Never Blamed: A Sci-Fi Alien Romance (Chosen Narratives Book 1)

by Sabrina Kade

  Even this morning when I was researching, I pictured going to the watercrests with Soh one day. Maybe he’d wrap his arms around my waist like he does at his home. Maybe he would throw me down on the pink sand and make me feel desired again. Maybe this. Maybe that. What terrifies me is that Chimase is right. I would think of him. I rarely considered Chimase in any of my dirty research fantasies this morning, despite the naughty things we did last night.

  Even now, I’m thinking about how I’m going to explain all of this to Soh when I see him again.

  Will Soh even want me back knowing another Sidyth touched and tasted me?

  “I’m taking you to the watercrests,” Chimase interrupts before I can overthink more deeply about my relationship with Soh. “Let me remind you. When I say, I am taking you to the watercrests, that is what I mean. When you are with me, I would appreciate it if you would only keep me in your thoughts. I do not think I am asking too much of you, yes?”

  He turns away from the basin at last and lowers his chin to peer down at me. Once again, I’m quickly reminded of how much larger Sidyths are than humans, particularly how much larger Chimase is than me. He looms over, and though he doesn’t look cruel, his gaze is unyielding.

  “You wanted to see the watercrests, yes?” Chimase tries again. “I saw you looking at them. You said Sohmac never took you to see them. He may not have told you, but this was because he didn’t have the means or connections. But I do. We can go there, and no one will mind. I have instructed that the blinders be set up.”

  “Blinders?”

  “We will not be seen by others. It is a private visit. It is difficult to explain.” His eyebrows furrow as though he’s trying to think of a way for me to understand.

  “So even if we’re out in the open, Sidyths passing by won’t see us? We’ll be under an invisibility cloak?” Harry Potter probably isn’t the best reference, but it seems to work well enough as Chimase straightens with a smile.

  “Something like that. Now, will you go with me? Can this trip just be me… giving something… to you?” He cocks his head to the side. “Can you give me a few turnings of time when you are not thinking of Sohmac? Would you allow me to try?”

  “Try to…” I trail off as Chimase lifts a hand and brushes his fingers against my cheek. He traces across my cheekbones and moves his attention closer to my mouth. The crease of my upper lip and the dip of my lower one. I take in a deep trembling breath, feeling so small under his attention. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he cares so much.

  But if Soh sees me as something more than a human, would it be so impossible that Chimase could feel the same way?

  “For a few passings, keep Sohmac out of your mind.” His hand lowers, brushing the tops of my breasts. “Out of your heart,” he finishes quietly before he pinches his eyes shut as though in pain. “If you can do this for me, I will make arrangements for you to see Sohmac. That is good motivation, yes?” His eyes flash open, but despite him saying the words I’ve longed to hear, I’m not happy. “Give me some time without him in your mind, and I shall give you what you truly desire.”

  “That’s not—”

  “Does this arrangement work for you or not, Hollis?”

  I swallow hard. I hate when he says my name. I hate it because I love how much it sounds on his lips. No Sidyth says my name right. Their Germanic accents always make it sound funny. Howl-Eaze. Even Soh stumbles from time to time after months of saying it. But Chimase has rarely slipped. He almost always says it correctly. Him saying my name makes my lady parts ache for him. I want to say it’s only because of my attraction to him physically, but is it possible that it’s more than that?

  “Hollis?” he asks again, visibly losing his patience. “Will you do this or not?”

  “I will.” My eyes meet his. I can’t help feeling determined. “And not just because of Soh. I’ll do it because…” His eyebrows lift, and I almost lose my nerve. But I don’t. “I’ll do it because I want to enjoy this time with you.”

  The smile that breaks out on his face almost makes me want to throw him down on the bed.

  Or maybe have him throw me back into his shower.

  Weird ass alien.

  I hate he does to me. Sort of.

  CHAPTER SIX

  “So, what do you think? Is there anything similar to these watercrests back at your homeworld?”

  Chimase sounds hesitant, as though he’s not sure what I’m going to think about the beach, or as his people call them, watercrests. I guess he’s right to be curious. The moment we exited the transport and Chimase shooed Exdrux away; my eyes widened in shock. The first time I saw the watercrests it was from a distance, so I didn’t get that great of a look. But now, everything’s crystal clear. The water is a deep, ruby red like cough syrup and though I’m calling it water, it seems to be a little thicker, and there’s hardly any froth or foam. There’s hardly any waves. The water is hauntingly still enough that I can see parts of the bottom despite the thickness.

  “Does anything live in there?” I ask quietly, walking closer to the water’s edge. I’m kind of nervous about the strange red liquid touching any part of my body, but of course, I don’t say that to Chimase. For some reason, this seems like a crucial moment to him. He asked me to come here on the promise I would keep Soh off my mind. He said he wanted me to try.

  Why I’m not sure.

  “Yes. There is life in there,” Chimase says, standing a bit closer and looking out at the horizon. It’s strange to see a pink sun in the distance, but it’s even more strange when Chimase’s shoulder brushes against mine and easily sets my body on fire. “I certainly wouldn’t go in there.” He chuckles before his expression darkens. “I must admit, not all of our watercrests look like this. There is a reason, so few Sidyths are allowed to in this area.”

  I peer up at him, insisting on an answer without saying a word.

  “This is sacred ground. There is no conclusive explanation as to why the water looks like this, but…” He trails off, and I turn my chin up to find his eyes. He appears like he’s looking for someone to swim across the channel. I don’t push him to keep speaking, but I’m kind of nervous to hear what he’s about to say.

  “Some of the elder stories say…” he continues softly, dropping down into a crouched position so he can brush his scaled fingers through the salmon-colored sand, “that this is the original hunting ground.”

  I swallow hard. Something in the back of my mind whispered about this.

  The hunts.

  “The old stories say it was such a massacre that our ancestors tried to fill the grounds with water. All of this happened before the hunting of females became accepted. Even encouraged. Our male ancestors were ashamed of what they had done, but there was nothing they could do to cover their tracks. This spot would forever remain tainted with the blood of the first Sidyth females lost to the hunt.”

  I tremble slightly. I’d heard about the female hunts and the hunting grounds, but it wasn’t information that Soh ever offered me readily. He would become uneasy if I asked and, staring out into the thick, syrupy blood water; I realize why. Perhaps, it wasn’t only because this is considered sacred ground that he wouldn’t take me here. Maybe he knew it would chill me to the core.

  Despite the fear and disgust rising in my throat like bile, I can’t just let Chimase start this story and not finish. It can’t be over. I want to hear more. I need to know more.

  “Come on,” Chimase says, stretching back to his standing position and holding out his hand. “You have many questions, yes?”

  I stare at his offered hand. “Won’t people see us?” I can’t for the life of me imagine why he would want to hold my hand. Sidyths didn’t do that type of thing. Women rarely interacted with men once they had children. That was merely their way. But Chimase just looks so damn human.

  Despite being over seven feet tall.

  Despite having scales on his chest and shaved sides on his head.

  Despite his almos
t cat-like golden eyes.

  He’s human at this moment — a boy asking a girl to hold his hand and walk along the beach.

  My heart thuds heavily against the thin fabric of my top when I slip my hand into his, and he squeezes it gently before starting to walk down the sandy coast.

  “I’m sure Sohmac has told you about our people’s warped customs.” Chimase’s face looks surprisingly stern now, as though it pains him to talk. I want to tell him he doesn’t have to, but I’m already so overwhelmed with his hand in mine and the sight of red water that I can only shake my head. “I see. You care for Sohmac so much because you think he sees you as an equal. But even in this short amount of time, I can see for a fact that this is not true.”

  I lower my head. Fuck. He’s not wrong. I hate that he’s not wrong.

  I feel Chimase looking down at me, but when I start to lift my head again, he quickly averts his attention back towards the water.

  I’m surprised there’s no one else here. It’s a beautiful beach, if not slightly terrifying, so I’m shocked that not more Sidyths would want to spend their time here. Maybe Chimase made sure that we would be alone, even with the supposed cloaking device.

  Or maybe, even Sidyths are terrified to be here.

  “Many, many years ago, Sidyth males and females were equal. Our females would fight. They would raise sprogs, and they would care for their Chosens. Supposedly it was a wonderful balance, but it was not a balance everyone wanted to be a part of. You may find this hard to believe, Hollis, but our leaders believe females should be nothing more than carriers of our seeds and caregivers to our sprogs. They believe females are happiest this way.” He frowns and looks down at me, stopping for a moment. “This is crazy, yes?”

  I return the frown. “Not so crazy.”

  “Anyway. While some females took to this new role, many did not like it. They did not understand why a female should only raise sprogs. And why should they Our females are just as strong as males, and some are twice as intelligent. It did not make sense to decree that females were lowers suddenly. This created a divide among our people. And when the original creator of this idea was killed, many thought this was the end of the pain, and that life could return to as it was before. But the Sidyth who replaced him wanted to take it further. He wanted females to be punished.”

  “For what? Being female?”

  Shockingly, Chimase chuckles bitterly. “It certainly seems that way. He believed females should be punished for a number of reasons. For threatening males. For denying males sprogs. For aiming too high for a Chosen. All of these things and more were suddenly punishable. If a male reported any of these things, and it was found to make the Sidyth males look weak, the female would be offered an honorable death.”

  I jerk my attention to him. “What the hell?”

  “The higher ups reasoned that while a female’s instant death would be awful, an honorable death would have more… um… honor. And so, the hunting grounds were created. Females could fight to stay alive. So honorable, yes?” He sounds so bitter that my heart aches for him.

  I glimpse into the ocean. I picture a giant pit of sand in its place before it was filled with water to cover sins. I imagine hundreds of Sidyth women dumped into this tiny spot and forced to fight to stay alive. Wait…

  “So, were any of these women allowed to live?” I ask quietly. “Is there a way to escape death?”

  He nods. “No more than three hands were ever allowed to participate in a hunt at one time. One survivor is allowed, but her life becomes a shameful one. She fights to live, but if she survives, she must go into hiding because, by many, it is considered more honorable to die in the grounds.”

  “And how do they pick out the females? The three hands?” I assume this to be fifteen because a quick count of fingers on Chimase’s hand lets me know that there’s another similarity between us. I swallow hard. “So, a male just has to report that he’s feeling… uh… not loved? Or supported? That’s it?”

  “Amongst other things,” he says softly. “The higher ups have created a complicated system, and many factors must be considered, but in short? Yes. If a male thinks a female too far below him is trying to mate, he can report her. If a male thinks a female is not paying enough attention to him, he can report her. Many factors will be considered, as I mentioned. And if the female ever figures out that she’s been reported, she may run for it. There are many refugee camps that house ninfemales.”

  “Ninfemales?”

  “Females who are no longer females. They no longer have value in mainstream society.”

  My next question is so shallow that I almost can’t say it.

  But I have to know.

  “And you? Have you ever reported a woman?”

  I’m surprised when a smirk crosses his sharp features. “Do you think Vydeka would feel so confident trying to mate with me if I made reports often?”

  I can’t stop the smile that hits my features. Knowing Chimase may not be as terrible as so many others on this Atwood-esque planet gives me hope that maybe Soh isn’t my only option. Chimase has never sent a Sidyth female to the hunting grounds. He’s never used his high ranking to his distinct advantage. It’s odd, but I don’t ever doubt his words. I see something in his face that lets me feels confident that he’s either the greatest liar of all time or… he’s truly a good soul.

  I believe in him. Err, I mean, I believe him.

  And now he’s here, doing the last thing he should possibly be doing. Talking to a human female. Like she’s an equal.

  Sighing deeply, Chimase starts to move again behind a rock wall, shielding us despite the supposed invisibility cloak we’re hidden behind. I feel the chill of shadows washing over us, and he shivers openly, probably hating the cold. It feels good to me though. My back was all but burning under the bright pink sun and, seeking relief, I rest against the rocky wall and stare out into the water.

  I can hardly imagine it. Fifteen women. All being punished for their supposed crimes. Forced to fight each other only to live a dishonorable existence. I’d heard rumors of some men liking to participate in the hunts to make things livelier, but I’m already too shaken up to ask Chimase about it. Has Soh ever done something like that? Has he accused a woman? Had her sent to the grounds? Is that why he’s alone? Maybe everyone is afraid of being with a male who threw a female to the grounds. I know I sure would be.

  “The things I speak of are strange, yes, Hollis?”

  My ears grow hot as I release his hand. “They should be stranger,” I admit at last. “They’re fucking terrifying, anyway. Earth isn’t perfect, but I’ve never heard about anything like that happening in recent years unless it was written in a book. And those books freak me out.”

  “This information makes you more frightened of me now, yes?”

  “A little.”

  He steps closer to me. “But only me, yes?”

  I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “Does this information make you any more scared of Sohmac? Or is this fear reserved entirely for me?”

  I stare at him fully, taking in again just how much he reminds me of a human. I should be terrified of him after everything he’s told me. And I am. Sort of. But I can’t help but also focus on the sadness in Chimase’s eyes. The maturity lurking there in the golden depths. The disgust and contempt he feels for his people and their practices. And unlike Soh, he doesn’t keep this information from me. He doesn’t attempt to baby me and keep me in a bubble. He wants me to know the horrors about his people have committed. And while maybe he’s doing this all as a trick to get me to trust him more than I do Soh, it doesn’t feel that way.

  “It’s not just for you,” I admit in a low voice, feeling my ears grow hot as Chimase draws nearer. “I didn’t know there was so much to know about Sidetha—err, the fatherland. The aliens who dropped me off to sell at the auction house told me so little. And Soh didn’t tell me much more. He…” My eyes water as I remember how frightened I was those firs
t few days. It was nothing like the small amount of time I’ve spent with Chimase. Chimase never tried to tame me. He never tried to break me. “I was so afraid I’d never feel safe again. Can you understand that? Why was I scared? Aliens abducted me! Who the fuck thinks about that? I didn’t want to die. And when Soh gave me an ultimatum, the only thing I could think about was surviving. I wanted to live. I wanted to live another day.”

  Three years of tears I didn’t want to fall start to crest. Chimase draws ever closer and finally reaches out and pulls me against his rock-hard chest. I let out a huff of surprise, but all but nuzzle against him. He’s chilled to the bone under the shade, so despite my tears, I try to rub my warm skin against his.

  “I was in survival mode for so long that I didn’t realize it had transitioned into giving up.”

  Chimase remains silent, so the words keep tumbling.

  “I just wanted to live another day. I didn’t want to see anything worse than what Soh had to offer. And he wasn’t ever terrible to me. But after only spending a few days with you… I realize I had become complacent. Staying alive meant staying weak, and that’s no fucking way to live, is it?”

  “You did more than most,” Chimase reminds me gently. “You learned Sidese.”

  “So I learned a language. Big whoop. The same could have been achieved if you guys gave us translators.”

  “But you didn’t have a translator. I don’t know if I could learn another language the old-fashioned way. And also! You stand up for yourself when you need to.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “You do with me, anyway.”

  I cough a laugh into his chest. “That’s only because it’s you.” Chimase stiffens. Whoops. Maybe I said too much. “Sorry.”

  He pulls me away from his chest, lowering his body slightly, so our noses touch. Chimase’s face, while alien, is still handsome. His nose may be a bit too flat at the end, and his eyes may remind me of a cat that’s about to attack a Christmas tree, but he’s still incredibly handsome. Even with his shaved sides and scales. Not to mention that fantastic scaled, forked tongue.