Worth Every Step

by K. G. MacGregor

  Without getting undressed, Addison loosened the tie that had held her long hair back since its last washing at the Shira One campsite. Tipping her head forward, she gasped as she soaked it in the icy stream. She broke off a small piece of camp soap and began to lather.

  “I have a feeling this is going to be the fastest bath of my life,” Mary Kate said, as she dipped her own head under the frigid running water. She took the other piece of soap and started to scrub the dirt from her scalp.

  “I know, but it’ll be worth it. Remember how nice it felt the other night to be clean, even if it only lasted an hour or two?” Addison rinsed her hair of the thick black sludge and started to lather again. “I bet I could wash it ten times without getting all the dirt out.”

  “Two is all I can stand.” Mary Kate rinsed and scrubbed again. At least her hair was short, she thought as she dried it briskly with a towel.

  Addison pulled off her soaking shirt and sports bra and began to wash her upper body with a soapy cloth. “Jesus, that water’s cold.”

  Mary Kate was captivated by the sight of Addison’s breasts, which she hadn’t seen clearly at Shira One. They were high and round, with rose-colored nipples stiff from the chilled water. Watching Addison’s soapy hands slide over them gave her an inexplicable rush, and she forced herself to look away, but not before Addison caught her.

  “See something you like, Mary Kate?”

  She shuddered hard as her face filled with heat. “I was…”

  “I’m just yanking your chain,” Addison said, a hint of a smile on her face. She rinsed her cloth and soaped it again. “You’ll be my friend forever if you’ll wash my back.”

  Grateful for the chance to move out of Addison’s line of sight, she hurried behind her and started to scrub. Her mind worked quickly to explain why she had stared. “You must have done a lot of weights to get ready for this. Your shoulders are ripped.”

  “I noticed yours too. But then I always try to check out a girl’s shoulders when she’s nude.” She flashed a mischievous grin over her shoulder.

  “I was not checking you out.” Embarrassed by the quake in her voice, she tried a playful tack. “Who says you’re my type anyway?”

  “Aha! So you do have a type.”

  “That’s not what I said.”

  “But you like my shoulders.”

  In frustration, Mary Kate scraped the washcloth roughly across Addison’s back. “You have a very nice body. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  “That’ll do.” She rose suddenly and pushed off her pants to stand completely naked. Then she briskly soaped her legs and pubic region.

  Mary Kate willed herself to look everywhere but at Addison. Now more self-conscious than ever, she busied herself with drying her hair again to postpone getting undressed.

  Thoroughly lathered, Addison scooted toward the small pool. “Now for the fun part.” She let out a muted scream as she backed under the waterfall, rapidly rinsed the soap from her skin and slid out. “If my heart doesn’t start again on its own, will you call nine-one-one?”

  “On what? My shoe?” She looked up just as Addison tossed her towel to the ground. In all the years she had spent in locker rooms, she had never been so conscious of being in the company of a naked woman. Addison had a gorgeous body.

  “You want me to do your back?”

  “No!” She hadn’t meant to shout, but the idea of Addison touching her now was more than she could stand. “This water’s too cold for that.”

  The air between them was noticeably thick with tension as Addison quickly tugged on fresh clothes, lightweight convertibles, and a T-shirt. “Are you okay, Mary Kate? Sometimes I get carried away with kidding and stuff. If I went too far, I’m sorry.”

  So her flirtations had only been a game. “It’s okay. I’m fine.” Except that now she couldn’t make eye contact at all.

  Addison stood quietly, as if waiting for her to come clean on what she was feeling. “Do you want me to stay up here until you’re done, or head on back so you can have some privacy?”

  Being alone to deal with her confusion had a lot of appeal, but she didn’t want to make matters worse by running Addison off. “You can stay or go. I’m fine either way.”

  After a long moment of silence, Addison started back down the hill.

  Mary Kate felt sick to her stomach. All day, she had enjoyed Addison’s attention and playfulness, and instead of being honest with herself about it, she had run from it like a scared child. Now Addison was back in camp feeling as if she had done something wrong.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Addison was relieved to find that most of the others in camp had staked out their own space, spreading their sleeping bags in the sun. She needed solitude as well, especially given the foul mood that was welling up inside.

  When she saw the uncomfortable look on Mary Kate’s face up at the stream, she knew she had taken her teasing too far. It wasn’t enough for her that Mary Kate had laughed and played along with her silly flirtations all day. She had to push it, because deep down, she had wanted to see if Mary Kate was interested. Not only was Mary Kate obviously not interested, she now had every reason to freak out.

  Mary Kate suddenly emerged from the woods, freshly scrubbed and dressed now in hiking shorts and a long-sleeved crew neck shirt. She deposited her dirty clothes in her Summit bag, and then turned to walk directly toward Addison with her sleeping bag.

  Addison braced for an unpleasant confrontation, though she was anxious to get it over with. If she was lucky, they would clear the air and limp along as friends. Whatever the case, she hoped Mary Kate wouldn’t want to switch tent mates.

  “I don’t think being clean ever felt this good,” Mary Kate said, sprawling on the ground beside her.

  “I wonder how long it will last.”

  “Fifteen minutes? This silt gets on everything.”

  Addison nodded, satisfied that the small talk was Mary Kate’s way of glossing over their awkward exchange. If that’s what it took, she would follow that lead. “We won’t get another one until—”

  “Addison, I’m sorry.”

  They exchanged questioning looks.

  “What could you possibly be sorry for? I was the one who was out of line.”

  “No, you weren’t. I was…just what you said.” She shook her head and sighed. “I was looking at you, and you caught me. And instead of owning up to it—which I couldn’t even do in my own head—I freaked out.”

  Addison fluttered at the admission. Her first inclination was to lighten the mood with a glib remark, but Mary Kate was clearly upset. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “What is it that’s bothering you? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

  She shook her head. “Not you, Addison. If anything…”

  “Talk to me.”

  “I really like you a lot,” she said bluntly, studying her hands to avoid making eye contact.

  “Good, because I feel the same way,” Addison answered without hesitation. “But I don’t want that to cause you grief.”

  “It isn’t grief. It’s just…I don’t know what to think.” She huffed softly. “What does it say about me that all of my closest relationships have been with women? That the person I wanted to kiss most was my roommate? Or that I’m glad it’s been you flirting with me and not Drew?” Her voice shook with obvious trepidation. “I’m beginning to think I might actually be gay.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. But what if you are? You said yourself that being gay doesn’t make you a different person.”

  “What I meant was that it shouldn’t make me see other people differently. That’s not the same as feeling different about myself.”

  Addison gave her a scolding look to say she wasn’t buying that. “What are you feeling right now?”

  “I guess a little embarrassed.”

  “Why? Should I be embarrassed too?”

  Mary Kate shook her head and looked away
again.

  “You don’t have to feel that way with me,” Addison said. “You can talk about anything you want and it stays between us.”

  “I know.”

  “Look, I really am sorry for putting you on the spot today. You’ve made this trip so much fun for me, and I don’t want anything to ruin that.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just freaked out is all—at myself, not at you.”

  “You shouldn’t freak out about it. I was just playing around.” Addison chuckled gently. “I can behave myself. No matter how sweet you are, I promise to resist your charms.”

  Mary Kate finally smiled. “I think the question is whether or not I can behave. I was the one who got caught peeking.”

  “Yeah, well, I peeked the other day at the creek, but you didn’t catch me.”

  They both laughed, breaking the tension between them once and for all, just in time to greet Drew, who was making the rounds to share a bag of candy. Though she wished they had a few more minutes to talk privately, Addison felt good about where things now stood, and it seemed Mary Kate did also.

  When the sun fell behind the ridge, the air chilled noticeably. Addison fetched her fleece pullover, and Mary Kate’s too, as they gathered in the tent for dinner.

  Gilbert surprised them with a menu they all agreed was inventive, especially considering the shelf life of anything with protein in it had long since passed. The first course was French toast with marmalade. Next was a mixture of peppers and carrots, and piping hot french fries, which disappeared as soon as he set them down. For dessert, he produced a plate of fried banana pastries.

  Jim, who was sitting directly across from his son, nodded over his shoulder. “Your sleeping bag just blew in the dirt.” When Brad turned his head to look, Jim swiped the last bite of his pastry and shoved it in his mouth.

  “Aw, man!”

  Fearing an angry outburst from the youth, Addison laughed heartily and the others joined in.

  Brad finally followed suit. “You better watch it, old man. You’ll find a mamba in your sleeping bag.”

  As they were finishing dinner, Luke came in to brief them on what the next day would bring. “We leave tomorrow morning at nine o’clock. We have a long day to get to Barafu Hut. It is like Shira Two, but much colder and with many rocks.”

  Addison shuddered to think a campsite could be colder than their night on the ridge.

  “When we reach the camp, we will eat and go to sleep. I wake you at eleven o’clock to climb. If you help each other, we will all be standing at Stella Point by sunrise.”

  “And how many of us do you think will make it all the way to the summit?” Drew asked.

  Luke’s eyes moved from one face to the next as he weighed his response. “All of you will reach the crater rim at Stella Point. Who goes on to the summit is up to you. Then we return to Barafu to break camp.”

  “We’re finally here,” Nikki said quietly. “I mean, I know it’s not Everest or anything like that, but this is the biggest mountain I’ll ever climb.”

  “I know what you mean,” Ann said. “Tomorrow’s the day we’ve been working toward for six months.” She laid her hand in the center of the table, palm down.

  Mary Kate covered it, and Addison covered both. One by one, all nine built a tower of hands as a show of solidarity.

  When their meeting broke up, Addison and Mary Kate got situated inside their tent, both changing into clean long johns for the cold night ahead.

  “I can’t believe it’s finally time to go up,” Mary Kate said. “Are you feeling any effects at all from the altitude?”

  “Nothing. How about you?”

  “None. I keep expecting to. Every little twinge in my head makes me think I’m getting a headache, but then it passes. Same thing with my stomach.”

  “It’s probably just nerves. I heard Luke tell Nikki that the climb to Stella Point was the toughest part because it was long and steep, but it wasn’t anything like the Barranco Wall.”

  “That’s a relief. Can you imagine trying that at night?”

  Addison settled into her sleeping bag. “What about everything else? Are you feeling all right with where we left things this afternoon?”

  “I’m as okay as I can be, considering I started the day with a pretty good idea of who I was, and now I’m going to bed without a clue.”

  “You’ll figure it out.”

  “You know what I can’t stand? That all of those gossips back in Mooresville might have been right about me.”

  “I don’t think you know that yet. Give it some time.” Addison held in check her excitement about Mary Kate’s musings. Though she would have loved letting their relationship take its course, she didn’t want to take advantage of Mary Kate’s confusion and doubt. But they had a solid foundation now upon which to build a relationship, whatever that might be.

  “But isn’t your sexuality supposed to be fundamental? I should know this about myself.”

  “I don’t know that many lesbians who always knew. Most of us went through the motions with everyone else until we figured out something was wrong.”

  Mary Kate sighed heavily. “Something’s definitely wrong.”

  “No, it isn’t. That was a bad choice of words. It isn’t wrong, not for me, and who knows? Maybe not for you. But it’s like being a square peg when most of the holes are round. And we don’t realize it until we finally find one that fits.”

  “But you found it when you were a teenager. I’m twenty-four years old, and I’m just now getting around to looking for it.”

  “That doesn’t mean anything. I know lesbians who were married twenty years before they came out. Most of them say they had a lot of pressure to conform when they were growing up, just like you did.”

  “But your parents—”

  “My parents didn’t like it, but they knew that wouldn’t stop me.”

  “That’s right. You were recalcitrant.”

  Addison chuckled. “I also didn’t have friends from school whispering about me, or worries about a job. Miami has tons of gay people. I don’t even stick out.”

  “I understand perfectly why people just conform. It’s so much easier.”

  Addison was saddened to hear the resignation in Mary Kate’s voice. “It might be easier in the short run, but if it isn’t your true path, you waste a lot of living.”

  “Do your friends feel that way? The ones who were married twenty years?”

  “I think some of them do. The ones who had kids are all happy they did, but they’re happier now with who they are.” Addison squirmed deeper into her sleeping bag. “Jesus, it’s cold tonight.”

  “I drank all my water before two o’clock so I wouldn’t have to get up tonight.”

  Addison squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried in vain to drive the urge from her brain. “I hate you.”

  Mary Kate unzipped her bag. “If it makes you feel any better, I just jinxed myself too.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mary Kate stirred in her bag, hovering between waking and sleep. A quick blink told her it was daylight, time to get up and start the day.

  “Good morning.”

  She opened one eye and saw Addison only inches from her face. That’s when she realized she had drifted in the night to the center of the tent, well into Addison’s space. “Uh-oh.” She wiggled her hips to move away.

  “It’s okay. I think we’re on a slight hill and you just slid down. If I’d been on that side, I would have done the same thing.”

  “I squashed you.”

  “You kept me warm.”

  They heard chatter from the dining tent and got dressed. Gilbert had toasted the now-stale bread in a hot skillet, but it didn’t improve the taste. Either their appetites had left them at this altitude, or they had simply grown weary of the repetitive breakfast fare.

  Luke appeared in the dining tent to encourage them to eat. “You will need energy for the climb tonight.”

  Mary Kate made a face, but nonethe
less accepted a peanut butter sandwich from Ann.

  Mei entered the tent, her face lined with worry. “Neal didn’t sleep last night.”

  “Is he okay?”

  “I think so. But he’s going to be very tired tonight.” She slathered peanut butter and marmalade between two pieces of bread and took it back to their tent.

  “I didn’t sleep too well either,” Drew said. “But I guess a little is better than none at all.”

  Mary Kate couldn’t help but be disappointed at the sluggishness of her fellow climbers. This was their big day, and no one else seemed to be up for it. She followed Addison into their tent. “Everyone’s dragging today.”

  “You might have been the only one to get any sleep last night. I don’t know what the problem was, but I don’t think I slept more than an hour or two.”

  “Addison, you’re going to be exhausted.”

  “I hope not. I ate a lot more than I wanted so I’d have a little extra energy.”

  “You can have my energy bars too, whatever you need.” She felt guilty that sliding into Addison had kept her awake.

  “Thanks. Maybe I’ll be able to fall asleep when we get to Barafu.”

  They were ready to go by seven thirty, but Luke held them in camp, explaining that they needed to give last night’s summiting party time to vacate the campsite at Barafu Hut.

  The high walls that formed the Karanga Valley shielded the camp from the morning sun, but when it peeked over the eastern ridge, they climbed one by one to the high rocks on the western side to get warm as they waited.

  Except for the persistent chill, Mary Kate felt good today, wearing clean clothes from head to toe for the first time since Shira One. She was dressed in lightweight black fleece pants, a moisture-wicking shirt, with a bright green fleece pullover that hugged her torso snugly. When the sun finally cleared the valley wall, she lowered her wraparound shades and basked in the thawing warmth.

  Addison was the last to emerge from the tent, and she tossed her filthy Summit bag into the pile in the center of camp. She too was wearing form-fitting fleece pants, but wore a looser fleece top over a lightweight turtleneck.