Going For Gold: Providence Gold Series Book Four

by Moore, Mary B.

  Regardless of the state I was in, the second bucket list was now looking more important than anything. When I got home, I was going to do an internet search on how to seduce a man - there had to be ideas and tricks online - and I was going to use all of them.

  Well, I was going to look up how to cure vaginal bruising from horseback riding first, though. There was no way I could do anything when it was like this, and Archer said we were going out into the fields with Night Rider next week.

  I had to fix it and seduce him before I got back in the saddle, because if this was what it felt like after just a trot, I was going to be out of commission for months after a proper ride.

  Chapter Six

  Levi

  I couldn’t focus on work or sit still. Two days ago I’d had Lottie in my house and naked in my bath. Naked, as in no clothes at all, and I’d been on the other side of the damned door. I couldn’t even count the amount of times I’d asked her if she was ok or if she needed anything, really hoping she’d say yes and I’d get to go in. Getting a ‘no’ back each time had been frustrating as hell, and I still couldn’t get rid of the tension from it. And trust me, I’d tried everything.

  And just thinking about it now was making me shift in the chair in my office, and I had to reach down to adjust myself because my poor dick felt like it was being strangled. It sucked. I swear I had more control over my body than this, hell I’d even jacked off in the shower this morning, but nothing was working.

  Just as I was getting up to go and try walking it off, there was a knock on the door and the cure to my problems opened it – my best friend Luna, along with her daughter Jamie who was sitting on her hip smiling at me.

  “Hey, Uncle Levi,” Luna called out, closing the door behind her. “We just thought we’d come in and say hi to you.”

  My problem solved, I reached out for my niece. “Hey, mama. Hey, precious girl.”

  Passing her over, Luna snickered when Jamie leaned forward and gave me a slobbery kiss on the cheek and rubbed her nose in my beard. I loved when she did that unless she had those runny booger things kids got – that shit just wasn’t cute.

  The first time it’d happened, I’d almost said fuck the beard and ripped it all out. I like to think I’d matured since then, though, and I always made sure I checked the kids’ faces before I held them now.

  “Thank you for my loves, Jamie,” I chuckled, grinning down at her. “And I’m definitely happy to see my two favorite girls.”

  “Oh, the lies,” Luna sighed dramatically. “We both know who your favorite is now. She sometimes wears scrubs, has blonde hair… goes by the name of Charlotte.”

  Leaning against my desk, I tilted my head when Jamie buried her face back in my beard. “Well, it had to happen at some point, and technically you ditched me as your numero uno first.”

  “He’s nicer to me,” she shrugged. “In fact, just this morning he…”

  “Finish that sentence, and I’ll never speak to you again,” I growled, glaring at her. See what I mean? My problem from seconds ago was totally cured. Hopefully not for life, though, but it definitely wasn’t an issue now.

  Shooting me a wicked grin and a wink, Luna leaned back and crossed her legs. “So, how are things going with the beautiful Charlotte?”

  Sighing, I adjusted Jamie, realizing that she was almost asleep in my beard, and moved around the desk to sit back down. I was always afraid I was going to drop one them when I was standing up as it was, and when I was sitting down I could lay her out on my lap so she could sleep properly.

  “I want more, Luna.”

  Tilting her head, she frowned at me. “More?”

  Looking out the window, I thought about how to describe it properly, but the only thing that came to me was, “I want her. I love being with her…”

  “Unless you’re jumping out of planes,” she interrupted, understanding perfectly how terrifying that was seeing as how Noah had done the same to her.

  “Yeah,” I muttered, not wanting to relive that moment. “But I love being with her. When I’m away from her, I’m thinking about her. When I’m with her, I want to be closer to her. I’m turning into a freaking middle school girl.”

  “Don’t be dramatic or sexist,” she snapped, shaking her head. “Men get feelings like that too, so it’s totally normal. So, do you just want her, or do you want something deeper than that?”

  I knew what she was asking – was it sex, or did I want a relationship. It wasn’t even hard to answer that question. “I want everything with her.”

  “So what’s holding you back?”

  I had to think about how much I could tell her without being the dick that told everyone someone else’s business. “She’s been hurt by family and shit like that. And there was this chick who did some of that card reading stuff on her, and she told her that her life would change when she hit twenty-one.”

  Looking up at Luna, I expected her to roll her eyes at that, but instead she nodded at me to continue. “So she’s made a bucket list of stuff to do in case it means she’s going to die or lose a limb, and I’ve been helping her through it. We’ve done a lot together, and we’ve just become close?”

  When we’d first started hanging out, she’d told me she had a bucket list and I’d thought why the hell not, it’ll be fun. It also meant I got to hang out with her, so I was all for it. Through tattoos, pie-eating contests, ear piercing, jumping out of planes, horseback riding, petting llamas, and shit like that, the attraction I’d felt for her had grown. Now I wanted everything with her.

  “Close?” she asked. “You want more because you’ve ‘become close’?”

  Wincing, I tried to find the words to explain it, ones that didn’t sound asinine and weak. “I thought that we’d just be friends who did things and had fun,” I started, and then shook my head. “No, that was a lie. The first time I saw her when Lily was in hospital, I saw someone different to every other woman. I can’t explain it, and I don’t know why, but there was something about her. Every time I was at the hospital seeing Lily and Rebel, I’d look around for Charlotte, and we hung out and became friends.”

  “She was great to Lily and Rebel,” Luna said softly. “In fact, she was great with Tate and the rest of the family, too.”

  And she had been. If it hadn’t been for her, I think my brother would have torn the hospital apart when we’d first gotten there. “She’s got a huge heart, and I hate that no one has ever given her theirs.”

  “So you pity her?” Luna asked, and I immediately became defensive.

  “No, I don’t fucking pity her. I want her to experience being appreciated, I want her to know what it’s like to be loved by people, I want her to have an easy life where she can do shit and laugh.”

  Smiling, Luna winked at me. “Gotcha. I knew it wasn’t pity, but the only way you’re going to be able to figure it out is if you’re made to think about exactly what you want with her. If she’s been hurt, she needs to know all of this so she can trust you and be herself. She won’t truly let go until she knows all of that, Levi, so you need to have it ready to tell her, and then show her.”

  Fuck it, she was a smart one.

  Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose with the hand that wasn’t supporting the baby who was fast asleep and oblivious to the struggles of her uncle. I missed being a baby, life was so easy back then. “I really like her, Luna, and I want to be with her. She’s perfect.”

  “No one’s perfect, Levi,” she pointed out.

  Looking her straight in the eyes, I said seriously, “She is, just like Noah’s perfect for you.”

  And that was the crux of it. Everyone apparently has that someone out there waiting for them, right? That’s what all the romance books and movies worked on – the yin to your yang. She had that with my brother so she knew that feeling, the one where you felt complete around the person.

  At this moment, I couldn’t know for sure if that was one hundred percent the case with me and Lottie, but I had a strong feelin
g that it was.

  “Then you need a plan to get your woman, my friend,” she said simply. “And I’m going to help you.”

  “We need to do it slowly,” I warned, not wanting to jump in there and scare the hell out of the poor woman.

  Crossing her arms in front of her, Luna raised an eyebrow as she glared at me. “Her story sounds similar to mine, so I kind of know what she’s feeling when it comes to trusting people. If she didn’t already trust you, she wouldn’t be spending time with you, would she?” She had a point. “You wouldn’t know what you know about her, because she wouldn’t have trusted you to tell you, would she?” Again, another good point. “So, I’d say the door is there, you just have to work on getting the key into the lock.”

  Covering Jamie’s ear with my hand, I hissed, “We’re not discussing my sex life. What my key does in her lock isn’t up for discussion.”

  “I wasn’t talking about that, you dirty bastard,” she whispered, leaning forward slightly. “It was a metaphor for the last level of trust. Get your mind out of the damn gutter.”

  Standing up, she walked over to the dry erase board on my wall, and started writing on it. In theory, having a plan was a good thing, but in practice? I just hoped I didn’t fuck it up.

  Charlotte

  It had been two days since my horse riding experience, and I was almost back to normal. Well, as normal as you can be when you’re exhausted.

  I still wasn’t sleeping, so I’d picked up some Melatonin to try tonight. Apparently it ‘eased’ you into a natural sleep and helped your body get back into a sleeping pattern. I wasn’t sure how much of a pattern I actually had considering my job was days for one shift then nights for the next, but I was willing to give it a whirl.

  I was at the stage of being so tired now that I was freezing and couldn’t get warm. It was November so yeah it was cold out, but normally I was better at it than this. I came from a much colder city than Gonzales, but this winter was kicking my ass.

  Taking a shower, I picked up my t-shirt, shorts, and the thick high thigh socks I normally wore during the winter to bed.

  I was a creature of habit – anything constrictive while I was sleeping woke me up. I’d seen an ad online for one of those weighted blankets but even thinking about being held down like that while I was sleeping made my anxiety peak. It might work for some, but I liked freedom when I was sleeping. I couldn’t even have a feather duvet because they were too heavy for me. Instead, I had a microfiber one with a brushed cotton cover on it that I could kick my leg out of, move around freely under, and that moved when I did.

  The need for freedom while I slept meant that I normally slept in shorts, and for some reason the thigh high socks didn’t affect me, but they sure as heck kept my feet and legs warm.

  Wandering through to the kitchen, I picked up the hot water bottle I’d bought on my way home. The cute pink unicorn cover on it had been what first got my attention, and when I’d realized what it was and that it would keep me warm, well it was a must buy. I wasn’t an impulsive shopper - I didn’t have the money to be able to do that - but this hadn’t been expensive and it would keep me warm, so I’d snapped it up.

  And now I was going to fill it up, take the recommended dose of Melatonin, and hopefully sleep through the night.

  Once I boiled the water and poured it in without burning myself, then screwed the lid on, I picked it all up and walked back to my bedroom, frowning when I felt a blast of cold air. Taking a look over my shoulder, I made sure that the door to my apartment was closed and that none of the windows were open, and then headed for my bedroom again.

  Being tired does strange things to people. Some get angry, some hallucinate, some struggle to stabilize their body temperature, it was different for each person. And the fact that I hadn’t slept properly in weeks now, that was worrying me a lot. I couldn’t afford to go into work and fuck up someone’s life, or have an accident while I was driving Levi’s tank, so I needed to sort my shit out, switch my brain off, and get some damn sleep.

  Crawling under the duvet, I curled up around my new favorite thing in the world – Princess Sparkle Tits, the unicorn hot water bottle from heaven – and reached out for the two pills I’d left beside the bed along with the glass of water to take them with.

  Slowly but surely, I started to fall asleep, and for once my brain stayed quiet.

  * * *

  I was lying on a soft feather the size of a bed, watching the rainbows playing tag. The sun was warm and made my skin tingle, and I was in heaven.

  Opening my eyes, I watched the blue unicorn walk toward me, smiling when it sneezed glitter.

  “Bless you.”

  Tilting its head, it stopped and stared back at me. “Charlotte,” it whispered, walking over to where I was still lying down. “Open your eyes, you bitch.”

  I thought they’d be nicer than that. Just then, one of the rainbows dropped and wrapped around my neck, giving me a rainbow hug. It was squeezing, and squeezing, and…

  Gasping, I woke up, trying to get some air into my lungs and failing. That damn rainbow was still there, wrapped around my neck. I’d had some strange dreams in my time, but this was the weirdest and most realistic one ever.

  “Listen, you bitch,” a voice hissed next to my ear, scaring the shit out of me and waking me up fully. “I’ll let your breathe if you promise not to scream.”

  How the fuck was I meant to do that? I couldn’t even breathe let alone make a promise, and it felt like I was about to have a heart attack my heart was beating that fast.

  Just then, the light beside the bed was flicked on, and through the dancing spots in my vision I saw Eric – freaking cheating, snorting, fuck face Eric Retter – glaring down at me.

  The way he was squeezing my throat meant I was getting a tiny bit of oxygen in but not enough, nowhere near enough.

  Lifting up a knife I recognized from my kitchen, he turned it from side to side. “I’ll only use this if you make a noise.”

  Then suddenly his hand was gone, and I was able to take a gulp of air and another one. Rolling onto my side, I did my best to get off the bed, but the shock, the fear, and the oxygen deprivation all worked against me meaning that I had no co-ordination and didn’t get far.

  “Calm the fuck down, Charlotte,” he snapped, reaching over and grabbing my ankle, using it to pull me back toward him. “We need to talk.”

  I wasn’t exactly sure I agreed with that statement, especially not after what he’d just done and the knife that I figured was still in his hand, if not close by.

  Still, I turned over to look up at him, doing my best to be as still as possible. Irate people made bad choices, bad choices included knives, knives killed people… I needed to keep him calm.

  I almost cried with the pain when I swallowed, but I managed to just let out a whimper. “Why are you here?” I croaked, giving in and reaching up to hold my throat. Fuck me that hurt.

  Looking genuinely perplexed by the question, he repeated, “Why am I here? Why?” Throwing his arms up in the air with the knife still in one hand, he roared, “You left me. I was doing great, I had it all, and then you fucking left. Do you know what I have now, Charlotte?”

  There was no way to answer that question, because the truth was – I obviously hadn’t even known him. At least, not the real him. I would never have imagined him doing what he’d just done, or snorting drugs off Amber, or even waving a knife around.

  Still, I went with a suggestion. “Amber?”

  Sneering at me, he began pacing back and forth and I took the opportunity to sit up at the edge of the bed. I couldn’t jump up and run if I was lying down, could I?

  “Don’t be obtuse, Charlotte. I’m talking about the deal I had with Raquel and Ed. The money, the respect. Then you had to fucking ruin it, and now I don’t have anything.”

  I thought I’d been hurt when I’d heard my parents talking. I’d even considered the possibility that Eric had been paid off by them, too, and had almost convinc
ed myself that they had. But hearing it being confirmed? It opened up a raw wound and poured acid and salt in it.

  Sliding slowly up to the top of the bed next to where my phone was charging, I waited for him to start talking again and grabbed it off the table, hiding it under the pillow before he saw what I was doing.

  Unlocking it with my thumb, I aimed for the bottom left corner to open up my calls and hit the screen. It could only really be one of a few people – Levi, Lily, Tate, Ariana, or Dahlia. They were the only people that I spoke to outside of texting.

  Pulling my hand back out, I listened to what Eric was saying now. “…now I’ve got nothing, Charlotte. Your parents were going to get me a job at the hospital with them and pull some strings so their clients used me. My parents won’t give me money, they say I’m a liability and a waste of space. The only thing I ever did that made them happy was dating you.”

  Crossing my hands in my lap, I tried to look as relaxed as possible when he turned back to face me. “So, why did you break into my apartment, Eric?” I rasped, only just stopping myself from reaching back up to my throat again.

  Looking at me like I was the crazy one, he frantically rubbed at his nose, sniffing as he did it. “I’m taking you back with me. If I’ve got you, then they’ve got to get me that job, and I can get rid of my parents. Do you know what it’s like to be invisible to your own mom and dad?” he shouted, scratching his arms now.

  “I do.”

  “No, you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like to not exist to them and never be good enough for them.”

  “Yes, I do,” I assured him softly, but he was in full on rant mode now, so he probably didn’t hear it.

  “Always being told you’re not good enough, how someone else’s kid is better than you. And when you do what they want, you’re not doing it properly. Then your mom offered me the deal, and I pictured their faces when I told them I’d got that job and telling them to shove their congratulations up their asses.” When he looked up at me this time, I got a good look at how glassy his eyes were.