Mary Kate gazed out over the scenery and smiled. “You’re so right.”
Addison loved how her face lit up. “That’s more like it.”
They had fallen back, well out of earshot of the others in the group. Still, Mary Kate lowered her voice. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Is this going to be like truth or dare?”
“Oh, no. I’m not that brave.” She chuckled without looking up. “It’s kind of what we were talking about this morning. Did you always know you were gay?”
“I always liked girls. I think I figured out the gay part when I was about fifteen. My parents had just divorced, and they thought I was just trying to get attention.”
“What were you doing?”
“Nothing. I just came out and told them. I can still hear my father. ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, Addison! Must you be so recalcitrant?’” She did her best British accent.
Mary Kate snorted. “Your father actually called you recalcitrant? My father probably doesn’t even know what that means.”
“Yeah, I had to carry a dictionary everywhere I went just to understand his insults. My mom wasn’t quite that bad, but she thought I was just going through a phase and would grow out of it.”
“When did she figure out that wasn’t going to happen?”
“Not sure she has,” she said, shooting Mary Kate a grin. She was dying to know what was prompting these questions, but was afraid Mary Kate would back off if she prodded.
“Did they ever meet any of your girlfriends?”
“Nobody met Pilar because she wouldn’t go anywhere with me.”
“That’s the TV woman?”
“Yeah, she was my first lover. I was nineteen. She was thirty- eight. Venezuelan. Beautiful, exotic. Our entire relationship happened inside her condo. I felt like I’d just invented sex, and I wanted to tell everybody.”
“Is that when you knew for sure then that you wanted to be with women?”
“Oh, yeah. Because I figured out then that sexuality—for me, anyway—wasn’t about being touched by someone. That was nice and all, but the thrill I got was from touching her.” They walked in silence for several yards, long enough to worry Addison that she had gone overboard with her explanation. “Was that too much information?”
“No.” Mary Kate shook her head vehemently, but it was obvious she was flustered. “I was just thinking about what you said…the thrill part.”
“Sometimes I don’t articulate what I’m thinking very well. What I meant was—”
“Is it just a sexual thing?”
“Of course not. Is being straight just a sexual thing?”
Mary Kate sighed and looked away. “I don’t know. You’re probably asking the wrong person.”
Addison bit her tongue to keep from asking her why. If Mary Kate had doubts about her sexuality, it was better that she express them on her own. The idea of prodding her about it seemed almost predatory now that she had realized her attraction. But if Mary Kate was looking for support, that was a different matter. “If you want to talk anything out, I’m a good listener.”
“Be careful what you ask for.”
She rested a hand on Mary Kate’s shoulder as they slowed. “I can handle it.”
The conversation tapered off as they picked up their pace to join the others. As the sun fell, the colorful tents beneath an enormous rock wall were a welcome sight.
Addison handled the water detail with Drew, giving Mary Kate some private time in their tent for a sponge bath. It was tempting to follow suit, but hunger and rest were bigger priorities. Besides, Luke had said their next campsite in the Karanga Valley had a stream, and a real bath trumped a sponge bath every time.
“You guys all right?” Drew asked. “I noticed you hanging back today.”
“We’re fine. We just can’t walk and talk at the same time.” She finished the last water bladder and set it in the line to be claimed. “Have you had any more headaches?”
“Not too bad. You okay?”
“I was worried earlier today that my appetite was leaving me, but I’m starving, so I’d say it’s returned with a vengeance.”
“I think that bit about losing your appetite is a myth started by the trail companies so you’ll have another excuse for being tired of getting potatoes morning, noon and night.”
She laughed absently and looked past him at Mary Kate, who was crawling out of their tent. “Feel better?”
Mary Kate joined her as Drew left for the dining tent. “It’s an improvement, but I still have on the same ratty long johns.”
“You can change tomorrow. Luke says there’s a stream at Karanga.”
Her eyes grew big. “I don’t even want to think how much colder it will be.”
“But it only lasts a minute.”
Mary Kate snorted. “So does being clean.”
“Good point.”
They headed into the dining tent, where Gilbert had left a bowl of oxtail soup in the center of the table.
“Anyone else thinking about tomorrow morning already?” Nikki said, looking over her shoulder at the infamous Barranco Wall.
Addison had studied the wall, a six-hundred-foot tower of rocks and outcroppings. Though it appeared to be almost vertical, she could barely see pieces of the trail that zigzagged to the top.
Gilbert entered again carrying more food. As they ate, they inventoried their various maladies, ranging from Neal’s mild headache to Ann’s upset stomach to Brad’s blisters.
“I can’t believe you brought tennis socks,” Jim said, shaking his head.
From where she was sitting, Addison could see Brad flip his father the bird beneath the table. “Brad, I have a first-aid kit with some cream and bandages. You can use whatever you need and give it back to me in the morning.”
“Thanks. It’s nice that someone cares,” he said, directing his sarcasm in his father’s direction.
Addison felt sorry for him. Though her own upbringing had been filled with the acrimony of her parents’ withering relationship and divorce, she had always known she was loved and cared for. Brad clearly had doubts, and she hoped Jim would use this trip to heal the rift between them.
The rest of dinner was relatively quiet, a likely sign folks were tired from the long hike. Addison and Mary Kate turned in as soon as they finished eating.
“I don’t know about you, but that wall intimidates the hell out of me,” Mary Kate said as she climbed into her sleeping bag. “I’ve been trying not to think about it, but I bet I have bad dreams.”
“Don’t worry. I walked over there while you were taking a bath. It isn’t as steep as it looks from here. It zigzags around a lot of the rocks and shrubs.”
“That’s a relief. I told my mother there was zero chance of me falling off a cliff.”
“It’s nice she worries about you,” Addison said, still thinking about Brad and Jim. She settled into position and zipped her bag up to her chin. “We’ll go up together tomorrow. You can dream about something else.”
Chapter Sixteen
Mary Kate was glad to see she wasn’t the only one having butterflies over the Barranco Wall. Addison’s assurances the night before had helped her sleep, but seeing the wall up close for herself this morning reignited her anxiety. For the most part, the trail zigzagged just as Addison had said, but there were several places where the only way to ascend was to climb the rocks. If she stayed focused on just getting to the next rock, she was fine. It was looking over her shoulder at the sheer drop-offs her mother had warned her about that unnerved her.
“Take my hand,” Addison said as she leaned down. Her other hand gripped a sturdy shrub.
Mary Kate was glad for the help, and occasionally returned the favor by giving Addison’s backside a push. The first time she had done that had prompted a wide-eyed grin.
“Here comes another big rock,” Addison said, low enough so no one else would hear. “Will you put your hand on my butt again?”
“No problem.” Mary K
ate slapped her rear firmly.
“Careful. I might like that.”
She laughed, amused not only by Addison’s playful inferences, but by the openness of her teasing. It was flirtatious, but not in a threatening way. “You need to keep your mind on what you’re doing. Do I have to remind you about my mother’s nightmare?”
The trail of hikers spanned over a hundred vertical feet, with Luke at the top and Nikki and Ann close on his heels. He turned often to help them to the next level, much as Addison was doing for Mary Kate, and Neal for Mei. Jim was navigating the trail on his own, and Brad walked with Drew at the back of the line.
For Mary Kate, the trickiest part—besides the looming cliff—was the effect of her backpack. It would have been relatively simple if she only had to judge how much energy was needed to leap from one rock to another and how much give was required in the recovery. But all of her mental calculations were thrown off-kilter by the twenty-pound pack riding above her center of gravity. Simple hops from one rock to the next required the utmost concentration.
Interspersed in their precarious efforts was the constant stream of porters, who scrambled ahead without pause, even as they carried roughly eighty pounds each. When the hikers bunched up in a bottleneck, the porters forged their own path on the adjacent, steeper rocks.
One hour into the climb, they reached the halfway point. Addison tugged Mary Kate onto a wide ledge, where they collapsed with the others, sweating and sucking wind.
“This isn’t a six-hundred-foot wall,” Jim said breathlessly. “It’s a hundred six-foot walls, and we’ve only done fifty of them.”
“Remind me of that tonight. I’m going to write that in my book,” Nikki wheezed.
Luke let them rest for twenty minutes, which passed too soon for Ann. “Go on without me. Send a helicopter,” she said.
Addison was the first one forward. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just whining. I’ll get there.”
“We’ll move up behind you, Brad and me,” Drew said.
Pushing and pulling, they worked together for another hour until finally they stood atop the high ridge at 13,300 feet, the highest they had been yet. The view behind them was majestic, as a thick cloud cover followed their tracks, totally obscuring not only their campsite below, but the entire plateau beyond.
“Just think, if we’d left a day later, we’d be hiking today in the rain,” Addison said.
“It was like this from the plane when we flew in. The glacier stuck out at the top, but everything else was covered in clouds.”
At this altitude, the mountain terrain resembled one of the moonscape photos in the library at her elementary school. They were directly beneath the towering glacier, which topped out over a mile above where they currently stood. But they were close, and two days from now, they would be on their way down.
Luke nodded in the direction of a distant peak rising high above the clouds. “Mount Meru.”
“I read somewhere that’s the second highest mountain in Africa,” Neal said.
Mei rolled her eyes and sighed. “I told him that three minutes ago when we got to the top of the ridge.”
“Let’s get another picture together,” Addison said, handing her camera to Brad.
Mary Kate smiled as Addison’s arm went around her waist. She returned the gesture, giving her an extra squeeze. There was a reason she wasn’t threatened by her familiarity—because she welcomed it. “Thanks for not letting me fall off a cliff.”
“I’ve gotten used to you.”
Luke picked up his pack and led them across the ridge. “Down is more difficult.”
“Down?” Brad practically screamed. “Why did we climb all that way if we were just going to give it all back? Let’s go on up the mountain.”
The Western Breach loomed above them, veering sharply upward from the ridge, but Mary Kate couldn’t imagine doing something that required more skill than the Barranco Wall. “We’re supposed to hike high and sleep low. That’s how we get acclimated.”
“But it isn’t how we get to the top.”
“Knock it off, Brad. These people don’t want to hear you whine,” his father said.
Addison caught up with the red-faced teenager and said something no one else could hear. He nodded and hurried ahead in the line, positioning himself between Ann and Nikki.
“What was that all about?” Mary Kate asked.
“I just told him Ann and Nikki probably needed his help. I thought it might take the sting out of having his dad yell at him in front of everybody.”
“That was a good move.”
“Jim needs to take another look at his son. He only sees the bad things, the times he comes up short. That’s not right.”
Mary Kate recognized that feeling from the kids in her classroom, the ones whose behavior problems kept them from doing well in the mainstream. Everyone was always yelling at them, they said, so Mary Kate worked hard to give them plenty of positive reinforcement. “Did you figure that out all on your own?”
Addison scowled. “I lived it. From the time I was a kid, nothing I did was quite good enough for Reginald Falk. Even when I got all A’s in school, he stayed after me to play the piano better, or to put in extra laps at the pool before the swim meet. Whatever I did, he wanted more.”
“I’m sure he’s proud of you.”
“Of course he’s proud. He made me in his own image— Addison Falk, snotty investment banker.”
“That’s ridiculous. You don’t have a snotty bone in your body.”
“That’s because I haven’t completely given in to him yet. I will eventually. And he’ll treat me just like Jim treats Brad—dress me down in front of others, nitpick every little thing I do, and tell me every day how he would have done it differently.” The hurt in her voice was undisguised.
“Then don’t do it. Don’t give in. Make your own way, and do what you want.”
“I wish it was that easy. I sent out some résumés, but I’m running out of time.”
Mary Kate listened in disbelief as Addison told of how her father had put her home up for sale to force her hand. “If you need more time, you can come to Mooresville and stay with me while you keep looking. But don’t take his job because you think you’re out of options. Your career ought to be your decision, not his.” She realized with irony that her arguments sounded just like the ones Addison had given her yesterday when they talked about why she needed to break up with Bobby.
“If all that sounds familiar…” Addison spun her hand in a circle, as if prompting Mary Kate to finish her sentence.
“I know. I was just thinking the same thing.”
“Sounds like we both have to fight against the grain.” She jumped down from a rock and turned to help cushion Mary Kate’s landing. “It sucks when other people run our lives.”
“I’m fighting already just by coming here.”
“And aren’t you glad you did?”
“You’re kidding, right? This is the most amazing experience I’ve ever had.”
“People are happiest when they make their own decisions. Even if we screw up, that’s better than marching to somebody else’s drum.”
As they stumbled down from the ridge, Mary Kate considered all the criticism she had gotten over the past six months. It was nothing compared to what she would get for breaking up with Bobby, but once that was done the pressure would be off. No amount of scorn from her family and coworkers could be worse than the stress from feeling the walls close in on her life.
More resolved than ever, she let herself relax fully to enjoy what was here. As they spread out along the trail, she took in the remarkable scenery of the mountainside. Small shrubs and large boulders dotted the terrain, becoming more plentiful as they hiked across a broad valley toward another ridge. In under an hour, they descended into the Karanga Valley campsite, lush from the stream that tumbled through a line of trees. The warm sun was a sharp contrast to the frigid wind at Shira Two.
Gilbert prepa
red lunch while the men took their turn in the woods, getting their first bath since leaving the View Hotel.
“Man, that’s cold!” Drew proclaimed as he emerged, his hair dripping.
Neal stumbled from the woods behind him. “No wonder. Ten minutes ago, that water was a glacier.”
Mary Kate had discovered that for herself when she took the opportunity to wash out the long johns she had worn for the past four nights. She had another pair that were heavier, but perhaps too heavy for their last night on the mountain at Millennium Hut, which was in the rainforest. As she draped her long johns over her tent to dry, Addison came out with a towel and a change of clothing.
“Ladies?”
Mei groaned and gathered up her things.
Ann looked around with skepticism. “I probably should. I’d hate for Nikki to get back to Minnesota and tell everyone I was the only one in the group to go the whole time without a bath.”
Mary Kate fell in with the line as they trudged up the hillside into the trees. Because of the steep incline, there were no large pools like the one at Shira One.
“I need to find a waterfall so I can wash my hair,” Addison said. “I used to be sort of blond.”
“You couldn’t pay me to put my head in that cold water,” Ann said, claiming a small rock next to the creek. Nikki and Mei sat nearby and started pulling off their clothes.
Mary Kate wanted to stick with Addison, but only if she was welcome. “You want company or privacy?”
“Come on.” When they had moved out of earshot of the others, she turned back and grinned. “We can talk about that back washing thing again.”
“You’re full of yourself today, aren’t you?”
“I can’t help it. I got all wound up from you touching my butt.”
Mary Kate shook her head and smiled. Though flattered by the flirtation, she was pretty sure it wasn’t serious, which left her with no idea how to respond to Addison’s innuendos.
They climbed nearly a hundred feet higher before finding a stream of water tumbling between the rocks into a pool no larger than a bathtub. It was perfect for hair washing. Perfect, that is, if the water were sixty degrees warmer, Mary Kate thought.
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