gauge in the poor lighting, but Bannack thought he glimpsed a small smile when he asked, “Can I lay with you tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  Without another word, Bannack leaned toward Eloise. Her eyes fluttered close, and as he climbed into the bed beside her, he slid one arm underneath her neck and the other he placed on the curve of her waist. Even though she was wet from sweating, would shiver when she breathed, and made Bannack’s throat clench so tight he could barely speak, her touch sent his heart soaring. She was everything. Eloise’s warm softness of sleep sunk into his skin. She snuggled against him.

  “I like you,” she said sleepily, and Bannack barely heard her. “But just a little bit.”

  Eloise drew lazy circles on his chest and she kissed his neck, lingering after each painfully slow caress. Bannack’s entire body quivered at every touch, every kiss, and he felt himself slipping, lost.

  He grasped her face in his hands and tilted it. “I love you.”

  “I know.”

  “I am yours. Forever. You need to know that.”

  “I do.”

  Bannack slid his fingers up her neck, behind her ears, and into her hair. He wound his fingers in the strands and placed gentle pressure on her scalp, silently asking to kiss her. Probably for the last time. Tears leaked from his eyes.

  “I was taught to hide away my feelings,” he whispered. “They’d only get me killed. For years it worked. But you…everything I do when I am with you is feel. I have been holding myself together with nothing but flimsy wire and nails. Hurting. Terrified to fall apart. Now, I fall apart every day and you pick my pieces back up, cherish each one of them, and make me whole. I am damned to Hell for wanting you, yet here I am, giving you my heart.”

  “Bo?” Eloise asked and passed her hand over his face to wipe the tears. “I want you to love me.”

  A stab of bittersweet excitement hit his stomach and he couldn’t stop the deep whisper from exiting his mouth. “But, you’re sick.”

  “Shh.” Her fingers on his lips made him melt underneath her. “I can’t die never knowing what you felt like and I want you to know what it was like to have me.”

  “Are you sure?” Oh, he wanted this, more than he had ever realized until now.

  She nodded. “I’m sure.”

  The air snapped and crackled, and Bannack inhaled sharply as their kiss deepened, wanting and asking for more. Then he felt her tears. The salty liquid entered his mouth as he began kissing them away. Sadness spread like a wildfire through his body. He became helpless to stop it as it overwhelmed everything in its wake. The fire blazed, consuming, relentless. Its heat burned and licked at his terrified heels.

  Then Eloise’s touch came like the rain, pushing away the fire and bringing calm. It banished the terror and guilt from his body, replacing it with hope and warmth like the first starts of the morning sun.

  “Take whatever you want, Akoma. Take all of me, but please…stay with me. Stay.”

  No matter how many years followed in his life, he would never forget the silk of her hair, the scent of pine mixed with crisp morning air that clung to her, the physical scars that told the story of a woman who had overcome, and the way her body fit perfectly inside his like a missing puzzle piece.

  He would remember her forever, and that stung more than he had ever known.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Bannack

  Carrying the records of crop yields from the season, Bannack walked to Mason and Soora’s room to go over the documents with them and plan for the next year. The door was open, so he stepped into the doorway and paused.

  Mason leaned against the desk, smiling sideways at Soora who stood a foot or so apart from him. She looked like she had just finished laughing.

  “I think I’m still feeling under the weather,” Mason said, grabbing at Soora who squeaked and jumped away. “I may need another physical.”

  “I will give nothing of the sort!” Soora squeaked a second time when Mason pinched her backside, smiling wide as if she were barely holding in a laugh. “You’re not cognizant. And, besides, we have a visitor coming any minute. Keep control of yourself.”

  “I’m perfectly sane, Mookie. Now, come here. I want to repeat what I did last night.”

  Bannack whirled around, face hot, and hid behind the wall.

  Well…this is awkward. I’ll just wait.

  Soora released a gasping laugh. “Stop this! You are the most ill-mannered, mischievous man I’ve ever met. If you don’t stop right now, I’m going to have to restrain you.”

  “I’m counting on it.”

  “Stop it,” Soora chuckled through her words. “I mean it, Mason. Poor Bannack is hiding because of you. I expect you to be civilized.”

  Bannack peaked around the wall and looked at them both.

  Pouting, Mason mumbled underneath his breath. “You’re no fun.”

  Soora gave him a dark warning glare and he stiffened. Then she motioned for Bannack to enter. “I’m so sorry. He’s like a young pup again, and I don’t have the endurance.” She reddened when she realized what she had said and whirled around to Mason. “Do you see what you’ve done to me? I can’t have a normal conversation anymore.”

  A wolfish grin spread across his face.

  Desperate to change the subject, Bannack walked around to the other side of the desk, sat in the chair, and spread the documents out on the table. “The crops have done well since we combined compost tea and horse manure. See this,” he pointed to a new page, “that’s our yield.”

  “Twenty-five percent increase is excellent!” Soora clapped her hands together and leaned over the papers. “And look at this, Mason.” She put two documents side by side. “We have enough revenue and supplies to begin the underground fridge system in only a couple weeks!”

  Even though Mason smiled, Bannack noticed his eyes never engaged. Soora had taken much of the responsibilities, passing out whatever she could, but Mason had to learn about the policies and inner workings he had put in place all over again. Bannack knew he was exhausted.

  “I’m so proud of you, Mookie.” Mason gave her a kiss. “I know how much this project means to you and to see it all come together, with you so excited, makes me happy.”

  Soora beamed. “Thank you.”

  “Sir!” Abe rushed into the room, panting.

  “Yes?” Mason and Soora said together, then shared an amused smile.

  Abe bent over, his hands on his knees, and put up one finger. “Hold on. Give me…a minute.” He panted for several seconds, then straightened. “I gotta do those stairs more often. Phew! We have a man named Graham waiting for you downstairs. Sounds urgent.”

  “Graham?” Soora asked as she approached Abe. “You sure.”

  “Unless I got my abuelita’s ears.”

  She turned around. “Bannack and Mason, I need you with me. You’re going to want to hear this.”

  ***

  They walked around the back of the building where a lanky, blond-haired man in a muddied traveling cloak waited with his back to them. He turned around as they approached. Bannack paused, watching the man closely to determine if his body language gave off hints he was dangerous, but when Soora hugged him, Bannack relaxed. Before the blond man lowered his arm, he saw a still-healing, thick, short scar on the inside of his forearm.

  “You’re one of Joy’s,” Bannack stepped forward, his shoulders square and hands clenched, “aren’t you?”

  “Was being the key word.” The white man gave a concerned glance to Soora who nodded. “I see you dug yours out as well.”

  “Why did you?”

  “I couldn’t have her tracking me. What’s your reason?”

  Bannack narrowed his eyes, still on edge. “Couldn’t let her f
ind the little girl.”

  To his surprise, Graham laughed. “That was you?” He made a whistling noise. “Joy was pissed for months about what you did!”

  “I’m glad you find this amusing. Why are you here?”

  He glanced at Soora again before talking. “You’re right, I was aligned with Joy, but that’s not my true role.”

  “Graham,” Soora said as she motioned to him, “is one of the original founders of the Compound. Graham, this is Bannack Owusu, Eloise’s partner.”

  “What?” Bannack took a couple steps back and his breath caught in his throat. He stared at Graham, then rubbed the scar where his tracker used to be. “Does Eloise know who you are?”

  He shook his head. “No. When Mason, Soora, and I founded the Compound, I did much of the diplomatic work. Planning how things will operate, finding people willing to come live at the Compound, working out a monetary system, and getting the fields set up for harvesting. I also began leading the scouting parties. She only saw me a handful of times, and I had a beard then, so I doubt she’d recognize me.” Graham folded his arms and leaned against the concrete wall. “To keep a close eye on her and Joy, and maybe a little bit of revenge for what she did to my family, I agreed to serve her. That was…eight years ago, now. Since I was a new recruit, Joy kept a close eye on me. For a few years, she made sure I stayed in the facility. You were gone so often searching for people, it wasn’t hard to keep away.”

  “Wow.” Bannack shuffled his feet. “Why have you come here, then?”

  Graham sighed and sat down on a concrete bench, then leaned forward. “As soon as I learned of Mason’s injection, I knew he’d want me to find answers. I searched for a while. It wasn’t until Seth found an entrance to—”

  “Seth?” Bannack and Soora jumped at the mention of Joy’s son.

  Soora spoke first. “What are you doing with her son? You were only meant to gather intel, not kidnap a teenaged boy.”

  “We barely escaped one of Joy’s search parties because of you!” Bannack growled as he stepped forward.